~*~*~*~

Kurt sighed softly, frowning as he slipped into the washroom for the third time that day. He'd come out of the washroom after the first slushy only to get another one right at the moment that he stepped out the door. He was angry and upset and he wanted to cry... but he held back and just cleaned himself up again.

The third time had come at lunch after he'd put his books in his locker. He was thankful that he'd managed to get his books in before the slushy came... at least they got saved. He didn't need his teachers freaking out because he'd gotten his books ruined. Thankfully he still kept several sets of clothes in his locker just in case.

He put his change of clothes on the counter as he moved to start cleaning himself off. He slipped his head down into the sink, grabbing his shampoo and lathering his hair up as much as he could. He'd started actually shampooing his hair a few weeks ago, tired of feeling dirty all the time.

He heard the door open and glanced over, letting out a breath when he saw Rachel step in. She frowned as she moved over towards him, shaking her head a bit, "I saw the slushy on the floor by your locker," she let out, "those jerks... I almost want to get a slushy and pour it down their pants or something."

Kurt chuckled softly, "I'd love to see you try to get that close," he let out, "Maybe Santana, Brittany or Quinn could manage it... but not you.. They'd never let you get that close... you'd really have to catch them off guard," he said, smiling weakly as Rachel walked over and started to scrub at his hair, smirking a little.

"Still... it would be funny... if we could manage it," she said with a sigh, "I'm surprised your hair isn't multicolored by now with all the dye that gets poured into it. So, anyway... I can't wait for Glee Practice tomorrow. I'm going to ask Mr. Schue to try out this new song I've been working on..." she beamed.

Kurt smiled a bit as Rachel began to just chatter like usual. It was actually kind of nice. Usually people talked to him like he was fragile... like if they said something wrong he might break. But here was Rachel, talking like she usually did, ranting about not getting enough solos and how Mr. Schue needed to for sure give her a solo or at the very least a duet with Finn at sectionals or they were sure to loose.

Rachel continued to talk as she helped Kurt rinse out his hair before Kurt headed into a stall to change quickly, still listening to Rachel talk, giving a 'uh-huh' here and a 'okay' there and whatever felt appropriate. Rachel might be absolutely annoying at times but she made a decent distraction when he needed it.

Rachel walked him to the lunchroom after that but Kurt didn't eat. He just sat with the others and occasionally looked away from people's food. His stomach churned, the need to throw up strong but he held it back. His stomach still ached and he was starting to wonder if he was coming down with something.

He felt nauseous a lot and even when he didn't his stomach still hurt anyway. He'd thrown up a couple of times that morning after having another horrid dream about Karofsky. He felt a bit better after puking though but he still didn't eat breakfast and he wasn't planning to have lunch either.

He was glad though that he hadn't woken up with an erection this time. He just woke up feeling sick... He was starting to think maybe he should make an appointment with his doctor... just in case. Even if it turned out to be nothing serious maybe his doctor could give him something to ease the pain.

"Hey... Kurt, you alright?" came Artie's voice after a moment and Kurt blinked and looked over, plastering on a smile as he nodded, "ya... I'm fine..." he said and Artie frowned a bit and sighed, "Are you sure you're not hungry? You can have my apple if you want."

"I'm not really feeling well..." Kurt said honestly, "Stomach ache... but it's nothing bad. If it gets worse I promise I'll see the nurse..." he let out, noticing the looks from the others and wanting to nip their worry in the bud right away before someone started getting all 'awe, poor baby' on him, with or without sarcasm.

"Alright..." Artie let out with a nod as Mercedes piped up, "I might have something in my bag if you want. Probably only tums but they might work," she said with a shrug and Kurt looked at her and gave her a bit of a smile, "sure... thanks," he said calmly, knowing accepting a couple of tums would keep them all off his back... and who knows... maybe they'd actually help.

Mercedes nodded and started to fish in her bag before pulling out a bottle of tums, opening it and shaking two into Kurt's open palm, "There you go," she beamed, glad to be of some use as Kurt popped the chewables into his mouth, making a bit of a face at the slightly sour taste before he downed them with a bit of his water.

Puck couldn't help but smirk and chuckle as he let out, "And they call me Puckerman," he teased with a wink before Kurt rolled his eyes at him and took another sip of his drink, "Never been a fan of sour... ever... especially since that one time in junior high when some jerk shoved a piece of lemon in my mouth and held it there for like a minute or two..."

"Hey... wasn't that you, Puck?" Finn let out, lifting a finger and Puck put a finger to his chin for a moment before opening his mouth and giving a nod before frowning, "Uhh... ya, shit... dude... I'm sorry..." he let out before rubbing the back of his neck. Kurt blinked at that, finally putting the face to the event... he'd totally forgotten who it was.

"I'm bringing a lemon tomorrow and you are going to eat it... then I'll feel better," Kurt let out with a serious nod and Puck chuckled softly, "not gonna do much... I eat lemons all the time... love the stuff..." he beamed and Kurt just rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, the group laughing.

It was ok now... Kurt and Puck had come to an understanding... what was in the past was left in the past. It was over now and they were friends... not the best of friends but friends non-the-less. Puck was genuinely sorry for all the horrible things he'd done and Kurt knew that.

The group continued to talk like this throughout the remaining twenty minutes of lunch before they headed off to their respective classes, all eager for classes to finish so they could go home and just relax for the rest of the evening... well... other then homework... but even then, not all of them tended to do they homework.

~*~*~*~

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful save for a few glares from the jerks on the football team. Kurt's stomach was still aching but not nearly as bad. Maybe the tums were helping. He'd have to buy himself some as soon as possible. He'd chew on anything if it would make the pain go away or at least lessen.

Kurt sighed softly as he made his way out of the school with Artie who'd opted to 'walk' him to his Navigator. They were still trying to walk him from class to class if they could, still worried about the other, especially since it was clear the football jerks were still pissed with him.

"So... how much laundry do you have for tonight?" Artie asked after a moment, making a bit of a face as Kurt sighed, holding up the rather large bag of clothes... he'd had to change three times after all so he had a lot of work ahead of him if he wanted to save the outfits.

"Man... you should just start coming to school in a plastic bag or something... least that wont get stained," Artie chuckled before sighing as Kurt gave him 'the look', "just kidding. But seriously... those jerks are really putting your wardrobe through the ringer... I wish there was something we could do..."

"But there isn't. They're not going to stop Artie. We both know that. They're bullies... it's what they do," Kurt said, frowning a bit as he looked away from the other as they neared his car, "I just have to get use to it..." he murmured and Artie rolled his eyes.

"You shouldn't have to get use to it... It shouldn't happen, Kurt... You know we all hate to see that stuff happen to you and we hate even more... that you're getting use to it," he let out with a frown, "Kurt... we're all worried you're giving up. It's not like you... Kurt Hummel is not a quitter..."

"I know... I know... I try but... It just doesn't stop and sometimes I feel like like fighting against the flow of a raging river... I feel like no matter how hard I try it just gets worse... that it'll never stop and fighting it just makes it hurt more..." the skinny boy mumbled out.

"Kurt... It's going to get better... maybe not now... maybe not till after highschool... But it's going to get better. You're going to find yourself someone amazing who will love you for who you are... and you're going to go places... you're going to have an amazing career and you're going to be happy. You have to believe that..." Artie let out with a nod.

"Don't... give up... cause if you give up... if there's nothing out there for you... there's definitely nothing out there for the rest of us... you're so inspirational, Kurt... you... with your head held high taking whatever those jerks throw at you and knowing that no matter what... you will come up on top... that you are going places... that's you, Kurt... that's the real you," Artie said with a stern nod.

Kurt blushed a bit as he looked over to the other, the two of them stopping by his car. He looked away for a moment before smiling meekly and giving a nod, "I guess... I'll try not to let them get to me," he said calmly, "I am going places... and those neanderthals are going to be beneath me... not that they aren't already... they'll be working for me... or they'll be washing my car..."

Artie smiled warmly at this and gave a nod, "Now that's the Kurt I know... Welcome back..."

~*~*~*~

Kurt slipped into his house and stretched some before checking the time. His dad wouldn't be back for another hour or so. He smiled a bit and headed into the kitchen. He had enough time to make supper before his dad came home and insisted on making some unhealthy TV dinner or something equally as artery clogging.

He pulled out his cellphone, however, as he heard the familiar text ring. He smiled as he checked it, reading Blaine's text happily.

Blaine: Hey there, thanks again for inviting me to the wedding. I had so much fun.

Kurt smiled warmly at this as he began to text back. He'd had so much fun with Blaine at the wedding. He couldn't imagine the event without the other boy. He was so glad he'd gotten up the courage to ask the other to come with him. He would never regret it... he knew that.

Kurt: I'm glad you came. I enjoyed the company. Everyone else is great but it's not the same.

Blaine: Wes and David and the others keep teasing me about it.

Kurt: Tell them that if they want I'll invite them next time instead and we can dance the night away.

Blaine: Lol, will do.

Kurt: We should go out for coffee again soon. Do the Lima Bean.

Blaine: Sounds awesome. I'll let you know when I'm not swamped with homework. Maybe this weekend?

Kurt: Sure, text me when you have time to go out.

Blaine: Sounds like a plan. Anyway, gotta go. Warblers practice.

Kurt: Say hi to Wes and David for me. I'd say to say hi to them all but I don't really know the others.

Blaine: Will do. See ya. =)

Kurt: Bye. ^-^

He smiled as he slipped his phone into his pocket before getting stuff out for dinner. He really did like Blaine but he wasn't sure the other felt the same way. He would with though couldn't he? He could dream... and hopefully those dreams would be of Blaine and not Karofsky...

He hummed quietly to himself as he cut vegetables for a salad, fish frying in the pan on the stove... unbreaded of course... He turned and flipped the fish after a while before moving back to continue cutting cucumbers. The whole thing was actually quite calming truth be told. Kurt enjoyed cooking.

He frowned and sighed when the phone rang, rolling his eyes as he turned to grab the cordless, holding it with his shoulder as he moved to flip the fish again, letting out a calm, "Hummel residence... what can I do for you?"

"Hello Kurt..." came a very familiar voice and Kurt knew his face had gone white... he could feel the blood rush from it as he froze, spatula in hand, "Karfosky..." he whispered out in a nervous voice, reaching out and turning off the stove quickly, "What do you want?!" he snapped after a moment, frightened but angry as well.

"Don't fucking snap at my you little bitch!" Karofsky hissed back at the smaller boy, "Now you're going to listen to me and you're going to listen very fucking carefully you stupid little faggot..." he growled out and Kurt could picture the others scrunched up face and narrowed eyebrows and a shiver ran through him.

"Are you listening, Hummel?!" Karofsky all but shouted when Kurt didn't reply and Kurt couldn't help but nod, even though he knew the other couldn't see it, as he let out a quiet, "y... yes..." cursing himself for letting his fear slip into his voice.

"Good kitten..." he heard the other say and Kurt frowned, bringing one hand to hold the phone before he dropped it, the other wrapping around his midsection, his stomach aching again as he trembled. He was afraid... and who wouldn't be after everything the bigger boy had done.

"Now... There is going to be someone from the school board calling or visiting your place within the next day or two... you are going to be good... and you are going to tell them you're a fucking liar. Do I make myself clear, Hummel?" Dave asked, a shiver running through Kurt.

"I... I..." Kurt mumbled out, unsure of what to say. What was he supposed to tell this person... that none of it had happened? People had seen it all... They'd seen the pushing... they'd seen the black eye. Bit bit his bottom lip as he tried to calm himself, clenching his eyes shut as if it would somehow make all of this not real.

"You are going to tell them that I didn't fucking hit you! Do I make myself perfectly clear you little freak!" Karofsky snapped, causing Kurt to let out a frightened little meep before nodding his head and letting out, "Yes... y... yes..."

The hand holding the phone shook and Kurt felt like he might throw up. If he told the school board that he'd lied... not only would he be seen as a liar at school... it would mean Karofsky would be coming back. It would mean more pain... more threats... more...

"P... please..." he whispered out, not wanting to have to lie. His father would be upset with him whether he believed Kurt's lie or not... he'd either be disappointed that Kurt was denying what happened or disappointed that Kurt would lie to get rid of a bully.

But hopefully they'd all understand that... Maybe Kurt felt lying and saying that Karofsky hit him was the only way he could stop the torment. Maybe they'd just figure... hey... just a scared kid trying to do whatever he can to get rid of the person pushing him around.

"Shut up... if you'd just kept your fucking mouth shut like I told you to we wouldn't be having this conversation..." Karofsky growled out, "You are going to tell them you're a liar... and then they're going to let me back at school because without any proof that I hurt you there's no reason to keep me expelled..."

Kurt trembled at this point, tears slipping down his cheeks by now. He was so scared but the thought of not doing as the other asked scared him more cause he was sure the other would come after him... and Karofsky made sure to point that out with his next words...

"And don't even think about not doing it... because if you don't... I will hunt you down... and you will regret it... we can do this one of two ways. The easy way... or the fun way... least... fun for me..." The beefy boy let out before he added, "And just in case you don't think I'm serious... look out your front window..."

Kurt's heart flipped in his chest at those words as he turned and rushed to the kitchen window which overlooked their front yard. He froze as he spotted the red pickup truck cross the street, window open as the occupant stared out towards him, one arm resting on the car door and the hand of the other one holding a cellphone to his ear as he met Kurt's gaze.

"I'll see you at school Kurtsie..." Dave let out and Kurt could almost hear the smirk in his voice and as he looked closer... ya... he could even see it.

He saw the other pull the phone from his ear and bring his other hand to it, hearing the click as the other turned it off. The bigger boy looked back over towards him and gave a bit of a wave before he turned to start the truck and drive off.

Kurt turned the cordless off and slapped it to the table as he rushed past, heading towards the nearest bathroom. He almost skidded in and fell to his knees in front of the toilet as he tossed his head over the porcelain bowl, puking several times, though with nothing in his stomach, all that came up was bile.

He wrapped one hand over his sore stomach as he continued for a while longer, the other hand holding himself up over the toilet. Every heave sent pain through his aching midsection but he couldn't stop it. He continued to gag and dry-heave for another minute or two before his body stopped convulsing.

He sobbed softly as he pushed away from the toilet and curled up against the wall and the bathtub, wrapping his arms around his legs, head resting on the wall. His whole body vibrated as he shook, one hand moving to cover his mouth as his cries got louder.

The blue-green eyed teen pulled himself up to his feet after a moment, still shaking as he turned and slipped out of the washroom and headed towards the stairs leading to his basement bedroom. He pulled open the door and slipped down, moving instantly towards his desk and yanking it open.

He stared at his keepsake box for what felt like an eternity, his stomach twisting and aching in pain. He finally reached out and grabbed the box, putting it on the desk and quickly pulling off the lid. He didn't even bother to look at any of the contents on the top as he lifted them all and reached in with his other hand to pull out one of his razors... he needed it so bad right now...

He turned, leaving the box open and discarded for now as he pulled up his sleeve to reveal his flesh, littered with striped cuts in various stages of healing. He gnawed on his bottom lip as he found a spot close to his inner elbow, bringing the sharp blade down and taking a breath as he winced and cut into his skin.

His eyes were clenched as he let out a breath, pulling the razor away before moving up on his arm a bit to a cut that had almost healed. He cut there too, letting out a pained moan but as much as it hurt... it felt good too... it calmed him... made him feel like he was in control...

He was in control of his life... he could end it now if he really wanted to... He could cause himself pain because it was what he wanted... No one told him to do it... no one threatened him to cut himself... no... this was all him... all Kurt. This pain was pure, in his mind...

It was a rush... a rush of pain but also a rush of relief washing through his entire being. He didn't understand it really but he knew how he felt... he knew it was... helping somehow. The guilt about lying... the guilt about keeping stuff from everyone. It was gone now... the fear, the anger... None of it mattered right now.

All that mattered was the crimson liquid dripping down his arm. Karofsky wasn't here. There was no one he had to stand up to... no one he had to explain himself to... It was just himself. No one could hurt him right now... no one but himself and it was his own choice. He was in control of the blade... He was in control of his life... and his death... at least for now.

Right now... he wasn't afraid to die anyway... Not if he could feel like this when it happened... this... peaceful feeling... Nothing mattered... None of it mattered... it was so... calm.

~*~*~*~