Brittany was the first one to point it out. Whether she really knew what she was talking about, Blaine didn't know, but she was the first. She was watching him a little closer than usual the first day after he got back from the terrible weekend if heartbreak in New York and he couldn't figure out why. Her eyes were fixed on his neck, her brows furrowed in confusion, making Blaine rub self consciously at it. Did he miss a hair while shaving? Did he have a hickey that only she could see? Was she having some strange hallucination that he was bleeding profusely from his neck? What was she looking at?

Finally, when Glee was over and he stood, ready to flee from the judging looks of his peers who all knew what he had done, she pushed him back down into his chair. He curled in on himself instinctively, expecting her to start yelling at him, or slapping him for hurting Kurt the way he had, but she just reached out and lifted his chin up and looked into his eyes.

"Where's your collar?" she asked.

Blaine froze, his mouth going dry. What? How did she... how did she know? He'd never told anyone about those... thoughts. Not even Kurt. How could she catch on to something he'd been so blissfully oblivious to?

"What?" he finally choked out, his breaths coming in quick gasps as his eyes darted around the, now empty, choir room.

"You're not wearing a bowtie," she said, her finger trailing down to the empty collar of his polo shirt.

"S-so?" he stuttered, hating the way his voice shook. This was his deepest, darkest secret and apparently she'd been able to figure out about it because of his bowtie fetish. Which, really, truly, was a collar fetish in disguise, bowties were just less conspicuous. But the point was, how did she figure it out?

She smiled down at him sympathetically and then petted his head like a cat. "It will be okay," she whispered, "he loves you, I'm sure that come next month, he'll be giving you another one." She giggled before skipping out of the room.

——

Sam was the next to notice. It made sense, since they were basically always together, Sam always trying to find a way to keep Blaine's mind from drifting to Kurt. They were sitting on the floor next to Blaine's bed, taking turns on playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the old Nintendo 64 Blaine had found buried in Cooper's old closet. Sam died and with a loud groan passed the controller back to Blaine before collapsing on his side, his head peeking under the bed skirt. The underside of Blaine's bed was pretty much empty and spotless, like he would expect, except for a box that looked like it had been hastily shoved under there.

"What's this?" he said, reaching an arm out to grab it.

"Hmm?" Blaine grunted, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he battled Bongo Bongo (a boss that him and Sam had continuously mocked until the first time he had gone invisible on them).

"This," Sam sat up again, having retrieved the box.

Blaine glanced over at him, his eyes going wide for a second before he schooled his features and looked back to the game. "It's nothing," he muttered.

"Are these all your bowties?" Sam asked, incredulously as he started to rifle through the box of fabric strips.

"Maybe?" Blaine said, still trying to concentrate on the game but his eyes kept darting back over to the box in Sam's hands.

"Why are they under your bed? You love your bowties." He pulled one out and Blaine flinched. It was the first on Kurt had bought him. The red, gray, black, and white striped one that he'd made sure to wear on his first day at McKinley. To him it showed that he belonged to Kurt, and while no one else may have known that, it didn't stop the feeling from being there.

"I-I just haven't felt like wearing them lately. It's very time consuming to put one on every day."I don't deserve to wear them,he thought,I'm a bad boy. I hurt my Do—boyfriend.Kurt was his boyfriend, he'd never been his Dom, at least never outside of Blaine's dreams.

"Bull crap. You're wearing like six layers now, I swear, and they're all perfectly coordinated to your pants, shoes, socks, and bag. I bet even your underwear matches this outfit."

Blaine blushed, he was right, strangely enough. Blaine finally paused the game, putting down the controller. "It's really no big deal, Sam, I just don't like wearing them anymore." He shrugged.

Sam was staring off into space, his face scrunched up in concentration and it eerily reminded him of Brittany's look the first day he'd shown up not wearing a bowtie. Sam took a deep breath before turning to face him. "I know my main job lately has been to keep you distracted. If you're focused on other things, you're not thinking about him, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it—"

"You are."

Sam smiled, "Thank you, but right now, we gotta talk. Is this because of the breakup?" he gestured to the box in his lap.

"Why would it be?" Blaine said, trying to look confused and not panicked.Not him too.

Sam looked up at the ceiling, flexing his jaw once before snapping his fingers and focusing back on Blaine. "Brittany said something the other day."

Oh no.Blaine gulped.

"At first I wasn't really paying attention, we were at her house watching a movie and she was talking to Lord Tubbington. She was really just mumbling really, so I didn't think much of it, but she mentioned you. She said you looked sad, which I can attest to the fact that that is true, but then she said you missed your collar, and your owner," Blaine tensed, his eyes flickering to the door for a second, "which is a very strange thing to say about a teenage boy. I know it's Brittany, and while I love her, she says some completely off the rocker things sometimes, but this... seemed... different somehow."

Blaine's mouth was dry, his whole world was crumbling down around him and now his best friend was going to think he was some sort of sick freak. Though, technically, wasn't he? Kurt spanked him once, just playfully, as he was leaving and Blaine was hard and dizzy before the door had even fully shut behind him. He was strange, and weird, and Sam was going to be so grossed out by him.

Blaine closed his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose before letting it out through his mouth.

"The bowties were your collars," Sam said.

Blaine nodded weakly, ringing his hands together in his lap.

"Whose idea was it?" he asked, curiously.

"What?" Blaine looked up at him.

"Who brought up the whole, BDSM, thing?"

Blaine shook his head, "N-neither of us..."

"But... if..." Sam looked down at the box then back up to Blaine, "Oh... he doesn't know." It was a statement, not a question, but Blaine nodded anyway.

Sam looked mildly exasperated, "How could you not tell him?"

"I... I don't—"

"This is something he needed to know, Blaine. He needed to know that you were special, and that you had different needs. You shouldn't have kept this side of yourself from him," Sam scolded.

"I.. I... you're okay with this?"

Sam scoffed, "Blaine, I was a stripper. You wanting to kneel at your boyfriend's feet and wear a collar is far from the strangest thing I've seen." He patted Blaine on the head, who rolled his eyes and glared at him. "But really, you have to tell him."

Blaine's eyes widened, "I can't."

"Blaine—"

"What will it change now anyway? We're not together anymore. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve to wear those bowties, or to feel like I'm owned, because I cheated on him. Telling him will do nothing except maybe show him how fucked up I am."

"Kurt won't think you're messed up..."

"Can you guarantee me that?"

Sam thought and then sighed, shaking his head.

"Exactly," Blaine took the box back from Sam and put the lid on it before roughly shoving it back into exile under the bed.

——

Sam knew better than to bring it up again and he also knew better than to just go and tell Kurt, though he'd definitely thought about it when him and Rachel had come back for Grease. He thought about asking Brittany about this as well, but then realized that would probably bring up things from her and Santana's relationship that he almost positively did not want to hear. So he left it. Very begrudgingly.

Until the wedding.

It was months and months after his talk with Blaine and he knew that him and Kurt had been mending their relationship, though Blaine didn't seem to want to talk to him as much about it. He hadn't realized exactly how well everything was going until he saw the two of them stumbling out of Kurt's car with Mercedes rolling her eyes at them. Maybe now was a good time for them to talk about Blaine's special needs.

"You should tell him," Sam muttered and Blaine jumped, almost spilling the punch he was getting for him and Kurt all over himself.

"Jesus, Sam... what are you talking about?"

"Youknowwhat I'm talking about, Blaine," Sam stated, tapping the side of Blaine's neck with his finger.

Blaine just sighed, "We're... just friends."

Sam barked out a laugh, "Yeah, because friends make out in the back of a car."

"You've made out with plenty of girls without actually dating them, Sam. How come I can't be the same?" he narrowed his eyes at Sam.

"Because Kurt's not justsomeguy, Blaine. He'sKurt. YourKurt. Your... Dom." he wiggled his eyebrows at him and Blaine let out an annoyed huff.

Sam rolled his eyes, "C'mon, Blaine. He needed to know from the get go and if you guys are going to be together again—"

"We're not."

"—or just fooling around, even, he should know about this side of you, okay?"

Blaine worried his bottom lip, staring into the punch cups. "I'll think about it," he finally said.

"Yes," Sam breathed out silently, fist pumping the air.

——

Blaine's breath hitched as Kurt tugged him into the room by his tie, his pulse skyrocketing and Kurt pulled it just a bit tighter, constricting his airways a bit. Kurt slammed him up against the door and Blaine's eyes fluttered closed as he rocked his hips into Kurt's. This was perfect, Kurt's weight holding him in place, making it nearly impossible for him to move at all. All he could see, hear, feel, and smell was Kurt completely surrounding him and it just felt so right.

But also so wrong.

He'd felt it earlier in the car and had beat it down. The knowledge of how much he had messed up crept up on him and the fact that he hadn't paid for it yet was weighing him down almost more than Kurt's weight on him. He'd hurt Kurt, been bad, very, very bad and he hadn't been punished yet. He'd been separated from Kurt for months, sure, but that wasn't enough. He hadn't earned the right to have Kurt making him feel this good.

Tears welled in his eyes and he shook his head swiftly, trying to knock them out of his brain. He shouldn't be thinking like that. Kurt wasn't his Dom, he was just Kurt. He didn't have to be punished to earn this, he didn't have to be perfect... but he still felt like he should be.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered, worry seeping into his voice.

Blaine sniffled, leaning his head back against the door. "I'm s-sorry," he muttered.

Kurt pulled off of him and he whined, his body moving forward of its own accord as he tried to touch him.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked.

"I..." Blaine looked at him, not knowing how to say what he was feeling, what he needed. He wished he could make Kurt understand without using his words and in a perfect world that would happen, but this world was not perfect and it loved to torture him. He looked at Kurt one more time before sighing na dropping onto his knees.

"Wha— Blaine," Kurt started to try and pull him up again but Blaine just shook his head.

"Just... give me a moment." This position always helped him relax and cleared his mind. He had always imagined what it would be like to actually kneel in front of Kurt rather than just imagine it, but his mind was too busy trying to find the words to say to actually register what he'd just done.

His breathing slowly evened out, still a little restricted by the too tight tie, but that seemed to help clear his mind as well. Kurt had done that, even if he hadn't realized what he was doing, he'd done that. He was a natural.

Blaine blinked, taking one last breath before looking up at Kurt again, tears shining in his eyes.

"There's some things I should have told you... a long, long time ago," Blaine started, "but I was scared. Scared of how you'd react, how it might change our relationship, for good, or for bad. I don't like change. I like, constant, normal, safe. Dalton was always so great because everyone was the same and they had all these rules that told me exactly what was expected of me, and I loved it. Order, is my favorite thing."

Kurt nodded along with him, still not quite sure where this was going. "You... were one of my constants. Even when I went to McKinley and had everything constantly buzzing and changing, you were the same. Always there, always strong, always perfect. I didn't find a need to tell you this, because you just being there was what I needed." Blaine took another stuttering breath and Kurt reached a hand down to cup his cheek, but he remained standing.

"And then you weren't." Blaine looked away from him, his whole body buzzing with anticipation.Tell him, tell him, tell him.

"God," Blaine choked out, "I-I... I don't know how to say this part."

Kurt wiped away a tear from Blaine's cheek.

Blaine drummed his hands on his knees, his breathing picking up again, because Kurt was just watching him, and it all came down to right now. He could tell him and then nothing would ever be the same again, or he could drop it, and hope Kurt would just let him do that. He looked up at Kurt again and there was that look, that worried but also determined look. He wanted Blaine to have a chance to say what he wanted to say on his own, but if he didn't, he wouldmakehim say it.

Blaine swallowed thickly, nuzzling his face into the palm of Kurt's hand one last time before he continued.

"You may not have realized this, but you make—made—a lot of decisions for me. Sometimes they were big, like making me try out for Tony last year, but most of the time they were small. You'd tell me what clothes to wear, what to eat, to go help Carole bring the groceries in. Just... small little things. Small... orders... that made me so happy to be obeying them. Because I was obeying you."

A look of realization dawned on Kurt's face.

"But then suddenly, those small little orders were gone, and I was in a place that was always changing and I didn't have you and I was lost and confused and everything was scary, and frustrating, and simply picking out what socks to wear in the morning seemed like such a big decision, and, and, and—"

Kurt pressed a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. "Breathe," he commanded and Blaine's chest automatically unconstricted and he gulped in air. With that one command his shoulders seemed a little light. "Talk again when you're ready," Kurt said, petting Blaine's hair.

Blaine smiled up at him but then tears welled in his eyes when he was a sad look of failure in Kurt's eyes. Not of Blaine's failure, but of his own.

"I don't blame you," Blaine said quickly, "everything could have gone a lot smoother when you were in New York if I had have told you this before you left. You could have been ordering me around from there, but I didn't tell you I needed that. So I freaked, and I slipped...

"... I met him on a BDSM website. I was doing more research, trying to decide if or how to tell you about it. He was helping me understand some things that the impersonal and factual descriptions didn't completely describe. When everything seemed to be falling down around me... I went to him." Kurt's hand tightened almost painfully in Blaine's hair and he winced slightly.

"It felt so wrong... not just the sexual stuff... but the simple orders too. He wasn't you, and I didn't trust him the same way I trust you. It was thebiggestmistake of my life, Kurt, believe me, and I am so, so sorry."

Kurt clenched his jaw once but nodded for Blaine to continue.

"I don't know if you've forgiven me or not, but clearly you're comfortable enough with me to sleep with me again, and I want that so, so much. I want you to fuck me so hard that I can barely walk and I want everyone to know that I'm yours. I belong to you, and only you.

"But... I don't feel like I've earned it. I've always been good before and I've never messed up, especially not on this level, so I've never felt the need to be..." he swallowed, his breath hitching again.

"Punished?" Kurt filled in for him.

Blaine nodded, "I don't feel like I've earned the right to sleep with you, because I hurt you and I haven't been punished for it yet."

Kurt pulled Blaine's head back by his hair, looking down at him, "You want me to punish you?" he asked.

Blaine tried to nod but Kurt's grip on his hair kept his head still.

"Speak," Kurt ordered.

"Yes, S—Kurt."

"Okay," Kurt let him go, striding over and sitting on the bed. "Come here."

Blaine immediately moved to get to his feet but Kurt tsked at him. He looked at him confused.

"Crawl, Blaine." Kurt amended.

Blaine's eyes fluttered shut and he moaned as he made is way on hands and knees over to Kurt. He resumed his position at Kurt's feet, watching him expectantly.

"I think a spanking is in order, don't you?" Kurt asked, "Remind you that your ass is belongs tomeand not some sleazy Dom you met online?"

Blaine nodded vigorously.

"Okay, up here, pants and underwear off."

Blaine hurried to comply, choosing to lay down on the floor and lift his hips to get his pants off rather than stand. He loved this feeling of being below Kurt, not just metaphorically because he was his sub (o god, he's actually my Dom right now) but literally being demoted to the floor. He climbed up onto Kurt's lap, his shirt riding up his chest.

"Good boy," Kurt hummed, kneading the flesh of Blaine's ass in his hand. It'd been so long since they'd done anything sexual together and now Blaine was lying on his lap with his ass proudly presented. God, Blaine was so hard right now and he could feel Kurt's bulge digging into his hip through his pants.

"Stay still, be quiet, and say Blackbird if you need me to stop."

Blaine's body tensed, his hips a split second from rocking down into Kurt's legs. His head was spinning with the force of what was about to happen, he was excited and nervous, and happy, and ashamed and about a million other emotions racing through his body and making him shiver. Then his brain caught up with the fact that Kurt had just given him a safe word andholy shit, they were doing this.

"Oh, and, pet," Blaine practically purred at the nickname, "don't come."

The first slap landed on both cheeks at once, directly in the middle of his ass. He flinched, his entire body tensing as he struggled to hold back the sharp cry that was trying to claw its way out of his throat. Kurt's last command registered in his brain and suddenly his only thought was how much heneededto comerightnow.

The next slap was on his left cheek and the one after that on his right, both near the center. Then one fell where his thigh and ass met and he couldn't help but jerk forward and scream.

"Blaine," Kurt admonished.

Blaine hung his head in shame, "I'm s-sorry, Si-Kurt."

"That's the second time you've almost called me Sir tonight, pet," Kurt said almost conversationally, his hand returning to petting and kneading at Blaine's ass. "If you like it, please continue."

"Yes, Sir. I-I will, Sir." Blaine relaxed a little against Kurt's legs until his hand came down again, in the same spot on his upper thigh as before. His cry of pain was small and broken, but Kurt was clearly not happy with it as he tsked and swatted him three times in quick succession. Blaine mewled quietly, his ass flaring with pain and his cock throbbing against the fabric of Kurt's pants.

"Do I need to find something for you bite on, Blaine?" Kurt asked, his voice sweet and calm.

"No, S-sir. I can be quiet." Tears were steadily streaming down Blaine's face, but with each blow he felt a little more relaxed, a little less remorseful, a little more forgiven.

"Next time, I won't ask," Kurt stated. Blaine lost count of the spanks after that or where they fell. Is whole ass throbbed but it was a deep burn that seemed to radiate throughout him and burn away all the mistakes, all the pain of the past few months. He felt calm and relaxed on the inside, even though there were still tears running down his face and a few hits that made him almost bite through his lip as he tried to stay quiet. He could be good for Kurt.

Finally Blaine noticed that he was sobbing quietly and Kurt was running a loving hand up and down his back, no longer spanking or massaging or touching his ass at all really.

"You're done, beautiful," Kurt whispered, threading his fingers into the loose curls at the base of his skull, "You took that so well. Such a good boy,mygood boy." Kurt pulled him up so he was sitting on his lap. Blaine winced a little at the pressure on his sensitive cheeks but immediately threw his arms around Kurt's neck, crying into his shoulder.

"I've got you, baby, I've got you," Kurt's hand ran in soothing circles along Blaine's back as he cried. This was the most relaxed he'd felt since Kurt left for New York. Actually, this was the most relaxed he could ever remember feeling. He was safe and loved and owned and... forgiven? Maybe, he wasn't sure yet, but he'd finally been punished for his mistake and all the weight of that seemed to fly from his shoulders, leaving him exhausted as he slumped against Kurt's chest.

"I love you so much, Kurt," Blaine finally said, pulling away so he could look at him, "thank you so much for that..." Blaine keened as Kurt's hand snaked its way down to his ass to grip it lightly, "I... I really needed that."

"God," Kurt said, burying his face in the crook of Blaine's neck, "I think I did too."

Blaine laughed, "Really?"

"Yeah... yeah, I do."

Blaine nodded slowly, his eyes darting down Kurt's lips then back up to his eyes. "We... don't have to stop it there," he said quietly, "we've got some more time... we can test it out a little bit more."

Kurt smirked, "I don't know, pet, your ass is pretty sensitive right now..."

Blaine shrugged, "We can do something that doesn't involve my ass," he whispered, nibbling at Kurt's ear, "or we can still use my ass. I don't think I'd mind either way... Sir."

Kurt shook his head, "As tempting as that sounds," he rolled his hips up into Blaine's ass once, making him whine and clutch at his shoulders for support, "and as desperate as I'm sure you are right now," he nodded towards Blaine's cock trapped in between them, "we still need to talk... and preferably rest for a little while too. That was... draining, to say the least."

Blaine sighed, his head drooping, but he nodded. Kurt was right, there was a lot more they needed to discuss, their mutual horniness could wait for a little while.

"Okay," he said and Kurt smiled, scooting back on the bed and pulling Blaine with him. He finally rolled them both so that they were laying side by side and looking at each other. His hand came up to cup Blaine's cheek, his fingers trailing down his face and to his neck before stopping at the knot of the tie, still pressed into Blaine's windpipe.

"So what's this I hear about you not wearing bowties anymore?"