June 12, 2016, 7 p.m.
Roses in December: Chapter 16
M - Words: 2,933 - Last Updated: Jun 12, 2016 Story: Closed - Chapters: 34/? - Created: Jun 05, 2014 - Updated: Jun 05, 2014 101 0 0 0 1
I pull on a black sweater and black jeans, worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong on my date tonight. That guy Dave could threaten me again. Someone could attack me on my way to the parking lot. A stranger could spike my drink, leaving me helpless and unable to get home. An idea occurs to me, and I move into the kitchen, where Rob has a collection of promotional magnets on his refrigerator. One of them lists the name and telephone number of a taxi service. I call and arrange for a cab to pick me up outside the apartment building at eight, and then from Scandals at eleven. Once thats settled, Im able to relax a bit. Ill have a safe ride home at a set time and place.
Theres still the other problem, though. The one I havent really let myself think about.
Deep down, I have to admit that Im attracted to Sebastian. He has no sense of boundaries, and hes arrogant, and he makes me uneasy. But he also leaves me feeling flattered, and confused, and... aroused. Its clear that my feelings for Kurt run far deeper emotionally, but Kurt wont be there tonight. It will just be me and Sebastian... and his wandering hands.
For a moment, I consider not going. I could tell Kurt that Id gone on the third and final date, and hope that he believes me. But tonight, I finally understand why he set this dating rule. If I end up with him, he needs for me to have chosen to be with him, not just fallen into it blindly. If I get through tonight and still want Kurt more than Sebastian afterwards, it will prove that he and I are together out of more than just convenience.
I need something to remind me of Kurt when Im at Scandals tonight. Some sort of touchstone, to ground me. Heading back into the bedroom, I spy the box of items that I recovered from my parents chest. Sitting right at the top is the now-familiar band of winding silver vines. I pick up the promise ring, read the inscription inside — Always yours, Kurt — and smile. In Robs bedroom, I find a long, thin chain and slip the ring onto it, fastening it around my neck.
Kurt was wearing a necklace like this the day I met him. If the reminder has worked for him, maybe it will work for me, too.
My cell phone rings just before eight. The taxi is here. I slip the necklace under my sweater, where the cool metal rests against my heart. Taking a deep breath, I send a quick text to Kurt — Leaving now. Ill call you later. One more glance around the apartment, and Im ready.
I can do this.
He texts back a simple hope so. Somehow, I know hell be sitting by his phone all night until he hears from me.
Scandals is packed with people, which I guess makes sense. It is a Saturday night, after all. I find Sebastian over at the bar, with two drinks in front of him. He lights up when he sees me.
"Hey, gorgeous! Here, I got you a drink. Just warning you, it has a splash of alcohol in it."
I perch on the barstool next to his. After a tentative sip, I find that the drink takes mostly like Sprite. Im a little uneasy drinking liquor here, but its not like Sebastian is trying to secretly spike my drink. He was upfront about there being alcohol in it, and from the taste, there doesnt seem to be much. I take another sip, trying to relax. "So whats in store for us tonight? More karaoke?"
"You know it."
"Did you bring your backup singers again?"
He points vaguely toward the dancing crowd, where I can just make out a blond head among the throngs of men. "Theyre over there somewhere. But I think Ill be singing on my own tonight."
"Really? Do you have a song in mind?" The drink is good. I havent had Sprite in ages. I finish it quickly, and Sebastian waves to the bartender, gesturing for him to give me a refill.
"Not sure yet. I want to see where the night takes us." His hand is on my knee again, and Im reminded about that whole arousing thing. We sit and watch the crowd of men dancing as a guy in a puffy vest belts out a Ricky Martin song. Sebastians hand doesnt move any higher on my knee, which Im mostly relieved about. Mostly.
"I dont really know anything about you, Sebastian," I blurt out. "Weve been on three dates and all Ive gathered is that we used to know each other once, youre attracted to me, and you go to Dalton."
He squeezes my knee gently. "I keep forgetting that you missed that whole getting-to-know-you portion of our relationship."
"How did we get to know each other? You said we met after Id transferred to public school."
"You came back to visit Dalton a few months after youd left. Id heard all about you from the other Warblers, so I took you out for coffee afterwards. Wanted to pick your brain about how best to lead the group." He sips his own drink, then pauses. "We kept meeting up for coffee, chatting online, talking on the phone once or twice a week. Mostly about music or movies. We were both big fans of Across the Universe, and you were always trying to convince me that The Beatles are better than The Rolling Stones."
"Well of course The Beatles are better," I say at once. "How could you possibly think otherwise?"
He laughs, revealing rows of perfect white teeth. "Same old argument, just a different setting."
"You, um..." I bite my lower lip. "You said we had chemistry, back then."
"Id like to think we still do," he says, rubbing his thumb lightly against the inside of my thigh. I fight a shiver of pleasure at the feeling.
"If we had such chemistry, then why were we just friends?"
His thumb stills. "You just werent looking for anything romantic." Because I already had a boyfriend, I dont supply. I wonder whether Sebastian and Kurt even knew about each other. "It was a shame. I really liked you. Still do, in fact."
I finish my Sprite cocktail and find a new one already waiting for me. Between the sugar and the alcohol and Sebastians thumb resuming its slow rubbing, I feel good. Calm. Theres been no sign of the infamous Dave, and no one else seems to be paying attention to us.
"Have you given any thought to what youre doing next year?" he asks.
"You mean like college?"
"Yeah. Youre a senior, now, right?"
"I am, yes. Ive applied to a lot of schools. You?"
He nods. "Most of my applications are due in January, so Im just putting the finishing touches on some of my essays. My first choice is Dartmouth."
"Thats a great school."
"I know. Where do you think youll end up?"
New York, I think suddenly, and I can feel the light weight of the promise ring where it rests against my chest. "Depends on where I get in." My eyelids are starting to feel heavy. I rub at my neck, my fingernails catching on the chain of the necklace. The ring drags slowly across my skin. "I think there... think there was more than a splash of alcohol in the Sprite, Sebastian."
"Had to figure out how to get you to relax," he murmurs. "Youre always so tense when were together. Sometimes Im not even sure why youre going out with me. Dont you like me, Blaine?"
I like the way he squeezes my knee again. But not as much as I like the way it feels to hold Kurt. Right? This is confusing. I wish Kurt were here. I wish I knew which way was up.
"Okay," comes a booming voice over the microphone. "Lets give it up for our next brave singer this evening, Blaine Anderson!"
I look at Sebastian in alarm, and he laughs. "You put my name in?"
"Get on up there, champ," he says, pushing at my shoulder. "Your adoring fans are waiting."
Still stunned, I stagger my way toward the stage, the alcohol making my limbs feel loose and sleepy. The crowd is clapping for me as I near the front. Theres a man by the microphone, pulling me up onto the stage and pointing at a screen where the lyrics will appear.
"Wait, whatm I singing?" I call, but then the opening chords start to play, and I smile at once in relieved recognition. This has always been one of my favorite Beatles songs. I close my eyes, not needing to read the lyrics, and begin to sing.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
All of a sudden, I feel the familiar pulling sensation of a spell overtaking me. The visions are so clear, even crisper than reality. But for the first time, theyre not visions of anything that happened before the attack. For the first time, its just me, remembering.
Im catching sight of a gorgeous boy sitting alone in a coffee shop, and daring to go over and introduce myself.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
Im laughing helplessly as he slides across my icy driveway in oversized house slippers. Im cheering while he pounds away at plastic moles with a mallet.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free
Im burying my fingers in his hair while we make out in the back seat of his car, and hes groaning as heat and passion and something else burn bright between us.
Blackbird, fly
Blackbird, fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Im sharing a picnic dinner with him in a rickety old treehouse. Hes looking up at me with shining eyes and dabbing at the corner of my mouth with a napkin. His face is beautiful in the moonlight.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
Im wrapped around him on a toboggan at the top of a steep hill, oblivious to the coldness of the air and the dampness of my socks and the sharp slope of the path that lies before us. He feels like home. He feels like forever.
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
I finish the song and open my eyes, surprised to find that theyre wet. The crowd is generous with their applause, and I sigh in relief.
Im in love with Kurt.
I love his wit and his warmth, his beauty and his compassion. I love the way I feel when Im with him, and I hate the way I feel when Im without him. I want to fall asleep every night with him tucked close against me. I want to wake up with him tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I want everything.
Always yours, Kurt.
With a big stumbling step, Im off the stage and making my way back toward the bar. Sebastian is waiting, grinning happily, and I grin back. "Im in love!" I say, reaching him.
He chuckles fondly. "After three dates?"
"No, its Kurt, Im in love with Kurt!"
Im so busy beaming at my Sprite that I almost miss his faint response. "You... you got your memory back?"
"No," I say happily, downing the rest of my drink. "I didnt! I mean, yeah, some spells here and there, but they dont matter, because I love Kurt! I love him! I dont even have to remember all that history between us, I love him now and I wish he were here, you would understand if you met him, hes just the greatest—"
"Stop. Just stop." He runs his palm over his chin. "How do you even know Kurt?"
"Weve been dating for a couple of weeks."
"At the same time that youve been dating me?"
Oh. I turn to look at Sebastian guiltily. "Im really sorry. He had this rule about how I had to go out on three dates with someone else..."
"You dated me because of a rule he made."
"Yeah."
"For you to go on three dates."
"Yeah."
"So tonight... this was it," he finishes, looking angry. "After tonight, I was never going to see you again."
"Well, I mean, we could be friends—"
"Youve been leading me on this whole time."
My mind is reeling. Sebastian has a glass of ice water in front of him, so I take it and chug it, hoping to clear my head. Its only after I finish swallowing that I realize that it wasnt water at all. "Ugh, what was that? Tastes like rubbing alcohol."
"You led me on," he presses.
I sense movement at my right, and look up to see Blond Guy and Moley Guy standing beside us. They have names. Names like... uh. Okay, I cant come up with their names.
"Whats going on?" Moley Guy asks warily.
"Blaine here says hes in love with Kurt Hummel," Sebastian replies tightly, and I blink in surprise.
"You know Kurt?"
Blond guy looks back and forth between us. "Maybe you should go."
I take out my phone and look at the display. Its already 10:45 — my cab should be here soon. The room is starting to swim, and in a fit of brilliance, I dial the cab company again. "Hello? Hi. My name... is Blaine. I ordered a cab. Do you remember?"
"Blaine Anderson?"
"Yuh huh."
"Yes, sir, how can I help you?"
"Okay, see, okay, thing is... I have been drinking, kind of. Im a little drunk. Just being honest."
"I understand. Ive just checked your taxis GPS, and it appears that your driver is already waiting outside. Is that helpful, sir?"
"Thats great. You... are great." Moley Guy is whispering to Sebastian, who waves him off in irritation. "Okay, heres the thing, though. Hes taking me to the Wiltshire Apartments, but thats a good half hour away from here. I dunno how awake Ill be when we get there..."
"Im sure your driver would be glad to help you inside. What is your apartment number?"
"Its 309. And the code to get into the building is 23069."
"Ill get that information to him right away. Thank you for choosing Cardinal Cabs, Mr. Anderson."
"Thank you for being awesome." I end the call, and Sebastian reaches out to grip my wrist.
"Blaine, please," he says entreatingly. "Dont do this. You never even gave me a real chance."
"I really am sorry. Believe me."
"Then keep going out with me until you get to know me. If you need to date Kurt at the same time, fine."
I shake my head. "Im in love with him—"
"After two weeks?" he bursts out. "You can fall in love with someone that quickly? So if Id met you a month ago, youd be with me, and Kurt wouldnt be an issue?"
I struggle to figure out if hes right, but logic is beyond me. The drink that I chugged is hitting me hard. "I need to go."
"You need to give me a shot, thats what you need," he insists. Blond Guy puts a hand on his shoulder, and Sebastian lets go of my wrist to push him away. I take the opportunity to get up, steadying myself with a hand on the bar beside me.
"Im sorry I hurt you. I never meant to."
Moley Guy moves between us slightly, which leaves enough room for me to slip by them. I walk shakily to the door, relieved to find the cab idling at the curb just like that awesome lady said it would be. The driver catches sight of me and jumps out of the drivers seat, hurrying over to help me.
"Whoa there," he says. "Come on, sport, lets get you in the back seat."
"Did you get my message?"
"About helping you inside your building? Sure did. Its no problem." He winds a thick arm around my shoulders, steering me toward the car. "How much did you drink, kid? I only dropped you off a couple of hours ago."
"Come on, I only had one beer." I laugh as soon as I say it, because thats such a lie.
"All right, here we go. Lie down and try not to throw up, okay?"
"Im in love," I beam, and for the first time since my realization, someone seems happy for me. He smiles and shuts the door, making his way back to the drivers seat.
With gentle turns, the cab pulls out of the parking lot, heading for the highway. The vibrations from the engine are making me sleepy. A little nauseous, too, but it would be rude for me to vomit in this nice guys cab. I shut my eyes, smiling.
Im in love.
I wake up on Robs couch, my mouth feeling like its full of cotton and my bladder ready to explode. Hurrying into the bathroom, I lift the toilet seat and pee for a good minute or so, resting my forehead against the wall. Ugh, I feel like crap. I wash my hands and grab some aspirin from the medicine cabinet. Robs only got those little Dixie cups in his bathroom, so I refill one over and over again, downing the water like shots until my thirst abates. Then I grab my toothbrush, scrubbing away at my teeth and tongue until the foul taste leaves my mouth.
Rubbing my eyes, I make my way back into the living room, falling back onto the couch again and shoving my face into a throw pillow. The shades are drawn tight, so Im not sure what time it is, but I could do with some more sleep. I want to make sure I dont have a trace of a hangover when I—
Oh god.
My eyes pop open in realization.
I never called Kurt last night.