October turned out crazy and really tiring. Mercedes had quit the New Directions, the musical was almost canceled, Burt had decided to run against Sue, things were complicated between Kurt and Rachel and Blaine had more attacks from Finn and Santana. Kurt had expected slushies and mean names when Blaine transferred to McKinley but he hadn’t expected this kind of meanness from the members of the glee club. GLEE CLUB! The club where everybody should have been accepted!

They both were also busy with musical’s rehearsals and Blaine did his best to help Kurt with his campaigns to what Kurt was really grateful for. After school they would almost always go to Kurt’s house to do their homework together and cuddle or just watch TV afterwards. Sometimes it was Blaine’s house instead, so Kurt had to face his fears and meet more Blaine’s parents. After few dinners with them it became easier and Kurt had to admit that they were actually really nice people.

So while everything else in Kurt’s life was quite messy and busy, he and Blaine grew much stronger with that month. They showed more affection to each other, even in public although they both knew how dangerous it could turn out. Kurt started to feel more comfortable with that and kissing with Blaine felt much more enjoyable. Not that he didn’t enjoy it before, now he could just drown into this without worries or second thoughts. Now and then, when they had privacy (Burt had finally given up with the open door thing when Kurt had simply hinted to him, that they can’t get pregnant), the usual cuddling would often turn into some kind of make out session. It wasn’t something too big in Kurt’s mind: it wasn’t hot or steamy, it was mostly just sweet kissing in bed and they would always stop before things started heading up.

But now, Kurt couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if they wouldn’t stop. More and more he started to notice Blaine’s body: his strong hands (boxing had shaped those well), his hips and neck what Kurt would like to kiss (or suck). Also Blaine’s thighs and legs and of course his ass. It wasn’t exactly easy to miss those things when they both had to change clothes before and after the gym class in the same room: although they both respected each other’s privacy Kurt still couldn’t help but look at least something.

So sometimes after another long evening with Blaine’s kisses when Kurt was safely tucked in his bed, everybody else in the house already asleep, he would let his mind.. go there. It was a little weird at first and he even felt kind of guilty but he really couldn’t help it. And Kurt had to admit to himself that he really wanted Blaine to be his first. And he wanted to be Blaine’s first. Kurt knew that it was still early to think about it so seriously because they had been dating less than four months and they were already moving a little too fast. After all, they were each other’s firsts boyfriends and both of them inexperienced with the whole dating thing. But Kurt couldn’t help but wonder what they would be if he had transferred to Dalton last year. Or at least if he had gone to spy after Warblers like Puck wanted him to. Where would they be now, if they had met earlier?

“Do you think I’m boring?” Kurt spoke up finally on the first week of November when watching Blaine dance like that in front of him made him think about.. things again.

“Are you kidding me? You’re the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio,” Blaine answered.

Kurt sat up, feeling a little nervous about this but said it anyways: “I mean like.. sexually.” With one single word, he has Blaine’s attention. “I mean we’re playing it very safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the equator.“

Blaine’s dancing changed but he didn’t stop, just looked at Kurt with curiosity, obviously feeling confused.

„But I thought, that’s what we wanted. I mean, we’ve been together like.. four months, isn’t it like a little early for that?“ he asked

„It is what we wanted,“ Kurt assured then. „And it probably is early but I’m just wondering, don’t you ever have the urge just to rip off each other’s clothes and get dirty? I mean, after all we both know that we are just like other teenagers with.. hormones.”

Blaine chuckled light to that as he said: “Yeah, well that’s why they invented masturbation.”

Kurt felt the blood in his face boiling up and he was sure that Blaine noticed it. “It’s so hot in here. Can we open up a window, it’s—”

“Hey, I’m serious!” Blaine stated then and started crawling to bed next to Kurt. “I mean we’re young. Yeah, we have urges. But whatever we do, I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable… so I can be comfortable,“ Blaine looked down on Kurt with sincerity, his hand on Kurt’s back. It felt comfortable, this moment really felt perfect and his words were so sweet. “But yeah, you’re kind of right. I don’t think that the time of us dating will be the factor since the hormones are doing their work and we are in a healthy relationship, so don’t take this personally or something but I know that it might be more.. difficult for you that it is for me.”

Kurt swallowed hard, understanding exactly Blaine’s words. He felt his heart sinking as the guilt and embarrassment overflowed, making him regret he brought it up at the first place.

Kurt remembered their awkward conversation but he didn’t have much time to think about it because of his currently busy life. He was actually glad he was busy, because he didn’t want to remember. Sometimes Kurt hated how much Blaine knew him, he knew how ignorant Kurt had been about sex. But this was months ago! And it wasn’t like he didn’t know anything then neither, he just wasn’t thinking about it.

Blaine had almost said himself that Kurt wasn’t ready. Blaine thought that Kurt wasn’t ready because he had made Burt talk to Kurt about sex and even though Kurt knew that Blaine was just as virgin as he was, now he felt even more inexperienced.

Kurt felt a little hurt and crashed when he saw Blaine sitting in Lima Bean with this guy, Sebastian, later that week. The guy wore Dalton uniform, probably also a Warbler so Kurt couldn’t blame Blaine wanting to chat with him. But yes, Kurt admitted to himself, he was jealous because this guy was hot and gay and obviously interested in Blaine, so Kurt felt like he didn’t deserve Blaine. Not when Sebastian wanted Blaine like that. And Sebastian looked a lot more experienced so why wouldn’t Blaine want him back? Kurt was nobody, just a lady boy who still couldn’t bring himself to wear something more fashionable because of some bullies.

Kurt sat next to Blaine, feeling nervous as hell. He agreed on going to Scandals because of Blaine, really trying not to regret it. With just this one day, they grew distant again, Kurt could feel it. Blaine didn’t seem to notice it since he was busy with talking about Sebastian and Sebasitan’s fabulous life.

“Is that your boyfriend?” a deep, a little scary voice asked when Kurt was sitting alone by the bar and watched painfully how Blaine and Sebastian were dancing.

Kurt smiled when he understood whose voice it was. It’s a little weird to smile to David Karofsky but in that moment, he couldn’t care less. It actually felt kind of nice to talk with him. To know, that David is fine, still in the closet but taking baby steps. It was kind of comforting to have somebody to talk with him when Kurt felt so down.

So he didn’t get up immediately to press himself between Sebastian and Blaine but he did eventually.

Everything turned into worse and Kurt almost cried himself to sleep that night. Blaine had actually wanted to have sex with him but Kurt turned him down. And god, he felt horrible. What if Blaine never wanted him again? What if Blaine wants to leave Kurt and go to Sebastian’s?

Kurt knew that he couldn’t take the break up now. He was still too weak for that and Blaine was his spine that held him up every day. He barely slept that night which is why it was very difficult to make through the opening night of West Side Story.

They didn’t talk, both of them were too busy with last minute’s rehearsals and dressing and make up. Kurt ignored looking at Blaine because he couldn’t take this now. He had to make through the musical with his performance before he could fall apart again. They didn’t even wish good luck to each other..

He knew Blaine was there, when everybody else had left. He could hear how Blaine practiced some dance steps. He tried to find all of his courage and walked by the stage, feeling really nervous. It felt like the end and Kurt had to know if it’s official so he could just get it over with.

“Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”

“Going over this move. I messed it up tonight. I know I can do better,” Blaine answered, avoiding the eye contact and that made Kurt even more hurt.

“Beauty of the stage. You get to do it all over again tomorrow night…” Kurt said with a shaky voice. He was really close to crying again but he did his best to manage the brave face. “I personally thought both you guys were perfect.”

“Thank you,” Blaine stopped and looked at him, “Your officer Krupke killed. Brought the house down.”

“Well, I can’t help but pull focus. Sorry,” he tried to joke, although he didn’t feel like joking at all.

“Don’t apologize…It was great.”

Silence. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at each other, so Kurt decided to brought it up himself.

“All your friends were here tonight,” he started. “the Warblers.. Sebastian.”

Blaine’s expression was kind of worried and sad.

“Come here,” he almost commanded to that and Kurt obligated slowly. “Give me your hand; hold it to your heart.”

 Wait, what?!

“Like the song?” Kurt questioned, feeling slightly confused.

“Like the song,” Blaine repeated. “Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to me,” he started, unequivocal, “and you were right. Our first time shouldn’t be like that. I was drunk… And I’m sorry. You’re not ready and I understand that.“

Kurt gulped, feeling more and more bewildered.

“Wait, you’re not breaking up with me?!” he managed to say with a whisper. That’s when Blaine abashed.

“Why the hell should I want to break up with you?!” he asked. “I’d understand if you wanted to, but..”

“Because of Sebastian,” Kurt cut him off. “Because he is hot and fabulous and experienced and I’m still just a wreck..”

Kurt didn’t have a chance to continue because Blaine covered his mouth with lips. Kurt forgot everything he wanted to say for a moment.

“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine cried and tried to pull Kurt closer when the kiss ended. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t have no idea,” he said. “I never meant.. Kurt I love you and Sebastian really means nothing to me. You are my everything and god I’m not even sure if I want to know what else you thought.”

Kurt shrugged, feeling a little better now but still unsure. “Oh god, I thought you were going to break up with me.”

And Blaine kissed him again, longer this time and somehow Kurt understood what Blaine tried to say. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck and kissed him back with passion.

“You take my breath away,” he whispered when they broke off. They held each other close for a long time, words unnecessary before Blaine spoke again.

“Artie is having an after party at Breadstix,” he said quietly. “Will you accompany me?”

Kurt swallowed and bit his lip, trying to decide what to answer.

“Actually,” he started little nervously. He had to take a deep breath before he could continue. “Actually I was hoping if we could.. go to your house tonight. Your parents are away, right?” Kurt remembered something what Blaine had said few days earlier.

Blaine pressed his lips together, thinking about it for a moment before he answered.

“Okay.”