Nov. 3, 2012, 1:07 p.m.
Because you smiled at me: Losing to yourself
E - Words: 1,799 - Last Updated: Nov 03, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 5/? - Created: Apr 18, 2012 - Updated: Nov 03, 2012 287 0 4 0 0
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Blaine strolled down the school halls proudly, he really did feel confident with his decision. Speak of the devil. There Kurt was, leant up against the lockers, his face plastered with a snarky expression as his eyes looked Blaine up and down, judging him. So far, it seemed Blaine hadn't turned into the badass he 'promised'; he still wore his preppy bowtie and cardigans, and his hair was still drowning in hair gel. Kurt rolled his eyes. He appeared to be almost anxious to see Blaine attempt to take him on, disregarding him, he was about to close his eyes and rest his head against the lockers until...
"Hey sexy" Kurt's eyes shot open at Blaine's voice. It was so rough and full of lust? His eyes locked onto Blaine in confusion, he was stood in front of him, both hands in his pockets. Bringing his eyes back upto Blaine's face, he noticed the cockiness in his smile. Wait. Did he just wink? He was serious!
"May I just say, your ass looks absoloutly delicious in that leather" Blaine spoke smoothly, resisting the urge to laugh loudly as he became witness to Kurt's gaping expression. He was certainly wearing the trousers in this 'relationship' now. With that, he turned on his heel and began once again down the corridor.
Swallowing thickly, Kurt composed himself. This was not happening. That did not happen. It had. Blaine was becoming more confident around Kurt and that was never, it had never, happened before. He had to keep up his reputation, if one person broke down his walls then it wouldn't be long before everyone else attempted to as well.
"Okay bitch-face. Let's get one thing straight, I own this place and you are not going to ruin that, okay?" Before Kurt had even realised it, he had stalked over to Blaine, dragged him to face him and was nose to nose with him, snarling.
"What am I? Flypaper for freaks?" Blaine retorted. So this was the game he was playing. Knocking him down a peg or two. Kurt had to alter his game plan.
"Honey, why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable...like a coma"
"Okay honey, whatever kind of look you were going for today, you missed"
Kurt narrowed his eyes.
"The internet really is your one true friend. I bet it took you ages to find such admirable insults online, although, I suppose finding insults whilst masturbating at the thought of me is going to take you a while." Kurt arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow, waiting, no, daring Blaine to comeback with something completely original. Blaine coughed, beginning to look uneasy.
"Erm, I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to prunounce?" Blaine almost questioned.
Kurt grinned wildly.
No, no, no, no. Blaine knew it as soon as he'd said it. He'd broken his challenging appearence, he needed to regain it by doing something. Anything! Blaine stilled his shaking hands, gulped and pushed all sanity to the back of his mind.
He surged forward, pressing his lips against Kurt's in an attempt to be dominant. But it was different. His hands cupped Kurt's face and his thumb carressed his soft rosey cheek. Kurt's lips were soft, he'd always imagined them as being rough and violent. But they were gentle. Everything about Kurt right now was innocent, the way his long fingers daintily hooked onto his shirt, the soft little whimpers escaping his mouth and his slender body pressing against his own. They moved in time with eachother, taking in one another's scent and taste. It was magic. Gingerly, they slowed and parted, millimetres seperating them. Their eyes met, only this time, it was the only time that they could really see eachother. The vulnerability in Kurt's eyes was so endearing, the teal colour was like a drug, so intoxicating. And that's when he saw it. The most beatiful thing he'd ever seen.
Just as quickly as he'd seen it, it had vanished. Kurt's eyes widened and he thrust Blaine away, almost knocking him off balance. Blaine could see Kurt's chest rising and falling, obviously nervous. But he was angry. His eyes burnished with rage, his teeth gritted together and his hand clenched into fisted balls.
"Don't try anything like that again" He stated harshly.
"Please Kurt I-"
"No, you listen to me Anderson! You had no right to do that!" Kurt yelled, his voice thick with hurt and discomfort. Why was he so emotional?
"What do you mean I had no right? You had no right to insult me, harrass me or get me involved with your sick mind games!" Blaine poured out, unnaware of Kurt's face growing red with anger.
"That's different!"
"Why is that different! If anything it's worse!"
"Nothing's worse than what you've just done to me" His voice was a little lighter this time.
"Rape. That's considered as 'pretty bad'" Blaine spoke more insensitivly than he should of, but it had to be said.
"Sex is just sex. It doesn't mean anything"
"It may not to you, but sex means a lot to me"
"Whoopie-fucking-do. If you haven't already noticed, I don't give a shit about the way that you feel. Now stop pestering me and don't ever pull a stunt like that again" Kurt's voice became strong and demanding again. But Blaine knew it was more than that, Kurt was upset about that kiss and he needed to know why.
"Kurt, if you ever need to speak to me about anything, you know you can always talk to me"
"I don't need to fucking talk to you or anybody" He began to make his was to his first class, for some reason they both arrived early, now other students were filing into the hallway.
"Just atleast think about it!" Blaine called after him, expecting to be left in silence in the loud overcrowded hallway.
"Don't waste your breathe, you'll need it to blow up your date tonight!" Kurt called back. It was official. That kiss had never existed in Kurt's eyes and Blaine was just some piece of meat he had his eye on. Blaine wasn't going to give up. It was still war, even if Blaine's intentions had changed.
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Since Tuesday morning was pretty boring, Kurt wasn't in any of Blaine's classes (or he chose to skip out on them) and infact, he wasn't seen anywhere around school. It was only until Friday lunch that Blaine finally spotted him. He was sat in the corner of the dining hall, isolated from all the other teenagers, it wasn't difficult to see all of them taking wide births around his table, even too frightnened to look at him for too long. He appeared to be picking at a salad? For someone so badass, he was concerned about his diet? Blaine shook his head and started making his way to his table where he sat across from him. Releasing the breathe he wasn't concious he was holding, Blaine began to speak.
"Hey"
"What the fuck do you want?" Kurt met his gaze, he was trying to show little sympathy in his face as it was probably the last thing Kurt wanted.
"I just...I don't think that we've had a good start"
"Are you sure your name isn't Captain Obvious?"
"Are you sure your name isn't Sargeant Sarcasm?" Blaine smiled when he heard Kurt's light chuckle behind his tight smile, his lips pressed together.
"Point taken. What do you want to do then?"
Blaine smiled light-heartedly and reached out an open hand towards Kurt.
"Hello, my name is Blaine Anderson. I'm a hobbit, I lack fashion sense, I'm a virgin and I use way too much gel in my hair" Kurt scoffed.
"Nice try sugar but you're not going to win me over that easily" Kurt chuckled and stood leaving Blaine's hand empty. Standing up to match him, Blaine smiled broadly.
"I'm going to have to try a bit harder then"
"Looks like you're already as hard as you can get dear" Kurt replied smoothly, winked then left Blaine to his thoughts. This could actually work. Kurt was already opening up, he wasn't as harsh as he was yesterday, and there is definatly somethig there discover.
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"What the fuck are you doing Kurt?" Kurt yelled, pouring out tears into the bathroom sink. "You're such a disgrace!" He forced the words out as he scowled at his reflection. "You disgust me! You don't deserve anything! Affection! Friends! Loyalty!" A new pool of hot tears engulfed his eyes. "Stop it! You're making it worse!" He let out grunts and screams, punching down at the sink violently. The pain pierced through his bones, sending vibrations up his arm until the pain even cinged at his shoulder. Sucking in a sharp breathe through his teeth, he stood up straight, bringing his fingers to his cheek and wiped away the wetness and black make up now staining his face. He swallowed around what felt like a golf ball in his throat, tilting his head from left to right and pinching at the slightly lose skin beneath his jaw. He snarled and looked away, biting his lip as he lifted his jacket sleeve to reveal the scarred skin, it was sure to heal, but it was a reminder of the night when it became too much."No! I won't do this again!" The thought that he had once felt so broken that he decided to punish himself in such a physical way haunted him. He felt sick to his stomach.The feeling overwhelmed him. He rushed to one of the stalls and released the contents of his stomach into the bowl. He must of been there ten minutes before the bile was gone and was replaced with just dry heaving. Taking deep breathes, he finally pulled himself to his feet and flushed. He dragged his body to face the mirror, his lip quivvering."Look at you. You're pathetic. Worthless. You've done this once and you still can't keep your fucking food down."Biting his lip, Kurt finally brough himself to use damp tissues to clean his knife and the floor, he would have to sterilise his knife later, but he wasn't planning on using it again today. Although, he wanted his arms to match. Another dry heave. Not yet. He told himself. He sat on the floor, sobbing into his knees, drenched in his melancholic thoughts.
Comments
Wonderful chapter, really. But I really hope that there will be a new one, a happier one, soon ;)! Thanks for the warning ahead, self harming would trigger me if I don't know before!
Thank you very much! Don't worry, the next chapter will be more light hearted to break a bit of the tension, perhaps i'll add more Brittany haha. Thank you for the review :)
I love the whole Badboy thing going, but if you have to do it, can you atleast make the self-abusing part not important to the plot? So I could maybe skip it.... It's okay if you can't, just a request :)
That's okay, I just wanted to see what people's opinion on it was. I'll get through it as quickly as possible for you :) Thank you for your feedback :D