“While we're waiting for the Third Little Pig to build us a flying ship, Kurt and I can climb my beanstalk and retrieve the giant's most prized possession,” Blaine suggested.  “Would anyone like to join us?”

“Oh, definitely!” Darren exclaimed.  “Are you in, Chris?”

“Sure — sounds fun.”

“Oh my.  There's no need to go rushing off,” Rachel sputtered.  “I'm sure it won't take long to get the flying ship built, and then you can just float up there.  That'll be much easier.”

“Unfortunately, that won't work,” Blaine explained.  “The beanstalk is what summons the giant's castle.”

“Oh my.  I didn't know.  I, uh, kind of had the beanstalk removed.”

“Removed?  Why?”

“Well, if you must know, after you ran off with Kurt Hummelocks, I didn't want to see it looming over me as a constant reminder of what we'd once had.”

“What you'd once had?!?” Kurt snapped.  “What you had was a ridiculous crush on my boyfriend that caused you to act like a sociopath!”

Blaine placed a calming hand on Kurt's back.  “It's okay.  We'll just need to track down Stoner Brett and get some more magic beans.”

“But isn't Stoner Brett being held prisoner in the Troll and Goblin Territory?” Chris asked.

“No,” Blaine said with a laugh.  “King Karofsky kicked him out after he caught him trying to get Princess Trollbecky high.”

“Blaine and I have run into him a few times on our travels through the Dwarf Forests,” Kurt added.  “He shouldn't be too hard to find.”

“I'm sure it won't be as exciting as climbing the beanstalk, but you're still welcome to join us, if you'd like,” Blaine offered, smiling at Darren and Chris.

Given a choice between hanging around the castle with a peevish Rachel, or going off on an adventure with Kurt and Blaine, neither one of them hesitated for a moment.  “We'd love to!”

The four of them made their way down to the stables.  Chris immediately recognized Rum Chocolate Soufflé, the gorgeous buckskin mare that he'd last seen Kurt and Blaine galloping away on together.  She nickered as they approached.

“Hello, girl,” Kurt greeted her, holding out a sugar cube.  

A large black Friesian stallion in the adjacent stall neighed loudly.  He thrust his head over the rails, clearly demanding a sugar cube of his own.

“Don't worry, Adrenaline,” Blaine reassured him.  “I've got one for you, too.”

The stallion whinnied in reply before gently taking the treat from Blaine's hand.  He chomped happily for a moment before uttering another loud neigh.

“Adrenaline's very vocal,” Blaine chuckled.  “But he's a real sweetheart.  He showed up out of the blue shortly after you left, and he and Rum Chocolate Soufflé have been inseparable ever since.”

Chris and Darren exchanged an amused glance at that.  They stood by and watched as Kurt and Blaine groomed and bridled the two horses.

“Do you know how to ride?” Chris whispered to Darren.

“Yeah.  How about you?”

“Well, I've done it a few times, but I wouldn't say I've got a lot of experience.  You'd better sit in front and control the reins, and I'll just hang on and come along for the ride.”

Although they'd been speaking quietly, Blaine had evidently overheard their conversation.  “You've got nothing to worry about,” he assured them.  “Adrenaline and Rum Chocolate Soufflé are practically joined at the hip.  He'll follow wherever she leads, so you can both relax and enjoy yourselves.”

Kurt and Blaine led the horses out into the morning sunshine.  Blaine held Adrenaline steady as Kurt cupped his hands to give first Darren and then Chris a leg up.  The stallion neighed loudly, causing his body to shake in a way that Chris found quite disconcerting.  He wrapped his arms tightly around Darren's waist.

Noticing Chris's obvious distress, Kurt turned to Rum Chocolate Soufflé.  “Tell your boyfriend to behave himself.”

The mare pinned her ears back and gave Adrenaline a you'd better settle down this instant if you know what's good for you look.  Adrenaline immediately quieted, lowering his head and putting on a docile expression.

Darren laughed.  “He sure knows who's boss.”

“Smart guys always do,” Blaine said ruefully.

Kurt gave him a playful slap on the ass.  “Okay, smart guy.  Let's get this show on the road.”

With one fluid motion, Kurt swung himself onto his horse's back.  Blaine leapt up behind him, and they set off at a walk, heading west, toward the Dwarf Forests.  

As they came to a crossroad, Blaine suggested, “Let's take a detour past Little Miss Muffet's house.”

Kurt giggled, “Oh, good idea.”

Chris and Darren shot them curious looks.

“Don't worry, this will won't take long,” Kurt said slyly.

They soon came to a storybook cottage.  Kurt guided Rum Chocolate Soufflé along the side wall, reaching down and snatching a pan from the window sill.  Then he urged his horse into a gallop, and they shot away from the scene of the crime.

Chris clung tightly to Darren as Adrenaline matched Rum Chocolate Soufflé stride for stride.  He laughed with exhilaration.  

A few minutes later, when the horses slowed back down to a walk, Darren asked, “So, what's in the pan?”

“Brownies,” Kurt answered.

“But not just any brownies,” Blaine explained.  “These are the ‘special' brownies that Little Miss Muffet uses medicinally to treat her arachnophobia.  I figure we can trade them to Stoner Brett for some magic beans.”  

“Cool.”

…

By noon, the four travelers had passed through the western gate in the wall surrounding the Red Riding Hood Kingdom, and were deep in the Dwarf Forests.  Bringing their horses to a stop next to a brook in a small clearing, they dismounted and allowed them to drink.

“This looks like a good place for a picnic,” Kurt said, sitting down on the trunk of a fallen tree.

The others joined him, and Blaine produced apples, cheese, and a fresh loaf of bread.  Chris and Darren smiled at each other, as both remembered sharing a similar meal in a similar spot the first time they'd ever met Kurt Hummelocks. 

“So,” Darren asked with his mouth full, “how are you two enjoying being on the run together?”

“It's amazing!” Blaine gushed.  “All of those years, when Kurt was out there on his own, I couldn't stop worrying about the terrible things that could happen to him.  But now that I've seen him in action, my only concern is for any person or creature foolish enough to get in his way.”

Kurt blushed, but didn't contradict his boyfriend.  “Well, Blaine's taken to the life of an outlaw like a cheermaid to water,” he said proudly.  “We make a perfect team.”

“That we do,” Blaine agreed, giving Kurt his best heart-eyes before laying his head on his shoulder.

“What about you two?” Kurt asked.  “What have you been up to in the year since we last saw you?”

Chris hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to explain that only a few days had passed in their world during that year.  He was saved the trouble of deciding when Darren spoke up.

“Well, we did finally figure out that we're meant to be together,” Darren said, turning his own heart-eyes on Chris.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed.  “Thank you both for helping us see that.”

“I think you two were the only ones who didn't see it immediately.  It was pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, well, I've been told I can be kinda oblivious at times,” Darren mumbled around another mouthful of food.

“And you have no table manners,” Chris chastised, bumping their shoulders together playfully.

“But you love me anyway.”

“Yes.  Yes, I do.”

…

An hour later, well-fed and well-rested, the two couples were back on their horses, riding through the Dwarf Forests at an easy canter.  Chris allowed himself to relax into Adrenaline's rocking-horse gait, appreciating the stallion's wide, flat back.  His arms were still wrapped tightly around Darren, but no longer for any reason other than the pleasure of the contact.

“Do you smell that?” Darren asked after awhile.

Chris took a deep breath.  There was a faint but unmistakable pungent smoke in the air.  The scent became heavier and more cloying as they continued forward.

Rounding a bend, they came upon the source of the smoke.  Stoner Brett was  sitting with his back against a tree and a joint between his fingers.  A thick blue-gray cloud surrounded him.

Kurt reined Rum Chocolate Soufflé to a halt, and Adrenaline stopped neatly beside her.  The four riders slid to the ground.

Stoner Brett cocked his head like a dog confused by an unexpected sound.  “Wow…  It's like I'm seeing double.  This must be some good shit…”

“Hey, Brett,” Blaine greeted him.  “How's it going?”

“Hey, man,” he said slowly.  “Are you here, or am I there?”

“Oh, we're all here,” Kurt assured him. 

“Trippy…”

“Hi, Brett,” Chris said.  “Do you remember me and Darren?  You helped us escape from the Troll and Goblin Territory last year.  We really appreciated it.”

“Oh, man - those trolls and goblins sure knew how to party.  Who'duh thunk King Karofsky would be so uptight about his daughter?”

“Yeah,” Darren commiserated.  “We heard he kicked you out.  Bummer.”

“Major bummer.”

“Well, we brought something to cheer you up,” Kurt offered.  “We've got a whole pan of Little Miss Muffet's special brownies, freshly baked.”

Stoner Brett giggled.  “You said baked…  Man, am I baked already…  But I could definitely go for some of those brownies.”

“We were hoping you'd be willing to trade us some magic beans for them,” Blaine said.

“Magic beans…  Magic beans…” Stoner Brett repeated, getting unsteadily to his feet and beginning to rummage around in the dilapidated wagon he'd left parked half-on and half-off the path.  “I know I have some magic beans around here somewhere.  Let's see…  Magic hat…  Magic mushrooms…  Oh — here — magic beans!”

Stoner Brett triumphantly held up a small black bag.  He stumbled over to Blaine and passed it to him.

Blaine looked inside, and was evidently pleased by what he saw.  “Thanks.”

“No problemo.”

Kurt handed over the pan of brownies.  Stoner Brett's eyes may have lit up at the sight, although it was hard to tell through the thick smoke.

“Thanks, man.  Do you guys wanna stick around and share them with me?”

“We'd better not,” Blaine told him.  “We still have a long ride ahead of us.”

“Okay,” Stoner Brett said, as he took a huge bite from one of the brownies.  “Happy trails…”

As the other four re-mounted their horses and rode away, Stoner Brett slowly waved the splayed fingers of one hand in front of his eyes, repeating, “Happy trails…  happy trails…  happy trails…”