Monday 12th November 2012

Dearest Blaine,

something happened. I know I haven't written to you in just under a week, and you don't know how guilty I feel, but something changed my plans. I don't really know how to tell you with upsetting you, but I feel like I owe it to you.

I was attacked.

I'm okay! I promise. I wasn't majorly injured, just a few scrapes here and there. I should really explain...

Rachel told me about the old members of the glee club meeting back up in Lima, and obviously, we had to go. So that night we packed up our things and just got up and left (I was planning to write my letter when I got off the plane but we just seemed too rushed). When we were finally settled in, Rachel and I were on our way to Breadstix. And that's when it happened. Three homophobic Neanderthals came out of nowhere and slammed me against the wall outside of the restaurant. All I could hear was Rachel squealing in the background. They were punching me and beating me and oh god! Blaine I'm so embarrassed! Thank goodness Puck and Sam showed up when they did, otherwise it would have been a lot worse.

It's terrifying. Just knowing that coming home is also bringing me back to hatred and judgement. It's been a long while since I've ever felt like this, and do you know what got me through it? You.

It's always been you.

It was you the first time, the one that had told me 'Courage'. You made me stronger than I ever was, and even now, you're motivating me and giving me strength and you're thousands of miles away. After the attack, though I was mortified, I felt proud at how far I've come. How far we've come.

After the harassment in school I thought that it was all over and that I could walk free. But that isn't true at all is it? I can walk as free as I want, but only if I duck my head away from certain people or expect to be 'put back into my place'. New York has taught me to be myself and that I have nothing to be ashamed of...but Lima has just reminded me that I can be openly gay, but I have to accept the consequences. Those boys who attacked me were no older than seniors at high school. I guess I didn't make as much of an impact as I had hoped at that blasted school. It's all just bullshit! It's not just McKinley is it? It was also your old school and David's school as well! In fact, I'm willing to bet that it's the whole of god-damned Lima! If people here would take the time to dislodge their heads from their asses for long enough then they would see that we are human beings!

Sorry.

I shouldn't be ranting like this. Anyway. After Mercedes insisted that I go to the hospital to make sure that I was okay, things just became a blur. Actually, I don't remember going home. I just remember waking up in my old bed and explaining what had happened to my dad. Obviously, being how he is, he tracked down the boys and reported them to the police, of course after putting a word or two of his own in there. Sadly, my family and friends were determined not to let me near any pens and paper. I can't see why they just wouldn't let me write to the man I love. Now I'm back in New York, I've managed to convince Rachel to go out with Brody tonight so I have some time alone.

On the bright side, Carole told me some news! I don't know how long you were planning on keeping this a secret (or perhaps you don't know yet). Finn was finally able to use a phone from your base and he's allowed to come home for Christmas!

You know what that means right?

You get to come home too! I'm presuming that, anyway. Since you and Finn are part of the same squadron, I'm guessing that you get the same holidays. As excited as I am to see Finn, I'm even more so for you!

I know I haven't letter back, but that doesn't mean that you haven't found another base. Perhaps you're trying to surprise me. Although, if this is just a joke, I don't appreciate it. At all.

Gosh, I just can't wait to see your face. To take in your scent and hold you close. I can't wait to kiss your lips and hold your hand. I want to take you to all the amazing places in New York. I want to see your eyes light up when you unwrap your gifts. I need to hear your laugh and see your big goofy grin. I need to take you dancing, and for walks in the snow and sing our flirty duets like we always used to. I want...I need...

Blaine. I need you.

I think that the thought of you being home for Christmas is going to be enough to get me through these cold months. I think that it's going to bring back every single memory I've ever had of you and I don't think I'll be able to let you go after this. I can't think of a reason why I'd ever want to.

I was thinking. After you come home, perhaps you could stay? I mean...I don't want you to leave and I know you don't want to either. But it's your choice! But. I don't know if I can do this every time you're away. Wow. 'Every time'. I can't believe I'm referring to you being gone more than once. This is the only time you've been away. It's just that it's been so long. I suppose that any other trip would be this long away from home. However, this isn't any other trip is it? This is the Army.

I feel like I know far too much about the Army. Especially with you out there and Finn there too. In fact, I'm sure you two are teamed up! Finn hasn't replied in a while either! Although...I don't think he's as appreciative of daily letters as you are.

I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again. I wish you hadn't left. I keep reading through letters that you sent to me. This has to be my favourite.

"Tuesday 10th January 2012

My Dearest Kurt,

where to begin. Things are pretty strict here. And, of course, there are one or two homophobes, but thankfully the corporals don't treat me any differently. The food is 'okay'. And no, none of the other soldiers have as much fashionista flare as you do, especially Finn, but you already know that. Anyway, enough of my whining.

Has you boss considered any of your designs yet or are you still making coffee? Not that there's anything wrong with making coffee! Of course not! You make lovely coffee! Your coffee is the tastiest coffee in America! And England! And Australia! And the world! But I can't judge because I haven't tried their coffee...but your's will be better anyway! You're like a coffee god! Everyone should bow down to you and...

That was dumb. Oh god. Ignore me. Please...

This is why I need you. You know exactly when to stop me rambling on. You're the only person in the world who actually realises how goofy I am. I think that's a good thing.

Wow. I can't belive how much I miss you already. I've only been here a week and I'm already a mess.

Look, Kurt. I know that you're upset that I left. I hate myself so much for leaving you by yourself. I promised you so many things and I hate not being there with you. But I'm going to promise you another thing. I promise that I'll come home. This isn't permanent. You know the situation with my dad. Perhaps after he's noticed how much I'm willing to do, he might meet me half way and start to accept me. I'm so sorry. This was in no way your fault. But even before I met you, my mind was made up. I should have told you sooner. I wish I had. But there's nothing I can do now. I'm here.

But that doesn't mean that I don't miss you with every fibre of my being. I'm forcing myself to resist running away and catching the first plane out of here. But that's impossible.

Honey. I swear to you, that in a few months I'll be home in your arms. And I'm never going to leave again. But until then, I'll write to you, as often as I can.

I love you. So, so much.

Loads of love from Blaine.

P.s. If you ever need something to cheer you up, there is still our Prom picture in the back of our scrapbook. I know how much you love that photo, so I decided to let you keep it. And yes, I also left it to remind you of how cool I looked riding that dinosaur."

That was the first letter you sent me. It reduces me to tears every time.

We were so naive.

I have to go; Pavarotti needs feeding.

I'm looking forward to Christmas, and even more so, I'm looking forward to seeing you...hopefully...

I love you.

Forever and Always,

Kurt xxx