Chris was awakened shortly after midnight by an unholy commotion.  Looking out the window, he saw more than a dozen carriages parked in front of the house, disgorging a steady stream of servants bearing trunks, chests, boxes, and a truly staggering number of framed portraits.  The subject of those paintings was gesturing imperiously as she ordered everyone around.  

Chris sighed, put the pillow over his head, and willed himself back to sleep.

Unique's familiar song — Oh, the sun is up, and so am I —  sounded a bit muffled the following morning.  Chris dragged himself out of bed and staggered downstairs to find that all of the walls were lined from floor to ceiling with portraits of Rachel, while the entire floor was carpeted with her worldly possessions.  The magic harp was barely visible where she stood half-buried in one corner.

“I know I said ‘the more the merrier,' but this is ridiculous!” Unique complained.  “Froggy and Red are welcome to stay, but this stuff has got to go.”

“I'm sorry,” Chris said.  “I'll talk to them when they get up.”

…

Chris's conversation with Froggy and Rachel went about as well as he'd expected — which was to say, not well at all.  Rachel seemed to believe that she was the most put-upon creature who'd ever lived.  Anyone else's troubles or inconvenience were trifling matters in the face of her prodigious suffering.  Even Chris's experience of being trapped in another dimension paled in comparison with the horror of being stripped of her throne and evicted from her castle.  

After everyone had been forced to acknowledge that Rachel was, if no longer the queen of the kingdom, then at least the queen of all victims, she finally agreed to allow Chris and Froggy to convert Blaine's old workshop into a storage shed for her things.  The portrait wallpaper, however, was apparently non-negotiable.  Chris figured that once he was able to see the floor again, he could simply avoid looking at the walls, so he counted it as a win.

…

That evening, worn out from a long day of manual labor, Chris was relieved to be able to collapse into bed and catch up with Darren.  

After venting about Rachel for twenty minutes, he concluded by saying, “I've never come so close to slapping someone in my life.  She's lucky she looks so much like Lea — otherwise, I might have done it.”

“Well, you did write Queen Red to be pretty self-absorbed.”

“I know, I know.  I can't tell you how much I'm regretting that!”

“I'm sure tomorrow's gonna be a better day.”

“Will it, though?  Or is this what my life is going to be like from now on — trapped in another dimension, living with a transgendered magic harp, an overgrown frog-man, and an insufferable spoiled brat?  I'm stuck here.  And you're there.  And that just sucks.”

“Yeah, we're physically apart right now, and yeah, that does suck.  But we're still connected, and I'm madly in love with you, so that feels pretty fucking amazing.”

Chris felt all of the tension he'd been carrying melt into a soft warmth at Darren's words.  “I love you too, Dare.  I know that you're usually the one who says it first, but I hope you realize how much I really, really do love you.”

“I know.  But it feels good to hear it, anyway.”

“So, it's been a long day, and I think I'm done with my pity party.  Will you sing me to sleep?”

“Of course.”

Darren grabbed his guitar and began to pick out the opening notes to an old James Taylor lullaby.

Well the sun is surely sinking down

But the moon is slowly rising

So this old world must still be spinning ‘round

And I still love you

So close your eyes

You can close your eyes, it's all right

I don't know no love songs

And I can't sing the blues anymore

But I can sing this song…    

…

The next morning, as Chris was sitting down to breakfast with his new housemates — complete with champagne and fresh squeezed orange juice, courtesy of Rachel, who was apparently trying to make amends for her behavior the previous day — an unexpected visitor popped into the room.

“Mother Goose!” Chris gasped.  “You startled me.  Can I offer you a pumpkin muffin?  Or would you like a mimosa?”

“Oh, a pumpkin muffin would be great.  But I'm not drinking today.  I've got to stay sharp.”

Chris was surprised to hear this, but it seemed to be true, since her words were neither slurred nor rhyming, and she was keeping her hands to herself.

“I'm going to be officiating at a wedding this afternoon, and I've come here to invite you all to attend.”

“Who's getting married?”

“Kurt and Blaine.”

Chris was delighted to hear this.  “Oh, I'd love to come.  Where are they holding the ceremony?”

Mother Goose looked around, as if there might be spies listening in.  “It's very hush-hush, since they are still wanted fugitives, you know.”

“Don't worry.  We won't tell anyone.”

“Well, there's a lovely little clearing in the Dwarf Forest, just south of the I'll Show You Mine.  If you leave here by carriage right after lunch, you should get there in plenty of time.”

“We'll be there!”

…

The clearing was, indeed, lovely.  Golden sunlight streaming through the gap in the trees made a welcome contrast to the gloom of the surrounding forest.  Rows of logs had been set up like bench seats, facing a large boulder into which had been carved a heart with the initials K & B inside.

Chris, Froggy, and Rachel sat in the front row, with Unique standing beside them.  The strings of the magic harp were vibrating with excitement.

“Ooh, I can't believe that Blaine is all grown up and getting married!  It seems like only yesterday that he was just a brave young boy, rescuing me from the giant's castle.”

Before anyone could respond, Mother Goose popped into view in front of the boulder.  “Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and whatever the rest of you are.  I understand that many of you are on a tight schedule — as are our grooms — due to being on the run from the law.  So without further ado, let the wedding begin.”

The magic harp began to play an impromptu instrumental version of “At Last” as the wedding party stepped out from behind the trees.

Mother Goose announced, “I am honored to present: Kurt, accompanied by his best mare, Rum Chocolate Soufflé; Blaine, accompanied by his best stallion, Adrenaline; and their flower foal, Cupcake.”

Chris let out an embarrassingly high-pitched squeal at the sight of the new foal.  “Oooh — Baby Cupcake!”        

The adorable chestnut filly led the procession.  She held a basket of rose petals in her mouth and was breathing very heavily, blowing the petals out of the basket and scattering them across the ground with every exhalation.  Behind her, Kurt and Blaine strode hand in hand down the aisle, followed by their horses.

When they reached the front, Mother Goose cleared her throat.  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of these two wanted fugitives.  If there is anyone here who knows of a reason why these two should not be wed, I suggest that you forever hold your peace, or risk ending up in pieces.”

There was a smattering of nervous laughter from the crowd, as everyone glanced at the sai swords hanging from Kurt's belt.

Mother Goose paused for a moment before continuing.  “Good, good.  Now that the threat of bloodshed is over, our grooms have written their own vows.  Blaine, I believe you wanted to go first.”

Blaine looked down to where his hand was still clasped tightly in Kurt's before raising his gaze to Kurt's eyes.

“From the first time we met

My soul knew something

That my body and my mind didn't know yet

It knew that our hands were meant to hold each other

Fearlessly and forever

Which is why

It's never really felt like I've been getting to know you

It's always felt like I was remembering you from something

As if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived

We've chosen to come back

And find each other

And fall in love all over again

Over and over, for all eternity

And I just feel so lucky

That I found you so soon in this lifetime

Because all I want to do

All I've ever wanted to do

Is spend my life loving you

So, Kurt Hummelocks

My amazing friend

My one true love

Do you want to marry me?

Kurt's lips trembled as he whispered, “I do.”

Then, making a visible effort to pull himself together, Kurt continued in a stronger voice:

Blaine, I'm a man who's always lived in the shadows

And everyone who's ever come into my life 

Has always tried to pull me out into the sun 

Or throw me into the darkest dungeon

I honestly thought that I would never find real love 

And then you came along

And even if someone had told me 

That it wasn't going to work out

And that at the end of all of our struggling

And all of our work

That it would just end in heartache

I would have suffered it all

Just for the tiny chance to be standing up here

Marrying you

You don't ask me to come out of the shadows

You help me kick the ass of anyone who's blocking the sun

It's time for us to walk into the sunshine together

Forever

Is that something you want to do?

Blaine's eyes welled up with tears as he answered, “I do.”

As Kurt and Blaine exchanged their rings, their voices joined in a haunting duet:

Make of our hands, one hand

Make of our hearts, one heart

Make of our vows, one last vow

Only death will part us now

Make of our lives, one life 

Day after day, one life

Now it begins, now we start

One hand, one heart

Even death wont part us now

Mother Goose raised her flask.  “By the power vested in me by the Gleefully Ever After Assembly, I now pronounce you outlawfully wedded husbands.  Let the kissing begin!”

And it did.