~*~*~*~

Kurt managed to get through that day without completely freaking out. He was tense, however, and wouldn't look anyone in the eyes. He avoided the people he could and tried hard to be polite and friendly to those he couldn't avoid. For someone who strives to be an actor... he was doing a damn bad job lately.

Thankfully he was feeling a little better by the end of his last class. He'd managed to get by but he'd had to put his head down on the table a few times in class. Thankfully he was a good student so most of the teachers didn't say anything. Everyone has their bad days after all, right? This was definately a bad day for Kurt.

When he finally got home he grabbed himself some vegetables and cheese and told his dad he was just going to eat that and do his homework before going to bed. He told him he wasn't feeling well and his dad, though worried, let it slide. He knew his father was worried about him but he was glad the other wasn't pushing him too much. He wasn't sure he could handle that right now.

He locked the door to the basement once he was down there and put the plate of food on his desk. He almost felt like he was running on autopilot or something and the moment he was alone in the safety of his room... off went the autopilot and on went the self-destruct.

He broke down almost right away, bringing his hand over his mouth and slipping to the ground, curling up against his desk. His entire body was trembling as he stared out at the wall taking panicked gasping breaths. He couldn't seem to calm himself down, it was all just... too much. He couldn't believe he'd let all of that happen... and even more... he couldn't believe how much he'd wanted it.

He let out a choked sob, the tears flowing freely down his now reddened cheeks. He couldn't calm himself and if he got too loud his father would hear and come hammering on the door like last time he'd freaked out. He felt so weak and pathetic it was ridiculous... Things weren't supposed to be like this... he wasn't supposed to be like this... he was supposed to be the strong one... he was supposed to be that someone who was going to get out of Lima and make something of himself.

Finally, he pulled himself to his feet, using the desk for support though the tears still came and he still sobbed louder then he wanted to. He felt like he was going to throw up again and finally made his way towards the washroom on shaky, trembling legs. He didn't even look towards the mirror or close the door as he dropped to the ground in front of the toilet, pulling up the seat quickly before expelling everything from his stomach, letting some of the emotions go down the drain with today's cafeteria lunch special... oh that's right... he hadn't eaten lunch today.

He felt a tiny bit better once that was done with and shifted up to his feet, taking deep shaky breaths as he steadied himself on the sink. He'd managed to get his crying under control and stand himself up by the mirror. He frowned as he looked himself over. His eyes were red and puffy and his whole face was red from crying too much. His skin was also blotchy and tear stained and he couldn't help but frown. He looked horrible...

Kurt opened the medicine cabinet after another few seconds of staring at himself in the mirror. He looked around at the contents, some of his facial creams and cleansers. He thought about doing his moisturizing routine a little early but decided against it... he needed a shower first... but before that...

He bit his lip as he let his fingers reach out to grasp the shaver he'd tossed into the bathtub two days prior. He sighed as he stared at it, twirling it around in his grip before finally turning into his room again, holding the shaver as he went to his vanity table and opened one of the drawers.

Inside the drawer he found a lighter he used for when he got hanging threads and such on his clothing and any other little tasks he needed like lighting his relaxing incense or scented candles. He brought it up and flicked it, bringing up a flame and letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

He brought the flame underneath the end of the shaver, waving it from one end to the other for a few seconds before letting the flame flicker out. He put the lighter on the vanity table before bringing his fingers up to the shaver. He was very careful as he worked, pulling at the softened plastic before moving to grab the knife he'd left with his food on the desk. He used it to pry the plastic away from the razors and dropped the knife to the desk once he was done.

He was careful as he pulled the razors out of the plastic, placing both on the desk, just eyeing them for a moment, one hand moving to his other arm and idly brushing against the flesh there. He let out a shaky break before turning away from the razors and moving back towards the washroom. Maybe a shower would clear his mind... or at least get rid of this filthy sticky feeling he'd had most of the day.

He tugged off his sweater and undershirt and tossed them into the clothes hamper before slipping off his tight black jeans and briefs, throwing them in as well before pulling off his socks and adding them to the rest of the clothes. He sighed at this point as he stood there in his bathroom naked. He had a full length mirror on the back of his door and he finally turned to look into it, frowning.

His chest was more or less free of bruises though he did have some reddened marks here and there. His shoulders and arms were he often hit the lockers were covered in blue, purple, green and yellow bruises all in different stages of healing. He could see some finger marks in the bruises too, mostly from himself when he'd squeeze at the bruises he already had, just making them worse.

He tugged at his bottom lip a bit with his teeth as he brought one hand up to run over the bruise on his collarbone where Karofsky had marked him. It was scabbed over still and a bit tender to the touch. He was glad the other hadn't bit him again today though... it really did hurt. He let his fingers move from that injury after a moment and run over the darkened bruise on his face, blushing a bit as he remembered Dave kissing him there...

He was confused really... why would he do such a thing... he did so many conflicting things when they were alone together... yelling at him, pushing him, then kissing and caressing him... threatening his life and then telling him that it'll be ok... telling him he's a fucking fag and then all of a sudden telling him he's hot... It was all just so confusing and Kurt wasn't sure what to make of it...

Thinking about all of it made his cheeks darken in a blush before he shook his head before turning to the shower. He turned on the water, setting it to a nice hot temperature before stepping in and letting a soft groan escape his lips as he let his head tilt under the water. His eyes slipped shut as he just stood there, letting the warm water wash over his abused body.

He let out a sigh after a while and turned to grab his shampoo, lavender scented. He poured some into his hand and scrubbed a thick lather into his hair, enjoying the smell. He took a lot longer to shampoo his hair then he usually did... he felt dirty... like he was covered in sweat and cum, which he probably was truth be told. Though most of all he just felt like he was covered in Karofsky's scent... and he just couldn't seem to get rid of it.

He rinsed out his hair finally, making sure there was no soap left before grabbing the conditioner and running it through his brown hair slowly before letting it sit as he grabbed for the shower jell, Lavender again. He poured some onto a loofa and began to scrub his body. He ran it gently over his injured shoulder and down one bruised arm.

He let it move over his chest after a while and blushed a bit, unable to help the images that wandered into his mind... images of Karofsky's hands running gentle fingers over his chest and nipples. He let out a soft mewl and shook his head after a moment, trying to orient himself and pull himself out of the twisted daydream as he returned to cleaning himself, scrubbing a little harder then was necessary now as he tried to keep from thinking about the male who'd both abused him and made him feel pleasure beyond anything he'd ever felt.

Kurt took the loofa in his other hand finally and began to run it over his other arm, wincing a bit as he pressed a little too hard on a bruise that was still very tender. He didn't stop, however, as he continued to rub against the bruised flesh, letting out a soft pained groan after a while before he pulled the loofa away and grabbed for the bodywash again, pouring more onto the loofa.

He let out a trembling sigh as he brought the soapy loofa to his stomach, running it over his flesh and up his sides, his scrubbing finally getting a little more gentle now that he'd gotten the pain he seemed to need. He was disgusted with himself... disgusted that the only thing that seemed to really make him feel better was something that should make him feel bad... Pain was not something you sought after as a release from your troubles... or at least it shouldn't be.

He moved to his legs after a while, ignoring his privates for now as he lathered up both legs and scrubbed at his feet. Once that was done he turned around in the shower, letting the water run over his face for a few seconds before he rinsed himself off. He then grabbed his back scrubber and put some soap on it, still avoiding his privates for now as he scrubbed at his back, using his free hand to turn up the heat a little bit.

Once his back was rinsed he sighed, contemplating just slipping out of the shower instead of finishing. He shook his head, however, not liking the idea... he was a very cleanly person after all. So he grabbed a cloth, not liking to clean his privates with his loofa, and poured some shower gel into it. He lathered it up before bringing it down his front slowly. He blushed a bit as he let the soapy cloth run along his thighs.

He let out a soft groan as he slipped the soap further between his legs, rubbing it behind his balls and around them before finally coming up to run it over his shaft. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, just give it a good clean and that was it but Kurt couldn't help the images of Karofsky's large hand running over both their shafts despite everything he tried.

He bit his bottom lip and tilted his head back after a while, finally just giving in... it wasn't like anyone else would find out. He let out a heavy breath as he ran the cloth over his hardening flesh, trembling gently. He ran the soapy fabric over the tip of his half-hard erection, cleaning and stimulating himself at the same time. No one had to know... besides... he was a teenager... this was normal wasn't it? Well... maybe not picturing someone who tried to make your life a living hell but...

Fuck it... Kurt didn't care at this point and before he knew it he was running the cloth up and down his fully erect flesh, moaning softly as he leaned against the shower wall. His breaths were heavy and he pressed up against his own hand, still picturing Karofsky's hand on him. He brought his free hand up to run over the bite mark on his neck, running it over the tender flesh as he mewled softly, picturing Dave's lips on his neck.

He panted and groaned as he continued, his body overwhelmed with sensations before he finally spasmed, letting out a strangled cry as he came. His eyes slipped shut as he let his body slip to the bottom of the shower, gasping for breath as he began to shiver.

He let out a whimpered sob as he curled up on the bottom of the tub, confused and hating himself right about now. Dave Karofsky had hurt him... and now he was fantasizing about the other. He couldn't move anymore, he just pressed his face to his knees and cried, letting the water wash over him and slowly turn cold.

"What's wrong with me..." he whispered out pitifully after a while, shivering against the now cold porcelain of the tub. It took a few more minutes for him to finally pull himself to his feet and turn off the water, his whole body frozen as he grabbed his towel and wrapped it tightly around himself.

Once he'd calmed himself down a little more, he dried himself off, got dressed into his PJs and went to his desk. He forced down a few pieces of cheese, carrots and cucumbers before looking towards the razors he'd left there earlier. He bit his lip again before reaching out with shaky fingers.

He picked them both up gently, being careful not to cut himself, as he opened his desk drawer. Inside he had a small box where he kept some keepsakes, mostly things that had once belonged to his mother along with some photos of the three of them. He opened it up, fingering some of the stuff with his other hand before lifting the photos and slipping the razors underneath where they'd be safe... and hidden.

~*~*~*~

Kurt had slipped into bed for a couple of hours, regaining his composure and energy and woke up again at about eight thirty. He sighed as he sat up on the bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He felt a little bit better though still very embarrassed and confused about what he'd done in the shower. He brushed it away, however, and shook his head.

"Kurt Hummel does not let stupid neanderthal's like David Karofsky get to him... Kurt Hummel is going places... and that asshole isn't going to stop me..." he let out as he stood, taking a deep breath and moving towards the washroom. He closed the door and turned to the full length mirror and gave a nod.

He took a deep breath and forced a smile to his face, holding his head up high but sighed when it looked more like a grimace of pain or something then an actual smile. He let his mouth frown again and closed his eyes, taking a few more deep breaths before opening his eyes again, focusing on something happy... like singing a solo in Glee club or spending time with his dad.

He smiled again and waved at the mirror as if he was greeting a long time friend he hadn't seen for a while. It looked a little more believable then the last time at least but it still wasn't right... People around him were getting too suspicious... they knew there was something wrong and he had to fix that. He had to look like everything was just fine... he had to look like he was on top of the world... like nothing bad could faze him... just like he was before all of this had happened.

He took a deep breath and continued, turning away from the mirror and stepping away and turning back to it, taking those few steps back as he smiled and waved, greeting his mirror image and having a random pleasant conversation with himself. Just random everyday banter that he'd probably face tomorrow at school... he needed to be able to talk to people like there was nothing wrong and if that meant he needed to spend hours practicing the simple act of exchanging pleasantries... then he would.

He did this until about ten O'clock before finally turning to head towards his vanity, doing a very quick version of his moisturizing routine before slipping into bed at about ten thirty. He was exhausted by this point even though he'd had about three hours sleep earlier that day. The stress was just so physically draining...

He was almost asleep the moment his head hit the pillow, curling up and letting his eyes slip shut as he just let his body relax, letting all the stress and worries of the day just drift away.

~*~*~*~

The next morning was fairly uneventful. His father and him exchanged good mornings and chatted a bit while they had breakfast. Kurt used this time to get some added practice for school that day and his father didn't seem to notice that anything was wrong, he even seemed to be pleased that Kurt had 'bounced back' so well. This relaxed Kurt some, knowing that he could do this...

Soon enough the two of them parted ways, Burt heading off to pick up Carole to drop her off at work before he'd go to work himself... or at least that's what Kurt assumed as that was their daily routine. Kurt, meanwhile, grabbed his things and slipped into his Navigator, heading off towards school.

Once in the parking lot, he looked up into the rear-view mirror, pulling it down to point in his direction as he did one last smile, ensuring it was still believable before he nodded and fixed the mirror before slipping out of the car, shouldering his bag and heading into the school.

He headed down the hall to his locker and spotted Mercedes from the corner of his eye. He took a deep breath at this point as he turned towards her and smiled brightly, "Hey there 'Cedes. How was your evening?" he asked before she could ask him how he was doing or about the bump on his head or how weird he'd been acting or about the bullying. He didn't want to talk about anything like that.

Mercedes opened her mouth before closing it and smiling back, "Not bad... Me and Tina went shopping... you shoulda been there. We got some nice stuff... Check out the shoes I found... on sale for fifteen bucks," she said with a grin as Kurt looked her shoes over and smiled... they were so Mercedes.

"Very nice. Sounds like you had a very productive evening," he let out as he grabbed his books, "Maybe we can go together this weekend... or maybe do bowling since I had to blow you off the other day," he let out with that smile to her again. Mercedes just smiled back and Kurt was sure she had no idea.

"Sounds like a plan... next Saturday then?" she asked as she fixed her bag over her shoulder, Kurt giving her a nod as he smiled. She'd wanted to ask him what was going on but he seemed so different then he had been the last few days... he seemed like he was back to his old self truth be told... and she was almost afraid to dredge up bad memories and send him back to his brooding self.

"Consider it officially marked on the calendar!" Kurt piped up, making a checkmark with his finger as he grinned at her, "Anyway... we better get to class," he said, moving to loop his arm around her's as the two of them headed towards their first class, which they had together.

~*~*~*~

The rest of the morning went by fairly quickly and Kurt was doing really well making people believe he was just fine. Before he knew it he was back at his locker putting books away for lunch hour. He smiled brightly, feeling content suddenly... he could do this. It wasn't that hard and pretending he was fine made him feel a little better truth be told...

He closed his locker finally, locking it before turning and letting out a yelped gasp. Right there behind him, or not in front of him rather, were Burt and Carole. They both had bright smiles on their faces and Kurt was a little bit unnerved as he blinked and looked from one to the other.

"What are you two doing here? Other then, of course, trying to give me a heart attack..." Kurt let out, his heart slowly calming in his chest. Instincts had set off alarms in his head when he'd realized someone was right there. He'd instantly assumed it was Karofsky before his eyes caught up with his brain telling him otherwise.

Both of the adults grinned as they turned, grabbing Kurt under the arms as Burt piped up, "Where's Finn? We need to talk to the two of you..." he let out to his shocked looking son who gave a bit of a nod, "He's probably at his locker putting his stuff away for lunch hour... what in the world is going on?"

Neither adult replied to Kurt's question as they pulled him along, heading towards Finn's locker, Kurt having to give directions here and there, but finally they made it and Finn looked a bit unnerved as well as he opened and closed his mouth for a moment.

"Uhhh... what's going on? If this is one of those interventions... cause... I really didn't do anything I swear..." he let out looking very confused as Kurt looked at him, just as confused as he was as he shrugged a bit.

"If it is... it's for the both of us... They totally kidnapped me and forced me to lead them to you," Kurt said with a bit of a nod, shrugging again with Burt and Carole's arms around his arms. He had a feeling it looked highly ridiculous but he didn't much care.

"Well come on... tell'em!" Burt piped up and the two of them began to bicker pleasently, "No, no you tell them," "no, we said you would be the one," "No... no you... you do it, please" Carole finally got the last word in and Burt sighed, nodding, "Okay..."

Kurt was very much weirded out and looked from both adults to Finn and back, trying to figure out why his dad and Finn's mom were acting so seriously wacky all of a sudden. He almost wanted to ask if they'd been drinking or something.

"So... you know how I drive Carole to work every Tuesday right?" Burt finally let out, giving a bit of a nod towards Finn, "well... today, we drove here instead... and I snuck us into the classroom where Kurt first introduced us. Very romantic of me I might add... and I..."

"He proposed!" Burt was instantly interrupted by an ecstatic Carole who blurted it all out and Burt rolled his eyes and chuckled, "You stole the punchline!" he teased before leaning down to kiss her while Kurt looked at Finn with a confused and shocked face, Finn doing exactly the same thing.

Kurt pretty much ignored Finn's question of whether this had just happened or not, to instead, look at the ring his father had got Carole. It was beautiful... For once his father had picked out something perfect that had to do with fashion without Kurt's help. He smiled his first genuine smile of the day, feeling his body filled with new hope as he held Carole's hand.

"We wanted the two of you to be the first to know," Carole let out and Burt chuckled as he added, "well ya... after those kids in that homeroom that is," he let out and Carole just rolled her eyes and elbowed his playfully as Burt grinned, "Come on... family hug..." he said, motioning for Finn to join the hug, Kurt already there. Truth was he kind of needed it right now but Kurt wouldn't ask for one.

"I'm so excited and nervous and... Overwhelmed..." Carole let out, bringing her hand to her chest. The adrenaline of it all was starting to wear off a bit and leaving her in just utter shock for the most part. She couldn't believe this was happening. She loved Burt so much... she'd never thought she could love again after Finn's father but... here she was.

And not only was she going to have a husband who she could hopefully spend the rest of her life with... she was getting another son, but one that was so different then Finn. She'd always wanted a daughter that she could spend time with, go shopping with... Kurt was even better and she loved him just as much as she loved her own son... it was almost like this was meant to be... and she truly believed that it was... it was always meant to be.

"Don't worry about anything alright? You don't have to be nervous... I will take care of everything. This is just what I needed," Kurt piped up. This is exactly what he needed... a distraction from the hell that was his school life... something to get his mind off of Karofsky.

"I've got a trunk full of wedding magazines hidden under my bed," he let out, ignoring the eye roll from his father. He'd had to hide things like that before Burt found out about him cause Burt would get uncomfortable and he didn't want that... but since they'd come to terms with it all Kurt knew it didn't matter... he just hadn't bothered to move them from their safe place.

"I've got perfect colors already... Russet and cognac? Fall wedding colors..." he said with a grin looking to Finn, "It'll be perfect," he let out as Burt piped up, "Nothing too over-the-top Kurt... We want to save as much money as we can for the honeymoon... we're going to Waikiki. We'll stay in the hotel where they put up the guest stars in 'Lost'."

Kurt and Carole's mouths both hung open and Kurt smiled brightly before looking to Finn. He could tell the other wasn't too comfortable with the idea and he couldn't help but remember when his dad had offered to let Carole and Finn live with them... the whole fiasco in Kurt's basement... the horrible things Finn said to him. He'd just wanted to pretend that Finn wasn't referring to him but he'd known the other was... and he was sure Finn didn't really like him. He supposed he couldn't blame the other. He had been a little overly 'attached' to Finn in their first year.

Carole finally spoke, looking to her son, "Finn... you haven't said a thing... please say something..." and Finn shook himself out of his daze a bit before letting out, "Sorry... I guess I was just a little stunned... not sure how to take all of this yet..."

"Yes... Don't you worry... I'm already looking for a bigger place... somewhere a little bigger where we'll all have our own rooms..." Burt let out, patting Finn on the shoulder gently before Carole pipped up, "Please hunny... be happy for me..."

"I am mom..." Finn let out, smiling weakly to her. He was still overwhelmed but he knew this meant a lot to his mom and Burt was good to her. He liked Burt and truth be told... he was ok with Kurt too... especially since Kurt hadn't been all over him this year. It seemed the other had gotten over his crush finally.

"Alright... now, Mr. Wedding Planner... I want you to take care of one thing... I don't care about food or booze or decorations but I want one heck of a band... I've been eating well and I've been excersizing and I want to dance with my bride at my wedding."

"Alright... already taken care of!" Kurt let out after contemplating things for a second, "I am going to hire the New Directions as the band... Right? How's that sound? It wont cost you a cent... they're cheap and they're available... Long story short... you are having a Glee wedding..." he said with a bright smile. He definitely needed this. He felt so good right now... he felt like his old self. He had purpose again...

He was going to make sure this was the best wedding ever... A wedding the four of them would never forget...

~*~*~*~