Blaine was looking out the back door of the cabin to see if Kurt was on his way back from the goat shed.

“I'm coming...Hugo knocked over the watering trough and I had to tip it back and fill it again. But here's Betsy and Bossy's contribution, and a hat full of eggs.” Kurt smiled.

“Shannon and Cookie sent over a loaf of bread while you were out in the goat shed,” Blaine added. “I made French toast, do you want syrup or blackberry jam?”

“The jam sounds great. Thanks, Blaine,” Kurt said, sitting down at the table and pouring two glasses of milk. “Wait – are you going to tell me you boiled down the sap from maple trees to make the syrup yourself?”

“Kurt, the entire time you've been here, have you seen one single maple tree? This is a pine forest, Kurt. No maple. I made it from the mulberries. You sure are silly,” Blaine laughed. Kurt just shook his head.

They ate in silence, exchanging smiles and just thinking about the day ahead. They had decided to walk the trap lines to see what might have gotten caught in the snares last night. It was early December now, and Kurt was getting more and more unhappy at not being able to contact his father. It was hard not to let tears collect in his eyes as he thought about the days he had spent with his dad, learning about engines or teaching him how to cook. They didn't have many interests in common, but they didn't need them. It was just hanging together and understanding each other that counted. Kurt had been so nervous about coming out to his dad, but when it happened, his dad was the best dad anyone ever had.

Kurt had been devastated when he lost his mother at the age of eight, but Burt had done his very best to make up for the loss. He was uncomfortable with the idea of gay men, but he realized something most fathers in Kurt's experience didn't realize – that it was his job in life to love Kurt and everything about him. Burt saw that as his guiding light and he never wavered from it. Kurt found tears slowly rolling down his cheeks as he thought about his dad and all the love he gave him. He liked being in Oregon, it was fun and challenging, and he thought he was falling for the bright eyed, curly headed boy across the table from him. But deep in his heart, he really wanted his dad.

“Has there been any word about my dad yet?” Kurt asked when he had his voice under control again.

“I'd tell you if I'd heard anything, Kurt. I'm sorry,” Blaine said, looking down, afraid to meet Kurt's eyes as he hid the lie. “Let's get dressed to go walk the trap lines, I'm craving rabbit. What about you?”

“Sounds good, Blaine.” Kurt got up from the table and put on two pairs of woolen socks. He had thermal underwear and flannel-lined jeans, all courtesy of Cooper. Blaine loaned him a beautiful forest green flannel shirt because it looked so good with his chestnut hair and blue-gray eyes. Blaine spent a lot of time looking at Kurt when he thought Kurt wasn't aware of it. He was fooling himself, because Kurt was very aware of it. He would stand straighter, walk with a bit more sway to his hips, hold Blaine's gaze for a bit too long. Not enough to be obvious, but enough that he thought Blaine noticed.

Blaine did the same thing, wearing his tight shirt that showed off his muscled arms when he was inside the warm cabin, touching his mouth a lot when Kurt was looking at him. Then there was the almost constant contact that Blaine had been doing since the first day. He held Kurt's hand whenever possible, and he had noticed that Kurt did the same thing, reaching for Blaine's hand a lot of the time. They walked close together, touching if possible.

It was instinct to be a bit farther apart when in a crowd of people, or even walking across the camp because they didn't know who they might run into, and a logging camp was so far from real authority it would be foolish bordering on dangerous to flaunt their sexuality in front of some of these men. But the moment they were beyond the tree line into the forest to walk the trap line, or to walk downstream for their favorite fishing spot, or just being in the cabin or goat shed, they were touching.

Blaine missed his brother and his father. They had all been so close when Blaine was growing up, always touching – a hand thrown across a shoulder, sleeping with legs tangled together. When his dad died and Cooper began to be gone to the outlying timber harvesting camps, Blaine was alone. He might have been with a girlfriend or a boyfriend if he lived in a city, but here it was impossible. He got hugs from Shannon, who instinctively knew how much Blaine craved the close contact, but Blaine was lonely. Finding Kurt that day changed his life. He could bury himself in Kurt's neck, feeling safe and loved – even if he didn't know how Kurt really felt about him. It was mother's milk to him to have somebody to hold his hand and hug him when he was tired and just sitting in front of the fire.

Given how much Blaine needed Kurt now, anyone would understand why he had to tell the lies, wouldn't they? It wasn't really hurting anyone, was it? Kurt was happy here, he'd as much as said so. He was getting closer to Blaine everyday. Blaine kept telling himself this, but he knew in his heart he was wrong. Dead wrong. And now, after almost two months, Kurt deserved to be told the truth.

August had really solved one of Blaine's biggest problems, even if he didn't know it. With a paying job, there would be one more reason for Kurt to stay here. Blaine hadn't known Kurt was a mechanic, and it surprised him when he found out – but that was perfect. He could stay and the company would forget that he had come here in an empty train car. Besides, Mr. Warner owed Blaine. Blaine's dad had saved Lenore Warner from certain death, at the price of his own life. Blaine ground his teeth thinking about that, but he had learned to live with it a long time ago. If any problems arose about Kurt being here, Blaine knew what card to play.

It was snowing. Very light, but flakes were coming down steadily and Blaine knew once they started, they would fall for days if not weeks. He was dressed for the weather, made sure Kurt was, too. They had food and emergency supplies in their backpacks as they started out across the forest path. About five minutes from the cabin, they could see someone walking towards them. Blaine squinted his eyes a bit and saw it was a small person, walking slowly and carrying something in her arms. As they got closer, he realized he knew who it was, but it was too late to turn back, so he stiffened his spine and kept a steady pace until they met.

“Blaine! Just the person I was hoping to see!” the pretty girl smiled. She was maybe a year or two younger than Blaine and had pale blonde hair, done in braids and rolled up on her head in a Scandinavian style. Her pale blue eyes were almost spooky to look at, so pale they hardly counted as blue. She had long eyelashes, though not as thick as Blaine's, Kurt noticed. Lenore had what Kurt would call rose petal skin, not quite as pale as his own, but of a softness and clarity that made it look like the petal of a blush colored rose. She had tiny hands and was very petite all over, but not skinny. Her eyes lit up as she looked up into Blaine's face and put a hand on his arm as if to keep his attention on her.

“Lenore, what are you doing out in the snow? It's going to be so cold in just a few hours, do you want me to walk you up to the camp or back to your father's place?” Blaine asked her in a quiet voice, as if a loud one might shatter this little china doll.

“Blaine Anderson, where are your manners? Who is this delicious boy?” she smiled at Kurt with an innocent look.

“Lenore, this is the new mechanic at the home camp, Kurt Hummel,” Blaine waved his hand in Kurt's direction, “Kurt, this is Lenore Warner, daughter of Brayden Warner. He owns Warner Lumber Company.”

Kurt put out his hand, good manners being second nature to him, thanks to his parents.

“Miss Warner, it is good to meet you,” he said, taking her hand and kissing just a hair's breadth from the skin of the back of her hand.

“Please call me Lenore, and it is good to meet you, too, Kurt Hummel. May I call you Kurt?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“I was on my way to see Cookie. One of the men brought me something this morning, but Papa won't let me keep it. He wanted to have it killed, but said if I could get someone to take it, it might live,” she said, talking a mile a minute.

“What, Lenore?” Blaine asked, “And why were you bringing it to Cookie?”

“He has a heart as warm as a campfire, and you know it, Blaine. Here...” she took a small bundle out of her coat. The little thing sneezed, shook his tiny head and stuck out his pink tongue to kiss her nose. She giggled and handed the fuzzy bundle to Blaine.

He took it, bringing it up to inspect.

“It's a wolf, one of the lumbermen found it under a downed tree. I think it's not weaned yet, I fed it from a handkerchief dipped in milk, but Papa says it needs something better, richer. You and Shannon are the only ones with goats around here, Blaine.” She smiled sweetly.

Blaine just looked at her. He looked at the little pup once again, and then over at Kurt.

Kurt put out his hands and Blaine set the pup in them.

“This is not a wolf. It might be part wolf, considering where they found it, but it is definitely not a full-blooded wolf. See the white ruff around his neck? The ears are too long, and it has a funny shaped head for a wolf. It must be mixed with dog somewhere in it's ancestry. But putting that aside, what are you planning to do with it, Blaine?” Kurt asked. He could already see that Blaine was considering his alternatives.

“I don't know. Why don't you go ahead and take it to Shannon, Lenore, and I will go over when I get back and see what can be done, okay?”

“Sure, Blaine. Thank you,” she cooed, up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips, but he moved at the last minute so she actually connected with his cheek. She looked at him very disappointed and put the pup back inside her coat, “Nice to meet you, Kurt,” she said softly as she walked past them and down the path to the cookhouse.

“Hmmm...” Kurt said, bumping Blaine's shoulder and grinning at his friend.

“Hey I did not ask for any of that, you know. She flirts with everyone,” Blaine said, a bit too defensive.

“Oh, well I could have sworn you said the only female you were in contact with was forty years old and married, so I'm guessing you meant Shannon. I bet poor little Lenore would be so hurt to think you don't even count her as a girl!” Kurt teased.

“Hey, I do, I just forgot her. I don't see her all that often,” Blaine blushed.

“Well, since you don't count yourself as gay, either, might I venture to guess there might be a bit of romance in the air sometime soon?” Kurt asked, very innocently.

Blaine growled. Growled! “No, you may not think of Lenore Warner and romance in the same sentence, ever, Kurt. Especially if it concerns me, damn it. I want nothing to do with that girl. I will give her common courtesy, but that is the absolute limit. I don't want her near me,” Blaine practically spit it out and then walked faster, leaving Kurt to stand in the pathway, wondering what happened.

Blaine continued to walk fast, following the path, but not stopping to turn onto one of the deer tracks they used to set the snares. Kurt stood in astonishment for a few minutes until something Cooper said came back to him. Oh. Lenore was the girl Blaine's father saved the day he died in the fire. Kurt ran to catch up with Blaine, determined to make it up to him.

He came up on Blaine and saw the tears in his eyes, but didn't remark on it. He started by swinging his arms in the same rhythm as Blaine and finally caught his hand. Holding it gently as he slowed it down. They walked for a while in companionable silence, until they got to the first snare. It had been tripped, so Blaine set it again. At the third snare, there was a large rabbit and Kurt took it off the snare, and put it in the game bag, taking Blaine's hand to walk to the next snare.

“I'm sorry if I said anything I shouldn't have, Blaine,” Kurt whispered. He might as well have shouted because the silence in the forest was so profound. Blaine turned to him, and tears came back into his eyes.

“Kurt, you didn't know. I've not been very honest with you. I sometimes pretend my father is coming home. I sometimes believe it. But he never will. He died four years ago, saving Lenore in a fire. He ran back in the building, got her out and a burning beam fell on him. It pinned him to the floor and she got out, but he burned to death. I know it isn't her fault, but I hate her for it. I hate her...and I know it's wrong, but I wish she had died instead,” Blaine blurted it all out, then fell into the snowbank, his knees so shaky they wouldn't hold him up anymore. He fell forward into the cold snow, not bothering to stop himself.

Kurt was on his knees, pulling his friend from the snowbank, pulling him onto his lap as he sat in the snow. He put his arms around Blaine, kissing his cheeks, “It's okay, baby, it's okay,” and Blaine melted into Kurt, sobbing and clutching at him. Kurt just held him tighter, combing his fingers through Blaine's hair and talking nonsense to him until the sobs turned into hiccups and then to mere trembling. Kurt didn't know how long he'd been sitting in the snow, the wet soaking through his pants, into the thermal underwear and into his boxer briefs, freezing his ass. It was finally so cold, he got up, helping Blaine to his feet, too, and they walked the rest of the way along the trap line, gathering the rabbits and resetting the snares.

They didn't run into anyone else on the way back, and neither boy said a word. At the edge of the forest, they stopped to gut and skin the four rabbits before taking them home. Kurt placed them in a rock lined hollow outside the cabin to freeze where no wild thing could get at them, ready to cook the following day. He led Blaine inside the cabin and sat him on the settee before the fireplace. Water was simmering on the back of the stove and Kurt poured it into the basin, adding enough cool water to make it the right temperature. He stirred up the fire, adding enough logs to make it warm while they washed and got ready for bed. He peeled off Blaine's clothes, hanging them on the backs of chairs to steam dry, wrapping Blaine in a warm quilt.

Kurt took off his own soaking wet clothes, doing the same, hanging them to dry. When the water in the basin was at the right temperature, he took a cloth and began to wash Blaine. He was just sitting there, not resisting at all but not helping either. Kurt wondered if he had ever grieved for his father before – Cooper didn't seem to think so. Well, as bad as this seemed, he thought maybe it might do Blaine some good.

“Blaine, here, sit up. I need to wash under your arms,” Kurt said, trying to be gentle but firm – the way his step mother, Carole, would be. He blinked for a second, holding back the tears that threatened whenever he thought of his family.

Blaine complied with everything Kurt asked, moving or adjusting as Kurt washed him, dried his skin and helped him put on the many layers of bedclothes required for this cold weather in a cabin with no heat except a wood stove and fireplace.

He hurried to wash himself, dry and get into the pajamas. It was only six in the evening, but it was dark and getting cold outside. The long walk in the freezing cold sapped their strength, but the emotions sucked them dry. Kurt sat on the side of the bed. He wasn't sure how to approach Blaine. With all he'd said on the way home, he still hadn't reached him at all. Kurt sighed and lay down in the bed, pulling the layers of blankets and quilts up over his shoulders, making sure Blaine was covered, too.

He was on his back, looking up at the patterns on the ceiling caused by the fire. He was drowsy and tired, but worry was keeping him from sleep – worry about his father, worry about Blaine, worry about whether he can do the job August is hiring him for...just everything. He was on edge all of a sudden. It had been fun for a while, learning to tie flies, milk goats, gaze at stars. But it wasn't reality for him. He would have to go home, and above all right now, he missed his dad. He couldn't even cry on Blaine's shoulder because how could he indulge in self pity over a father that was still alive when Blaine would never, could never see his father again. It would not be fair. Kurt closed his eyes against the burn of the tears that were trying to come out. He took a deep breath.

“Kurt?” Blaine sounded like a small boy.

“Yes?”

“Kurt, can you hold me?” Blaine whispered.

“Yes, of course I can, Come here,” Kurt coaxed. He held out his arms and Blaine turned into them, his chest against Kurt's chest as he nuzzled under his chin. His fist was holding the flannel on Kurt's pajamas, just like a toddler would hold onto his mother's blouse for comfort, and he was trembling once again.

“Kurt? Thank you. You're the best friend I ever had,” he whispered and put his ear over Kurt's heart. It was very calming to hear the steady thud-thud of Kurt's strong heart. “I was so lonely before you came, Kurt, and now I don't ever want you to leave me. I think I'm in love with you,” Blaine said so softly that Kurt barely heard it. He turned his head to look into Blaine's eyes for a moment, finding the answer for the question he had no words to ask. He closed his eyes, and kissed Blaine's lips, softly, tenderly, gently. He held Blaine so close, breathing in his scent and rubbing his cheek against Blaine's cheek. Blaine moved close to kiss Kurt again, no words, just gentle, sweet kisses.

The boys lay for a long time on the bed, huddled under blankets until Blaine had cried himself half to sleep. Kurt, half sitting against the headboard, held him close and dropped kisses on his head. It had begun to get uncomfortable quite a while ago, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to let go of the devastated boy. He knew how he had felt about his own dad getting sick, going into a coma a year ago. To have your father die in a tragic fire, that had to be the most awful thing to endure. No wonder Blaine pretended in his mind that his dad was still alive.

Kurt could no longer sit still, his butt just didn't have enough padding for that to be comfortable. He gently pushed Blaine aside, leaving him with a kiss on his cheek as he got up to get them something to eat. There was a little stew left in the pot at the back of the stove, so he ladled it into two bowls, add a few chunks of bread, and set it on the table. He poured two glasses of milk, silently thinking how much he would give for one can of Coke, and led Blaine to the table to sit. They ate the stew and bread, drank the milk, and Blaine laid his head down on his crossed arms on the table, closing his eyes.

Kurt did the clean-up, put the dishes away and got the bed ready again, cranking the rope tight and smoothing out the sheets, blankets, and quilts. He turned down the edge of the freshly straightened bedclothes and went to help Blaine get up from the chair where he'd fallen asleep, slumped over the table.

“Blaine, let's go back to bed, okay?” Kurt said softly, running his fingers across his cheek to wake him up. “Blaine, come on now, it's late and you're cold. Let me help you.”

Blaine looked up at Kurt, his eyes so swollen from crying he could hardly open them. He was just undone with emotion, so tired.

“Okay, Kurt.”

Kurt tried to help him up, but Blaine's legs were wobbly with sleep and he seemed to be falling back asleep as he sat there, so Kurt finally just picked him up and carried him to bed. He slid him under the blankets, in between the sheets he had heated with the bed-warmer. Blaine smiled at the heat as it seeped into his skin, making his bones ache less. Kurt followed, scooting closer and gathering Blaine into his arms.

“Hey, are you feeling any better?” Kurt asked. He was seriously worried about Blaine's apparent breakdown. He didn't have any life experience in dealing with such raw emotions...except in himself, and that didn't really count. He hadn't been able to fix himself, so there was little hope he could be of any help to Blaine.

“No, I don't think so. I've really messed up, and I don't know how to make it better...I'm selfish and awful and I lied to you. I don't think there are enough words in the English language to describe how sorry I am, Kurt, Blaine began to sob again, but there were just no more tears to cry.

“Now, it can't be as bad as that, Blaine. It just can't. I understand what it's like to lose a parent. My mom died when I was eight, and I was heartbroken. You never stop loving them, you never stop missing them, you just learn to live without them. It takes time, Blaine, but you will one day. I promise, you will find one day that you can live with the pain and not let it rule your life. And you still have Cooper...you have Cookie and Shannon, and you have me,” Kurt tried smiling at his friend. Blaine gave him a tiny smile back, then closed his eyes.

Kurt knew he wasn't asleep, he was hiding. Kurt knew because he'd done it himself. But he allowed it because he knew sometimes he had needed to do it himself. He was thinking about the afternoon, so many things had happened, and he was so confused and worried about Blaine. Wait a minute...he remembered something Blaine had said to him....Blaine said he thought he was in love with Kurt. Why hadn't that registered in Kurt's brain when he said it? Kurt had been thinking the same thing, wondering why he watched Blaine all the time, hung on his every word, followed him around the camp, let Blaine teach him things he had never thought interesting like tying flies and milking goats. Maybe he was a little in love with Blaine, too.

Oh, no. Blaine had poured his heart out to Kurt and Kurt had not acknowledged him in any way. That was, in Kurt's book, just about unforgivable. He hung his head in shame for a moment, trying to think of how to fix this.

“Blaine, I think we need to talk,” Kurt said, cuddling the boy closer to his chest, kissing his temple before going on.

“Okay, Kurt,” Blaine answered.

“Something you said to me earlier...I'm not sure I heard you correctly. I want to make sure because it is important. Did you tell me you are falling for me?” Kurt held his breath.

Blaine looked at him, scared to answer. He didn't want Kurt to hate him, he didn't want him to leave. What if this upset him and he left? Blaine gathered his courage and turned to face Kurt.

“Yes, I did say that. I wasn't exactly telling the truth, though. I don't just think I'm falling for you. Kurt, I am in love with you.”

Kurt sucked in a ragged breath, not sure what to say, how to express how he was feeling. But he did know one thing: if Blaine could be brave enough to let his emotions out, so could Kurt.

“I'm......ah.....oh, I don't know how to do this, I've never said it to anyone before, hell, I've never felt it before. Blaine? I'm in love with you, too.”

They lay in bed, where they had backed to a foot apart, just looking at each other. Both scared, not sure what the next step is after admitting their mutual love; neither one knew what to do. Blaine closed his eyes and reached his hand over to Kurt, just touching the fingertips of his left hand.

“I'm glad, Kurt,” he whispered before he leaned closer and kissed his lips with a sweet, soft kiss.

Kurt began to tremble. He had experienced crushes on some boys in the past, a few schoolyard crushes, some on TV celebrities or other unreachable men, even a coffee date with a man older than himself that he'd met at a bookstore (that ended as soon as the guy found out Kurt was sixteen). He had dreamed about this happening, but had never experienced it. His dad had gotten him pamphlets at the health clinic and they had discussed it – to their mutual embarrassment – but in all of that, Kurt had never really believed that he would ever actually fall in love. He had stopped expecting it. He had stopped looking for it. And now he had found it 2500 miles away from home.

Blaine was relieved in a way. He had hoped for so long that he might find the right person. He thought it might be easier for him than most people because he liked both boys and girls – or so he would like to believe. It just made sense to him when a lumberjack from one of the other camps explained his own philosophy that he would fall in love with a person, not a gender. That sounded perfect. And since Blaine really had no chance to interact with many girls in his life, he had no way of knowing which he preferred. The only girl his age he knew was Lenore, and he had no intention of being anywhere near her.

Kurt was lying on the bed, Blaine draped on top of him now, the kissing getting hotter and Kurt's blood pressure rising as Blaine's fingers stroked along Kurt's neck, unbuttoning his flannel pajama shirt and touching the warm skin it revealed. There had really never been an opportunity in Ohio for him to practice kissing, but this felt like it was right. So very right. Kurt's world was suddenly narrowed to just Blaine, everything else shrinking into unimportance. Everything was centered, concentrated on Blaine.

“Ah...” Kurt moaned a little, then jumped as he realized that it was him making that sound, unbidden and unplanned. Blaine's eyes widened and he redoubled his efforts just to hear that sound again.

Moving from Kurt's swollen lips, Blaine's mouth followed the pale, strong neck tendons down to the toned chest to kiss along the exposed collarbone. He could taste the slight bit of salt on Kurt's skin left after the hasty clean-up at the basin that evening. Looking up, he could just see Kurt's face, looking open and a teensy bit shocked. He went back to kiss Kurt's mouth again.

This time, Kurt was ready, kissing deeper, holding Blaine's head still as he pushed his tongue into his mouth. They did not have minty toothpaste in the backwoods of Oregon, and although they rinsed their mouths out after eating, Blaine tasted more like venison stew and less like his grandmother's peppermint candies. It was so much sexier, so earthy and hot, Kurt couldn't get enough of it and kept his mouth there until he was good and ready to take it away. Blaine didn't object a bit, kissing back with equal fervor and placing his hands behind Kurt's body he rolled them so Kurt was on top. He needed Kurt to take control because he could feel the tendrils of something, maybe arousal, or want, or need...trailing up the insides of his thighs and he didn't know what to do with that. He'd managed to tug Kurt directly on top of him and he could feel his erection as it rubbed through all the layers of flannel and thermal underwear. Blaine wondered if Kurt was aware of it yet, as concentrated as he was on the kissing, maybe he hadn't noticed he was rutting into Blaine's body – and Blaine wasn't going to tell him because he didn't want it to stop.

It was a good thing Blaine was not a betting man, because he would have lost that wager. Kurt was fully aware of where his body was and what he was rubbing against. Blaine wasn't complaining, so Kurt thought maybe he was enjoying it, and in any case Blaine would have had to stop him if he didn't want the attention because Kurt was finally getting what he had dreamed about in this bed for almost two months. This had been in his dreams and he didn't act on it, not knowing how Blaine felt and not knowing how to ask.

Blaine was finishing what he started: getting rid of Kurt's shirts. He'd managed to unbutton the flannel and was now working the hem of the thermals up. He stopped kissing long enough to pull back and yank the two shirts over Kurt's head, earning a gasp in return. He started to unbutton his own, but Kurt slapped his hands away and did it himself. The flannel had hardly left his body before Kurt was sucking his nipple into his warm mouth, just teasing gently with his tongue to get a feel for it. What he did not expect was how sensitive Blaine was, and the boy yelped and sighed, pushing his chest closer to Kurt as he ran his fingers through Kurt's hair and brought his face closer. Kurt took the hint and licked harder, finally taking the little nub into his mouth to suck on it, rubbing his tongue harder and Blaine whined and held Kurt in his arms. Kurt moved to the left one, Blaine gasping as he just touched it with his tongue. He moved his warm lips over it several times before scraping his teeth, ever so gently, over it. Blaine whined again, louder, and pulled back. Even in the dark, Kurt could see how hard just that little bit of stimulation made Blaine.

There should have been permissions asked and granted this evening, but the two didn't seem to need them or want them. It was like anything, everything they shared was fine, as though they had been lovers for years – and, indeed in certain ways it seemed that way in the minds of Kurt and Blaine. It was like they had always known each other and were part of a couple that had been together through thick and thin. Blaine pulled Kurt's pajamas and thermal underwear from his body, and Kurt did the same for him. They hesitated for an instant, so close the heat from their bodies was reflected and absorbed and shared and became one, and with the icy cold air outside the blankets, they snapped together in their warm nest like two magnets finding each other in the dark night.

Kurt took a deep cleansing breath and stopped, wanting to say something to Blaine. He held up a hand, just in the moment before they were to come together, bare skin touching for the first time.

Blaine understood and waited, just reaching out his fingers to touch the fingertips of Kurt's hand because he had to be touching him somewhere.

“Blaine, I just need to tell you something before we go any further...my dad had the talk with me, you know....” he blushed and Blaine put his hand up to cup Kurt's cheek in support. He knew about the birds and the bees, but it seemed important to Kurt, so he stayed quiet. It wasn't what he had anticipated Kurt would say to him. “It was embarrassing, as you can imagine, but he said something to me, and I need to tell you,” Kurt said, very serious. He leaned forward and kissed Blaine very tenderly.

“He told me that I should never throw myself around because I matter. I didn't really understand it when he said it to me, but I have thought about it ever since. Blaine, I want you to know that he was right. I do matter, but also you matter. You matter to me, and I hope with all my heart that you matter to yourself. You deserve that. And I want you to know that this....this love we have? It matters.” Kurt closed his eyes, praying that Blaine understood.

“Oh, Kurt.” Blaine threw himself at Kurt, who hardly had enough time to bring up his arms to catch him. Those words did mean something to Blaine, they meant a lot. He was dizzy and needy and just a little bit lost until Kurt said that, and now he felt more grounded and hopeful. It was a headrush like nothing he'd felt before, almost more than the heat from kissing, just to know Kurt cared about him.

They kissed and cuddled and rubbed their bare skin against each other, stopping every so often to just look at each other in the firelight. Eventually they slowed down, Blaine on his back as Kurt drew his hands down his chest, tracing patterns on the muscles he could feel. Blaine had lost his ability to breathe normally quite a while ago, and the slow fingers were making his lungs work harder as he quivered, trying so hard to hold still.

Kurt followed the fingers with his lips, dusting them gently over the places his fingers had been.

“Kurt?” Blaine whispered.

“Yeah...”

“I want something, but I am afraid to ask,” he said.

“Blaine, you can ask anything. What is it?” Kurt inquired, a little scared about what it could be.

“I want to touch you, but more than what we're doing now. But I think you might consider it too much too fast.”

“All you can do is ask, I'm willing to listen.”

“Nevermind. Forget I said anything.” Blaine started to turn over the other way. “We better get some sleep.”

“Blaine. If you trust me enough to let me live here with you, to tell me so many things about how you feel and what you think...and we have been sharing a lot tonight. I hope you trust me enough to ask me something,” Kurt whispered, stroking Blaine's jaw and giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

Blaine buried his head in the pillow and Kurt rubbed his back. No amount of coaxing would convince Blaine to come back out. Kurt finally gave up, lying back and just gathering Blaine's back up close to his chest and kissing the tender skin on the nape of his neck.

“Blaine, are you listening to me?” Kurt asked.

“Yes.”

“I think maybe we went too far tonight. I know we didn't even really do anything, just kissing and touching, and there was nothing wrong with what we did. I like your body, I love the way your skin feels like velvet stretched over steel...I can feel the way the bones move and the muscles stretch, I can feel how strong you are – but at the same time how soft your touch is on me. I almost feel drunk there is so much adrenaline rushing through me.

“I also know how hard you are,” he reached very carefully and took Blaine's erection in his hand, softly holding but not squeezing or stroking, just cradling it in his hand.

“It is a wonder to me that we can do this. I never thought it would happen for me – that I could love someone and they would love me back. Blaine, I think it was just too much for one day. I want more with you. But I think we can move slowly and we'll get there. Please don't think I'm rejecting you, god no, I'm just worried about you, about me. I don't want to damage something that might be a little fragile now because it is so new, something that can grow into more. Into something we both want and need and feel. So, let's go to sleep and we can think and talk tomorrow. Does that sound okay to you?”

Kurt expected Blaine to turn over and talk to him, but he remained frozen in place, just breathing. Kurt wasn't sure what to do, so he continued to be still, still holding Blaine against him with one arm across his chest and the other holding his erection very gently. They stayed that way for a long, long time, until all the blood returned to their heads, until both were limp and soft again. Blaine had regulated his breathing so it was even with Kurt's and they were getting sleepy. It sort of startled Kurt when Blaine spoke.

“You're right, Kurt. I'm sorry. I was in over my head, and I had no idea what to do with all the energy, the drive...and it was making my head hurt and my lungs burn. I was scared, I've never done anything like this. Before, I didn't know if I was gay or straight...that philosophy I spouted about falling in love with a person, not a gender is something I heard from a lumberjack I met and I thought it sounded good. I was trying to appear a bit more sophisticated than I am. Kurt, I have lived in this camp all my life. I've never been to a city, or even a town. I've been as far as the main camp where the Warner's live. When my dad died, Cooper and I stayed with Mr Warner for a while. Then Cooper said he'd take care of me and Mr Warner gave me the cabin.

“I really didn't give much thought to who I might fall in love with, and Lenore, with all her flirting, never made me feel like I could be with someone like that. Then one day the bouncers pulled a body off an empty and there you were, like an angel. I had never seen anyone so beautiful in all my life, and I took you back to the cabin because I wanted you...I wanted you to like me, I wanted you to be my friend. I hadn't given it much thought for a while, but every time you touched me or I kissed your cheek, Kurt, I fell a little more in love. I was scared then, and I am now. But you're right, maybe we can take this slowly and talk to each other, make it right for each other. I want to, if you do,” he whispered, still not looking at Kurt.

“Okay, should we put our clothes back on? It might get colder tonight.”

“Yeah, I think so. But Kurt, I'm not unhappy about being with you tonight, I loved touching you, your skin. We can do that again?”

Kurt was a bit surprised at the need evident in Blaine's voice.

“Yeah, we can. I liked it, too,” Kurt said. “Blaine? I know we agreed to slow down, but what were you going to ask me?”

There was a silence and Blaine got up to retrieve their pajamas. They got them on in more silence, and climbed back into bed, cuddling like koalas, face to face to share the warmth best. Blaine nuzzled his face into Kurt's shoulder, just where it joined his neck. Kurt dropped a kiss on his temple. He seemed to be asleep, his breath even and his arms relaxed around Kurt's shoulders.

Kurt was almost asleep, too, just drifting off when he heard a small voice say, “I was going to ask you if I could suck on your cock.”

Kurt jumped and it was a long time before he could relax enough to go to sleep.