Chris was awakened by a sharp jolt.  “What was that?”

“I think we just landed,” Darren replied groggily.

The two made their way to the upper deck, where they found a bleary-eyed Froggy.  

“Have you been up all night?” Darren asked.

“Well, somebody had to steer the ship, and make sure we didn't crash into the mountains.”

“Sorry, man.  You could have woken me.  I'd have been willing to take a turn.”

“That's okay,” Froggy said.  “I didn't want to disturb anyone.  But now that we're safely on the ground, I think I'm gonna go get some sleep.”

Froggy headed down to the lower deck, passing Kurt and Blaine on their way up.

“Good morning,” Blaine greeted Chris and Darren.  “Did you guys sleep well?”

They both nodded.  “Our bed was really comfortable.  Red sure knows how to put together a luxury cruise on short notice,” Chris said.

Kurt rolled his eyes, but held his tongue.  Ever since Rachel had reminded them that this was her ship, so it was up to her who got to come along on the mission, he had been making an obvious effort to rein in his irritation with her.

As Rachel herself came stumbling onto the upper deck, Chris barely caught Kurt muttering under his breath, “Speak of the devil…”

Rachel did not look her best.  Her hair was snarled, her eyes were bloodshot, and she appeared to have slept in her clothes.  “Where are we?” she groaned, clutching her head.

“I think we're about a mile from the Snow Queen's lair.  It's rumored to be hidden in that glacier,” Blaine said, gesturing northward.  “We'll have to travel the rest of the way on foot.”

“I didn't bring any snow boots,” Rachel said.  “I think I'd better stay here and help Froggy guard the ship.”

“That's a good idea, Red,” Blaine agreed.  

The others all let out a sigh of relief.  

Once Rachel had stumbled back down to the lower deck, Darren said, “Wow — I guess she had a little too much to drink last night.  That looked like a killer hangover.”

Kurt tried — but failed — to hold in a snort.  

Blaine bumped their shoulders together.  “I think it will be more fun with just the four of us, anyway.  How about you two get breakfast ready,” he suggested to Chris and Darren, “while Kurt and I gather up the supplies and weapons we'll need.”

…

A couple of hours later — after trudging through the snow and then wandering around in the labyrinthine crevasses of the glacier — the four travelers finally found themselves at the edge of a vast crater.  A frozen waterfall spilled down one side, ending in the ice of a lake that covered the crater's floor.  At the far side of the crater was an archway, from which hung an enormous chandelier made entirely of dagger-sharp icicles that glowed with an unworldly light.  Under that archway sat an icy throne.  And upon that throne…

“Is that the Snow Queen?” Darren whispered.

“It must be,” Chris replied, whispering as well.

“But why is she wearing a track suit?”

Chris did a double-take.  The figure on the throne was, indeed, wearing a bright blue track suit, with a matching scarf covering her eyes.  “It looks like Sue Sylvester.”

“I thought Sue was the Evil Queen who poisoned Snow White.”

“Maybe that's not Sue.  Maybe it's her evil twin.”

“Which in this case would just be her twin.”

“Exactly.”

Kurt gripped Blaine's shoulder tightly.  “B-b-bears,” he stammered, pointing.

Flanking the Snow Queen's throne were half a dozen guards — big, burly, men with plenty of facial hair.  No one had noticed them at first, since their polar bear fur coats effectively camouflaged them against the snow.

Darren turned to Kurt, surprised to hear him sounding frightened for the first time since they'd met him.  “Are you afraid of bears?”

Kurt nodded, making a visible effort to pull himself together.  “I have been ever since Rachel tricked me into going to the Three Bears' house when we were kids.  Those guys really tried to maul me, and I guess I've never quite gotten over it.” 

Blaine wrapped Kurt protectively in his arms.  “You can wait here.  I'll sneak down and try to snag the scepter.”

Kurt hugged Blaine back, then raised his chin and squared his shoulders.  “No, I'm the best thief.  I should do it.  You three distract the guards, and I'll get the scepter.”

After a brief, whispered planning session, it was decided.  Kurt headed clockwise, toward the frozen waterfall, while the others went counterclockwise around the rim of the crater.  Once they were opposite the waterfall, Chris, Darren, and Blaine lowered themselves to the ground and scooted to the edge of the crater.  Then they began making snowballs and tossing them over the side.

The bears' heads whipped around, and all six of them came to investigate the disturbance, leaving the Snow Queen unguarded.  Kurt began making his way stealthily toward her throne.  Unfortunately, as he crossed the frozen lake, a piece of ice snapped under his foot, drawing the bears' attention.  

Kurt froze as the bears approached.

Blaine leapt to his feet.  “No!” he shouted.

The Snow Queen couldn't see what was happening, but she raised her scepter toward the sound of Blaine's voice.  An icy blast shot from its tip, freezing him solid.  Darren sprang forward to grab him just in time to keep him from toppling into the crater.  The Snow Queen shot another icy blast, which knocked them both backward, and froze Darren as well.  

Chris stayed as still and silent as he could, watching in horror as the bears closed in on Kurt, who was cowering down on the ice.

“What's the matter, pretty boy?  Are we too close for comfort?” one of the bears taunted.

“No,” Kurt said, pulling a dagger from his boot and rising in one swift motion, “you're just where I want you.”  He hurled the dagger at the nearest bear.  It struck the ice right in front of his feet.  

The bear laughed darkly.  “Missed me.”  

Kurt arched one haughty eyebrow.  “I never miss.”  

The ice cracked where the dagger had landed, and all six bears plunged into the lake, which immediately re-froze over their heads.

In a rage, the Snow Queen began singing O Fortuna — which Chris immediately recognized as the theme music to all of Sue Sylvester's violent rampages — at the top of her lungs.  The sound echoed around the crater, causing the archway above her throne to shake.  As her song reached its crescendo, the enormous ice chandelier collapsed on top of her.

Kurt rushed forward and snatched the scepter out of her hand.  He bent forward as though listening, then straightened up and raced to Chris, Darren, and Blaine.

“Are they okay?” he asked frantically.

Chris felt numb with shock.  “I don't know.  They seem to be frozen.  What do we do?”

Kurt reached into one of their packs and brought out two fur-lined sleeping bags.  “We have to warm them up.  If we strip them, and ourselves, and get into these sleeping bags together, our body heat should do the trick.”

Chris opened his sleeping bag and rolled Darren's stiff form onto it.  With trembling fingers he removed his own and Darren's clothes.  Then he wrapped himself and his boyfriend tightly together in the fur.

Within seconds, Chris's teeth were chattering with cold.  Darren's icy skin seemed to be drawing all of the heat right out of his body.  A few feet away, he could hear Kurt's teeth chattering, too.

“Th-th-this isn't working,” Kurt cried.  “We need more heat.”

He scrambled back into his clothes, leaving Blaine wrapped in the sleeping bag.  Rummaging around in his pack, he brought out a tinder box.  Soon he had a small but blissfully warm fire crackling nearby.  In another few minutes he had lit a second fire about six feet away from the first.

“Okay, here's what we're going to do,” Kurt said, all business.  “We'll connect the two sleeping bags and lay them between the fires.  Then you and I will lie back-to-back in the middle to keep each other from freezing, and we'll put Blaine and Darren on the outsides, between us and the fires, so they're warmed from both ends.  Oh, and we'll pile all of our fur coats on top of the sleeping bags, too, to hold in the heat.”

Chris readily agreed to the plan, and they quickly got themselves and their boyfriends repositioned.  At first, the front of Chris's body was painfully cold where he was pressed up against Darren's freezing skin, but Kurt's warmth at his back did help, and eventually he felt Darren beginning to thaw.  Gradually the color returned to his skin, and at last he blinked his eyes open.

“If you think getting slushied is like being bitch-slapped by an iceberg, you should try getting hit by a blast from the Snow Queen's scepter.  Man, I have never been so fucking cold!”

Chris laughed in relief.  “Oh, thank god you're okay!”

“Mmmmm…” Darren murmured, snuggling impossibly closer in the tight confines of the sleeping bag.  “You feel good.”

Chris was suddenly uncomfortably aware of his nakedness, as well as his proximity to three other naked men, two of whom had the same bodies as his and Darren's younger selves.  Behind him he could feel the tension melt out of Kurt as Blaine finally began to stir, only to be replaced by a different sort of tension when Blaine slipped a hand into the space where their lower backs arched away from each other and then slid it down over Kurt's ass.  The backs of Blaine's knuckles pressed against Chris's own ass, and he let out an embarrassing squeak.

“Okay!” he cried, his voice coming out a bit louder and more high-pitched than he'd intended.  “I think we're all warmed up enough!”