“Kurt, what are you doing?”

Kurt startled at girl’s voice and pulled his eyes away from the letter that he had been reading again for the last half an hour. Rachel stood there, by the door of Kurt’s room and watched him with kind of red eyes.

“Right question would be,” Kurt said and quickly folded the letter. “What are you doing here?”

“Me and Finn just got back from Blaine’s house,” she answered as she walked into the room but didn’t explain more. Instead she sighed. “What are you doing, Kurt?”

“Nothing, I’m doing.. nothing.”

He tried to hide the letter but it was clearly too late.

“I mean with Blaine,” Rachel whimpered. She came closer and sat on the bed next to Kurt. “What are you doing with Blaine?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You are pulling away from him again. You’re shutting down.”

“Rachel I’m not.. shutting down,” Kurt argued with a shaky fake laugh because he knew that Rachel was probably right. The last days had been quite the same as the last time Kurt had pulled away from people. “I’m taking my time to.. think.”

“About NYADA?”

Something tensed between them and Kurt didn’t miss the sad wink in Rachel’s eyes.

“I can’t believe he did this for me,” Kurt admitted then and took the letter between his fingers again. “I can’t believe that you two did something like this behind my back.”

Rachel looked at the letter and reached out to take it. Kurt gave it, immediately feeling weirdly unsure, wishing he could just hold it again. She touched the paper like it was made of gold and read it carefully every word.

“What did your letter say?” Kurt inquired when she put the letter down.

“I.. haven’t got one.”

“Oh, Rachel,” Kurt sighed, now realizing why Rachel’s eyes looked so sad. “You know, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she stated then. “I came here to talk to you, about Blaine. Whatever you’re doing, you have to stop walking away like this.”

“Rachel, I didn’t break up with him, I just said that I needed some time to think about.. this,” Kurt uttered and gestured to the letter that was lying between them now.  “I’m kind of mad at you two too, but it’s not just that. I.. don’t think that I can do that audition.”

“Of course you can.” Rachel’s voice was sure and deep, kind of mad and strong. “You have to audition. You are the finalist of school that you didn’t even apply for. But right now, you have to talk to Blaine.”

“Rachel, I can’t..” he tried to explain but Rachel didn’t let him.

“Kurt, Blaine has a surgery next week and he’s terrified. He’s afraid of losing you and he’s afraid of that surgery where he’s going because he protected you. Stop being selfish and go see Blaine.”

Kurt couldn’t say anything more, neither did Rachel. They looked at each other for a long time until she stood up and walked towards the door again.

“And start practicing for that damn audition,” he heard Rachel mumble before she left.

Kurt didn’t go to see Blaine. They didn’t call, they didn’t text to each other and Kurt was a little afraid to do that. Honestly, Kurt didn’t know what he was doing or how the felt about NYADA anymore. He missed Blaine, he did but it felt a little too much to talk with him.

Blaine had to wear the eye patch because of Kurt. He had sent the NYADA application for Kurt and he had been talking with Sebastian. It was just a lot to take in and now Kurt had that letter and he had to decide if he was going to audition.

Kurt didn’t go to see Blaine until the previous evening of his surgery.

“Kurt,” Ms. Anderson smiled as she opened the door and let Kurt to walk in. “How lovely to see you again,” she said obviously frowning a little, judging Kurt for not being around lately.

“Hey,” Kurt simply answered because he couldn’t say anything else. He didn’t have an excuse for not being there when Blaine probably needed him the most.

“Kurt,” another, deeper, voice came behind Blaine’s mother. Ms. Anderson turned around to look at his son, whose eyes were clued on Kurt. She left then, saying something that they obviously needed to talk.

Kurt became more and more nervous with just standing there, Blaine’s mother’s word didn’t exactly help. For a second Kurt wondered if she knew anything, if maybe she and Blaine had been discussing their relationship, if Blaine wanted to break up.

But as soon as Ms. Anderson disappeared into the kitchen, Blaine took a few quick steps, closer to Kurt and reached out to pull him to a hug.

“Hey,” Kurt sighed with relieve. He felt Blaine laughing against him.

“Hey,” Blaine mumbled. “How are you?”

“I’m.. fine,” Kurt replied although it wasn’t exactly true. “Yourself?”

“A lot better now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” They pulled away from each other; Kurt immediately missed the warmth of Blaine’s body. Blaine took Kurt’s slender hands into his big ones and just simply held them there. “You said you needed time alone, I get that, I do.”

“I still need to.. think,” Kurt uttered quietly but Blaine just nodded.

“It’s okay,” he said and moved closer to Kurt’s face again.

“I just.. wanted to make sure you’re okay before.. your surgery.”

“Thanks,” Blaine responded but Kurt wasn’t even sure if Blaine knew he was talking because they were even closer: their noses snuggled and lips just few millimeters away. Finally, Kurt let their lips to touch and move together until it turned into a heated and needy kiss, Kurt hands on Blaine’s hair, Blaine hands on Kurt’s back, pulling him closer. They didn’t stop until they needed air. Only then they pulled their lips apart to breathe but not moving another step away from each other’s embrace.

“Did they tell how long you’re going to have to recover? When can you return to school?” Kurt asked then with a slight whisper.

“No, it depends how the surgery will go.” Something broken echoed in Blaine’s voice and Kurt could feel him tensing a little.

“It will be fine, you’ll be fine,” Kurt tried to assure and took Blaine’s upper lip between his own lips again for a second. “You have to get fine.”

“I love you.”

A warm heat boiled in Kurt when he heard that. He could believe it and it felt wonderful.

“I love you too.”

They kissed one more time, slower this time, trying to make it last as long as possible

“You should probably get some rest before tomorrow,” Kurt said then, hating himself for it. Blaine didn’t respond, just let Kurt go and pulled away. “Call me if you need me, okay? I don’t know if they are going to let me in after the surgery.. but let me know if you’re at least back home, okay?”

Blaine nodded, his eyes glanced over Kurt’s face unsurely.

“See you then?” he asked and Kurt smiled.

“See you then. Go and try to get some rest.”

Kurt leaned a little closer again just to peck Blaine’s cheek, then opened the front door and walked out.

Although things were still heavy and difficult, Kurt could feel a lot better. It was easier to walk and breathe. Although Kurt wasn’t okay, he knew that at least Blaine was okay before his surgery.

Kurt did get to see Blaine tight after his surgery. He went there with flowers and placed them next to Blaine’s bed. He sat by the edge of the bed and they talked and discussed life in McKinley and Kurt announced that Rachel got the letter from NYADA too.

“Will you do the audition?” Blaine asked and looked at their hands that were linked together.

Kurt hesitated before responding. “Do you want me do audition?”

“Of course I want you to audition, you know it. I sent this application for reason.”

“Then I’ll audition,” Kurt stated quietly.

“I don’t want you to do this for me; I want you to this for yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Kurt admitted. Blaine looked at him sadly and stroked his hand but didn’t say anything. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Have you sent any of your own college application?”

Blaine swallowed. “Uhm.. I applied for NYU and some other schools.”

“All of them in New York?” Kurt was surprised.

“Most of them in New York,” Blaine corrected and although it made perfect sense, it also made Kurt’s heart sank a little. He tensed and he knew that Blaine saw that, but he couldn’t really help it. “I have an audition too.. soon after yours I think.”

“Really? What audition?”

“To this Actor’s Studio in New York..”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m still unsure about this, but I feel good about it..”

“I’m glad,” Kurt said and he really was.  He would’ve asked more about it but that’s when the nurse came in and asked him to leave. Kurt kissed Blaine goodbye and left, promising to call later.

Kurt was quite busy with school that week so he didn’t get to see Blaine the next days. Ms. Anderson had also demanded Blaine to rest as much as possible, so it turned almost impossible to see him. They did send texts and called, but that didn’t feel enough for Kurt. Although he still needed time alone, he also couldn’t help but miss his boyfriend. This is how he ended up at Rachel’s sleepover with Mercedes.

“What would you do if Blaine asked you to marry him?” Rachel asked him and Kurt went silent.

He honestly didn’t know. Kurt loved Blaine and if it was up to him, he would spend the rest of his life with Blaine. He loved the idea of them two living together in New York, he did dream about their future and, yes, about their marriage, but Kurt tried to limit his dreams as much as possible, he tried to be realistic. He knew that high school relationship almost always end. This was how things were; there was nothing he could do about it.

“Finn asked Rachel to marry him!” Kurt exhaled over the phone next day. “I should tell Carole and dad, right? Right?!”

“Wait, what?!” Blaine mumbled, probably not really awake yet since it was quite early in the morning. “Finn did what?”

“Oh! I should talk to Finn!” Kurt stated. “Of course! He is just moping around because he can’t figure out his future! That’s why he did it.”

“Wait a minute Kurt! Are you serious right now?”

“I’m dead serious,” Kurt sighed then and sat down. “Finn asked Rachel to marry him and Rachel said yes.”

“Oh, wow.” Kurt could almost see Blaine through the phone, scratching his own head. “Well, that’s a little.. unexpected.”

“That’s the dumbest decision they have ever made.”

“Aren’t you being a little too.. harsh?” Blaine asked carefully.

Kurt frowned and bit his lip so tightly, it almost started to bleed.

“Are you seriously saying that this isn’t bad?!” he inquired madly.

“I’m not saying, that this is their brightest idea, I’m simply saying that I get that.. The reason why they want to get married I mean. I get why they want to be together for the rest of their lives and I know how it feels.”

Kurt was speechless, a high pressure in his chest didn’t let the voice out of him and his brain couldn’t form any words.

“Kurt? You still there?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Kurt coughed to that, trying to get his speech back. “Yeah, I get that too,” he admitted discreetly. “But you don’t need ring for that right away. If you’re going to be together with someone for the rest of your life, you can also do it without the ring. Or without papers that just say that you’re together with someone.”

“So who are we talking about exactly?” Blaine asked. Kurt stilled, feeling speechless again.

“I.. honestly don’t know,” Kurt answered with a light smile. He felt a blush in his own cheeks, it was the good thing that they talked over the phone. Kurt was also sure, that Blaine smiled a little, something about his voice and maybe even something his breathing gave it away.

“So what are you going to do?” Blaine questioned then. Kurt felt this weird moment between them suddenly fading away.

“I don’t know exactly,” Kurt admitted. “But I’m going to have to talk with Finn.”