~*~*~*~

Kurt and Burt said their goodbyes in the parking lot before Kurt turned back to head to class. He wasn't sure he was up for it but he didn't like missing classes and he'd missed enough already. Thankfully things went by quickly and most people just left him alone. They didn't have Glee practice either so once his last class finished he grabbed his things and headed home for the night.

Kurt cooked a small meal for the two of them, making sure it was healthy despite his father's protests. They ate quietly though Kurt didn't eat much, picking at his food. He wasn't really hungry, his stomach aching a little. Truth be told he almost felt like he might throw up again... he'd been doing that a lot lately it seemed.

His father noticed but didn't say anything. At least Kurt was eating... even if it wasn't much. If it got worse he'd say something but he didn't want to push Kurt away. He figured now that that Karofsky kid was gone maybe things would return to normal and Kurt would start eating properly again. Stress had a bad way of messing with one's body after all... but the stress was gone now... at least the biggest one.

After eating about a quarter of his meal Kurt finally stood, giving his father one of his forced smiles, making it as genuine as possible before moving to start on the dishes. He finished them up quietly before finally heading downstairs to his room. He felt sluggish and tired... probably because he wasn't feeling well still... and he wasn't eating very well either.

He changed out of his clothes quickly and did his moisturizing routine. It was still pretty early by the time he finished that but he was just so tired. Sure, he was glad Karofsky was expelled but it didn't change everything... It couldn't change the past... It couldn't take away what had already been done to him.

He finally slipped into bed at this point, curling up under the covers and resting his head on the pillow. He let his eyes slip shut as he relaxed, so desperate for sleep. It still took him a while, however, his stomach still aching. He tossed and turned a bit but sleep finally found him and he drifted off.

~*~*~*~

Kurt sighed as he walked down the street. It was early morning and the sun had barely even risen. He ran his fingers through his hair and just walked. He wasn't sure where he was going or why... he just knew he needed to go... he needed to move.

He gasped as an arm shot out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into an alleyway. His eyes went wide as he yelped, his back smacking against the wall of the alley. The wind was knocked out of him for a few seconds and he gasped, looking up at the person now standing so very close to him.

He let out a soft groan as he stared into deep brown eyes. It didn't last long, however, as the others eyes slipped shut, a pair of slips pressing desperately to Kurt's own. Kurt gasped into the kiss before letting his own eyes slip shut as he pressed back, a shiver running through his body.

The other male's hands were soon on the sides of his head, holding him there as they continued their needy kiss. A rather larger body pressed against Kurt's finally, the other male desperate for a more intimate closeness from the looks of it and Kurt couldn't help but let out a soft moan into the kiss, pressing back.

Kurt finally felt his hands move as if of their own accord, moving to wrap around the other male's neck as he let his tongue tangle around the tongue that had slipped past his lips. It felt good... and he wanted it so bad. It didn't matter to him that they were in the alleyway... he just needed this.

Lips finally parted, both males panting for breath as Kurt looked up, blushing a bit before he moved his hands down from the other man's neck to the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up. He let out a soft panted more as the other allowed him to slip the shirt over his head and toss it aside before Kurt pressed forward again to claim the others lips.

The larger male moaned softly into the kiss, fingers moving to the buttons on Kurt's jacket, undoing them one by one. A soft warm tongue ran over Kurt's lips before pressing into his mouth again and Kurt couldn't help but press back, letting their slick appendages play.

When his counterpart attempted to push his jacket over his shoulders Kurt tugged at his arms to pull them out of the sleeves before it finally fell to his ankles to the alleyway floor. Normally Kurt would freak out that his high end fashion jacket was on the dirty ground but he didn't seem to care right now.

All that mattered right now was the tongue lavishing him with affection, the warm hands now running over his button-up shirt, brushing gently over his nipples through the clothing... All that mattered was the male right there... the man who wanted him so desperately.

Kurt moaned softly as the larger male began to undo the buttons of his shirt just as he had the jacket. The parted for a few seconds to breathe and Kurt stared into the others eyes. He could just make out the lust in the other males brown eyes and before he could look further his shirt was being tugged off his shoulders.

He felt the shirt slip to the ground as he shivered slightly, leaning back against the brick wall again, needing the support. He felt the others hands run up his now bare chest and he couldn't help but groan softly as he let his own hands wander over the others clothed chest as well, letting out a quiet, "Please..."

The other gave Kurt a small nod as he pulled away, reaching down to grip the bottom of his shirt and pull it off in one motion, tossing it aside before he reached for Kurt again, pressing their bodies together and wrapping his arms around Kurt. He moved his lips to Kurt's neck, nuzzling his flesh and kissing him lightly.

The two males soon pulled away from each other again and began to undo their own belts, tugging their pants off desperately. Before long they were both standing there in nothing but their underwear, socks and shoes tossed aside with everything else as they pressed together again, rubbing against each other.

Before Kurt knew it the other boy had slipped his hand down his back and into his underwear. He moaned softly as the other ran gentle fingers over his ass and he couldn't help but let his own fingers slip between them and down the other male's front to cup his hardened flesh through his boxers.

Kurt gasped as he felt the first finger press against his entrance. He groaned, the lips on his neck moving up to nibble at his earlobe. He let his head rest on the others shoulder as the finger slipped up into him, pressing and pushing and stretching him slowly and gently.

Kurt trembled as the finger moved in and out of his passage, his own hand running gentle circles around the others bulge, tracing it and enjoying the light twitches that came from it. He couldn't help but want more... want the other to go faster... He wanted to feel him.

The second finger came quickly and Kurt couldn't help but moan out a soft, "Please..." as the other male began to scissor him. The smaller boy panted softly as he moved to slip his fingers into the slit in the others boxers. He licked his lips, blushing as he gripped the others hardened flesh and began to stroke it.

Kurt let out a heavy breath at the pleasured groan his touch elicited from the other male. He continued to touch the other, fingers stroking long slow movements over the hardened flesh wrapped in his gentle hand. At the same time he rocked his own hips against the fingers inside of him. The larger male had since added a third finger and Kurt knew it wouldn't be much longer.

"I want you..." Kurt heard the other say and he couldn't help but thrust his hips forward against the other after slipping his hand from the others briefs. He was instantly rewarded as the others fingers brushed up against his prostate causing him to let out a soft cry of pleasure.

The blue eyed boy wrapped his arms around the others shoulders as the fingers were finally removed. He whimpered at the loss and pouted cutely earning himself a gentle kiss which he eagerly pressed into before he felt his underwear being tugged down and off his hips.

The other male smirked as he let the briefs drop to Kurt's ankles before he guided the other to turn around. Kurt turned gladly, stepping out of the underwear in the process and letting his chest press against the cool brick of the wall.

He could hear the rustling of clothes, knowing his companion was removing his boxers and he blushed and nibbled his bottom lip before he felt a pair of warm hands grip his hips. He pressed back against the other and mewled as he felt the others flesh. He heard a soft chuckle from behind him as the larger boy positioned his shaft against Kurt's ass.

Kurt groaned softly and pressed back against the others flesh as the other male pushed forward. He let out a gasp as the hardened length slowly slipped into his entrance. He curled his fingers into fists against the brick wall and let his eyes shut as the other sheathed himself inside of him.

It felt amazing... He needed this... He wanted it. Before long the larger male began a slow rhythmic in and out motion... Not too fast just yet, but enough to help loosen Kurt up more. Before long Kurt was shifting his hips as well, pushing the other in further and helping him to almost completely pull out.

Both boys were soon panting as they moved together, enjoying the closeness they shared. Kurt couldn't help but moan out after a while, lips parted as he panted. It felt so very good... He didn't want it to stop.

A warm hand finally slipped down his body from his waist to his thigh before wrapping gentle fingers around his throbbing flesh. He moaned at the touch and couldn't help but utter, "god yes..."

He knew he wouldn't last much longer now, the others stroking forcing him to the edge of orgasm. He moaned and panted, leaning his head back on the others shoulder as the other boy. Continued to slam against his prostate making the smaller boy squirm and beg for more.

He could feel the pressure in his stomach growing and he shook his head a bit trying hard to make it all last just a little longer. He moaned and panted loudly, lips parted and eyes half-lidded as he felt his climax nearing. He shook his head and groaned as it finally hit him with a particularly hard thrust against the sensitive nerves of his prostate. He gasped out and leaned he'd against the other as he came against the alleyway wall.

The other male pressed a kiss to Kurt's shoulder as he moaned loudly, still moving inside the smaller boy who was all but limp in his arms, letting out quiet little moans with each thrust of his hips. Kurt could hear the others voice hitch before the other came inside of him, his seed shooting deep inside of him as he heard a quiet husky whisper escape the others lips.

"That's a good kitten..."

~*~*~*~

Kurt bolted up out of bed with a gasp, eyes wide and sweat dripping down his brow. He stared at the other side of the room for a few seconds, his cheeks burning as he trembled a bit. The dream had faded some... at least in detail... but he still knew exactly what had happened in it... and who had been in the dream...

Karofsky...

"Oh god no..." Kurt murmured out as he groaned softly, plopping back down on his bed, "shit, shit, shit..." he cursed as he turned on his side and tried to curl up into a fetal position only to blush and let out a soft groan as he realized despite how disgusted he was with the dream... he was so... so very hard right now.

He glanced over towards the stairs at this point then to the clock... 4:47am... There was no chance his father would wander down there at this hour. He finally sighed and shifted onto his back, cursing his unruly body as he clenched his eyes shut for a few seconds. There was no way he'd fall back to sleep like this...

He finally let his hand slip under the blankets, pulling the blankets up higher to his chin to hide what he was doing even though he was the only person in the room. He was embarrassed of what he was planning. After everything the jock had done to him... he couldn't help but fantasize about it all...

"Why couldn't it had been somebody else... like Blaine... heck Finn or Puck would have been better... or even a girl... but why... why Karofsky..." he whimpered out in frustration as he let his fingers run over his flesh through his PJ bottoms.

Kurt groaned softly at the sensation as he palmed himself, the image of Karofsky flickering in his mind again before he scowled and pulled his hand away. He couldn't do this... not to Karofsky's image... He grabbed his phone at this point and blushed, nibbling on his bottom lip as he put in his password and went to his photos.

He finally stopped on a picture of Blaine he'd taken when they'd been at the park having coffee. He smiled a bit as he stared at the picture. Blaine had such a beautiful smile... and he was such a nice person. Why was he fantasizing about a sick jerk like Karofsky when he had someone like Blaine in his life?

The blue-eyed teen focused on Blaine's face as he slipped his other hand back under the covers, getting comfortable as he began to palm himself again. He groaned softly and rubbed at his clothed flesh as he focused on the hazel eyes and the slicked back dark curly hair... the gentle smile... Blaine was so different from Karofsky... they were like polar opposites and he was sure that if he was with Blaine... the other would be nothing but gentle and considerate.

He groaned softly as he rubbed at himself before finally letting his hand slip up to the rim of his PJ bottoms, slipping inside to run gently over his hardened erection. He panted softly as he focused on Blaine's picture, memorizing the other boy's every feature. Blaine was gorgeous inside and out and Kurt couldn't help but wonder what he'd look like without his uniform or his preppy clothes.

Kurt moaned softly as he wrapped his fingers around himself, wondering what Blaine would look like completely naked without the gel... just Blaine... and only Blaine... He wondered what the other would feel like... how soft his skin was... He wondered what the other would taste like... his lips... and other places...

Blue-eyes became half-lidded as he stroked himself, pressing his hips into his own hand. What would it feel like to be pressed up against Blaine... to touch the other and be touched by him? Would it be anything like what it was like with Karofsky? No... he couldn't believe it would be anything like that. No... with Blaine it would be intimate... romantic...

Kurt shook his head, pushing the thought of Karofsky out of his head again as he focused on Blaine, stroking himself faster as he felt his release nearing. He wished it were Blaine's hand touching him... bringing him to orgasm... but did Blaine even want him like that? Did he even want Blaine like that? Or was he just using Blaine to forget about Karofsky?

He groaned softly, panting as he felt his climax finally shoot through him, a soft cry escaping his lips as his body went rigid. He gasped afterwards, going limp, the arm holding the phone going limp as well, resting on the bed though making sure the phone still pointed in the right direction so he could see the smiling face of the boy he might just be falling for.

"Blaine..." Kurt murmured out as he panted trying to relax from his orgasm. He blushed and bit his bottom lip, staring at the others picture still as he wondered. What would it be like if he and Blaine were together? Could Blaine like someone like him? He knew the other was gay but Blaine lived so far away and... he had no idea what Blaine looked for in a boyfriend.

Kurt finally brought the phone up, shifting to his side so he could use the phone. He went to contacts and began to write a text to Blaine. He knew it was still really early but he figured the other probably kept his phone on mute or vibrate at night like he did... and he just needed to get this out before he lost his nerve.

Kurt: Hey... Do you have plans after school today? I'd really like to see you. PS: sorry if this wakes you up. Please forgive me.

Kurt blushed, reading the text over a few times and praying it didn't sound too desperate. He sighed finally and sent it out, hoping it didn't wake the other up. He frowned a bit after this and glanced towards his desk, gnawing on his bottom lip again before he put the phone down on the bedside table and pulled himself out of bed.

He was nervous... not to mention he still couldn't quite get that horrid dream out of his mind. He really wanted to talk to Blaine... He wanted to get to know the other better. He was afraid though... afraid Blaine wouldn't be interested in him. It was hard... most people had an entire ocean full of fish to choose from... but Kurt only had a small fish pond.

Kurt trembled a bit as he moved towards the desk and slipped into the seat. He couldn't help the thoughts that ran through his head... What if Blaine wasn't interested... what if Karofsky was the only person that would ever be interested in him? What if Kurt was forced to spend the rest of his life alone? He didn't want to be alone... He was so lonely...

A tear slipped down his cheek at this point and Kurt finally brought shaky fingers to the desk drawer, opening it and pulling out the keepsake box he kept in there. He pulled off the lid and set it aside as he pulled out a few of the pictures and other keepsakes.

A picture of him and his mom at the park... a seashell from when they'd gone on holidays the year before she'd died... A lucky penny his mother had picked up and passed to him so they'd both have good luck... Their last family picture ever taken together the Christmas before everything had changed...

Kurt brushed his hand over his face to wipe away the tears as he put the pictured and keepsakes on the desk in front of him before reaching in the box to grab one of the razorblades he kept there. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he needed to forget... he needed to purge Karfosky from his system... to punish himself for thinking about the other the way he was.

He finally pulled himself off the desk chair and moved towards the washroom, shivering as he closed the door behind him. He turned back to the full-length mirror and sighed. His eyes were dark and looked sunken in and he was more pale then usual. He also looked very thin and malnourished... which he was... but his stomach still ached and he felt like throwing up... He'd have to take out his makeup kit to cover it all up for school.

He finally put the razor down on the bathroom counter before he pulled off his PJ top, folding it and placing it on the counter as well as he looked himself over again. His ribs were starting to show more then they should and his wrists, back, shoulders and arms were still bruised from constantly being shoved around at school and from Karofsky holding his wrists so tightly.

He brought his one arm up after a while and let his fingers trace the healing cuts he found there. He pressed into them a bit but they weren't nearly as tender as he wanted them to be... he needed the pain... to forget... to ground himself and calm himself... to punish himself for thinking about Karofsky in such a way... to purge himself of Karofsky's scent, touch and essence that seemed to linger on him despite the fact that the other male was now, hopefully, out of his life.

He finally reached out for the razor again and brought his arm down. He licked his lips as he brought the razor up to the outside of his arm this time. He took a deep breath as he pressed the blade to his pale skin. He winced and groaned softly in pain, gritting his teeth as he slid the sharp blade over his arm before pulling it away.

Blue eyes stared into the mirror, watching the crimson liquid pool around the new cut and slip down his arm. He let out a breath and closed his eyes for a moment, just letting all the emotional pain, disgust and humiliation rush out of him just like the coppery liquid. He didn't quite completely understand it... but this cutting... it really did work... it helped... even if he knew it was wrong... it helped.

And he didn't want to stop anymore...

~*~*~*~