June 18, 2012, 3:25 p.m.
Coffee Shop Soundtrack: Chapter 10 - Please Head North
E - Words: 2,270 - Last Updated: Jun 18, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: Mar 29, 2012 - Updated: Jun 18, 2012 1,130 0 0 0 0
Kurt.
It had seemed like a dream at the time, but now that he was awake and sober, Blaine had a moment to process what had happened the night before. Kurt had kissed him. And then he kissed Kurt.
Oh, fuck.
So that's what Trent had meant about not doing anything he'd regret. Not that he regretted the kiss. God no. But he knew it probably wasn't the best idea. Kurt had a boyfriend.
Blaine was quickly, and thankfully, pulled out of his thoughts by Trent's voice floating down the hallway. "Blaine, if you're up there's pancakes and bacon. I'm sure you need food."
Blaine couldn't help but smile to himself. He had the best friend and roommate ever. He pulled himself out of bed slowly without bothering to throw on a shirt, and made his way slowly down the hallway. Surprisingly, he wasn't too hung-over – just thirsty and hungry. Trent glanced up from the table as Blaine entered the kitchen and smiled, "Morning."
Blaine rubbed his eyes sleepily before sitting down and returning the greeting. He managed to get away with eating a pancake and downing a glass of orange juice before Trent spoke up again, "So… how was your night?"
He shook his head at his roommate's curiosity, "It was good."
"You had fun?"
"Yeah," Blaine replied, nodding and pouring more orange juice into his glass, "Kurt's friends were all really nice."
"And Kurt?"
"It was fine, Trent," Blaine reassured. As much as he wanted to tell him what had happened, he knew that he was just going to get a big "I told you so" from him.
Somehow, probably because Blaine was sleepy and cranky and bad at lying, Trent saw right through it, "Oh my god what happened?"
Blaine shook his head, "Nothing."
"By the look on your face right now, it sure as hell doesn't look like nothing," he pressed.
Blaine was quiet for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to tell Trent what had happened. As much as he didn't want to, he could use some advice or an outside opinion. He took a deep breath, "He kissed me last night."
"I knew it!" Trent declared, almost happy that he was right, "I totally knew it."
Blaine laughed, "Do you want an award?"
Trent seemed to ignore his comment, "So what do you think about it?"
"The kiss? Well he wasn't bad, but we were both drunk so…" Blaine trailed off, joking, but by the look Trent's face, he wanted a serious answer. "I don't know." Blaine shrugged. He honestly didn't. He wanted to be happy that this incredibly attractive and perfect boy liked him back and had kissed him, but at the same time, he was worried. Kurt had a boyfriend. A really good looking, nice boyfriend. "I want to be happy, but he still has a boyfriend…"
"And you don't want to be that guy again," Trent finished, taking a drink of his juice.
Blaine nodded in agreement, his mind wandering back to his last relationship, if he could even call it that. Shawn had used him for months without even taking into consideration Blaine's feelings or the fact that he had a boyfriend. On Valentine's Day, Blaine had wanted to do something with what he thought was his boyfriend. When Shawn never answered his phone, Blaine had decided to get food by himself, and that was when he had seen Shawn and his boyfriend together. After telling him that he never wanted to hear from him again, Blaine had deleted his number from his phone that night and never talked to him again. It hurt too much. He had felt used, and it felt awful.
"Have you talked to him at all since last night?" Trent asked, shaking Blaine out of his thoughts.
Blaine shook his head no, "I probably shouldn't."
To Blaine's surprise, Trent just shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe you should. You have the right to know what he's feeling."
"I don't want to come between him and his boyfriend," Blaine argued quietly, and tried to go back to eating.
"He brought you between him and his boyfriend when he kissed you, Blaine. I'm sick of seeing you just let yourself be pushed around. I know that's how you are, but you need to stop. It's not right."
Blaine couldn't help but feel like he had the same conversation with Kurt the night before, and he swallowed hard, "Fine. I'll call him later."
To be honest, Blaine was somewhat dreading it. He didn't want to confront Kurt. He didn't want to put him in that situation, but there was a voice (probably Trent's) in the back of his head telling him that Kurt had put himself in that situation.
It was about one or two when Trent emerged from Blaine's room with his phone in his hand and brought it to Blaine, who was in the living room watching a movie. "Call him," He insisted, sitting down next to him.
Blaine sighed, took the phone, and found Kurt's number. He sat there, just staring at the contact and trying to think of what he would say, until Trent leaned over and pressed the call button for him. Panicked, Blaine held the phone up to his ear and listened to it ring. After the fourth ring, he shook his head, "He's not going to answer." And sure enough, it went to Kurt's automated voicemail.
"What a dick," Trent sighed out.
"I'll give him a few to call back," Blaine said, setting his phone down beside him.
"You're too nice." Trent looked at him for a moment before turning to the TV when Blaine didn't argue it. He knew he was too nice. Sometimes he wished he wasn't, but he had decided that it was probably for the best.
It was about thirty minutes later when Blaine's phone buzzed and Trent almost leaped over him to read the text with him.
"We need to talk about last night."
Trent scoffed, "No shit."
Blaine replied quickly, "Yeah, we do."
He didn't get a text for a few minutes and he turned to Trent, "Should I call him again?"
"He can call you."
Instead, Blaine's phone just buzzed, signaling another text.
"Blaine…"
Trent shook his head in disbelief, "What, he doesn't have the balls to call you?" He was about to say something else when the phone vibrating again cut him off.
"I was drunk."
Blaine and Trent shared a look before Trent stood, "That's his fucking excuse?"
As Trent was standing over him, Blaine replied, "So that didn't mean anything to you?"
A few minutes passed, then the phone vibrated again.
"I have a boyfriend."
Then again.
"I like you, Blaine. But that kiss was a mistake. I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry."
Blaine sighed and tossed his phone to the side. "Well, that's that."
Trent grabbed his phone and read the two texts before shaking his head, "No. That's fucked up. You're really just going to take that?" Normally, Blaine would have found it comical that Trent was getting worked up enough for the two of them, but he was too numb.
"What else am I supposed to do?" Blaine asked, shrugging, "He has a boyfriend."
Trent held up the phone, "May I?"
"Sure." With Blaine's permission, Trent started typing out a text in response to Kurt. As he typed, Blaine sat on the couch, trying not to be mad at Kurt. He knew that he had a boyfriend. He didn't have to return the kiss. He could have easily told Kurt no, but he didn't. It was his fault too.
"Here," Trent said, showing Blaine the phone, "Is that okay?"
"Hey Kurt. This is Trent. Since he won't stand up for himself, I will. So please, if you're just going to treat him like shit, then stay the hell away from him. He doesn't need to go through something like this again. Lose his number. He doesn't need to deal with your crap. Good luck with the boyfriend."
"Can I?" It hadn't been sent yet, but he was getting ready to.
Blaine shrugged, "Sure."
When Kurt received the last message, he was torn between sending a snarky reply or punching himself repeatedly in the face. He tossed his phone across his bed and laid down, deciding that neither would be a very good idea. He felt stupid. So, so stupid.
He felt stupid for kissing Blaine in the first place. And he felt stupid for what he had just said to him. It was a lie. They didn't just kiss because he was drunk – sure the alcohol definitely gave him the balls to do it, and had he not been drunk, he would have had the self control not to. But alcohol or no alcohol, he couldn't deny that he had some feelings for Blaine.
The text from Trent made him feel even worse, because he knew that Blaine was probably beating himself over it when it wasn't his fault at all. Kurt took full responsibility for the kiss, but he couldn't tell Blaine that, and he felt like a coward. For the first time in his life, he felt like a coward. He had always been so proud and open about who he was and what he wanted, and for once, he wasn't, and it scared him.
Kurt found himself wanting to able to be honest with Blaine, but as long as he had a boyfriend, he knew he couldn't. He couldn't lead Blaine on, or risk losing control around him again, and if that meant that he had to lie to him to push him away, he would do it, no matter how much it hurt him. Because it was for the best. Right?
Eventually, his thoughts went to Hayden.
Fuck.
Hayden had known that Kurt was going out with his friends and he had even known that Blaine was going, but Kurt had insisted that they were just going as friends. Now he had to figure out how to tell his boyfriend of almost two years that he had kissed someone else. In Kurt's mind, there was no not telling him. He couldn't do that to him.
He sighed and got off his bed, leaving his phone there, and went to tell Rachel. Hopefully she would know what he should do.
When Kurt walked into the kitchen, Rachel was busy cleaning dishes, and appeared to have just eaten lunch. "Rachel?"
"Yes?" She replied cheerfully, turning to look at him.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"Does it have anything to do with why you've been moping around all day, or are you just hungover?" She asked jokingly, setting down a bowl she had been cleaning. She leaned against the counter, smiling sweetly at Kurt, who was sitting opposite of her on a barstool.
"Actually, yeah, it does," Kurt replied honestly, which caused Rachel's smile to immediately fade at his tone.
She was suddenly serious when she saw the look on Kurt's face. "Alright what is it?"
"I kissed Blaine last night," He blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer. Even though he should have felt bad saying it, he almost liked how it sounded. He immediately shook the thought from his head.
Her mouth was hanging open, and for once in her life, Rachel Berry was speechless. She wanted to jump up and down and celebrate because Kurt had finally kissed Blaine, but she knew that was wrong. He still had a boyfriend, and he was obviously confused. She needed to be a friend first and a matchmaker second. When she finally regained composure, she managed to speak. "Spill."
Kurt ran his hands through his hair nervously, "I don't know, Rachel. It just felt so perfect at the time, and he was opening up to be and being all adorable and perfect, and his lips just looked so…"
"Perfect?" Rachel supplied, unable to contain her little smile.
He sighed, "I messed up."
"How drunk were you?"
"I don't know," Kurt replied, thinking, "I definitely wasn't wasted. I knew what I was doing."
"What made you want to kiss him?" Kurt was surprised by Rachel's questions. He had expected her to freak out initially, then give him a hard time, then tell him that he needed to tell Hayden. He hadn't been expecting this. She didn't even seem disappointed. That was a first.
"We were talking, and he really opened up to me, and I had never seen that side of him. I don't know, Rachel. It just felt so right. I had to stop myself from holding his hand on the way back to his apartment." He sighed, "It's like…"
"He's the right person, but the wrong time?" She finished again, reading his thoughts.
He nodded, "Exactly."
"Do you want to be with him?"
Kurt sighed, "I'm with Hayden, Rachel."
"That's not what I asked," She pressed, "I asked if you want to be with Blaine."
"I don't know… There's just something about him. I feel like he's the kind of person I've always been looking for…" He looked down, "But it's not right. I can't do that to Hayden. I love him."
She watched Kurt, "So you're going to tell Hayden?"
"Of course," He sighed, "I can't lie to him."
"Have you talked to Blaine about it?"
He nodded, "I told him that I had a boyfriend. That I liked him, but I had a boyfriend."
She turned and resumed doing her dishes as he talked. She wanted Kurt to figure it out on his own, but she also wanted to tell him that maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone if he couldn't figure out what he wanted. She also wanted to tell him that the reason that he kissed Blaine was because they were perfect for eachother. Blaine was the kind of guy he had been looking for since high school, he just didn't see it yet. She sighed, "And did he reply?"
Kurt glanced back toward his room, "No."