Something has happened.

Just when everything looked so much better.

Just when I thought everything would eventually be alright.

It happened last night after the basketball game. I had just said goodbye to Mark and the others and was walking towards my car across the still empty school parking lot. I usually leave rather early to avoid the masses.

I was still dreaming about Blue Eyes in his cheerleading uniform when I saw them.

The jocks from our football team had been obnoxious throughout the entire game. They'd been loud and rude, screaming obsceneties at the cheerleaders and calling the players names, but no teacher had felt the need to intervene.

They were gathered a few feet away from my car, and I knew I had to pass them in order to get there.

So I went ahead.

When I had nearly made it past them, I heard the voice of the quarterback, a huge guy called Mike: "If that isn't our very own school fag! Hey doe face, what're you doing here? Showing your ass off in those tight pants, looking for someone to fuck your brains out?"

In hindsight, I have to admit it was probably my own fault. I should have been more careful. I was na�ve. I seriously thought I'd be safe.

I should have run. I should have run, should have jumped into my car, and driven away as fast as possible.

Instead, I told him to leave me alone. Nothing more, nothing less.

But it was enough.

It was enough for them to trap me. They trapped me in a tight circle, moving around me like a pack of wolves around their prey.

I remember opening my mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

Then, without a warning, they were all over me. I was dragged to the ground, two huge guys grabbed my arms, pulled them over my head and held them there tightly while three others forced me onto my stomach and held me in place.

I don't remember who pulled my pants down.

I don't remember who wrote the words on my butt cheeks.

I don't remember who dragged me across the parking lot.

And I don't remember who tied me up to the flag pole.

They tangled the rope around my wrists and pulled me up until I was hovering a few feet above the ground.

I must have passed out for a couple of minutes after that, because the next thing I remember is hearing laughter and voices. I looked over my shoulder and saw that half the school was gathered around the flag pole, staring up at me. Some were laughing, some were just standing there and staring, some looked taken aback.

I'm pretty sure that I cried, but I don't even remember that properly. It's amazing how your brain seems to shut down in situations like this, trying to erase as much as possible in a desperate attempt to keep your sanity intact.

I have no clue how long exactly I had been hanging there when I felt a tight grip at my ankles and someone pulled me down to the ground. It must have been a while, because the voices and the laughter had died away. It was almost eerily quiet.

I could barely feel my arms and it hurt like hell when they were disentangled from the rope.

When I turned around, I saw Mark. He pulled my pants up while I was clinging to him not to fall over.

I looked at him. He looked at me. And I broke down. I fell to the ground, pulling him down with me, and started sobbing. He just held me, not saying a single word.

After what felt like an eternity, he managed to get me into his car and drove me home. We didn't speak the whole way.

He helped me out of the car and walked me to the door. We stood there for a couple of minutes until he pulled me into a tight embrace.

Mark pulled away after a while, locked eyes with me and asked me if I was alright. I could somehow muster the energy to nod and mumble some sort of thank you, but that was all I was capable of in that moment.

He told me to get some sleep and that he'd talk to me in the morning before he turned around and left.

I don't remember opening the front door and walking up the stairs and into my room, but I must have managed to, because I woke up in my bed a couple of hours ago, fully dressed.

It's 5 am now and I'm sitting here in the darkness, trying to find the words to describe the impact that last night's events had on me. Words that I've been writing and deleting and re-writing at least twenty times by now, knowing that I won't find them, because there are none.

How do you describe the feeling when all your dignity is taken from you, just like that?

How do you describe the feeling when all your dignity is taken from you, just like that, in front of hundreds of people?

How do you describe the feeling when all your dignity is taken from you, just like that, in front of hundreds of people, and nobody cares?

My wrists are showing bruises where the rope cut into the skin.

And about half an hour ago, I somehow mustered the courage to look at my bare butt in the mirror to see what they had written on my cheeks.

They had written "FUCK ME".