Something Missing In My Life
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Something Missing In My Life: Chapter 19


K - Words: 1,266 - Last Updated: Aug 31, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 23/23 - Created: Aug 24, 2013 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022
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Author's Notes: please reviewww:)

Kurt first challenge was to try and answer at least three questions in class that week. He opted to do them all in English as he had Elliot by his side and Rachel only a few seats away, calming him down a significant amount. Everyone in the class — including the teacher — was shocked to see Kurt raise his hand, to say the least, but by the time he had answered three questions he was unspeakably proud of himself. Kurt did stumble over his words a few times, but all of the teachers that he had knew that he had problems with his speech so they were patient with him, and he eventually got his answer across. He could hear people snickering at him from different areas in the classroom but he just squeezed Elliot's hand a little harder and continued to speak as loud as he physically could without making himself cry.

He'd made it his own personal challenge to try and talk to Blaine about the little tasks that Rose gave him, and he told the therapist too. Apparently it was a good idea as he was speaking about how he felt about his progress to someone even when he wasn't in the middle of a session. Writing how he felt about his speech in his journal was one thing, but actually speaking about it helped even more as he was more or less making progress at the same time.

"I finished my challenge today." Kurt said one night over dinner.

"How was it?" Blaine asked, taking another bite of his food.

"Scary...nerve wracking...petrifying. People were laughing at me."

"But you did it anyway...I'm really proud of you."

"Me too," Kurt admitted. "I don't think I've ever raised my hand in class before...I mean, I don't think I ever want to again but the point is I did. Although I think my teacher is in permanent shock now."

Blaine laughed. "You did them all in the same class right?"

"Yeah," Kurt nodded. "I found it easier because I had Elliot with me. I know I can't always have him with me but it's easier for now at least."

"I know I already said this but I'm really proud of you. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you, but I know that it is hard and you're working as hard as you can and trying to overcome your fears, which is amazing. Especially to me, because I've seen you struggling with it since you were six and now I'm watching you try to overcome it, and that's incredible to me."

Kurt just smiled at the thirty six year old and continued to eat his dinner in silence.

When Kurt's next therapy session arrived, he was expecting Rose to read his journal but she instead asked him to read it out. She noticed how much more confident Kurt sounded when he was reading from a piece of paper, but how he still had the same small, quiet voice, it made her wonder if Kurt was even physically possible of shouting or screaming.

"Do you find that writing about your speech helps you at all?"

"A little bit...before I would just struggle with my speech and everything would get mixed up but when I write about it I can kind of think about it more clearly."

"You mentioned in the first session that you like writing, is that why?"

"Kind of...sometimes it feels like that's the only way that I can use my own words and actually make sense."

"Do you think that maybe that's a way that you could communicate with people when you feel like you can't produce any speech?" Rose asked. "If you wrote down what you wanted to say instead of speaking?"

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know...because when I'm writing, they're made up people in made up places and it's not actually me. I don't know if I'd be able to write down what I want to say when my word flow cuts off."

"I'm not going to make it your challenge for the week, but do you think that you could try and see if it works?" Kurt thought about it for a few seconds before nodding hesitantly. "You mentioned last week that you go to a coffee shop a lot and your friend Rachel usually orders for you, or Elliot takes your order, right?" Kurt nodded. "My challenge for you this week is to try and order for yourself at least twice. You can do it when Elliot's working if him being there will help you, but order from one of the other barista's, okay?"

"Okay." Kurt agreed quietly.

"You should probably tell Elliot so that if it does get too hard he can take over, but make sure he only does if you really need him to." Rose said.

Kurt let out a shaky breath before letting out another quiet, "Okay."

When Kurt left the therapist's room, as always, Blaine and Elliot were patiently for him. That was probably Kurt's favourite thing about therapy, the moment he could leave the room and run into the arms of the two most important people in his life.

He told Elliot about his challenge during the car ride home and Elliot agreed to help him if he needed him to before Kurt snuggled into his side, shutting his eyes and trying to forget about everything for a few moments.

The first time Kurt tried to order his coffee was a disaster. He was shaking the entire time that he was in the line and by the time he was actually supposed to order, he froze. He stared blankly at the barista that was trying to take his order for a few moments before looking over the counter at Elliot for reassurance, his boyfriend looking incredibly worried but nonetheless smiling in an encouraging way. Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath before attempting to speak, but all that came out was a bunch of jumbled up letters. Kurt could hear people muttering behind him and he could feel the tears slipping down his face but he was frozen to the spot before Elliot took him into the staff bathroom and held him while he cried.

The second time Kurt tried to order his coffee almost didn't happen. He tried to talk himself out of it and when he asked Elliot whether he thought he should try to do it again he, being the most supportive and perfect boyfriend ever, said that he thought Kurt should try if he really wanted to but it was understandable if he didn't want to, given what happened the time before.

Kurt did, however, attempt to order his coffee again and eventually did. The barista he was ordering from was patient enough, but the whole situation was just really awkward. He was either too quiet or tumbled over his words but he eventually got out a near perfect sentence that the barista understood.

'I'm so proud of you.' Elliot mouthed to Kurt, causing Kurt to smile even though he felt as if he could burst into tears any second.

'I need a hug.' Kurt mouthed back and watched as Elliot whispered something to one of the other barista's before making his way around to the other side of the counter to envelope his boyfriend in a hug.

"You okay?" Elliot asked, rubbing his hand over Kurt's back.

"I really hate ordering coffee." Kurt said through a watery laugh.

Elliot laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of Kurt's head and holding onto the seventeen year old until he relaxed a little before reluctantly getting back to work while Kurt sat down at a table and wrote while he waited for his shift to finish.


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