Something Missing In My Life
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Something Missing In My Life: Chapter 18


K - Words: 1,496 - Last Updated: Aug 31, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 23/23 - Created: Aug 24, 2013 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022
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Author's Notes: Please review:) -Again, any information about speech disorders/therapy would be incredibly helpful!-

Nothing really changed as Kurt turned seventeen. He was still best friends with Rachel and he was still dating Elliot. He didn't really seem to be getting any better with his speech either, which sort of worried Blaine as he always thought that Kurt would grow out of it.

It was more of a problem now that he was getting older, because he was going to have to face talking to people. As he grew older he was going to be starting college, looking for jobs, etcetera and he couldn't exactly go to a job interview if he couldn't talk.

"Kurt? Can I talk to you for a second?" Blaine asked, sitting on the sofa next to the seventeen year old. Kurt nodded, putting the notebook he was writing in aside and sitting sideways on the sofa to face Blaine. "So do you remember when I took you to that speech therapist when you were twelve?" Another nod from the chestnut haired teen. "Well, I was thinking — and you don't have to say yes, it's entirely your descision — you're growing up and not being able to speak to people is gonna start becoming even more of an issue, so I was thinking maybe you'd wanna try going to speech therapy? You could either see the same woman or you could see someone else, but I think it might help a little. It might be difficult at first but it might help you find talking to other people easier?"

Kurt looked at Blaine for a few moments with what Blaine liked to call his 'thinking face' — he would always scrunch his nose a little and he would look around the room when he was thinking about something when he was younger — before answering Blaine. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course," Blaine smiled before standing up and placing a kiss to Kurt's forehead. "I'm gonna go make dinner, any requests?" Kurt shook his head and picked his notebook back up as Blaine made his way into the kitchen.

The next day at school, both Rachel and Elliot knew that something was up with Kurt. He was even more quite than usual and he didn't really seem to be focused on anything in particular when they were speaking to him.

It was during break when Elliot saw Kurt go into the school auditorium and followed him in there, hoping he'd tell him if something was wrong. He entered the auditorium to see Kurt sitting on the edge of the stage, swinging his legs back and forward as he held onto the edge with both of his hands.

"Hey," Elliot said softly, sitting next to Kurt. "You okay? You've been acting kind of distant all day."

"Blaine wants me to go to speech therapy." Kurt explained.

"And you don't want to?"

"I do, I just...I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Of...speaking. I'm scared that if I go, I'm gonna have to open up to somebody new and I'm scared that I might not get better."

"Everybody's scared of something." Elliot comforted.

"Yeah but...not everyone has their whole life affected because of their fear. Being scared of speaking is like being scared of breathing, and it's really hard."

"Do you know what I think?" Elliot asked, taking one of Kurt's hands into his own as Kurt turned his head to face his boyfriend. "I think you're strong enough to do it. Sure, it'll be hard and scary but I think that if you really try you're strong enough to get better, or at least make life a little bit easier."

"You always know what to say," Kurt laughed, wrapping his arms around Elliot's neck as the other teen wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist. "Will you come with me? I know you can't really be in the room with me but I'd feel a lot better if I knew you were waiting outside."

"Of course." Elliot promised, nodding his head against Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt talked to Blaine later that night, and the thirty six year old made arrangements for Kurt to see the same person that he saw when he was twelve the following week.

Due to feeling extremely nervous about the session, Kurt spoke even less than usual and was practically silent the day that it was actually happening. He hugged both Blaine and Elliot for an unnecassarily long time before he went in, his therapist waiting patiently until Elliot practically walked him to the door.

"Hi," Kurt therapist smiled as Kurt sat nervously in his chair, fiddling with his hands. "So I never actually introduced myself last time but you can call me Rose. I just want to say before we get into anything, the whole point in this is to help you feel better about speaking so if you ever feel like you really can't speak please don't force anything out because you feel like you have to, but if you do feel as if you can speak then please do try so that I can evaluate what your speech is like over time. I should also tell you that nothing you say in here leaves this room unless I find it concerning but under the circumstances I doubt that a problem like that will arise. This may be a little difficult as it's your first session but do you think you could try and tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"Um...my name's Kurt Hummel," Kurt began in a quiet voice, keeping his eyes downcast as he continued to fiddle with his hands. "I'm seventeen and a junior in high school...I like writing and singing...um..."

"That's okay," Rose said with a smile. "I don't expect you to be able to give me huge monologues. Do you think you could try telling me about your speech so that I can help make it a little easier for you?"

"Um...I just kind of get really scared when I have to speak, mostly to new people."

"How does it make you feel? Aside from scared, what goes on inside your brain?"

"I kind of start to freak out and then my words get all jumbled up and I find it hard to get them out. It happens when I don't get scared sometimes too...it's kind of like if I speak too much my brain shuts down and I can't produce words anymore."

"So sometimes you find it hard to speak even if you're not getting nervous or scared?" Kurt nodded. "What does it feel like when that happens?"

"It depends." Kurt said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes it's because I've spoken a lot but other times it might be because I'm upset or tired or I just can't really speak properly."

Kurt noticed how everytime he spoke, the therapist would write stuff down which sort of made him more nervous. He tried to shut down his thoughts and focus more on trying to speak, even though he was barely audible at times.

"I've noticed that throughout the session you've been playing with your hands, is that something you do a lot when you find speaking nerve-wracking or difficult?" A nod from Kurt. "Do you do anything else, physically, when you feel like you can't speak properly?" A shake of Kurt's head. "Judging by what I saw when Blaine brought you here when you were twelve, whenever you're finding speaking difficult you look for comfort or...reassurance in the people you're comfortable with?" Another nod. "This may be a little hard right now because I can tell that you're starting to close off a little, but do you think you could try and tell me how you're feeling in terms of your speech right now?"

"It's like...I'm tripping over my words. Everything's kind of becoming jumbled up and it feels overwhelming... kind of."

"Okay...so I'm gonna start setting you challenges from next week. They'll just be little things to help you become more confident with your speech and you'll keep a journal where you can write anything that you're feeling in terms of your speech; if you think you've had a bad day or if you think you've had a really good day and things like that, okay?" Kurt nodded, starting to fiddle with his hands a little more. "Okay, that's the end of the session then. I think that you did really well for your first session, considering you find speaking as hard as you do."

Kurt mumbled out a tiny 'thank you' as he shlyly left the therapist's office, letting out a shaky breath as he reunited himself with Blaine and Elliot. Elliot immediately wrapped his arms around Kurt's trembling figure, the other seventeen year old instantly wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist as he buried his face in Elliot's chest.

"I'm so proud of you." Elliot whispered into Kurt's ear as he held his boyfriend tightly in his arms for a few moments.

They eventually made their way back home, Elliot staying at Kurt's as they had previously arranged. Kurt didn't speak at all that night, as expected, but instead cuddled up with Elliot and watched movies until he eventually fell asleep in the safe arms of his boyfriend.


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