Summer 2005

Although Kurt sometimes felt that he and Blaine had spent the previous summer more focused on Harry Potter than on horses, they had both managed to pass all of the intermediate tests by the end of their sixth week.  Now, they would be in the advanced riding group, and, what was even better, they were both signed up for the entire 9-week summer camp session.

The first week of camp, Kurt recognized most of the boys in their riding group from previous summers, even if he wasn't actually friends with any of them.  If he was being honest with himself, Kurt couldn't say he had made any real friends at camp, other than Blaine.  

It wasn't that he didn't like the other boys, or that they didn't like him.  Everyone was friendly and accepting, and Kurt felt more comfortable being himself at camp than he ever did around his peers at school.  It was just that everything Kurt needed in a friend – emotional support, physical closeness, interesting conversation, someone to laugh and goof around with – he had found in Blaine.  Kurt had never felt the need to look any further.

Blaine was naturally more outgoing than Kurt.  He seemed to form an easy, almost instant friendship with everyone he met.  This had never bothered Kurt, because Blaine always made it perfectly clear that Kurt was his best friend.  While Blaine might talk and laugh with the other boys, he had never shown any interest in sharing the same closeness with anyone else that he had with Kurt.

That all changed when Harry showed up in their riding group.  

Harry was a year older than Kurt and Blaine.  He had been around during a few of the same weeks as they had in previous summers, but this was the first time the three of them were in the same group.  Kurt vaguely remembered him as an easy-going, friendly boy.

Harry had already spent three weeks in the advanced group the previous summer, and so it made sense that he was able to do things that the other boys could not.  During their first riding lesson, Kurt noticed that Blaine couldn't take his eyes off of Harry, watching in awe as the older boy effortlessly guided his horse through flying lead changes.  Kurt was impressed as well, of course, but something bothered him about the way Blaine was looking at Harry.

Later, as they un-tacked their horses, Blaine gushed to Kurt, “Isn't Harry amazing?  It's so awesome how he makes everything look so easy.  I wonder if he could give us any pointers?”

Kurt grunted as he heaved his saddle onto the rack with a little more force than necessary.  “Yeah, he's a really good rider,” he said flatly.

Blaine didn't seem to notice Kurt's lack of interest in discussing the older boy.  He went on and on, praising Harry's skill, his confidence, even commenting on how good he looked in the saddle, with his long legs and graceful posture.

Kurt tried to respond appropriately to everything Blaine was saying, but inside he was feeling smaller and smaller.  Harry was a more experienced rider, Harry was older, Harry was taller, and all Kurt heard coming out of Blaine's mouth was that Harry was better in every way than Kurt.

He thought back to when he and Blaine had first met.  Then, it had been Kurt who was the more experienced one.  It had been Kurt who Blaine looked up to.  Was that why Blaine had chosen him as a best friend?  And would Blaine now transfer that friendship to Harry?

Lost in his own unhappy thoughts, Kurt almost didn't notice when Harry came up and joined them as they walked toward the pavilion for their Horse Sense class.  Blaine certainly noticed, however.  He immediately gave Harry a warm greeting, and began complimenting him on his riding skills.

Harry modestly shrugged off the praise, commenting that Blaine and Kurt were both really good, especially considering that this was their first week in the advanced group.

“Wow, thanks, man,” Blaine exclaimed, “that means so much coming from such an experienced rider!”  Kurt glanced over, and he could have sworn that Blaine was actually blushing.

If Kurt thought he couldn't feel any more jealous, the next instant proved him wrong, as Blaine said, “Harry's such a cool name!  Have you read Harry Potter?”

“Only the first book,” Harry replied.  “I just finished it last week, and I can't wait to read the next one.”

“Same here,” said Blaine.  “Kurt and I just started The Chamber of Secrets last night, and I can already tell that it's gonna be totally awesome!”        

And with that, Blaine and Harry were off, comparing notes on the first book, and speculating on what was to come in the second.  Even after they'd reached the pavilion, and were seated at a picnic table awaiting the start of class, Blaine and Harry kept up their conversation.  Kurt thought about trying to join in, but Blaine was turned away from him, facing Harry, and Kurt felt as though they had forgotten he was even there.

Kurt was uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the day: no witty comments about their lessons, no playful banter as they shoveled manure, no piping up with song requests during the campfire.  By the time they returned to their cabin that evening, Blaine was beginning to think that something was wrong.

His suspicions were immediately confirmed by Kurt's behavior once they were ensconced behind Blaine's sleeping bag, ready to read Harry Potter.  Since Kurt had read to Blaine on the previous night, Blaine opened the book and waited for Kurt to lay his head in his lap, as he had done all through the previous summer.  Kurt, however, was sitting stiffly with his back against the wall at the other end of the bed.

“C'mere,” Blaine said, patting his leg.  “Get comfy so I can read to you.”

“I'm comfortable over here,” Kurt mumbled, not looking at Blaine.

Blaine immediately closed the book and set it aside.  He scooted over next to Kurt and put his arm around him.  “Hey, Kurt,” he said, sounding concerned, “what's wrong?”

Kurt said nothing, as his brain waged a frantic internal debate.  Should he tell Blaine what was bothering him or not?  On the one hand, they'd always been able to be completely honest with each other, and that was one of the things Kurt valued most about their friendship.  On the other hand, if Kurt told Blaine how he was feeling, Blaine might see him as whiny, or controlling, or needy, and maybe not want to be his friend anymore at all.

Sensing Kurt's hesitation, Blaine squeezed him tightly and said, “C'mon, Kurt.  You're my best friend.  You know you can tell me anything.”

It was that “best” that finally convinced Kurt to open up.  “I'm afraid I'm losing you,” he whispered, still not looking Blaine in the eye.

“Kurt, wait – what do you mean?” Blaine asked, sounding genuinely confused.  “How could you ever lose me?”

Speaking quietly, so as not to be overheard by the other boys, Kurt stammered, “All day you've been talking about how great Harry is, and it seems like maybe you'd rather have him for a best friend instead of me.”

“Kurt!” Blaine cried, shifting on the bed so that he could wrap both of his arms around Kurt in a hug.  “You're my best friend in the whole world!  No one could ever replace you, and I'd never want anyone to.”

Kurt hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until he felt himself start breathing again at Blaine's words.  “I'm sorry,” he murmured.  “I guess I was just being silly.”

“It's not silly,” Blaine replied.  “Everybody feels jealous sometimes.”  Then, after a moment's pause, he added, “And maybe you were feeling extra-sensitive today because of what we were talking about last night.  I know how hard it's been for you since your mom died, and how scared you've been that you're kinda losing your dad, too, ‘cause he doesn't seem to really have time for you.”

Kurt nodded.  He hadn't made the connection until Blaine brought it up, but now he did recognize that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, that sense of not being important enough.

Blaine went on, “But even though your dad's been depressed, you know he really does still care about you, right?”

Kurt nodded again.  He did know, deep down, that his dad loved him. 

“And you know that I don't care about Harry at all compared with how much I care about you, right?”

Kurt finally allowed himself to relax into Blaine's embrace.  “Thanks, Blaine,” he said.  “I'm so glad you're my best friend.”