To: Blaine 11:34
What’s Friday look like for you?

To: Kendra 11:35
Crystal clear.

To:Blaine 11:37
Spectacular. You’re meeting me at the Lima Bean at 9.

To: Kendra 11:39
I’ll be there with bells on.

That night at dinner, Dianne says, “So Blaine, did you get that tattoo looked at?” Blaine almost asks what she’s talking about before he remembers, “Oh. Yes. Kendra said she’s booked till Friday, but she’ll pick me up early Friday morning and have it off by lunch.” Dianne smiles, “That’s wonderful sweetie.” The rest of dinner is filled with an awkward silence and the scraping of forks against plates, “Mmm, mom this is delicious.”
“Thank you sweetie, it’s Carole’s recipe.”
“Who?”
“Oh no one, just a girl from the office.”
“Oh. Okay.”
After that conversation is non-existent and after dinner Blaine stands up, “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
No one needs him.

Blaine spends all night tossing and turning.
What if we meet and nothing happens?
What if he decides I’m not worth it anymore?
What if it’s just too hard for both of us?
What if he doesn’t love me? What if it’s just the old me he was in love with?
What if I don’t love him?
What if I never get my memory back?
What if mom finds out?
What if?

Kurt spent the whole three days tossing himself back and forth between being ecstatic, and being terrified.

Oh god what if he doesn’t ever remember?
What if he doesn’t love me again?
What if I don’t love him anymore?
What if he just ditches me?
What if he decides he doesn’t even want to try?
What if Kendra was lying and he doesn’t want to know me?
What if?

Friday morning cannot come soon enough for either boy, but when it does, they are both very flustered.

Kurt doesn’t remember the drive over. Doesn’t recall what he’s wearing. Has no idea if he even did his skin care routine. Could care less about if he stopped at that stop sign on Jefferson. And maybe that should worry him a bit, but he can’t bring himself to worry about anything then the mop of curls that he’ll be seeing in less than ten minutes. He wants nothing more than to be able to wrap the boy up in his arms and never let him go, to be able to know that he’s safe at all times. But Kurt can’t do that...because Blaine doesn’t know him. Blaine can’t remember what it tastes like when they kiss. Vanilla and honey and love. Can’t remember the sounds Kurt makes when Blaine kisses Kurt right beneath his earlobe. A really loud and high-pitched thing between a laugh and a cry. Can’t remember who’s the big spoon when they sleep at night. Blaine is. Can’t remember they’re go to impromptu performance song. F**kin’ Perfect by P!nk. Can’t remember who topped their first time. Kurt did. Can’t remember. Kurt does.

Blaine arrives at the coffee shop an hour too early and sits twiddling his thumbs dying for the time to pass quicker. He wishes he had something to distract him. A book. A magazine. A game. Any task no matter how tedious. All he can focus on is seeing the boy with the piercing blue eyes today; Kurt. Blaine doesn’t know a thing about Kurt. But he wants to know. He wants to know what his laugh sounds like. He wants to know where Kurt likes to be kissed. He wants to know what Kurt’s favorite movie is. He wants to know what it feels like to hug Kurt. He wants to know everything about Kurt, more so than he even wants the gaps in his memory to be filled in for himself. Yes he wants to know what happened on Valentine’s day. Yes he wants to know if his favorite movie changed at all. Yes he wants to know all the people that he apparently hung out with in the past year. But the pull to know Kurt is so much stronger. Blaine can’t even explain it to himself, it’s like his head may have forgotten that he fell in love with Kurt, but his heart hasn’t.

He spots Kendra first, coming through the door, “Kendra! Over here!” Kendra smiles and walks over to where he’s sitting, “S’up Blaine-y?” Blaine rolled his eyes and stood to hug his cousin, “Ah the usual. I’m in love with a boy, only now instead of him not knowing I exist, I don’t know he exists.” Kendra laughed nervously, “Still no luck?” Blaine sighed and sat down, “Well I guess. Kind of. I mean, I don’t remember him. I only know what he looks like because of all the pictures, but it’s like my heart remembers him. Oh my god. Did that just come out of my mouth?” Blaine clapped a hand to his forehead and Kendra giggled, “Blaine sweetie, if you two had heard yourselves, that was by far the least cheesy thing to ever come out of your mouth when talking about Kurt.” Blaine lifted his head to respond but Kendra stood up, “Kurt?” A boy with chestnut hair and arresting blue eyes smiled at her, but Blaine could see that is was false, put on, “Kendra! How’ve you been darling?” Kendra grinned and hugged the boy, she missed it but Blaine saw how Kurt winced, “I’ve been good. How’ve--how’s the family?” Kurt just gave her that forced smile and turned to Blaine extending a hand, “Hi, I’m Kurt.” Blaine stared up at him, “I--i know.” Kurt’s face fell just a little bit but he nodded and sat down across from Blaine, before it could occur to Blaine that he should have shook his hand. “I’m sorry. I just---Hello. I’m Blaine,” Blaine extended a hand across the table and Kurt’s smile tightened a little bit, “I know that.”

Blaine wanted to kick himself, “I---oh. Right. Of course. Sorry.” Kurt chuckled lightly but it was tight and forced, “You have nothing to be sorry about, Blaine. You’re fine.” Kendra felt like she wanted to be sick watching her cousin and the porcelain countertenor she’d become so close to. She shouldn’t be sitting between them. They shouldn’t have smiles so tight they look like they’re going to break. They shouldn’t have tried to shake hands. They should be sitting so close together they were practically in each other’s laps. They should have wide welcoming smiles that lit up the world. They should have kissed each other in greeting. Everything about the situation was just so wrong. She clasped her hands together, “Yes. Well. Now that we’ve got introductions out of the way...um....” Kendra trailed off and looked at the counter seeking an out. Kurt took a deep breath, “You don’t have to look so nervous Ken-doll. We’re all just as lost as you are.” Kendra nodded and tried to smile, “Yes. Right. Sorry. I--uh---” Blaine came to her rescue, “So, Kurt, did you know Kendra owns a tattoo shop?” Or rather he tried to come to her rescue.

But Kurt nodded, “Yes, I did know that. She gave me a tattoo actually.” God, Kurt felt like he was going to be sick. It was too hard. Too hard. Too hard to be so close to him and not be able to touch him and say that he loves him. Kurt felt like he was going to die. “Right, of course. Yeah.” Blaine looked down at his coffee cup and took a sip. He really hoped the caffeine would kick in soon, he still couldn’t catch any sleep. Still had that empty feeling when he tried to curl up. “Kurt? C-could I try something?” Kurt looked up nervously, “I--uh...what?” Blaine worried his lip and looked around, they were the only ones in the coffee shop that time of day, “Stand up.” Kurt stood up and Blaine walked around the table towards him, “Hold still.” Kurt frowned at him questioningly as Blaine slowly wraps his arms around Kurt. Blaine saw the way Kurt flinched as Kendra hugged him and can feel Kurt tense up, but as Blaine hugs him he feels Kurt return the hug and relax into his arms. Suddenly, Blaine knows what he was missing all those nights, “Found it.” Kurt seems as reluctant to pull away as Blaine is, “Found what?” Blaine whispers, “When I...when I try to sleep I always feel like, like somethings missing. But, I...I think you’re it. Did we, did we sleep together a lot?”

Blaine pulls back and then blushed scarlet when he realizes how that sounded, “I mean sleep sleep.” Kurt chuckled humorlessly, “Yeah. Big spoon, little spoon. Glad to know I’m not the only one losing sleep. I mean---not that I want you to lose sleep but---” Blaine smiled truly for the first time he can ever remember, “It’s nice not being alone.” Kurt nods and gives him a small smile in return, and this is one is not forced or tight, “It’s nice not being alone.” They both sit down and Kendra feels a shift in the atmosphere, it’s not as light as it used to be, and they’re both still too far apart, but Kendra can feel some of their old swagger seeping back in. Kurt wraps his long fingers around his coffee cup, “So--um...Blaine, you must have a million questions.” Blaine bit his lip, “Yeah...I do...I just. Don’t know where to start.” Kurt nods, “Well maybe you could, I don’t know, generalize some of them and we can break them down from there?” Blaine shrugs, “Sure. Well I guess...some of my questions are about what’s happened in the past year. I have a bunch of pictures of people I don’t even know. And I’d like to know some things about myself. Like my favorite movie or my favorite song or---” Kurt grins, “You’re favorite movie was The Smurfs. Your favorite song was Teenage Dream. You absolutely adore these little chocolate filled croissant things I used to make.” Blaine nodded, finally getting to fill in his own gaps, “But there are some other things...things about you and me...that I don’t want to ask you here.” Kurt nodded, “Do you want to come over one day, or you could follow me home?” Blaine shrugged, “Whichever is easier for you.”

Kurt worried his lip, “Well my parents are at work right now if you wanted to follow me home, but if you wanted to wait until another time you’d have to wait until Monday when they were gone again.” Blaine quirked an eyebrow, “Why?” Kurt frowned, “This...this is really hard for me, and you were like their son...if they found out you had woken up they’d smother you. They already smother me. I’ll tell them eventually I just really want to be able...to know you before they do.” Blaine lifted a triangular brow, “You already do know me. That’s kind of why we’re here.” Kurt sighed, “I knew the Blaine before the--the. Before that happened. But you’ve changed. And so have I. That changed us. I’ll help you remember everything that happened but it won’t be the same.” Blaine nodded, “Is it okay if I follow you home?” Kurt sighed, “Sure. Why not? I’m ready when you’re ready.” Blaine pursed his lips, “Is now too soon?” Kurt cracked a smile, “Not at all. Kendra do you want to come?” Blaine felt his face fall, he really didn’t want her to come. Luckily Kendra seemed to be able to read minds, “Actually no Kurtsie, I need to get back to the shop. Unless you need me there?” She looked at each of the boys, searching their faces. They both shook their heads and she grinned, “Alright, well I’ll be off. Blaine-y?” She held her arms out for a hug and Blaine stood up, “See ya later Ken-doll.” She turned to Kurt, who frowned at her, “I’m not really---” She cut him off by bending down to hug him anyway, “Nonsense Kurtsie. I’m hugging you whether you like it or not.” And with that she left.

Still standing Blaine turned to Kurt, “Shall we?” Kurt nodded and Blaine felt like he should offer his hand, but somehow he knew Kurt would probably shy away from the touch. Kurt lead the way to his car and Blaine followed mindlessly, about to climb in the passenger seat until Kurt cleared his throat, “Um, don’t you want to bring your car so you can go straight home after?” Blaine wanted to smack himself, “Oh. Right. Sorry. Um. I’ll---I’ll see you there then.” Kurt didn’t say anything as he started the Navigator and put it into drive. As he drove the short way home, Kurt couldn’t help but keep glancing in his rearview mirror, reassuring himself that Blaine was not about to evaporate all over again. It felt too surreal, there was no way it could actually be happening. Not after being without Blaine for so long. Kurt spent so many times checking for the station wagon that he almost missed the turnoff for his street, startling a little in his seat. He pulled into the driveway and hopped out, waiting while Blaine parked on the curb. It broke Kurt’s heart to see the station wagon parked in its usual old spot, because Kurt never imagined he’d see it there again.

Kurt waved Blaine over and held open the front door for him, “Come on in. We can talk in my room.” Blaine smiled warmly, somehow this 70’s era brickhouse that he didn’t even recognize felt more homey than his own house. It was on autopilot that Blaine began to climb the stairs before Kurt grabbed his sleeve, “It’s not up there anymore.” Blaine frowned, “What’s not up there anymore?” Kurt lifted an eyebrow, “My room? Isn’t that where you were headed?” Blaine bites his lip, “I really don’t know...it just was kind of an automatic thing.” Kurt worried the inside of his cheek, “Yeah, well, my room was upstairs and now it’s not. So please follow me.” Kurt turns on his heel and winds down a hallway leading away from the stairwell and opening a door. Kurt plops down on a chair underneath the window and gestures to the bed, “You can sit if you want.” Blaine perches on the edge of the bed, facing Kurt, “So why’d you move rooms?” Kurt bit his lip and stared at his lap, speaking quietly, “I don’t really talk about that.”

Blaine frowned, “Why not?” Kurt shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest, winding his arms around them, “I just---it’s hard okay.” It was then that Blaine realized what Kurt would mean, “I--I’m sorry I didn’t--I didn’t mean to upset you.” Kurt shook his head, “No. It’s fine. You’re fine. You didn’t know, and I shouldn’t be so defensive, I just...the one person I can tell anything to doesn’t even know me anymore and so I’ve just...I don’t talk to anyone anymore. I haven’t really...I was...just. Don’t worry about it. We’re not here for me.” Blaine was torn between getting up to hold the boy and crying at the heartbroken look on Kurt’s face, “I want to know you.” Kurt looked up in bewilderment, “What?” Blaine felt his heart clench at the look on his angelic face, “You said I don’t know you anymore. But I want to. If you’ll let me I want to know you again.” Kurt worried his lip between his teeth, “I don’t know if I can...” Blaine sucked in a big breath, “I feel like if things were normal you wouldn’t be over there by yourself, so could you please come over here and sit next to me?” Kurt shook his head, “No...I’m sorry, I want to, but I can’t. I just...being close to people makes me nervous.” Blaine nodded, “I know the feeling...but being close to you just feels right somehow. I’m sorry, I don’t want to push your boundaries or anything.”

Kurt just closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his knees, “Do you want to start on your questions?” Blaine swallowed, “Um...sure...I guess. Uh...I don’t know I guess the biggest thing was about our relationship.” Blaine laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Kurt didn’t look up and his voice was muffled, “Well what do you want to know?” Blaine sighed, “I don’t know...everything. What did we talk about? What did we do in our spare time? How did we meet? How long were we together? Just...everything.” Kurt lifted his head to rest his chin on his knees, “I guess I could tell you how we met first. Is it still okay if I come sit beside you?” Blaine turned his head in Kurt’s direction, “Would it be strange if I admitted that I feel naked laying here without you?” Kurt chuckled and it was a pained sound, “Not really, you told me that a thousand times a day.” Blaine smiled as Kurt sunk down on the mattress beside him, “I did? God I’m such a dork.” Kurt beamed back, “But you’re---never mind,” Kurt’s smiled faltered, “So. Um. How we met right---” “Kurt, what were you going to say,” Blaine frowns slightly. Kurt shakes his head, “Nothing. It’s fine---” Blaine presses a finger to Kurt’s mouth cutting him off, “Kurt, you said we used to tell eachother everything, right,” Kurt nods, “Well then starting right now, I want you to be as honest with me as you can be. And that means that I’m not going to make you talk about what happened that night or your injuries after if you don’t want to, but you can’t brush off something that has to do with our relationship. In return I want to tell you everything too, deal?” Kurt sighs, but nods and Blaine retracts his finger, “I was going to say that you’re my dork. It was something we did...you’d get really excited about a Harry Potter movie and I’d call you a dork and you’d laugh and say ‘But I’m your dork’ or you’d get drunk and do something crazy and the next morning you’d say ‘I’m such a dork’ and I’d say you were my dork.”

Blaine nodded and became acutely aware that his hand was inches from Kurt’s and he was itching to grab it, “Maybe one day.” Kurt quirks an eyebrow, “What?” Blaine shrugs, “Maybe one day we can put this whole mess behind us and I could be your dork again. I think I’d like to be...if you’d let me.” Kurt doesn’t let himself respond, he’d like nothing more than to be able to call Blaine his again, but not right now, “Yeah. So. Um, we met. We met at Dalton. I went to McKinley High and was in the glee club there and a couple of my fellow members sent me over to your school to spy on the Warblers. I stopped you on the stairs and said that I was new and asked where everyone was going. You introduced yourself and said that they were going to an impromptu performance by the Warblers. You grabbed my hand and led me through the halls. You and the guys sang Teenage Dream, and after that we had a chat about my spying. After that we became very good friends.” Blaine and Kurt had unconsciously moved closer together and the length of their arms were now flush together and their hips are brushing. Blaine has his eyes closed and he wishes he could hear Kurt talk forever, the sound of his voice is like music, “Will you tell me about our friendship?”

Kurt smiles, “At the time we met, I was being bullied a lot. And that was one of the greatest things about meeting you when I did, sometimes I wonder about it. If you hadn’t been around to help me through it, if you hadn’t been a listening ear, if you hadn’t been someone I could share everything with and you understand it completely, I wonder if I would even be here at all. It was a really bad time for me. I didn’t feel safe. The guy that was bullying me threw me into dumpsters, tossed me at lockers like I was a football, I was slushied every single day. The guy threatened my life. And no one really got it. I had friends who were sympathetic, but they couldn’t truly empathize. It got to the point where sometimes ending it all sounded easier. But then there you were. And you got it. You got the bullying. You got how scared I was. You got how hard it was. But that wasn’t even it. You got me. You got all the things that are weird about me. You got my obsession with The Sound of Music. You got my pathological need for coffee. You got my brand of crazy. And suddenly I wasn’t alone in the world anymore. We started spending lots of time together. We’d go see Rent at the Community Playhouse. We’d stand in line for hours to get tickets for a Lady Gaga concert. We’d stay up until three in the morning texting back and forth for hours about everything between here and the moon,” Kurt takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, floating back to that time. “I fell for you really hard. And there was a very awkward moment in our relationship because we were always being flirty and you were a naturally handsy person, and we hung out all the time, and we knew each other like the backs of our hands, and I had thought we were sort of dating. Then for Valentine’s day you decided you were going to serenade this guy at the Gap--” Blaine snorted, “The Gap? Why?” Kurt chuckled, forgetting for a minute the rest of the world, “Because he was the assistant manager there and if you got married you would get the ‘friends and family of employee discount’ I think you momentarily forgot that we can’t get married in Ohio. Anyway, it was a really suggestive song and he didn’t like it and he got fired so you didn’t have a chance with him. In the end of it I told you that I had thought you liked me and you told me that you really cared about me and you didn’t want to mess our thing up and we went back to being our usual selves---” Blaine let out a loud yawn and Kurt smiled, “You should sleep. You’re under eye circles have circles.”

Blaine shook his head, “I’ve tried sleeping. It’s no use.” Kurt quirked an eyebrow, “Blaine, when was the last time you slept?” Blaine shrugged, “I don’t know. A couple hours Wednesday. What about you? You’re one to talk, you look dead on your feet.” Kurt sighed, “I’m fine. I just look like this all the time. It’s the look of the emotionally distressed. You could at least try to get some sleep.” Blaine huffed, “I already told you, it’s no use. I can’t sleep by myself.” Kurt nodded, “Neither can I. So tell you what, come here.” Kurt held his arms out and Blaine looked at him uncertainly, “Are you sure? Kurt, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Kurt pursed his lips, “Blaine, you said I can tell you anything right?” Blaine nodded, “Of course. I mean...I know it’s kind of like I just met you a few hours ago, but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life and I trust you with my life. I want you to trust me that way.” The corner of Kurt’s mouth quirked up in response, “Okay. It’s just...before the---that um---that night. I was always kind of hesitant for physical contact. My therapist says that it’s common for people who were targets of physical bullying to subconsciously shy away from any form of physical contact even if it’s just something as simple as holding a hand or patting gently on the back. For me it was very bad, and between us it was kind of weird at first because you weren’t really good with words and so you would try to comfort me by holding me or petting me or something and it would really just upset me more. But we were getting through it. I didn’t tense up at all when you touched me in anyway while we were at home, now in public I was kind of hesitant to do anything other than brush our hands together. But I was getting better at it. I’d tense up a little if you held my hand or kissed my cheek, but I trusted you. And then that...that night happened and it’s changed everything. Blaine my own dad couldn’t even hug me at first because I would start having panic attacks. I woke up about two weeks after the um--that night--and my dad tried to hug me and when he did my panic attack was so bad that I nearly suffocated. That’s why I kind of tensed up when Kendra hugged me. It’s---it’s very hard for me to trust people in the first place and now I just...I don’t trust anyone. I can’t...it’s too hard. But then earlier when you hugged me...I didn’t feel threatened or scared, I didn’t feel the beginnings of an attack...I just felt like I was finally home.”

Kurt looked at Blaine, “Does that make any sense?” Blaine nodded, “It makes a lot of sense.” Kurt grins, because he can feel it, feel their old rapport falling into place, the ‘Omg is this weird’ ‘No I do it too’ thing that they’ve always had between them. Kurt held open his arms again, “C’mon, before you collapse from sleep deprivation.” Blaine grumbled a little bit but curled over so that he was on his side, tucked into Kurt, his head on Kurt’s chest, Kurt’s arms thrown around him protectively. Holding him securely. Blaine nuzzled Kurt’s chest a little bit, shouldn’t this feel awkward? Shouldn’t it be weird that I feel safer in his arms than I’ve felt since I can remember, and I barely know him? No. Because your head may not know him. But your heart does. You can feel that? Can’t you? Can feel how natural it is to tangle his legs with yours and close your eyes as you inhale, taking him in. “You should try and sleep too,” Blaine mumbles sleepily against Kurt’s chest. Before Kurt can even respond he hears a light snore begin.

The last thing Kurt remembers before he drifts off to sleep with Blaine’s arm thrown around his torso is hearing the closing of a door.