Nov. 26, 2012, 7:11 p.m.
Why Can't You See What You're Doing To Me?: Chapter 1
T - Words: 1,523 - Last Updated: Nov 26, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 3/? - Created: Nov 08, 2012 - Updated: Nov 26, 2012 617 0 2 0 0
Kurt furrows his brow. He has not spoken a single word to Noah Puckerman in months, and yet, here he is with a text message with a link to Pucks personal TinyChat room and when to log on. Should he? Maybe Puck is drunk and wants to do something very...Puck-like which will make him regret ever logging on. Or maybe Puck just wants to talk to catch up on what’s going on. I mean, Puck knows what has happened in the past few months, more specifically him and Blaine’s break-up. If his somewhat-hysterical comment on the news feed post on Facebook did not hint at Puck’s feelings about what has happened, then nothing will. But then if Puck wants to catch up with Kurt, then why didn’t he say Skype then? Kurt thinks the options, the pros and cons for the next ten minutes, but then decides to do it, not like Kurt is busy tonight. It’s been his day off at Vogue.com and Rachel is out with her NYADA friends, including Brody (much to his still-present mixed feelings about them). Although Rachel did invite him, he just has not been interested into going out and having fun. He really hasn’t had the interest or heart to do anything since the break-up.
He knows that he should be hating Blaine with the fiery passion of a thousand suns, that he should never want to talk to him again, at least that is is reasoning why he has not returned any of Blaine’s calls, texts, and returned the packages Blaine has sent him. But every day that he doesn’t talk to Blaine, he gets more depressed. He misses his voice. He misses the way Blaine would say Kurt’s name in a way that was meant for only him. He misses those moments in the day where Blaine would send him a message or a picture that would make him smile on his bad days. More than anything, Kurt just misses Blaine. The way they left it was wrong on so many ways. He tried to apologize so many times to Kurt, explain why he did that horrible thing he did. All Kurt sees when he closes his eyes is the hazel eyes of his soulmate filled with the tears that spilled out of his eyes as he sang his heartbreaking rendition of their song then when he admitted his guilt, full of desperation, guilt and passion. He knows that he still loves his ex, but he just can’t seem to forgive him, maybe never, maybe not yet.
As he types in the link with a couple of minutes to spare, he sees that the room is password protected. He groans. As he unlocks his phone to send a text to Puck, he gets a message from the man himself:
Password: SoWk -Puckzilla
Kurt raises an eyebrow as he types in the password. The page loads and it is only him and Puck with the screen name Pucksta. He wonders why Puck hasn’t turned on his webcam yet, but Kurt shrugs it off. He is about to click the “Broadcast Now” button when he sees a message on the chat box below:
Pucksta: Don’t broadcast yet, waiting for other people. We’ll all get on at the same time.
Humster (Kurt regrets Puck making that account for him six months ago when the Glee club needed to rehearse online to prepare for nationals): Okay Puck.
At exactly the 15 minute mark since the initial text message, guest-3672 comes into the room. Wondering why the person has not changed their screen name, another message pops up:
Pucksta: Okay guys, go on cam. I’ll be on in a minute.
As he clicks the “Broadcast Now” button, setting up his settings for this chat, he sees another video window open, but it’s blocked by his settings window. When he makes his final settings and turns on his camera, he finally sees the person in the chat window. Kurt’s heart stops.
The first thing he noticed is how pale and thin he is. It looks like he has not eaten properly in weeks and that he has not gotten much sleep, judging by the bags under his eyes. His hair is in disarray, like he just got out of the shower after hitting the punching bag at the gym with his t-shirt on. He then looks into his once beautiful eyes. Now they look tired, sad, empty.
“Blaine...” he barely whispers...
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Blaine looks at the text message with confusion. He has not been on TinyChat since that rehearsal with New Directions last year. He and Kurt were in the same room so they just shared the camera while they rehearsed. Blaine just got back from hitting the bag for a few hours and just got out of the shower when he got the text message from Puck. But he quickly thinks about it before telling himself “What the Hell? If it turns out he’s drunk again, at least it will be entertaining”. Plus, it’s not like he has anything else to do on a night like this.
Although it is really hard to, Blaine has been focusing solely on the musical and school. The day goes like clockwork: wakes up, goes to school, rehearsal (times 2 some days for glee club and the musical.), to the gym to punch the bags for a bit, then home for shower, an attempt at dinner (some days with his parents, but most days they have already ate by the time he gets home), the to read a book or do homework then attempt to go to bed. He needs to make his day non-stop, cause if not, he starts to think. And when he thinks, nothing good comes out of it. But no matter how hard he keeps himself occupied, it can’t stop his dreams from what his mind wants to be occupied with.
He has tried day in and day out to try to make some sort of connection with Kurt, even if it is through a text message, even a liked post or comment on Facebook. He has tried calling, texting, even sending him some trinkets he knows that his ex will like, but it all backfires when Kurt didn’t return any of his calls, texts and even returned his gifts that was sent, unopened, only to be returned to the store, credit going towards more purchases rising as swiftly as the depression within him since that fateful night in New York. He feels like the lowest of the low, that he deserves this depression and loneliness. He feels as if he doesn’t deserve to find love ever again, which is a dumb idea, because Kurt is the only person he will ever love anyway.
He sits down at his computer as he gets another text message from Puck with the password to the chat room. He unlocks it and logs on, deciding to stick to his guest name instead of making a crazy screen name and he does not want to connect anything to his other social media accounts, I mean it’s only chatting with Puck although he knows that Blaine is a simple Skype call away.
He enters the room after entering the correct password and immediately see’s Puck’s screen name and smiles to himself. That smile quickly gets wiped off his face as he sees the second screen name. Humster. He knows who has that user name, he was there when Puck picked it out for him via IM before that online rehearsal. But why? Why this? Does he finally want to talk to Blaine? He knows that Blaine can be reached pretty much anywhere, but why TinyChat of all places? After weeks of trying to get a hold of him, he decides to talk on TinyChat in Puck’s room of all rooms?
Well, I have to face the music soon enough... he tells himself as he starts his webcam when Puck gives the two other guests the a-okay. As soon as Kurt’s face pops up, he freezes. He still looks beautiful, even though he can see the exhaustion he really has under the make-up Kurt puts on his face, usually only when he is having issues with his face like acne or when bullies would toss him into a dumpster the wrong way. This time it’s covering up the bags under his eyes and the slight paleness to his already pale skin. His hair is perfectly styled (as usual), but everything else seems flat, like something is off.
Blaine sees Kurt’s reaction to seeing him, like he did not expect seeing Blaine in this situation.
“Blaine...” he barely hears the high-pitched voice of his ex say before a third window pops up, showing Puck, well, what looked like Puck at least.
Puck was hugging a pillow, his eyes looks red and puffy, like he’s been crying. In the background, Blaine can see on a neighboring table a box of tissues and a pint of Cherry Garcia Ben & Jerry’s with a spoon in it. Puck also looks like he has not gotten much sleep as well.
“Blaine, Kurt,” Puck starts, his voice slightly hoarse. “I have brought you here for a reason.”...
Comments
you post more now bridgie or else i wont share my candy with you!
go puck go! bring our boys back together again!