April 3, 2012, 1:42 p.m.
Delayed Regret: Chapter 13
T - Words: 1,888 - Last Updated: Apr 03, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 16/? - Created: Jan 29, 2012 - Updated: Apr 03, 2012 1,118 0 3 0 0
Okay, so… because my bullying one-shot has to be published on Saturday, my schedule now looks like this, for all those who care: Delayed Regret (this), a cute little Niff, James Hurt/Comfort one-shot, WSB, BIDs, Delayed Regret again, a very fun Blangst, a horribly dark I-don't-know-how-to-keep-it-at-a-T-but-I'll-try Blangst, and THEN my Bullying one-shot… But you never know. I'm in a writing mood, so a whole bunch of crap could go down…
"Sebastian! You get the hell off of him, or I'll freaking tear that precious little head of hair of yours right out!"
Jeff was thrown out of his book by the sound of Wes's voice from the hallway. The blonde felt his stomach tied up in knots when he looked up to just see Sebastian's face pulling away from Blaine's and a furious Wes's approaching from the direction of the English rooms, bathroom pass in hand. He looked to Nick for help, but he just raised a hand to quite him. Jeff bit his lip, and threaded his fingers through the brunette's as the pair got up from the table, making their way to the showdown in the hallway.
"Lay off, Wes. We were only talking," Sebastian said, but the head council member didn't look sold. Jeff was starting to wish he hadn't missed what happened, especially with the way Blaine was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He looked anxious, but not in the way Jeff was used to.
He didn't understand what was happening. Why did Blaine look all scared and stuff? And why was Wes so mad? And what had Sebastian been doing? Why did his Nickpea look so guilty? Unfortunately, he didn't have a way to get his questions answered, as anger was practically sizzling off Wes, his eyes closed up into slits. Jeff bet they'd be glowing red if he opened them a bit farther…
"Yeah, because talking requires your face touching Blaine's," he said sarcastically. Okay, confession time: Jeff absolutely hated when Wes got angry. He was scary, even when he wasn't on the other end of it. Wes was honestly about as close as it got to a school mom at Dalton, and it was terrifying to see him get so mad. He shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable, but a squeeze of his hand from Nick had him stilled.
"Relax," Sebastian said with a glare, nodding his head to Blaine, "I don't think he had a problem with it." And suddenly Wes was right up in Sebastian's face because –yes- even to Jeff it appeared that Blaine had a problem with whatever "it" was, and he was coming at the tall boy fast.
"Do anything else to make this worse, and I swear, I will send the heel of my shoe straight into your-"
"Woah, that's enough," David said, seemingly popping out of no where and effectively pulling Wes away by dragging his arms behind his back and hoisting him off to the side. Jeff watched as the more levelheaded Warbler spun Wes around and pointed him down the hallway, snagging Blaine by the arm and pulling him off –presumably to their dorm- all while giving Sebastian a pointed glare. Say what you wanted about David, but the kid had perfect timing and was practically fluid, he moved so smoothly…
Jeff blinked a couple times, watching as Sebastian stalked down the hallway. What had just happened? He looked to Nick again, and the other boy offered him a sympathetic look, producing his bag from who knows where and handing it to him to carry as they started off down the hallway to their own dorm. That was great thing about Nick; he never actually had to talk be heard with him. He hadn't even had to look. It was seventh period study hall, and Jeff felt traumatized, so they were headed to their room. No discussion needed…
He kept his fingers latched around Nick's tightly as they twisted their way through the labyrinth that was the Dalton hallways. Nick's hand was hot in his, but he didn't want to break away. Jeff was so confused… Why did Wes have to be so mad? What had Sebastian done to make him so angry…? Jeff just… he hated when Wes was heated like that. He couldn't properly convey how distressed it made him feel.
"Nick…" he croaked, having failed miserably at trying to keep his thoughts off of how furious Wes had just looked and the thought feeling heavy on his heart. Then, suddenly, Nick was pulling his hand away, and Jeff panicked for a second, before an arm was latching around his waist. Weird… Why did it now feel like he was taking his first breath of fresh air?
The shorter boy didn't say anything until they made it to their room, and Jeff collapsed in a desk chair backwards, throwing his arms on top of the back and burying his face in them. He let out a groan, and he could practically feel Nick smirk. "Everything has to be difficult, doesn't it?" Nick asked, and Jeff merely let out a moan in response.
Hands grabbed at his shoulders and pushed him away from his chair just enough so that Nick could squeeze in for a hug. Jeff was lost for a second before breathing in the other boy's scent and pulling him tight against him because everything was hard, and he was sick of it, but sometimes Nick could feel just so easy, and Jeff really, really, really needed a proper hug right now. Nick squirmed in his arms.
"This is a terribly uncomfortable position," he whined and Jeff just squeezed him tighter, not intent on letting him go. "Jeff, I'm pretty sure my back is gonna snap," he complained after a minute or two, "stand up or lemme sit on your lap," he said, and Jeff went for the second choice, bringing one long arm low to sweep under Nick's knees and sit him down. Oh gosh, why didn't he get held like this more often?
"I just don't get it, Three… why is everything suddenly so messed up? I don't… I don't understand," he sputtered, and Nick's chest rose and fell quickly against his own for a second as he laughed lightly. He felt fingers thread through his hair.
"I think's been messed up for a while, Jeffie. You just haven't noticed," he said, and Jeff didn't know what to make of that. He didn't think he was oblivious. Luckily, Nicky had another thing to say, even if it was quietly. "You're just innocent like that." Okay, so maybe that just confused him more. But Jeff couldn't help but feel some sort of warmness swell up in his heart.
There was a knock at the door, followed by the creak of it's hinges, and David was there with Blaine underarm. "Hey guys, would you mind if me and Wes had a moment al- oh," the boy cut himself off, and Jeff felt a blush seeping to his cheeks because David obviously thought he was interrupting something, and it wasn't really something something, just a thing, so… awkward. Nick, however, smiled, undeterred.
"Yeah, sure. Blaine, come hang out," Nick said, and Jeff noticed how cheery he was trying to make his voice sound for the shorter boy. He watched Blaine shuffle in, and there was a bit of a pang in his heart, but the way Nick was still sitting in his lap made all the pain filter away.
Blaine felt physically sick. Sick like, I'm-about-to-throw-up-all-over-your-shoes sick. Did what just happen count as cheating? It had recently dawned on Blaine how much he hated cheaters, and he would rather not become one himself on the off chance that Kurt still considered them a couple. Kurt… he loved Kurt. It was why he couldn't freaking shake this.
He honestly wasn't this kind of person… Blaine was all about moving on and looking for the happiness in things, but it just… it was getting so hard. He was so, so sick of people not caring about him, and it hurt. It still hurt to think of all the times he was thrown in dumpsters or locked in closets or called mean names… and it still hurt to think about what Kurt did to him.
There wasn't any closure for him, and all this pain that he had milling about in him was doing just that: milling about. Festering. He didn't want to feel it anymore, but –crap- everything was getting to be way too much, and he couldn't… Blaine couldn't suppress it anymore. He wasn't strong enough to push all that down any longer, it was too heavy a burden to bear.
Sometimes… sometimes it felt like the names he was so accustomed to being called were crushing him, all the terrible things done to him were crushing him, and it was all he could do but hold his head in his hands and try to breathe… all he had to do was breathe.
He just… he couldn't do this. He couldn't be good enough. Every time he tried, it just upset someone else. Every time he tried to be skinny enough or smart enough or strong enough, his friends got upset. Blaine didn't want anyone to be upset anymore. He wanted to be right. He was never right, and he wanted to be right so, so bad. How could everyone have things so together, when it just felt like he was falling apart all the time?
Why did people want him? How could someone want him? Why did Sebastian want him? He was so… wrong and stupid and broken, and you'd have to be blind not to see it. Of course, Kurt didn't see it, but Kurt didn't care.
Because Kurt was perfect, so why would he bother with someone who wasn't?
Blaine didn't like who he was starting to become. It was like he was turning into a figure made of impossibly thin papier-m�ch�- so thin, brittle, and dry, that you could stick your fingers straight through him and find nothing in the middle. Blaine was hollow. He felt hollow. And he wasn't getting any better. Wes's words not his. He just happened to know that they were true…
Why did… why did he have to feel so alone? Why did… why was he the only one? Why was he always the only one? How come it seemed harder for him to take a breath of air than anyone else- harder to want to take a breath of air? Why did no one seem to see how bad everything hurt? Why didn't anyone understand what it felt like to be so trapped underwater with no hope of seeing the surface? Why? Why was he drowning? Why did it have to be him to drown? He didn't want to be stuck like this; he wanted to swim, but his legs felt as heavy as lead and every single part of him was just too tired to move anymore.
Blaine had been fighting so long. He didn't want to have to do this anymore. It was enough… it was the only thing about him that was enough, and he didn't want it.
Why did everything have to be so hard?
Meh, sort of filler… and also really short. But I didn't have much to say. This was a weird one…
I'm so tired… I almost don't want to write anymore, but I can feel the need within me,
Comments
The end makes me worry more than usual for Blaine. He's not going to be thinking of suicide right? And is this one of those stories where they don't get together in the end?
No, not suicide... I mean, I can get sort of dark if I let myself (And people are advising me to...) but I don't like action like THAT. Gah, no. And also, no worries. Klaine is a magical pairing, they just HAVE to get together!
For a second, I thought it was going to be Nick to save him, but it wasn't exactly. Still, I am very thankful for Wes! Also, I love the way you write Jeff's thoughts! It says so much about his character! I really like the line that's like "anger was practically sizzling off Wes his eyes closed up into slits. Jeff bet they'd be glowing red if he opened them a bit farther." The way you described that is perfect. Honestly, I just love creative descriptions like that. Also, I love that even Jeff realizes that Wes is like his school mom. And the little Niff moments are wonderful to have in it. All the little bits of warbler in there are wonderful! I need to write more warblers into my story, and I'm actually planning for it in the upcoming chapter which I have just started writing. Yes, Niff is wonderful in your story, and I don't think that I've even gotten to the really Niffy (Is that how I would say it?) stuff. Wait, I take that back. It is definitely at the really Niffy stuff. I mean, sitting on his lap! Can I just have this all! And they even call each other by their numbers as nicknames! I forgot about that! It is absolutely adorable! "You're just innocent like that." Yes, Yes! They are perfect! Now Blaine. Oh, no, Blaine! What Sebastian did was not cheating, and Blaine should not even feel a pang of guilt about it! I feel so terrible for him! No! I just want him to be happy! When will he see that he is enough! Oh, but you capture his feelings of not being enough and not wanting anyone to be upset anymore so well! "He felt hollow." Perfect description yet again! I love your writing, but I wish that Blaine would finally be happy! How many more chapters until there is some happiness? Crap! I really want to know what is going to happen! I'm actually getting surprisingly tired for a day where I didn't do anything but watch SHERLOCK! So, I actually can't get all of the reviews I was hoping on doing done. I'm so sorry! I'm going to do at least one a day from here on until I have them all finished!