I'm only writing this to you because it hurts too much to write to anyone else. I need to leave something behind- something to let everyone know that I didn't want to abandon them. I wanted to stay, and fight, and win, but I can't. I know my limits. Everything's pointing downhill from here, and if I don't take control right now, I'll self-destruct. I want to leave with some dignity left in me. I want to leave knowing that I still had control over my fate, and that it wasn't in the hands of some varsity jacket.

If you haven't guessed, yes, I'm planning on killing myself. You can say, "he took his own life," or, "he went to a better place", but a pile of shit by any other name would still smell like a pile of shit. So we might as well not beat around the bush. We should be blunt. Precise. It might make this whole thing less sad, and more matter-of-fact.

Seven Billioner, I'm afraid to say that I'm losing faith in ever finding you. I keep wishing you'll be just around the corner, and that you'll come in your armor to help, no, to save me. But that's just it. You're one of 7 billion. There's next to no chance of me ever being as important to you as the idea of you is to me. I'm tired of just hoping for you. I'm tired of missing what could've happened between me and the man that might not even exist. You were what was going to make me strong again.

I'm a strong person, I know I am, more than most people. I like being strong. Being strong is the only thing I have over everyone else, but I'm losing it. I'm losing my strength. The incessant locker shoving, slushie throwing and name-calling is finally taking its toll on me. I'm becoming defenseless, tolerant, and weak. The bullies are making their way under my skin, and I'm disgusted at myself for letting them get that deep.

So, I'm leaving before they take over completely. I'm not going to let myself be their slave. There's no way I'll let myself submit to them. This is the only way I can be remembered for remaining true to who I am until the end. This is the only way I'll stay Kurt Hummel when everything's good and done.

They'll be happy. They'll say that they won. They'll say that they beat me. But the truth is that they never completely got to me. That'll be their biggest disappointment of all, when they figure it out. I'll have gone to a place where they'll never get to me. That's how I'll have won.

I'm sorry to leave you behind, Seven Billioner. It looks like I'll have to meet you some other life.

-Kurt