Nov. 26, 2012, 7:11 p.m.
Why Can't You See What You're Doing To Me?: Chapter 3
T - Words: 1,610 - Last Updated: Nov 26, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 3/? - Created: Nov 08, 2012 - Updated: Nov 26, 2012 366 0 2 0 0
"Uhhh..." Kurt mumbles.
"Umm...sooo...how are you?" Blaine asks meekly.
"Oh...I'm fine." Kurt says blank-faced. Blaine raises and eyebrow.
"Really? You really think you're fine? From here, we both know that that is far from the truth." Blaine says matter-of-factly.
"Yes. Because after you cheated on me, broke my heart, lost my trust and after we broke up, I am totally fine, not affected by this at all. I am perfectly fine." Kurt says in his trademark sarcastic tone, but with a little more bite in his words. And Blaine could feel the sting.
"Listen Kurt, I know that I messed up, but you need to know-"
"How good it was? How he-"
"Kurt can you just stop? How the Hell can I explain myself when you keep cutting me off? Now, Puck said that we need to listen to what each of us has to say and take into account, right?"
Pucksta: Yes. Now let him explain. Puck's message pops into the chat screen.
Kurt huffs. "Fine." he swallows. "Go ahead Blaine." Kurt says in a way as if he is preparing for the worst.
"Thank you." Blaine says softly before taking a deep breath. Blaine is no nervous. He knows what he has to say, he told Sam. But he is afraid that he will word it wrong or he won't get his message across. But he just has to do it, say what he feels, this is the only chance he has and he can't blow it.
Courage he mentally tells himself as he exhales his breath and looks straight into his webcam. It's now or never...
"Kurt," Blaine starts. "when you first went to New York, I know that it was going to be hard, I knew that the distance would be a challenge to both of us and our relationship. But I knew that if I still knew that you had me and I the same in some way, shape, or form, I would be fine and know that we will make it through. But then you started working almost non-stop, or when I could talk to you, you were so tired or busy to listen to what was wrong or what was even going on. You know that the last time we talked on the phone before I- well, you were too engulfed in God-Knows-What to even listen to what I was saying and you hung up as I was telling you that I love you. That was the dagger into my heart. At that moment, I thought it was over. I thought that you moved on with your life and I was not a part of it. I thought-" Blaine swallows as he begins to tear up. "I thought that we weren't meant to be, that our time together was just a phase, or something like that. I thought you didn't love me anymore, like we were not going to spend the rest of our lives together, just like how we always talked about it. You were living the life in New York with this amazing job, you and Rachel on your way to the top. I'm stuck here. Everything I did this year, as much as it also made me better, I also wanted to make you proud. I ran and became the Senior Class president! I wanted you to be there for my victory. But you weren't. There were assignments in Glee this year that made me wish you were there to help me with it, or just to discuss my ideas for the assignment. But you weren't there. I needed you, even you just telling me you love me on the phone. Just hearing that would make a horrible day that much better. But you didn't.
"I was lonely, and I was desperate, and I was at a low point. So I friended this guy on Facebook. He didn't even have a picture on his page, just a friggin' lighthouse." Blaine shakes his head and laughs a pathetic chuckle. "After you hung up as I was saying goodbye to you, telling you that I love you, he messaged me, asking me to come over. So I did. I don't even remember it, that's how unimportant it was, it was just someone who gave me the attention I thought I needed, someone to appear to even put effort into something. So that's what I did, and I know that I am stupid for even consider doing it, especially after the whole 'Chandler' fiasco. I'm a dumbass and a hypocrite, and I know that.
"I know nothing can change what happened and that it will take the whole world and then some to make it up to you. But you want to know that one thing about that night? After it happened? I had one thought, and only one thought. It was all too clear: Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, we ARE meant for each other. We will make it together. And Kurt, we will spend the rest of our lives together. It's unfortunate that it took the worst thing I have ever done in my life to realize that, but I did. Since the break-up, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I barely function when I have to, Hell, I don't even gel on the weekends anymore and I haven't worn a bowtie in weeks! What's the point?" Blaine thinks he hears a faint chuckle, but he is too afraid to look at the video screen. He stays staring at the webcam.
"Kurt, words can not describe how sorry I am for what I did. I have lost sight of who I am and who I want to be. But at that moment, I knew. YOU shaped me to who I am. YOU helped me find who I am and who I want to be, because you bring out the parts of me that is truly who I am, so I am the man I want to be and I know who I want to be. I want to be your boyfriend. I eventually want to be your fiancee. I want to be your husband and a father to our children. Yes, I have my goals that I want to achieve. But it would be nothing if you are not by my side.
"I love you Kurt Hummel, more than life itself. You are my soulmate, my partner, my missing puzzle piece. I don't know what I will do if you are not in my life, and these past few months proved that ten-fold. I want you in my life. I need you in my life. I want to prove that I am still that boy in the blazer you fell in love with. I want to prove that again. I will do whatever it takes to get back to what we had. I want you to trust me again. I want to hold you again, to kiss you, to call you at all hours of the night for anything, even to just hear you voice. I will take it as slow as you need to. And I swear to you, I swear on my life, my brother's life, and my hair gel that I will never EVER do what I did again. I will do whatever you want me to do! So please Kurt. Please take me back. I love you."
By the time Blaine finishes, tears are streaming down his face, his breathing is heavy and his heart is pounding. But at the same time, Blaine knows he said what he needed to say and more, so all he can do is wait for a response and hope for the best. He looks down at his keyboard.
"Okay, I'm done now. You can speak." he softly says. He can't get himself to look up and see the face of his ex. He's so ashamed of himself. He hasn't been this depressed since he was in the hospital after what happened at the Sadie Hawkins Dance all those years ago.
Instead of hearing strings of sobs, swears and whatever that he will think of, all he hears is silence and the breathing of the other person on camera. He still can't look up.
"Please say something." Blaine begs.
"Blaine." Kurt says in a straight tone. Nothing. He can't reply, His mind is telling him to, but he just can't. He's too afraid of what he will say next.
"Blaine." Kurt repeats. He shuts his eyes and shakes his head, willing the tears not to come and fall.
"Blaine, please look at me." Kurt asks politely and straightforward.
Blaine lightly bobs his head up and down. I can do this, I can. he repeats to himself. He takes a deep breath, opens his eyes, and raises his head to look up at the most important man in his life. He is fully prepared to see his porcelain face hot with tears, face and eyes red from crying and full of anger. He expects for Kurt to tell him off once and for all, never to want anything from him ever again.
But what he sees is a calm face. His eyes are red from crying, but they are also calm, just like the look on his face, a small smile forms.
"Blaine..." Kurt says in a soft tone...
-TBC-
Comments
WOW..>TBC when??? Soon I hope. Waited too long for this.
blaine is swearing to kurt on HIS HAIR GEL??? oh yeah, blaine...you're forgiven; kurt forgives you :)