It hurts. A lot. As if someone's literally ripped out his heart and is choking him. He's never cried this hard. Not when he had the crap beaten out of him after wanting to go to a dance with a boy he liked. Not when he found out that the boy who stood by him and did his best to protect him as they got beaten, gave up, and finished off what they had started. Not when he tried to do the same. Not when he thought he was losing his boyfriend before he even got to New York, all because they both lost sight of each other. Never has he hurt as much as he does now. And the worst thing is, it's all his own fault.

He just couldn't be the thing holding Kurt back, he couldn't be that chain that kept him still attached to old miserable Lima. He couldn't be the one to ruin his life, his future, to ruin him. So he did the only thing that meant none of that would happen, that meant he'd be free, he broke his heart. Breaking his own in the process. The heartache and despair that was in Kurt's eyes is burned into his brain, every time he closes his eyes, he remembers, all he dreams about is how miserable and broken Kurt looked when he ripped out his heart.

So now here he is. Curled up on his bed, a McKinley hood wrapped in his arms, and a cute soft toy dog, named Margaret Thatcher Dog, clasped in his hand, with tears cascading down his cheeks and heart wrenching sobs escaping him, his phone absently buzzing beside him. It's Kurt. It's been Kurt for the past 2 days, calling in hope of being able to convince Blaine to love him again, but that's just it. He still loves him. That's why he had to break his heart, albeit he may not have done it in the best way, but in all honesty, there is no 'best' way to break up with someone, especially someone you love. He had to do it. Kurt deserves someone better than him, someone he doesn't have to miss for the majority of the year, someone who will achieve what Kurt's achieved and help him do the things he wants, someone Kurt can be proud of. Not stupid, school boy, Lima loser, Blaine Anderson, who could never give Kurt what he needed, let alone what he may want.

He let him go, because he loves him. He did the right thing, but if he did do the right thing, then why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel so wrong? Why does he have this terrible feeling that Kurt is completely miserable? Or extremely happy? Why is it getting so much harder to not pick up that phone, to answer that call and to hear the man he loves' voice?

If this was so right, why does it hurt? And if it isn't right, how the hell is he supposed to fix it?

*******************************************************************************************

Why?

What did he do?

How can he fix it?

Was there someone else?

Did he not feel loved?

Did he not love him?

All these questions and millions more rush through his pounding head, tears streaming down his cheeks, a terrible pain in his chest as he struggles for breath. All he wants is for the man he loves to hold him, to tell him it's all going to be okay, to say that there's nothing to worry about, but he'll never have that, not now. Especially considering he is the one who's caused all this heartache, all this pain. He's lost him, and he has to accept it, but he can't. So instead, he's been calling him for the past 2 days, at all hours of the night and throughout the day, right now he's laying on his bed, wearing a hoodie with the words 'DALTON' printed on the front, the distinctive smell of Blaine having been almost woven into the fabric, that's now basically drenched in his tears, a half broken gum wrapper ring held tightly in his hand, with the other hand dialling and redialling Blaine, begging any and every force out there to let him hear Blaine's voice just one more time, to make Blaine answer. No one answers, and no one will. It's over, he doesn't love him anymore.

He's on his own, again. So he puts down his phone, pulls the material of the hoodie to his nose, clutching the gum wrapper ring tighter than he should, and buries his head into his pillows, his tears still flowing down his cheeks, his heart constricting even more, sobs wrenching themselves from within his chest and out of his throat.

What's he supposed to do now?

*******************************************************************************************

"I heard about what happened. Rachel told me." Tina whispers, cautiously placing a hand on Blaine's shoulder.

He looks around his locker door to see her properly, a sad expression on his face. A light sigh is all it takes for Tina to know how horribly messed up he is about all of this.

"It's okay, Blaine. People grow apart, I'm sure you'll find someone else, and in the mean time you and I can hang out some more. I'm happy to talk when you're ready." She states, causing a breathy laugh to escape Blaine.

"No. I won't find someone else. And we didn't grow apart. I just realised that he deserved someone better, someone who deserves somebody as amazing as he is, and I'm not that guy. I let him go." He says, his voice breaking on the last sentence.

"Then why aren't you in New York, begging him to take you back?" Tina asks in disbelief.

"Because, how the hell could he take me back, and what would I say to him? 'Sorry I broke up with you, I was just being a bit of an idiot, so yeah! Sorry for ripping your heart into two, but it would be really cool if you could just get over it, and take me back! K, thanks bye!' I just have to accept that I screwed up, and it's over now, there's nothing I can do…" He mutters bitterly, focusing on the books in his locker so he doesn't have to make any eye contact with Tina.

"Well, maybe not in those words, but I'm sure he'd take you back! Don't just give up."

"Tina, it's too late, okay? There's nothing I can do, it's all over, he's probably moved on. He's stopped calling me, so maybe he's found some other guy, a guy who deserves someone like him…" Blaine mumbles, the thought of Kurt having moved on so quickly breaking his heart even more.

"Or maybe he thinks you've moved on. Maybe he's thinking the same thing you are. Either way, the Blaine Anderson I know wouldn't just give up, he'd fight to get Kurt back." With that she walks down the hall.

Tina's words run through Blaine's head, maybe she's right.

Maybe he still loves me.

Sighing, he shuts his locker, turning to walk the opposite direction to Tina, heading for the choir room. Slowly walking through the door way he looks around the room. The empty chairs have always seemed a little erie to Blaine, like he always thought this room should be filled with music and someone playing or singing, never quiet and empty. He swings his bag onto the top of the piano, silently sitting on the stool. 

*******************************************************************************************

On the other side of the country, a boy is wrapped up in his bed sheets, his stereo blaring music, with his tear stained wet cheeks tightly pressed against his pillows, thinking of the man who broke his heart. He's skimming through his songs, each one as painful as the next. He eventually gives up, settling on one that couldn't be more painful to hear. He bites his lip, begging everything and anything to make the pain stop, to bring back his love, and to mend his shattered heart.

*******************************************************************************************

He plays a few notes, his fingers gliding over the keys, memories of Kurt and him singing, dancing, staring lovingly into each other's eyes, flashes through his mind. He quickly wipes a tear from his cheek, trying his best to keep it together. Sniffling, he begins to play the notes of a song, a song that's been spinning around his head whenever he thinks of what he's got himself into.

You could be happy

And I won't know

But you weren't happy

The day I watched you go

When Blaine walked out that door, he didn't look content, or upset over the fact Kurt was hurting, he was miserable. He looked like he'd had his heart broken, not like he'd been breaking one.

And all the things

That I wished I had not said

Are played on loops

Till it's madness in my head

Blaine wishes he'd kept his mouth shut, had talked to Kurt, rather than just saying he wasn't good enough for him, that he was weighing Kurt down. He wishes with every fibre of his being he'd let himself forget the consequences and be selfish. He wishes he'd held onto Kurt as tight as he could, rather than push him away.

Is it too late to remind you

How we were

But not our last days of silence

Screaming, blur

Maybe it was too late to get him back, maybe he'd screwed it up forever, but still, that little bit of hope stayed with Blaine. That little voice that begged him to keep fighting.

Most of what I remember

Makes me sure

I should have stopped you from walking

Out the door

In all honesty, Kurt could barely remember the fight, just that it hurt, the only thing he could really remember, was the look of anguish on Blaine's face as he took one final glance of Kurt before leaving his home, forever. By now, Kurt's unconsciously singing along, wishing Blaine could hear him, wishing he could know how much he regretted letting him go. 

You could be happy

I hope you are

You made me happier

Than I'd been by far

Kurt was the best thing to ever happen to Blaine. He was lost without him. Kurt always thought Blaine was the one who saved him, but in all honesty, Kurt did too. He had never truly loved until he loved Kurt.

Somehow everything

I own smells of you

And for the tiniest moment

It's all not true

Kurt buries his nose into Blaine's hood, inhaling Blaine's scent, even if it smells more like him rather than Blaine. Almost every jacket, shirt, hell even scarf he owns, has a distinct trace of Blaine. And for a moment, it's like he's there with him, holding him, and promising to never let him go again.

Do the things

That you always wanted to

Without me there to hold you back

Don't think, just do

Maybe that's why Blaine can't bring himself to fight to get Kurt back, his whole reason for breaking up with him was so he wasn't holding him back, being the chain between him and Lima, between him and his dreams.

More than anything

I want to see you go

Take a glorious bite

Out of the whole world

He wants Kurt to do anything and everything in New York, be a fashion designer, be on broadway, singing, acting, everything. But maybe, just maybe, Blaine can still be by his side as he does it all.

He finishes the song with a flourish of the keys, swiping a fallen tear from his eye, he smiles. No matter what happens he's going to find a way to get Kurt back, without screwing up his life, somehow.

Yet on the other side of the country, there's still a boy sobbing his broken heart out, begging someone to stop the pain. Begging the man he loves to see sense and mend his heart, somehow.