"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain, it’s the loneliness of it.

Memories need to be shared.”

~ Lois Lowry, The Giver

“Blaine...” Kurt breathed, his arms pulling his husband closer and his hands smoothing across the tawny golden skin. Blaine sighed as he relaxed under the warm blanket and turned towards Kurt.

“I love being with you under the stars, babe,” Blaine said softly, hating that he could never call the right words to mind in times like this. He felt inadequate to say what he felt, so he drew closer to try to convey his love without those damned elusive words.

“I missed this...” Kurt said, his mouth finding Blaine's neck. He felt his husband's pulse, warm and full of life, under his tongue and his passion for the man grew that much more. He loved the scent of the woods that clung to Blaine's skin no matter where they were. It was a smell of pine and evergreen, of bright and sparkling water, and some kind of primordial lust that couldn't be described in mere words. It was a scent that could never be bottled, a wild scent that sent Kurt's heart beating in his chest like a galloping racehorse. He took a deep breath and kissed under Blaine's jaw, sucking lightly, but not enough to mark him. Kurt hated marking Blaine's golden skin. It was too beautiful to damage.

“More, Kurt...I need you so badly,” he managed to get out, closing his eyes to the swirling stars in his desperation. “I can't do without you, babe, and it has been too long.”

Kurt, ever eager to oblige, ran a hand down Blaine's chest. He stopped momentarily to circle his nipple and when it was standing up and hard as his erection, Kurt rolled his tongue over it to hear the gasp he knew was coming. Blaine placed his hand on the back of Kurt's head and pressed to make him stay there.

“Mmmm,” Kurt hummed, pleased to know he could bring his husband pleasure so easily. He put his lips over the nipple and sucked lightly while he waited for another gasp and a pleased hum.

Moving down, Kurt kissed along his abdomen, Blaine's muscles stretched tight as he arched his back at the things Kurt was doing to him.

Kurt was always in love with Blaine's body – he was short, but didn't appear so with his clothes in a pile on the ground. His legs were a study in raw strength. Kurt knew it was from years of working out for the boxing ring, from miles walked and mules ridden every day, of doing the hard work of living in the lumberjack camp all of his life. While Kurt had definitely grown into his body in ways he could never have done in the city, his muscles were never the same quality as Blaine's.

“Don't tease me, my love....you won't like the retribution if you do that,” Blaine warned. He was in no mood for some light or playful sexy times. He didn't just want Kurt – he needed him.

“I won't – I give you my word. I was just testing the waters,” Kurt whispered in a feverish tone, barely able to stop to speak. He returned to his diligent pursuit of taking Blaine's body.

Gasping for breath, Kurt lifted his head from Blaine's hip bone, making sure once again that his love bites hadn't marred the flesh.

“How do you want this to go?” he asked, happy to do whichever position Blaine wanted.

“Kurt...I want you inside me,” Blaine said. Kurt was glad because he didn't like to talk during sex and the less actual speaking the better. Blaine was just as likely to want to talk it all out before they started and that could put a damper on Kurt's mood.

Kurt pushed the blanket that was covering them back, climbing between Blaine's spread legs to go down on his forearms and kiss at his balls. Moving Blaine's feet and then positioning his knees, Kurt got him ready. By this time, Blaine was trembling, knowing he was in for a night of amazing intimacy with Kurt. He moved his limbs wherever Kurt placed them, loving the wild abandon that came with making love.

Kurt licked down the dark, distinct trail that led from Blaine's abdomen to his cock. Not wanting to pull the blanket all the way off and chill his lover, Kurt pulled the covers over his own shoulders so Blaine was sheltered, too. He took his lover into his mouth for a brief time, stimulating him.

“Oh...I wasn't expecting that,” Blaine squealed, surprised at Kurt getting down to business so quickly. Kurt felt him reach over to the bag he'd brought out, laying the bottle of AstroGlide on the blanket beside Kurt. He waited patiently as Blaine got settled back under the blanket, sighing as Kurt went back to business.

Blaine smelled even better down here, an earthy and lusty odor that was fresh but lacked the pine scent of his shoulders and neck. Kurt took in a lungful, knowing it would stimulate his already stiff cock even more.

In his head, Kurt had intended to go slowly, drag Blaine under his spell and pay homage to every part of his body. The reality of it was much different, but Blaine didn't mind a bit. He'd been horny since last night, but there hadn't been time....

It took a short amount of time for Kurt to prepare Blaine, his husband was so eager for him. Words weren't failing Blaine now as he told Kurt how much he loved him, described in intimate detail what his fantasy had been in the hours on the road today. Kurt wanted to oblige every one of those fantasies, but wasn't sure he could....

He entered Blaine, going slowly and deliberately as he held his breath – ready to pull back at any sign of pain. There was none, and he had buried himself inside the soft, slick, and tight walls of Blaine, letting the amazing heat flow around him as Kurt pulled back just a tiny amount before pressing in again.

“Ah, Kurt....so, so good for me, babe,” Blaine rambled in his love-drunk state of mind. Kurt blushed and continued to chase the friction in tiny increments, watching Blaine's face as he closed his eyes. It was unutterable joy for Kurt to see his lover's face during sex – the total look of joy and pleasure as it came in waves. He could see Blaine's skin shiver with each deep thrust, making his own skin tremble in sympathy.

It was just a few more minutes – though it felt like either seconds or hours by turn – before Kurt knew he was on the very edge.

“Blaine?” he whispered, getting a frantic pair of eyes looking back at him. He could hear the insects humming in the trees, feel the cool breeze waving through the meadow grass. It was a slice of time, frozen in Kurt's mind for just a moment before he heard Blaine reply.

“No...don't stop, honey, I'm almost there....” Blaine panted out. But Kurt stopped. He was buried in as deeply as his body could go when he just stilled. Blaine's hips stuttered, trying to stop but not wanting to. Just another few seconds...

Blaine's hands clasped tightly on Kurt's biceps, the shock of stopping jarring Blaine's body. He looked up at his husband, puzzled.

Then Kurt pulled almost out, slowly, and Blaine gasped. His eyes began to tear up, though Blaine had no idea why, and Kurt leaned down to place a soft, sweet kiss to his lips.

“I love you, Blaine,” he whispered and began again, working up slowly as he thrust in long, deep strokes. He reached down to hold Blaine, sliding his slick hand over his husband's cock, twisting just that little bit at the top and thumbing over the sensitive slit. After a short while, Blaine stilled his husband's hand, smiling up at Kurt. He didn't need the extra stimulation, not now.

It was a very short time before Blaine was on the threshold once more, his voice whining as the tension built, then dropping to a deep moan as the pressure and fire burned through his bones.

“Oh...Kurt...yes, now babe...come with me,” he whispered, gripping Kurt's biceps even tighter. He let himself go, his eyes screwed closed as he came and came and came. Kurt held off, wanting to see Blaine's face, but it wasn't possible for long. He felt his body respond to the emotions – falling down to his elbows as the feeling overtook him. He wanted to kiss Blaine, to tell him how much he loved him, but his whole body was too intent on his orgasm to let in anything else.

It was more than a few moments before Kurt could gasp in a breath and slowly pull out of Blaine. They both flinched as their bodies came apart, as if they protested the disconnection. Kurt always wondered why this was so – he'd never read anything about pain on disconnection, but he didn't worry about it.

Laying side by side, Blaine reached over to hold Kurt's hand. He rolled closer to Kurt for a moment, then reached into his bag and brought out some wet-wipes. He cleaned Kurt up, gently making sure there were no lingering bits of semen to roll into accidentally, then handed some to Kurt to help clean himself up. They got up and flipped the thick blanket over and lay back down, pulling the top wool blanket over them to keep warm.

“Remember not having running water? We had to bathe in a washtub,” Kurt reminisced. Blaine giggled. “I could have used some wet wipes then...”

“You know, we could have walked down the road to the cook house – there are showers in the back next to the bunkhouse,” Blaine said. Kurt glared at him.

“Yeah....when were you going to tell me that?” he asked, a look of mock-betrayal on his face.

“Why would I do anything so foolish? I liked seeing your naked body when we washed up in the evenings,” Blaine grinned.

“I bet you did!” Kurt laughed. He didn't admit it, but he'd liked it, too, in those very first days of getting to know Blaine. He had been so scared and confused after being beaten almost to death in the parking lot at his school, then the bullies had dumped his body in a train car and after 2500 miles or so, he'd been tossed out of the train car, unconscious, to land under the scrub oak at the side of the tracks in a lumber camp in the Oregon wilderness.

Blaine had found him and saved his life, but getting used to living in a log cabin with no water or electricity was difficult and being frightened was no help in getting to understand the cultural differences in the small logging camp.

“I fell in love with you the moment I saw your face, Kurt. I went to look at you, unconscious under the brush, just for curiosity's sake. I honestly thought you were dead,” he told his husband.

“I thought I was, too,” Kurt said with a sad smile. “When I opened my eyes, I saw an angel with curly raven hair and the most soulful amber eyes I could imagine. I fell in love with you, too.”

Blaine leaned over Kurt, kissing him gently. His soft, warm mouth was just what Kurt needed and his arms went around Blaine's shoulders. Blaine settled next to Kurt, his head on Kurt's strong shoulder and they snuggled close.

“I kind of miss the cabin, you know?” Blaine said. He'd lived in that cabin his whole life – first with his father and Cooper, then just Cooper, and eventually alone. He was not even aware he was lonely until he met Kurt and he realized that Kurt was the love of his life and he never wanted to be without him again.

“I was thinking about the cabin. It is only across the road from the house. I had been sketching some ideas in my head – expansions for our house so we can give Jordan his own room. There is no shortage of land, we can build onto the back of the house. I was thinking on the way back home today, though...what if we move the office over to the cabin? We can add some windows and that would be about all we'd need to do. Maybe run an electric line over from the cook house so we could have some light? That would be enough, I think. What about you?”

“Oh, I love that idea. I have felt bad about the cabin – like I abandoned an old friend, you know?” Blaine said, looking a bit embarrassed at his silly sentiment. Kurt kissed his cheek.

“I do know. I have a lot of emotions tied up with that cabin, too – though probably not as many as you do, but they're there all the same,” Kurt said softly, feeling a little shy. While the husbands could talk about anything, they were not used to speaking about certain things and both became shy when that happened. Kurt covered his feelings by pulling back and then kissing Blaine's neck. He loved the scent of Blaine post-sex, especially his neck. He could not get enough of it some days and he could tell that Blaine loved it, too.

“Remember the day we came out here to look at the stars?” Blaine said, feeling the same sort of romantic mood he did then, but minus the nerves.

“Of course I do, honey. How could I forget that?” Kurt replied. “I have a question – how close were you to wanting to name the baby 'Orion'?”

Blaine coughed, being taken by surprise. He tried not to laugh, but it came out like champaign bubbling over. Kurt grinned, loving to see Blaine like this.

“I didn't think of it...or it would probably be his name now!”

“I thought of it, but then I figured Katie would be jealous we didn't name her Cassiopeia.”

Blaine's laughter echoed back from the hills as he let go and laughed until he had to hold his stomach.

“Oh, you are too much,” Blaine giggled.

“Hey, did you know that the first recorded depiction of Orion's belt was on a piece of mammoth ivory with the constellation carved into it? They found it in Germany, in a cave in the Ach valley, and they estimate it is about 36,000 years old,” Kurt said, smiling.

“You always know all the history for everything. I wonder if you would have made a good historian – researching and writing books or teaching at some Ivy League college....” Blaine rambled.

“No. while it might have been interesting, and I love finding out things I didn't know before, I love making things, creating things. That is why I love being an architect – being able to put ideas from my imagination on paper and seeing them come to life. You know, when I was young my grandfather used to make things from wood. Furniture and cabinets and things. I would get bored at Dad's auto shop and walk over on the other side of the block to my grandfather's house and he would show me how to make things. He had a bunch of old tools – a lathe and saws and planes. It was like a wonderland to me,” Kurt reminisced.

“You never told me about that,” Blaine said, clearly interested.

“Well, it was a long time ago. Remember my dad's shop in Lima?” Kurt asked and Blaine nodded his head.

“Well, Grandpa used to own that whole end of the block – I think it was the original farmhouse from generations ago. Anyway, he split the property and stayed in his house and gave the other half to my dad to build the auto shop,” Kurt explained. Blaine smiled. He loved knowing more about Kurt's family – he didn't have many stories of his own family at all.

“So, did Burt grow up learning to do all of that – making things of wood?” Blaine asked. “Oh...or was that your mother's father?”

“No, it was dad's father. Grandpa Hummel had four boys and they all knew a little about woodworking, Dad included. The other three, my uncles, all moved away when they were pretty young. Two of them died in Viet Nam, the other one moved to Canada, so I didn't know any of them.”

“I'm sorry. You know, I don't even know if I have any uncles or aunts. They were never mentioned and my dad never, ever spoke about my mother – much less her family, so I have no idea about any of them,” Blaine said.

Kurt leaned over and hugged his husband. That didn't seem enough, so he lifted Blaine into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around his body.

“I am sorry, baby. I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring them back to you,” Kurt said. He didn't know anything else to say. He'd been devastated when his mother died and he could not imagine the pain of losing both parents. Especially the tragic way Blaine's dad had died, trying to save Lenore from a burning building. He hugged Blaine closer and his husband nestled his head into Kurt's neck and finally let the tears out. He was okay at first, just feeling a little emotional, but the more he tried to let it go, the more of the pent-up emotions overflowed.

Kurt finally laid Blaine down on the blanket and put a wadded up jacket under his head for a pillow. He curled around him, pulling Blaine's back to rest against his chest and wrapped him up in his arms.

“Oh, baby, I am so sorry...I love you and I want to take away this pain, but I don't know what to do,” Kurt murmured in his ear. Blaine took hold of Kurt's forearm and held it, unable to do much more as he cried out all of his anguish and sorrow. He shook and trembled, but never stopped sobbing. When his dad died, Blaine knew it was because he'd tried to save Lenore. Cooper was still young and Mrs. Warner came to take Blaine to live with them.

Maybe that was part of why he wanted Jordan...he'd almost ended up in foster care himself. If Mrs. Warner hadn't taken him in – well, Cooper was only 20. He couldn't have taken care of Blaine and worked, too.

Lenore had been burned badly and had to have surgery on her legs to get skin grafts. When she was home she was following Blaine around, in love with him. He wanted to have nothing to do with her. He blamed her for his father's death, but he couldn't be mean to her, he had too much pity for her pain.

While it was kind of the Warner's to take him in, Blaine was not happy being with them. Mrs. Warner had asked him not to cry anymore because it disturbed Lenore. He got in trouble for talking about how much he missed his dad, it upset Lenore to hear that. He was asked and then told not to express his grief by Mrs. Warner and Cooper was gone most of the time, working in the lumber fields to try and work out his own grief. So Blaine learned to hold in his grief and it sat inside of him, festering until this evening.

“Oh, baby, just cry it all out, there, there. I'm here for you, Blaine, always here just for you,” Kurt tried, wanting Blaine to get it out. It physically hurt Kurt to see Blaine like this, he was such a bright, happy man most of the time. This was breaking Kurt's heart.

Blaine couldn't lay like this anymore. He flipped over to wrap his arms around Kurt. He buried his face in Kurt's neck and sobbed silently, his energy gone. He closed his eyes when Kurt began to rub spiraling circles on his back, resting his cheek on Blaine's temple. He held Blaine close, letting him cry as long as he needed to before he was just worn out. Blaine began to get sleepy and Kurt decided to let him go ahead. He had the baby monitor if he needed to go back into the house.

It was only half an hour later when Blaine hugged Kurt, waking up from a dream he couldn't remember. They were still naked and wrapped close together under the warm woolen blanket.

Without a word, Blaine began to kiss Kurt. He needed Kurt more now than he did earlier in the evening and didn't hesitate to let him know. Kurt was giving Blaine his full attention almost immediately as his husband drew his hands down his chest and started to stroke his cock, rubbing it up against his own fully engorged member. Blaine was delicious and Kurt kissed into his mouth, feeling a bit drunk himself for all the adrenaline surging through his system.

They made love once again, not in too much of a hurry but Blaine's hunger was so voracious that he never slowed down for a moment, devouring his husband's mouth as he pushed inside him, steady as a pendulum clock. Kurt grunted as Blaine thrust deeply, shoving Kurt a few more inches up the blanket. At this rate he'd be on the cold grass in a moment.

“Babe, slow down just a little?” he whispered, but Blaine was not to be deterred and he kept up the steady rhythm he'd set. Sensing the end coming close, Blaine did take Kurt in his hand and pump at the same rate, bringing him closer to his finish.

“Oh, baby, I am so close. Please.....” Kurt begged, though he didn't know what he was begging for – Blaine was doing everything right already.

“Come with me, babe...come with me,” Blaine finally said, bringing himself back to reality. He looked at Kurt, trying to see his face, but the moon wasn't out and the stars – bright as they were – did not illuminate Kurt's beautiful face. Blaine closed his eyes and thought about Kurt's face in all the years they had been making love. He pictured the glow Kurt got when he was about to give in to his orgasm and that was all Blaine needed to finish. He began coming inside Kurt, holding him close as the high took him over. It was enough for Kurt to succumb to the inevitable end of their love making and Kurt's conscious mind left him as he came and came between himself and Blaine.

~

Blaine and Kurt sat on the blanket, looking up at the stars. They had cleaned up and gotten dressed, folded the blankets, repacked Blaine's bag to take back in.

The two were sitting on the grass, still looking at the stars, when Blaine snuggled close to Kurt. His eyes burned like crazy. Kurt kissed over the red and swollen eyelids as he put his arms around his lover.

“Are you okay, baby?” Kurt asked and Blaine nodded.

“I needed to get that out. I know I tear up every year when we go visit Dad's grave, but I never really cried for him after the first couple of weeks. Mrs. Warner didn't want me to disturb Lenore, so I stuffed it so far down inside...” Blaine stopped talking, words failing him. Kurt understood. He'd grieved for his mother since he was eight years old. The difference was that Burt had let him grieve. He had a rage burning inside himself at Mrs. Warner for not letting the little boy cry for his parents, and he understood now why Blaine had avoided Lenore.

Just as Blaine leaned close to kiss Kurt, just as his lips touched his husband's warm, soft mouth...the baby monitor went off.

They heard a thin, desperate cry – not at all like Katura's full-throated bellow.

“Jordan....” was all Blaine said, leaping up and offering his hand to help Kurt up. They grabbed the blankets and bag and headed down the hill to their little log house.

~

Kurt stopped in the kitchen to make a bottle. He was really concerned about this – the former caretakers (he couldn't think of those people as Jordan's parents) of the little boy had never fed him anything but formula. This formula was made of soy protein and that really concerned Kurt. Soy was turning out to be the culprit in so many conditions and diseases later in life. He knew Dr. Wallace had prescribed this, but he was going to talk to her about it. The baby should be eating cereal, vegetables, and fruit - something to supplement the formula. He took out the insta-read thermometer and decided the bottle was ready.

“Here we are, honey bear,” Kurt said, coming into the nursery. Blaine was holding the baby, walking over to the changing table. He changed the very smelly diaper quickly and deposited the used one in the diaper genie. Kurt opened a window to clear out the bad odor.

“That smell is from the soy formula,” he said, a frown on his face. Jordan took one look at his daddy's frown and burst into tears once again.

Blaine finished putting his diaper on and picked him up.

“Tatay's got you, honey. Whatsa matter?” he asked, but he knew.

Kurt came over and held out his hands. He wanted to bond with Jordan, but Blaine had been with him almost since they got the tiny boy from the adoption agency. Blaine understood and handed him over with a kiss to his head.

“Come to Daddy, honey bear,” Kurt cooed, ashamed of himself for frowning when he knew how sensitive Jordan was.

Jordan kept his eyes on Kurt and flinched when his daddy reached for the bottle.

“Blaine, what do you think happened to him? He flinches as if he's afraid of being hit when I raise my arm or we say the old name,” Kurt asked, not saying 'William' out loud. It really upset the baby.

“It might be some sort of abuse? I know he's sensitive about everything. I'll ask JoLinda and Dr. Wallace. Maybe we can take him to get therapy?” Blaine suggested.

“Oh, I know who to ask! Grandma Sophie. She worked with abused kids when she was younger, remember? That's why she got custody of Puck,” Kurt remembered. “I'll call her in the morning. We need to call JoLinda, too, and tell her Jordan's name.”

Kurt snuggled Jordan into his arms and gave him the bottle. He took it, still looking at it with curiosity, which the dads decided must have to do with the temperature.

It wasn't long before he was sound asleep in his daddy's arms, his Tatay rocking in the chair beside him.

“It's funny Katie didn't wake up with all the crying,” Blaine commented, going over to gently stroke her little face. Kurt came to stand next to him, laying Jordan down near her. They stood and watched as Katie moved closer to her twin, Jordan rolling towards her until they were touching. Jordan touched Katie's face and the girl smiled in her sleep.

“I'm so happy JoLinda called us. This is the right thing to do, I know it,” Blaine said, leaning his head on Kurt's shoulder.

“Yes, but I think that in spite of everything that might be hard to do – this is going to be easy for us. Easy because we know we're doing the right thing to keep these two little bundles of joy, these gifts for our hearts, in our lives. I love Jordan already,” Kurt admitted and Blaine nodded his head. He loved the boy, too.