When Chris and Darren returned to the campfire hand-in-hand, they were greeted by a loud wolf-whistle from Zach.  

“Soooo… What have you two been up to?” he teased.

“Not what you're thinking,” Darren said ruefully.

“But we did find out what the Enchantress's most prized possession is — the pants of her tracksuit.”

“That's great!” said Froggy.  “Now we know how to complete the Wand of Wonderment!”

“But we also found out something else, and this one's not so great,” Darren told them.  “The Enchantress is trying to take over both of our worlds, by putting all of the rulers of this world, plus Chris, here, to sleep forever.  Then she'll be able to travel into our world and take over there, too.”

“That's terrible!”

“I know.  So until we can end this curse, we all have to be super careful to avoid kissing at all costs,” Chris said.

There was a collective sigh from the group.

“I think we should all turn in now,” suggested Rachel.  “After we've had a good night's sleep, maybe we'll be able to figure out how to get the pants from the Enchantress's tracksuit.”

There were murmurs of agreement all around, and soon everyone was hunkered down under the makeshift tent that Kurt and Blaine had fashioned from the remains of the hot air balloon.

“This is like a slumber party,” Darren whispered to Chris, as they snuggled together between Zach on one side and Kurt and Blaine on the other.

“Too bad we don't have any of Red's feather pillows,” Chris whispered back, “or we could have a classic slumber party pillow fight.”

Darren giggled.  Then he rolled onto his back and patted his chest.  “Here.  You can't use me to hit anyone, but I'll be your pillow.”

Chris cuddled closer, laying his head over Darren's heart.  The last thing he thought, before drifting off to sleep, was how desperately he longed to be able to kiss his boyfriend.

…

The sound of hoofbeats and a ringing neigh woke them the following morning.

“Rum Chocolate Soufflé!” Kurt cried.  “And Adrenaline.  What are you two doing here?”

The two horses were soon followed by a third — this one with a rider on his back.

“It's Sir Cooper!” Darren exclaimed, grinning.

The commander of Queen Snow White's Royal Guard reined his horse to a sliding stop inches away from the tent.  The groggy occupants stumbled out to greet him.  

As soon as she recognized their visitor, Rachel went into full monarch mode.  “Sir Cooper, have you come with an official missive for me from my fellow rulers?”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Sir Cooper answered self-importantly.  “I've ridden like the wind, all through the day, following this mare, as golden as the sun” (here he pointed dramatically toward Rum Chocolate Soufflé) “and all through the night, following this stallion” (with an equally dramatic sweep of his arm toward Adrenaline) “as black as the — well, as black as the night itself, bearing news for the Queen of the Red Riding Hood Kingdom.”

Sir Cooper paused for breath, and the others looked at him expectantly.

“Well?” Rachel demanded.  “What is this news?”

“Oh, most grave tidings, indeed,” Sir Cooper intoned.  “One of the esteemed members of the Warbler Council, Warbler Thad, has fallen victim to the Enchantress's curse.”

“But how could that happen?” Froggy asked.  “Surely warnings about the curse reached the Warbler Kingdom weeks ago.  And Warbler Thad doesn't even have a girlfriend.  Or a boyfriend.  So who kissed him?”

“Oh, it's a tragic tale of youthful exuberance gone wrong,” Sir Cooper replied with a gleam in his eyes.  “Warbler Thad and Warbler Trent were picnicking together when they happened to notice a stray dog licking itself.  Warbler Trent made a joking comment about wishing he was flexible enough to do that, and Warbler Thad boasted that he bet he could.  Well, the next thing you know, Warbler Thad had stripped off his pants, curled his back, and proceeded to…  um…  well, I'd better not say, with ladies present.”

Rachel gasped.  “No!” 

“I'm afraid to say that it's true.  And apparently, the curse is also activated by giving oneself a kiss of an… um… intimate nature.”

“Wow!” Darren said, speaking for all of the men there.

Rachel drew herself up to her full (though diminutive) height.  “Sir Cooper!” she said severely, “I hope that you haven't come here simply to share this scandalous story.  Do you have an actual message for me?”  

“Yes, of course, Your Majesty.  Please forgive me.  The remaining members of the Warbler Council have summoned all of the rulers of the other kingdoms to a summit meeting to discuss how to defeat the Enchantress and end this curse.  A regiment of my army is following right behind me, and they should be arriving shortly with several fine carriages, so that we may escort you to the Warbler Kingdom in style.”

…

The Warbler Kingdom was only a few hours away by carriage.  It was a pleasant ride through the magical landscape.  Zach — the only member of the party who had never been there before — was giddy with delight as he pointed out each new wonder they passed.

“Have you ever seen such beautiful flowers?”

“Look!  The water in that stream is actually sparkling!”

“Wow!  Are those unicorns?”  

“Hey!  What are Heather and Naya doing here?”

Chris, who had been only half-listening as he dozed in Darren's arms, startled fully awake at Zach's last exclamation.  He and Darren stared out of the window, confused, as their carriage drew level with the two women walking beside the path.

Darren called out to them in surprise.  “Brittany?  Santana?  You've got legs!”

Santana gave Darren her best bitch-glare.  “At the risk of repeating myself: no shit, Sherlock.”

“But what happened?”

“The Sea Witch threw a hissy fit when she found out we'd helped you steal her jewels,” Brittany explained.  “And she turned us both into humans.”

“We're on our way to meet with the Warbler Council,” Santana told them.  “We figure if we can help defeat the Enchantress and save the Fairy Godfather, then he can turn us back into Cheermaids.”

“Well that's where we're headed, too.  Hop in — we'll give you a ride.”

…

Soon the carriages drew up in front of the Warbler Palace.  Unlike an ordinary palace, this one had no walls.  Instead, tall marble pillars supported a domed ceiling that was an exact replica of the one at Dalton Academy.  Tiny, jewel-toned wildflowers carpeted the floor.

Chris recognized Wes, David, Nick, and Jeff, in their familiar blue blazers.  The rulers of all of the other kingdoms — those who remained conscious, at least — were also gathered.  Queen Quinderella and King Puck Charming were seated on a large sofa next to Queen Snow White and King Sam.  Across from them, Will (the Evil Queen's former huntsman) sat next to Queen Emmapunzel, who was looking with distaste at Stoner Brett and Queen Trollbecky.  Mother Goose perched alone on a large armchair, leering at Zach.

Wes banged his ever-present gavel.  “Now that the representatives from the Red Riding Hood Kingdom and Cheermaid Bay have arrived, I call this meeting to order.  Please be seated.”

The moment that Chris, Darren, and the others sat down, there was a loud POP accompanied by a puff of violet smoke.  As the smoke cleared, it revealed a platform that had magically appeared in the center of the room.  Upon the platform stood the Enchantress — Sue Sylvester, in all of her purple-tracksuit-ed glory.  Six bodies lay still at her feet: Queen Sleeping Tina, King Mike, Princess Beth, the Fairy Godfather, Warbler Thad, and a woman who looked suspiciously like Gwyneth Paltrow/Holly Holiday, but whom Chris assumed to be the Elf Empress he'd been planning to include in a future book. 

“Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Sue laughed, sounding like a conglomeration of every cliché supervillian in history.  She held up a large glass jar.  “Do you know what I have here?”

Chris stared in horror at the pulsing contents of the jar — six beating hearts, one clearly belonging to a very young child.  Utter silence filled the Warbler Palace, as everyone sat frozen in shock.

Suddenly Rachel broke the spell, surging to her feet and belting out a song as only she could:

Who do you think you are?

Runnin round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

Youre gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So dont come back for me

Who do you think you are?

I hear youre asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

And Ive learned to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?

Runnin round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

Youre gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So dont come back for me

Who do you think you are?

And who do you think you are?

Runnin round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

Tearing love apart

Youre gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Dont come back for me

Dont come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?