Behind Blue Eyes

It had been almost a week since Kurt's reconciliation with Blaine. Since then Blaine had been at Kurt's side constantly, doing all the things he knew Kurt liked. Singing with him was one thing, feeding him Ben and Jerry's ice cream straight from the tub was another. On the Friday night, they were doing a little of both.

Blaine lay on Kurt's bed, his back leaning against the headboard, with the ice cream and spoon. Kurt had sprawled out on the bed, his head on Blaine's lap, and together they sang along to one of their mix Cd's.

'No one knows what it's like,' Blaine smiled down as he put the spoon to Kurt's mouth, 'to be the bad man.'

'To be the sad man,' Kurt sang back as he licked the spoon clean.

'Behind blue eyes.' They finished together. As the song went on, Blaine cocked his head to the side. 'Kurt, you have blue eyes. This song may have been for you.'

Kurt scoffed and steered Blaine's hand to spoon himself some more ice cream. 'I doubt it. I'm not that angry; I don't need a song written for me to deal with my issues.' It took a moment for him to realise how inappropriate that comment might have been; only days previously Blaine had lost his temper and struck him. Kurt pretended he hadn't noticed his slip up and nudged his head further into his boyfriend's lap. Blaine had stared at him for a few moments, his expression unreadable. Seconds later he leaned down and kissed Kurt's forehead. The other boy smiled up at him and used his finger to cover Blaine's nose in ice cream. Blaine laughed and wiped it off before resting his hand near Kurt's cheek. It took a little while for Kurt to notice his cheek was being stroked; Blaine had started off so gently that even his slightly sensitive skin did not sense it at first. It soon began to tingle uncomfortably and Kurt tried to slyly edge away. It wasn't like it hurt; it just…made him feel nervous that Blaine would touch it so easily. Like a criminal coming back to the scene of the crime. Kurt’s cheek was still noticeably darker than the rest of his face.

'Something wrong?'

Kurt blinked in surprise. Blaine was staring down at him, fingers still stroking his cheek without pause. 'No, why?'

'You just pulled away.' Blaine replied. His voice wasn't soft, like perhaps Kurt would have assumed it would have been. It was almost accusative.

'My skin is still a little sensitive there, that's all.' Kurt gave him a small, reassuring smile in the hope that it would end there. It didn't. Blaine's other hand rested on Kurt's throat. It curved around his neck and, although he wasn't being rough, it was clearly intended to put Kurt on edge. The stroking on his cheek became firmer as Blaine’s thumb slowly presses against it. Kurt tried to shift his head away without making a big deal about it, but found himself wincing at the grip. 'Blaine, that's getting painful.'

Blaine smiled sweetly at him. 'Baby, I'm not doing anything. Maybe you're thinking too much?' The hand on his throat pressed down. It still wasn't hard enough to cause Kurt breathing problems but it was still worrying. Kurt shifted once more only to be forced back onto Blaine's lap. 'Shh-shh, Kurt, you’re getting yourself worked up.' Blaine said in his calm, controlling voice. 'Perhaps this is what leads you to overreact, like you did last week?'

Kurt felt chest tighten. Hadn't they agreed to not talk about that? Moreover, hadn't they both agreed that it was Blaine who was to blame? Kurt swallowed, only to notice Blaine's smile widening as he felt the gulp beneath his hand. 'I want up.' Kurt said firmly.

'But then you'll think there's something wrong.' Blaine said. His tone was of reasoning; the type Kurt was used to placing all of his trust in. It was hard to hear this tone whilst being so nervous at his words. 'I think you should just let me touch you.' Kurt felt himself being pulled up and onto Blaine's lap. Feeling this was much easier to get away from; Kurt pushed himself off of Blaine and made for the edge of the bed. 'Kurt - stop being a baby!'

Kurt ignored him, and honestly thought he would soon be falling to the floor but instead he found himself choking as his collar was pulled back. Blaine yanked him so hard Kurt choked and coughed as his hands flew to his throat. Blaine had let go now that he had his boyfriend back in his arms, but there was still a red line around Kurt's neck from where his collar had cut into him. Blaine chuckled as Kurt felt around his throat. 'You shouldn't have tried to escape. That wouldn't have happened to you.'

'It wouldn't have happened if you had just let me go.' Kurt snapped back, rubbing his skin. He glared at Blaine, but was not going to make another getaway attempt so quickly now. Obviously Blaine wanted him here, and wasn't going to mind how he got Kurt to stay put.

'Why would I let you go?' Blaine asked as he kissed at his boyfriend's neck. 'You look so pretty, all flushed like that. Even your cheek has lit up for me.' His finger was back to stroking his face and the throbbing returned almost instantly.

Kurt tried to feel around his pockets. His phone wasn't on him. Even if it was, Kurt knew he'd need to be away from Blaine if he wanted to use it. 'Seriously, Blaine, if you don't let me up I'll be forced to start shouting for someone.' Kurt was slightly ashamed he was playing that card so soon, especially since one of his neighbouring dorm rooms was vacant, but Blaine was stronger than him and was being too scary right now for Kirt to rationalise.

To make matters worse, Blaine just laughed into him softly. 'You're going to cry, baby?' He murmured in his ear. 'Go ahead. Have them break the door down. What will they see? Hmm?' He nipped Kurt's ear as he lowers his voice further. 'Just you and me. In bed. Ice cream. Music. You looking so deliciously flushed, with nothing to show them but a little red mark on your face which everyone knows has been there all week. Go on, Kurt, cry for someone.'

Kurt could feel the smirk against his skin. The calm and slightly mocking tone make his nerves shake. Blaine was right. He hadn't done anything. The red line on his throat was probably barely there now, if it hadn't already disappeared completely. A couple of people had eventually asked about his cheek that week and Kurt had succeeded in convincing them Finn had accidently hit him with a football during his visit home. What else did he have? 'Help me, my boyfriend keeps touching me!'? It sounded pathetic, even to Kurt.

Kurt swallowed again but otherwise was quiet. Blaine chuckled a little more at his silence, and his hand moved to cup his face. 'That's what I thought. Now, why don't we make up, hmm?' Kurt didn't have long to wonder what he meant by that as Blaine's second hand shamelessly groped him over his jeans.

'I-I don't want to.' Kurt said weakly, 'I'm not in the mood now.'

The groping didn't stop, and instead the petting got heavier. Blaine's talented fingers had slipped between his zipper and showed no signs of stopping. 'We'll just have to change that, won't we?'

'Blaine-please…'

'Shh, come on, Kurt… It's me. All I want to do,' He squeezed him firmly, 'is have you and make you happy.'

Before Kurt could voice another protest, Blaine pushed him back on the bed and moved to straddle him. No amount of pushing, shoving or pleading seemed to make any difference.

N-no, God, please, don't let him-I can't be-!

There was a sudden loud knock on the door, breaking Kurt from his petrified thoughts and Blaine from his boyfriend's body. For a long moment, they stared at each other. There was a second and then a third knock on the door, followed by a bored voice.

'Kurt, is Blaine there? Blaine, the Warblers need you to sign off for our new Pavarotti. The guy said since you bought it online, you have to sign for it.'

Kurt looked amazed and relieved, which seemed to anger Blaine more.

'Trent, I'll get to it later!' He called back in his controlled tone.

'No can do. We don't sign for it now, it'll get sent back to the shop. Post office won't keep a bird.'

Blaine growled and swore loudly as he pushed himself off of Kurt. Kurt immediately pulled his legs up to his chest and scooted to the furthest side of the bed. Trent could be heard out in the corridor singing to himself, like most Warblers did.

'Fucking idiots, can't do anything themselves.' Blaine muttered as he straightened himself up a bit. When he was satisfied with his reflection in the mirror, he turned to Kurt. 'Don't get too comfortable, baby; I'm not done with you.'

Kurt could only swallow hard as he watched Blaine leave the room. Trent didn't have any time to look through at him before the door was slammed shut. 'Hey, Blaine, you okay? I wasn't interrupting, was I?' Trent could be heard saying. He was probably smiling suggestively at that point.

'Yes, you were interrupting. Now where is that bird - I want it signed for so I can get back.'

Kurt leapt from his bed to the door when he couldn't hear their voices anymore. Part of him worried if Blaine had heard the loud click of his door locking securely. No. No, that would be impossible. The first Blaine will know is when he comes back.

The thought terrified Kurt more. Blaine had already proven last week that he could get into his locked room. Now this time, he'll be mad that Kurt deliberately tried to lock him out.

Unable to think straight, Kurt decided to put his desk chair up against the door knob, and put a stack of large books on the seat. At least if someone was to get in they would make a noise. I shouldn't have to do this. I shouldn't be this scared. This is what I moved school to avoid!

He shakily returned to sit on his bed. The ice cream had melted a fair bit in the tub, and Kurt felt sick just looking at it. What would Blaine do next?

The footsteps coming down the corridor outside Kurt's room might not have seemed any different to the many other footsteps which echoed the halls in the past hour but Kurt knew without a shadow of a doubt that they belonged to Blaine. The click in the heel may have been a slight clue but what convinced him was the sense of direct purpose the steps seemed to have. Kurt pulled his blanket up higher to his chin from his sitting position on his bed. He had barely moved an inch since he had set the chair up against his door. It was like he was afraid any movement would send motion waves which would hit Blaine and remind him where Kurt was. It was stupid but for some reason that did not convince Kurt to drop the precautionary measure of being very, very still.

His nails dug into the material when the footsteps grew louder and then suddenly ceased. Several seconds of total silence ensued. Kurt's eyes were glued to the door, as if expecting it to suddenly be kicked off its hinges. But there was nothing. The doorknob didn't jiggle. There wasn't even the slightest whisper of a tap on the frame. Nothing. And that scared Kurt more. He knew Blaine was still there; still standing just on the other side of the door. He was probably staring right through it to where Kurt was on his bed. The thought made him shakily slide off the bed and press himself into the corner of the room. He still didn't let out a peep.

Then, as suddenly as they stopped, the footsteps started up again. Kurt could hear him continue down the hall and onto the more hollow floorboards leading to the staircase at the end of the corridor.

He was leaving?

An overwhelming sense of relief washed over him, and any notion that for whatever reason Blaine might return were not enough to keep him from letting out a loud, happy sigh. He returned to his bed after double checking the lock on his door and resetting the chair's position under the doorknob. He wrapped the blanket round himself and got himself comfortable at last. To say he slept well that night would be a lie, but the fact he got any sleep at all was a triumph to him.

The Saturday morning's sun promised another beautiful day and the cloudless blue sky seemed to reflect Kurt's mind as he decided what he had to do about his situation. His mother was right when she used to say 'Don't make up your mind about something until you have slept on it.’ Having woken up properly around ten, Kurt spent most of his morning getting himself ready and prepping himself for the first stage of his solution.

The first step was simple. Arrange the meeting. He chose invite Blaine to the Lima Bean Café due to the fact was common territory, unthreatening and, most importantly, very public. Inviting Blaine in person or over the phone was a definite no-no. He didn't want any reason to rethink his plan, and Blaine would most certainly challenge him if he heard Kurt's nervous but firm tone. He text him using as little words as possible:

'We need to talk. Lima Bean at 1pm? -Kurt'

Even though he didn't receive a reply, Kurt made his way to the café just before one o'clock. He ordered his usual and sat at a centralised table. It concerned him there weren't as many people there as he expected, but there was enough.

He sipped his coffee without really tasting it. His nerves were starting up like crazy now and it didn't help when the familiar sound of the café door opening made him glance up to meet Blaine's piercing stare. This is it, Kurt thought as he almost choked on his coffee, time to go through with my decision.

I have to break up with him.

For a moment neither of them looked away. Blaine's expression was serious and dark as his eyes searched Kurt's face for any clues as to what was going on. When the waitress behind the till asked if he was being served, however, his expression turned sweet and playful as he pretended he was in a dream world before ordering his coffee. The waitress laughed with him and flirtatiously slid his cup across the counter, not that anyone but Kurt noticed.

Kurt's palms began to sweat badly when Blaine made his way over to him. All confidence he had that morning seemed to be draining from him the longer Blaine's gaze was on him.

'Hey baby,' Blaine greeted him with a smile. He swooped down and pressed his lips to Kurt's before the other boy could move back. Onlookers would have noted the affection he gave him, with his hand resting behind Kurt's head and his fingers stroking his hair. But Kurt felt something very different. The hand on the back of his head was just there to stop Kurt moving away from his firm and dominating kiss. All he could do was wait until Blaine stepped back and took his seat across from him. 'I'm sorry about last night,' He started in a sweet-sorrow tone, making Kurt shocked that he would apologise in such a fake manner, 'it took longer than expected to set up new Pavarotti's cage. By the time it was completed I thought maybe you would have been asleep.'

Kurt still didn't say anything. Of course Blaine wasn't apologising for what happened in his room. He was apologising for not keeping his word and coming back to finish the job. When he almost… Kurt looked away from him, feeling disgusted. Blaine noticed this and reached over to take his boyfriend's hand. Kurt pulled his hands away, shivering at the feel of Blaine's fingernails lightly scraping on his skin, and clasped them together on his lap.

'Baby, are you cranky?' Blaine asked. 'Did you sleep alright last night? You know what you can be like when you miss out on your beauty sleep.' He leaned down so he could see Kurt's bowed face. Kurt looked the other way and kept his head down.

'I slept as well as I could have.' He said, surprised his voice came out so quiet and timid. He was supposed to be angry and strong. This was a break up. There was no room for weakness in any way.

'I'm sure I could've made you sleep better.' Blaine replied, grinning suggestively as his foot began caressing the back of Kurt's ankle. It was strange how something so playful could have made Blaine seem irresistible only weeks ago, but now made him seem terrifying. Kurt tried to glare at him but found that the most he could do was cross his legs so at least one foot was out of reach.

It was now or never. Any more causal chat could lead to him being afraid to do what he came here to do. Swallowing hard, Kurt raised his head but not his eyes. 'Blaine, I asked you here for a reason,' He said. His voice was set, which made him more confident. If only he could lift his gaze to meet Blaine's…

'Yeah, so you said in your message.' Blaine didn't seem bothered. 'You want to talk.' He leaned forward further, smiling. 'So let's talk.'

Kurt nervously looked up and shyly took in his face. How could something so angelic conceal something which frightened him so much? He fidgeted for a moment as he cleared his throat. 'I want us to break up.'

Kurt was ready for anything. Anger. Confusion. Tears. Pleading. He was dead set on his resolution, and no reaction was going to throw him. If it got too much, his car was right outside. He could still stay home this weekend without his dad or Carole asking too many questions. Blaine couldn't say anything to change his mind.

'No.'

That threw him. Kurt stared across the table at Blaine, who was still smiling at him. 'What?'

'I said no. We aren't breaking up. Hey, do you think they'd let us get the pancake special? I know it's after eleven but I think we can sweet talk the girl into making us-'

Kurt shook his head in disbelief. 'No, no, Blaine, you don't understand.' He pauses until Blaine had stopped searching for the waitress and had looked back to him. 'I'm breaking up with you. That's it.' His voice was stronger now. It was probably due to the shock of Blaine's reaction.

'No, Kurt, you don't understand.' Blaine reached across and took Kurt's hand before he could pull away again. He still looked at him as if Kurt was just being his adorable self making a silly little mistake. 'We aren't going to break up. We're good together. You just aren't seeing that these days.' He waves his hand, 'But that's okay! Baby, every relationship has its ups and downs. The answer isn't always going to be to break up.' He tilted his head to the side and gave Kurt the caring and knowing smile Kurt initially fell in love with. 'We are perfect together. You know that. One of us gets knocked down the other helps him up again.'

'Only you seem to be the one doing all the knocking.' Kurt muttered, his voice wavering.

Blaine's expression darkened for the briefest of moments. It was so fleeting, Kurt wasn't entirely sure if it had been his imagination. But then the warm and loving smile was immediately plastered on Blaine's face. He brought Kurt's hand up to his mouth and he kissed the back of his hand meaningfully. 'I know lately I've been a bit…not myself. But baby, if it's upsetting you this much that you think we shouldn't be together, then I'll stop. I'd do anything for you, Kurt. The last thing I want is to lose you.'

Kurt wasn't sure what to think. He glanced around him as if hoping to see a big banner telling him what to do. No such luck. What he did see were couples huddled together at their respective tables. It was sights like these that had made Kurt depressed before he had met Blaine. It reminded him of how happy he could be with him. For the first time that morning, Kurt considered what it would feel like to go back to that single, lonely life of purely platonic love. And to see him every day… What if Blaine found someone new? Let's face it, he has a much greater chance of finding someone in one week than I do in a lifetime, Kurt thought. It pained him to think of Blaine showering love on anyone else but him.

He finally looked over at the girl behind the counter. She had been watching them, it seems, all that time. Kurt had never seen someone look so jealous - especially not towards him. He looked back to Blaine's loving eyes. Maybe they did have something to fight for?

'Blaine, I…' He swallowed hard, not wanting to appear like the pushover he was. 'I want to try. But…you have to promise never to scare or hurt me like you have.'

Blaine tried to contain his happiness and appear serious when he nodded at Kurt's words. 'I promise. I don't want you to be afraid of me, Kurt.' He kept Kurt's hand by his face so he could kiss it repeatedly. 'Let's just put all of this stuff behind us.'

Kurt nodded, feeling resolved but not proud. He gave him a small smile. One last chance, Kurt told himself. One last chance and that's it. He won't be able to talk himself out of it then.

Kurt had no idea how wrong he was.