June 18, 2012, 3:25 p.m.
Coffee Shop Soundtrack: Chapter 11 - Apartment
E - Words: 2,641 - Last Updated: Jun 18, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: Mar 29, 2012 - Updated: Jun 18, 2012 1,076 0 1 0 0
So it was about ten when Kurt walked out his door and headed to his boyfriends apartment, praying that he wouldn't be too mad. (Though he couldn't blame him if he was.)
With every step closer to Hayden's house, Kurt got more and more nervous and scared. He didn't want to lose his boyfriend, not over something like this. He had never seen himself as the type to cheat – he had always thought that he was above it. But apparently, Blaine made him do things that he never thought he'd do.
Stop thinking about Blaine. You need to be worrying about Hayden right now.
He shook his head, trying to get Blaine out of his thoughts. Thinking about Blaine too much was what got him where he was, anyway. He had been worrying about him so much that he had forgotten about how his boyfriend might feel.
Kurt made his way up the stairs toward Hayden's apartment and almost ran into someone on his way up, which scared him even more, because he already had too much on his mind. He then found himself standing at Hayden's door and he took a few deep breaths before knocking quickly.
Hayden answered the door almost immediately, smiling, "Hey babe." He smiled and kissed Kurt quickly before stepping aside and letting him in. "How was your day?"
"It was okay," Kurt replied, trying to sound cheerful.
Hayden motioned for Kurt to sit next to him on the couch, and when he did, Hayden turned to him, "Alright, so what's so important that you couldn't wait?" He was smiling. That part killed Kurt the most. He had no idea what was coming. He didn't even think it was something bad.
Kurt sighed, "I don't really know how to say it…"
Hayden seemed to finally see the pain in Kurt's eyes, and his brows furrowed in confusion. He took Kurt's hands, "Babe, what's wrong?"
"Look, before I say it, I want you to know that I love you, okay?" Hayden just kept studying his face, wondering what was going on, but nodded. Kurt took a shaky breath before continuing, "So you know how I was out with Ashley and her friends and Blaine last night?"
"Yeah…"
Kurt could see the hurt already in his eyes, like he knew that what he was about to tell him was going to be bad. Kurt looked down, "Well, I walked Blaine home last night before I went home. And I was drunk. And before I left, I kissed him…"
Hayden immediately let go of his hands, "You what?"
Kurt could feel himself on the verge of tears at the look on his boyfriend's face, but he knew he had to continue, "It was stupid. I wasn't thinking. And when I got up this morning, the first thing I thought about was you and how it would make you feel. I fucked up, and I understand if you're mad."
Hayden's hurt suddenly turned into anger. "I knew that there was something up with that guy. I knew he liked you. He only went out with you to get you drunk and take advantage of you, Kurt."
"What?"
"Don't you get it?" Hayden hissed.
Kurt shook his head frantically, "Hayden, no. That's not it."
"You're too trusting, Kurt," He continued, fuming.
"Stop, Hayden," Kurt said, his voice shaky, "Blaine didn't take advantage of me. I got drunk and I made a mistake. I kissed him." He thought back to the kiss and when they parted. Then he thought about the way that Blaine had kissed him back, passionate and needy. "He didn't kiss me back." Kurt didn't know why he was lying for Blaine. Maybe it was because he didn't want him to get more involved that he already was, or maybe it was because he didn't want to hurt him more, but either way, he protected him.
"You're seriously defending him?" Hayden almost yelled, standing. "I really don't give a shit who kissed who, Kurt. You two kissed, and now you're defending him. You really need to think about how you're sounding right now."
"Hayden, please listen to me," Kurt begged, "I came here to tell you because I love you and I didn't want to lie to you."
"You shouldn't even be here telling me this right now, Kurt. Because if you just had half a fucking brain, maybe you would have been smart enough not to go out drinking with another guy if you had no self control." Hayden was yelling, but he wasn't crying. He was mad.
His words hit Kurt hard, and he sat on the couch for a moment, trying to stop himself from crying before he spoke up again, "I know I messed up, Hayden. But I wanted you to know, because I want to be honest with you."
"Well then be honest with me, Kurt," Hayden snapped back, "Do you like him?"
Kurt wiped the tears away from his eyes, "What?"
"Do you have feelings for Blaine?" Hayden asked, leaning in close to Kurt's face.
"I-" Kurt stopped himself. He knew that he should just lie and say no. Hayden was already mad enough as it was, and Kurt shouldn't have hesitated to add on to it, but he did. He sighed, "I don't know."
"Get out."
"W-what?" Kurt stuttered, trying to keep more tears back.
"Get the fuck out of my house." Hayden clarified, pointing toward the door.
"Wait, Hayden," Kurt pleaded, "Let's just talk this out. Please."
"I think you've said enough," Hayden whispered harshly, then stormed to the door and opened it, "Now. Leave."
Kurt stood from the couch, his legs shaking as he walked to where Hayden was standing. "Please don't do this," He begged one last time, unable to keep the tears back as they streamed down his face.
With that, Hayden placed both of his hands on Kurt's shoulders and shoved, pushing Kurt out the door. He gave Kurt one last cold look before slamming the door in his face, leaving him alone in the hallway. "Please," Kurt whispered again, his voice cracking, even though he knew it was useless and Hayden couldn't even see him.
He stood there, trying to gather himself and failing. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Kurt realized that it was useless. Hayden wasn't going to come back to the door. He wasn't going to come around and run out into the hallway and tell him that it was okay.
Kurt turned and slowly made his way back down the hallway. When he reached the stairs, the person he had ran onto on the way up was sitting on them, and he watched Kurt as he walked down the stairs, which made Kurt feel even worse. The last thing he wanted was someone to see him looking the way he did.
Kurt wanted to go home and just lay in his bed in cry, but he didn't want to see Rachel. He didn't want to hear her tell him that she was sorry and hug him, because he knew that would only make him feel worse. Instead of going home, Kurt found himself walking. He didn't know where he was going, but his legs kept carrying him numbly down the sidewalk.
It wasn't until Kurt found himself standing in front of a familiar apartment building that he realized where he had walked to. It was Blaine's apartment building. He wanted to kick himself for going there, of all places, but he didn't. Instead, he opened the door and stepped into the warm building. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, wondering what to do. He could either sit inside for a bit and warm up, then head home, or he could go upstairs and risk talking to Blaine. He didn't see how it would help at all, but he found that he was trying to talk himself into doing it. Even though Blaine was probably pretty mad at him and definitely feeling hurt, just the thought of talking to him made Kurt feel better. He also decided that he needed to try to right things with someone, since both Blaine and Hayden were now disappointed in him.
Despite his better judgment, Kurt made his way up the stairs and to Blaine's door. He took a shaky breath, then knocked. It took a few seconds, but Kurt could hear footsteps crossing the apartment, and just prayed that it wasn't Trent. The footsteps paused when they reached the door, and Kurt realized (to his dismay) that the person on the other side was probably looking through the peep hole and probably didn't like what they saw. A few more awkward seconds passed before the door finally opened, revealing Blaine standing on the other side, wearing sweats and a baggy long sleeved shirt. He was quiet as he stared at Kurt's tear streaked face, waiting for him to speak first.
Kurt smiled awkwardly, "Hey."
Blaine nodded in return, his face blank, "Hey."
"Uhm…" Kurt looked down, shuffling his feet, "Can I come in?"
Though Blaine wanted so badly to take some advice that Trent had given him earlier in the day about not being too nice, he sighed, "Yeah, sure."
The two of them sat down in the living room where Blaine had been watching a movie. Kurt looked around, "Where's Trent?"
"Alseep," Blaine answered softly. When Kurt was just quiet, Blaine decided to speak up again, "Kurt, why are you here?"
Kurt looked down, ashamed of himself. He didn't really even know why he had come to Blaine. "I fucked up," He finally let out. Blaine was quiet as he waited for Kurt to continue. Kurt sniffled, "I uh… I told Hayden what happened last night, and he kicked me out of his house."
"Why are you telling me this?" Blaine asked, not really caring if it came off as rude.
Kurt sighed, "I don't know. I guess I couldn't go back home yet, and you were the only person who came to mind."
As broken as Kurt sounded, and as badly as Blaine wanted to make him feel better, he knew that Kurt would have to work it out for himself. He had decided that he couldn't keep being the good guy that people used. "I don't know what you want me to say," He said numbly, "You made it pretty apparent that you don't want to be with me."
Kurt wiped away a few tears that had fallen, "About that…" When the words left his mouth, Blaine turned to look at him, curious. "I lied," Kurt choked out, "I didn't just kiss you because I was drunk, Blaine. I really do like you. I had been wanting to do that for a while…"
"Then why did you lie?" Blaine asked, still not really getting what Kurt was trying to prove by telling him anything.
"I didn't want to hurt you anymore," Kurt said, eyes meeting Blaine's, "I didn't want to drag you down into my stupid confusing mess even more than I already had… And now I'm here doing exactly that, and I'm sorry, but I just didn't know what else to do…"
Kurt had started crying again, and even though Blaine knew he shouldn't, he wrapped him tightly in a hug. He could feel the wetness of Kurt's tears on his shirt, but he didn't mind as he rubbed his back and calmed him down. As badly as he wanted to tell Kurt to fuck off, like Trent had done, it wasn't that simple anymore. He knew that Kurt felt bad, and he couldn't do that to him.
When the two pulled apart, Kurt smiled sadly, tears still streaking down his face. Blaine leaned forward again and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the tears off of Kurt's face. When he was done, the two boys were inches apart, watching eachother and waiting for the other to move.
Despite the voices in his head screaming at him not to, Blaine leaned forward yet again and cupped Kurt's chin in his hand. When he didn't see any doubt in Kurt's eyes, he closed the small gap between them and pressed his lips to Kurt's. He didn't know why he did it; maybe it was the look on Kurt's face, or maybe it was just that Blaine wanted to make him feel better. If he had thought about it for a second more, he probably wouldn't have, but there was no going back. Kurt's hand found his way to Blaine's and he intertwined their fingers like he had the night before, and sighed into the kiss, relaxing.
Blaine pulled away after a few seconds, and that was supposed to be it. Just one kiss. He already knew that he was making a mistake by kissing him. But then Kurt was leaning in again, bringing their lips back together, and Blaine couldn't help but kiss back. The kiss was needy and Kurt's tongue darted out against Blaine's lips, asking for permission into his mouth. Despite his better judgment, Blaine tilted his head and opened his mouth just slightly, and then all he could taste was Kurt. Their mouths moved together as they kissed, and Kurt's hand found its way to the back of Blaine's neck, where it gripped his curls slightly, deepening the kiss.
They parted for just a split second and when Blaine didn't stop him, Kurt leaned in for another kiss. This time, he pushed lightly and Blaine took the hint and laid down on the couch. Kurt was straddling him, unsure of what he was doing or why he was doing it, but he couldn't stop. He kissed Blaine, his tongue exploring his mouth before sucking his bottom lip gently into his mouth, earning a whimper from the boy underneath him. Taking that as a good sign, Kurt moved from his mouth to his neck, kissing and biting as his hands moved lower down Blaine's body.
When his hands reached Blaine's sweats, he attempted to tug down, and that was when Blaine finally regained control of his body. He had known that he shouldn't have let Kurt kiss him, but he let it happen. The second that Kurt pulled on his sweats, though, it was as if something clicked inside of him. His hands found Kurt's and he attempted to pull them away, "Kurt, stop." Kurt didn't seem to hear him and just kept kissing his neck, so Blaine pushed on his chest, "Stop."
Kurt sat up immediately, eyes wide, knowing he had done something wrong, "But…"
Blaine ran a hand through his hair as he sat up too, "I can't, Kurt…" He watched as the other boy realized what he was talking about, "I can't be that person again. And I can't be a rebound. If you're still with Hayden, we can't." He was already kicking himself for kissing Kurt again, but there was nothing he could do to change it.
"I know…" Kurt sighed. He had known the kiss was a bad idea, but once he had started, he couldn't stop.
"We probably shouldn't talk until you figure this out…" Blaine finally said, even though it pained him.
"But…" Kurt started, trying to think of a legitimate argument.
"I just can't do this to myself again," Blaine said, mostly to himself, but Kurt heard it too.
"I'm sorry, Blaine…"
"Can you please leave?" Blaine asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. As much as he didn't want to be the second person to kick Kurt out in one night, there was no other choice.
Without a word, Kurt stood from the couch and walked across the room. He took one last glance and Blaine, who hadn't moved, then walked out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him.
Comments
OMG my heart is breaking for BOTH of them!! Kurt needs to make up his mind and run screaming back to Blainers!!