There's this song in my head, and I've been singing it to myself repeatedly during the last hour or so. I have known it for so long, but tonight is actually the first time that I'm able to grasp its full meaning:

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone,
If you feel like letting go,
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Everybody hurts. You are not alone.

It's beautiful and true. I'm not alone.

And I really, really want to hold on. I want to fight, I want to love, I want to make mistakes, I want to learn, I want to grow.

I want it all.

Even if it means that I'll have to go back into that house now.