(i) Bliss.

You told me you had butterflies the very first night,
I told you I felt the same, but it felt more like a swarm of bees,
Not because I was scared, but because I wanted to make it as perfect as could be.
I waited for the sting, but it never came, and then you kissed me,
And the bees went back into their hive and your butterflies retreated back into cocoons,
And all was right again.

I worried that we would lose the magic,
That we were caught up in some sort of first time bliss,
But I learned that every time was like the first time, only better,
Because although we know each other better than we know ourselves now,
It's always special, because it's me and you,
Or you and I, and that's what's most important.

We moved together for the first time,
And it amazed me how two people could become one,
Shadows on the walls joined and I couldn't decipher one from the other.
I liked that, that we were one.
And we rocked together in the sparkling dark, and you clung to me after,
And told me, "I've never been happier".

I told you I loved you, and somehow,
it didn't seem to express exactly how I felt,
But you understood and said you felt the same.
You kissed me again and said it was okay, that you knew how I felt and hoped I knew, too.
I fell asleep to the rhythmic sound of your breathing that night,
And that was enough.

(ii) Distance.

Even when you were far away, I felt like I had you with me. But then there were times when you felt too far away and all I could do was play our songs and cry into Margaret Thatcher Dog, until I'd fallen asleep, imagining you next to me. I was afraid she would stop smelling like you and start smelling like bitter-sweet tears, but I didn't know what tears smelled like, I only knew how they felt as they fell down my cheeks and soaked whatever surface was beneath them. And then you'd call just at the right time and I'd smile again, because you'd remind me, "Just a few more months and I'll have you for good, Blaine."

You had me for good anyway, long before and long after.

While you were gone, it started to hurt again. With you, I felt like I had a restraint, something holding me back, keeping me from doing something stupid, from stumbling into a black pit, to never be saved again. When you're saved once, it's unlikely you will be lucky enough to be saved again. But then I'd think of you and I'd wonder what you would think if you saw me, standing in the mirror with tear stains down my cheeks and coffee stains down my shirt and blood stains on my sleeves, and I'd stop, because I couldn't bear the idea of you crying and hurting and feeling so helpless because of me.

I'd walk out and pick up the phone and I'd call you and tell you that I missed you and you'd drop everything, no matter how important, now matter how hard I tried to tell you you didn't have to, you'd drop it all and tell me I was more important than anything else in your world and that would make me feel better. You'd talk with me into the night and sometimes far into the morning. We often stopped talking when it reached a certain hour, and simply listened to one another breathing, and sometimes, that was better than talking, because it felt like I could feel you, drifting off to sleep next to me.

But I would wake the next morning and you'd be gone and the smile would fall off my face and past my ankles and down through the carpet, lost amongst the lint and the dust. I would remember then that you were gone and it would hurt all over again. But then I'd find my phone and see it there, a good morning text with five little words that meant the world.

Good morning. I love you.

(iii) Insecurity.

My brother wanted to
know
if I worried
while you were
gone.
I told him no,
but that was a
lie,
I worried every
single
day.

The first
time
I ever worried
was when you were texting
him.
And then when you
left,
I was afraid again,
not because I didn't
trust
you,
but because I understood that
so many people were
so much better than I was.
I
stopped
worrying when I got a call,
three months after you'd left.
You sounded upset and nervous
and I immediately
thought the worst,
but the words that
came were not
the words
I expected.

You told me
about the guy
with the talent
and the looks
and the money
and the connections
and you told me
he tried to kiss you.
I felt my heart
breaking,
until you told me
you had
pushed
him
away.
I asked you why,
you told me it was because
he
wasn't
me.

I was
never
afraid again.

(iv) Reunion.

I saw you there,
in the big city,
with the big smile,
and the big eyes,
and the big heart,
and the arms spread wide
to let me in.
I went to you and you held me
and it felt like
home.

Sometimes it felt like
I was flying,
other times I felt like I had an
injured wing,
but
injured
is always better than
irreparable,
and it always mended,
and at the end of it all,
we flew together.

Tonight, I'm hoping to make it
final,
official.
I've dropped to my knees before,
and begged for help
from whoever might
be up there,
but this time,
I'll drop down on just
one
and I'll tell you
how much you
mean to me
and I'll beg you
for your hand
and hopefully,
you'll say
yes.

I'll tell you
how you
saved me
and how
I learned to
fly
because of you.
I'll tell you
how I
knew long ago
that I was going to be
proposing some day.
I'll tell you
how happy you make me,
how happy I'll make you,
and I'll mean it.

If only you'd say yes.

(v) Denouement.

I feel like
I'm dancing on air,
and I'm breathing it in,
but it's not reaching my lungs.
You told me once that
I took your breath away,
and now I know how it really
feels.

All my life,
I've wanted to find
someone who wouldn't give up on me,
and you're the only one
who never did.

You told me you would
always
make me happy,
kiss me,
love me,
give me
your everything.
And you do.

The world is
spinning
again
and I feel
dizzy in its
grasp.
My face
aches
from smiling and my
eyes are sore
from crying
and it's a strange thing,
to have those two things
combined.

Every moment
has been a
progression
towards
this,
and I know
that the pain and
the hurt
is left
behind
forever.

The clouds are
opening
and the sky is
clearing
and the sun is
splitting the trees.
The storm is over
and maybe
there will be a few
light showers
here
and
there,
but I know
that there will never be another
storm.

The sun is
scorching.
You
said
yes.