April 3, 2012, 1:42 p.m.
Delayed Regret: Chapter 9
T - Words: 2,194 - Last Updated: Apr 03, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 16/? - Created: Jan 29, 2012 - Updated: Apr 03, 2012 1,227 0 4 0 0
YES! This story is all planned out… I had only had the last chapters planned, so like… yeah. There was this awkward moment where I was like "Hm… I have NO WAY to get to the end goal… not good…" but now I am set… and this thing is unfortunately going on awhile…
I say that as I worry that it's too long. Oh gosh, is it too long?
SO THIS IS IMPORTANT! Would you all HATE 31 chapters total of this? Because I don't want to drag you guys along forever on a story that isn't worth it… and I'm not asking if you think it's WORTH it so much, just as… I don't know. Is 31 chapters too many? Do you READ 31 chapter stories? I can take some out! But I planned for things to get rather… messy, so…
Blaine was… he was. He was confused and uncertain, and… he just… he was. It felt like he wasn't actually in the moment, just… standing outside it. He could feel Nick and Jeff, and he knew that they were taking him away, but it that didn't make it seem real. It wasn't real that Kurt was there, it wasn't real what he had done to his car, it wasn't real that Kurt had cheated. Oh gosh… why did he have to cheat?
Blaine knew that he wasn't allowed to vandalize cars. Not really, anyway, even if the Warblers had let him do it. But… seriously? Seriously, Sam? Mr. Straight-Giant-Perfect-Gorgeous-Muscleman? Really? Blaine couldn't compete with that. Sam was flawless and he… he was just Blaine, and apparently that wasn't enough, and it wasn't worth anyone's time, and it wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair.
He had tried so hard -he tries so hard, and Kurt didn't care. He just let him hurt, and hurt, and hurt, while he sucked the life out of him like a leech. It had been painful, but Kurt had been too busy playing tonsil hockey to notice, and, crap, it wasn't fair.
He didn't understand why he was allowed to be so cruel to him. Blaine didn't understand why Kurt could go ahead and wound him like that… He felt like he had been left to bleed out on the carpet, but there weren't any ambulances coming to help, and there certainly weren't any police officers trying to make things right. Why didn't Blaine get justice? It wasn't fair!
He wasn't mad, just confused, and hurt, and Kurt's car had been right there. Just so close, and Blaine was just so sad and frustrated… And suddenly he was hitting Kurt's car with a freaking crowbar- where had he even gotten that? It felt wrong when he was doing it… it felt wrong now, but he couldn't stop. When had he become so angry? When did he start feeling this… this lost?
Blaine realized he was crying. In fact, crap, he was blubbering like a freaking baby. Nick's hand was running up and down his back, and Blaine tried –he really tried- to find comfort in it, but his brain wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop screaming, screaming, 'Why, Kurt, why?" in his head. Oh, gosh, it hurt… it hurt so bad. And it was loud. So, so loud… Blaine couldn't do this; he couldn't do this…
But he was going to. He was going to because he was sick of being sad. He had been such a mess inside and out lately, and he didn't want to show it anymore. He was going to be strong, at least for the moment. Especially because Wes looked pissed…
They had just made it back to the dorm, and Wes was pacing before him. He could see practically see the irritation buzzing off the other boy. Blaine felt kind of guilty about it, considering he was practically to blame… shoot. Why did he have to hit that car? Now Wes was all annoyed and angry. Blaine wasn't dumb; he could tell that Wes was stressed about everything…
"Frick…" Wes mumbled under his breath, and Blaine winced. Proper, gentleman Wes was pretty out of character… he must be really mad… "Okay, no… no. That wasn't us. In fact, there was nothing to not be us! We're fine. Things are fine; they're fine… it's fine. Right? Fine."
Wes was practically twitching in attempt to keep his anger under control, and Blaine was starting to feel more than uncomfortable by Wes's murmuring, and he could see the other Warblers felt the same… He didn't like it, and he was upset… but he was a leader -he always had been, so he put a hand out to Wes. "Yo, dude, it's gonna be fine…" he lied, rubbing some tears off on his sleeve and trying to stifle the tremor in his voice. Wes grabbed his wrist, something in his eyes snapping and hand tight around his arm.
"No, Blaine. No. It's not going to be fine! Why… why did you have to be so stupid? It would have been better… it would have been better…" Wes was yelling at this point, face bright red and grip firm; however, he seemed to worked up to properly get his words out. Blaine wasn't too scared, despite how he had literally just felt himself pale… A small part of him wanted to be worked up over what Wes was saying, but he didn't care… it was true. He was stupid. Stupid to let Kurt go, and stupid to get Kurt back…
"I don't-"
"No, of course you don't!" Wes yelled, cutting him off and gaining steam. "You don't anything. You don't think before you act. Ever. You get emotional and ruin things, Blaine. You ruin things for yourself. You fall in love too fast in the moment, and then you get dropped and end up so, so sad, and… Why don't you just protect yourself?" Wes's fingers were clamping around his wrist, and it hurt. Fire burned in his eyes, and Blaine's stomach twisted. He hated making people upset… "Just… come on, think!"
"Wes," David called, his tone sharp and cutting. "Calm down," he told him, and Blaine wouldn't lie. He was relatively thankful. Wes was so angry; he was becoming a bit scary.
"I-" Wes started, still sounding heated, but David cut him off.
"Wes."
Suddenly, Wes's grasp on Blaine's wrist loosened, and the other boy was wrapping him up in a hug. "You okay?" Blaine asked, hating how unsure his voice sounded… Why did he have to seem so… small. He had been feeling tiny lately… worthlessly and pathetically tiny…
"Yeah," Wes whispered, holding him tight. His whole mood had flipped. "I'm just… I'm just upset that you aren't," he answered, and Blaine didn't know how to respond. He wasn't fine… no. He wasn't fine, but… But what was he to say?
"Okay…?" he replied, and Wes just clutched onto him tighter.
"No. No, Blaine, don't say that… Well, not like that anyway. I hate seeing you upset; it's… frustrating. And I'm sorry for yelling and being an ass, it's not you I'm mad at, it's just- ugh…" Wes broke off into a groan, clearly fed up with being unable to voice or figure out his own emotions, and Blaine knew the feeling.
Why, Kurt? Why?
When Burt found his son, he was standing in the center of the parking lot, sniffling. His arms were wrapped around himself tightly as he tried to fight off the bitter cold making his shoulders shake. Tears were falling down his sheets, and as his son stepped into the car, Burt could hear his shaky breaths. Hmmm… apparently he had quite an evening.
Admittedly, Burt wasn't quite sure what to say. As he turned the car to head out of the parking lot, he saw Kurt's Navigator in one of the Dalton guest spots. Shoot. No wonder Kurt needed to be driven home, the windshield was shattered, and the driver's door seemed to be permanently stuck open. Burt did some numbers in the back of his brain and realized that repairing the thing would be pointless. Even if he did the work himself for free, the parts themselves would still be more expensive than a new car… And that's excluding the ruined hood, bumper, and fender.
Admittedly, Burt thought a lot of things about his son's mess up, but he never thought it would be expensive…
Kurt was crying quietly next to him, and as he drove, Burt put a hand on his son's knee. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, uncertain. He wasn't sure how he would respond to whatever Kurt had to say. He was pretty furious that someone would wreck a Hummel car like this, but at the same time… Burt could understand it. Sometimes decisions came with a price… and sometimes those prices were more literal than you'd hope they'd be.
Kurt shook his head, his face the picture of incomprehension. "I just don't understand, Dad… I know I cheated. I know it was wrong, but I didn't…" he paused, swallowing with difficulty. "They showed me pictures of Blaine when we were together, apparently… saying I didn't notice… I wasn't blind. I would have known…"
Burt drummed his fingers on the wheel, thinking hard about what to say next. "Kurt, what was in the pictures?" he asked, and Kurt let out a little laugh.
"Not Blaine…" he answered. "At least… not the Blaine I know…" Burt sat quietly, letting it sink in. He knew exactly what Kurt had seen. He just needed him to say it. "He looked so skinny. And he seemed so sad and tired, and he didn't look like… he didn't look like himself. They say I didn't notice it, but… I've never seen him like that, Dad. I know I haven't!" Burt bit his lip.
"I have…" he answered slowly, and he watched his son's face as carefully as he could without loosing sight of the road. Kurt seemed confused.
"What do you mean?" he gagged with a sniff, and Burt took a breath.
"I mean, from what you described, that was the only kid I was seeing in our house… He seemed strung out, Kurt. I think you were hurting him a little more than you realized," he answered, and Kurt scoffed. Scoffed. This disgusting sound in his throat… and Burt shuddered.
"Yeah, uh-huh. That's what everyone keeps saying…" he said, a sickeningly annoyed ring to his tone. He huffed, and Burt sighed… He knew he son could be a brat… and now was one of those moments. He loved the kid and every part of him, but sometimes he could be a bit much. Oh, his Kurt…
"Did you ever think that might be for a reason?" he asked, and he heard Kurt stiffen in the passenger seat. Ha, got him there… Score one for Burt! Sometimes raising Kurt was more of a battle of wills than anything else, and victories may make Burt a bit more ecstatic than he should…
"No, but-"
"Well, maybe you should," Burt cut him off, rubbing his chin. "Look, okay… Kurt. You're missing something really important…" When Kurt arched an eyebrow, Burt resisted a facepalm. "You keep ignoring Blaine." Kurt laughed.
"Um, I'm pretty sure Blaine's actually been the only thing on my mind lately," he said, chuckling a bit, tears still running down his face.
"No, you being happy with Blaine is what's been on your mind. Listen… you don't get what caring is. Not yet. I mean, you're in high school, so that's okay, but you're hurting someone, and that's not. You have to really look at Blaine, okay? Like, think back of him, and really? Are you sure you were seeing him? Or were you just seeing that kid you were cheating on because I'm pretty sure that it was the latter. In fact, I'm pretty sure everyone is pretty sure it was the latter. You were ignoring him, Kurt, and you still are." Burt wanted to pat himself on the back a bit for that speech, but by the way Kurt was glaring at him, he figured it wouldn't be a good time.
"You're supposed to be comforting me. I'm heartbroken," he pouted, and now it was Burt's turn to laugh.
"Ha, son, you don't know the first thing about heartbrokenness. For the record, this isn't it. But I am here for you; you just needed to understa-"
"Yeah, I understand fine," Kurt snapped, eyes red and obviously upset as he crossed his arms and turned to the window. The ride home was silent…
Ugh, short, short, short chapter… Please forgive me. Nothing really happened… but it was needed. Next chapter should be a bit better for all of you. I think you'll enjoy it… Chapter 10 will set some BIG stuff up, and then Chapter 11 I'm pretty sure won't disappoint. YAY! Go team.
Ugh. I hate my sister's friends… I also hate my sister. I don't think I can say that enough. She really annoys me. I mean… I don't want to be one of those stereotypical girls who doesn't like their sibling, but my little sister is actually a skank and a jerk. Like, and I mean she honestly dresses like a hooker and bullies people… What is she doing? Like, really? We both grew up in the same house, right? I don't even know…
Anyway, 31 chapters? Tell me please!
Comments
I'd gladly read 31 chapters! As far as I'm concerned, the more the better.
Awww! Thank you! I'm glad yo like it!
So, so... first I need to say that I am so sorry for not reviewing sooner, because i really should have and I've really wanted to read more. Now, let's just start this review. Oh, yes, I really do miss your writing. I love how it's kind of how you talk, but then there's this whole extra elements that I can't quite put words to, but well... I guess that's why you have the words to write like that! It's so sad to read Blaine like this, thinking that we wasn't worth it and wondering why Kurt could just treat him like crap and.... CRAP! I forgot how frustrated you were making me at Kurt! I honestly can't say 6anything else about the car other than adfg'olkfjoeusfdkdifkl;DLFKNM! Gosh, I just love your Nick and Wes! Honestly, I'm terrified to ever write Wes because I doubt that I could do him justice, but you definitely do! And then Wes getting so angry, and you know that Blaine is scared and upset but just adsgohifljk;dhis;kclm! "He wasn't fine... no. He wasn't fine, but..." Oh my, I think my heart just broke a little. And now I have lost my frustration with Kurt... What are you even trying to do to my heart? "His arms were wrapped around himself tightly as he tried to fight off the bitter cold making his shoulders shake." That honestly hurt (in the best way possible) to read. The "bitter cold" was just wonderfully phrased. I have so many places where I want to describe something like this and then BAM, you spin off wonderful sentences like that. Oh, and my computer just died because I was too busy reading to grab my charger... Okay, I take what I said back. I still do have quite a bit of frustration at Kurt for not realizing how much he was hurting Blaine. And no matter how much I wish otherwise, I can almost see it truly happening... Now, let me take a moment to remember how awesome Burt is! He really does need more acknowledgement, because he is a truly influential and inspiring character! Also, I love how you make him almost a bit frustrated at Kurt as well. I mean, I love how he could see what Blaine was going through. And yes, by the way. I would most definitely read 31 chapters, and enjoy them the whole time. (I'm just having slight worries about what other traumatic events could occur within the following 20 chapters.)
HAHAHA! This was funny, cause I have NO idea what chapter you're reading, but AWESOME. I'm assuming it's probably the one directly after the one where Kurt got the crap beat out of his car, yes? Yes.And don't worry. Like... I swear, nothing truly outstanding happens... um... in a couple chapters some crap will go down, but it's not very big... and then... then there will be some interesting things going on between Warblers cause of... stuff. And then there will be some VERY interesting things REALLY going on between TWO Warblers (hint, hint: Niff) which will take up some space there... and then there's all the work that needs to go down for a happy ending. SO YAY!Thank you, thank you, thank you!