~*~*~*~

The school year hadn't started very well for the Glee club. The usual slushy facials and Glee group drama along with the fact that they were once again too low on members to be able to compete in sectionals meant that the group was overly stressed out. Despite all their efforts the year before... they were still on the bottom of the McKinley High social ladder.

Kurt Hummel was no exception... Not only was he in the Glee club, which was on the bottom of the high school food chain... he was seen as lower on the food chain then all the other members... because he was gay. He went to school everyday with his head held high and put up with the slushies, the dumpster diving, the comments and the disgusted looks of the people who seemed to believe that they could somehow catch his 'gay' if he touched them.

He tried not to let it show that it bothered him... that it hurt. He was stronger then that, stronger then them. But every time someone looked at him like that, every time someone laughed at his misfortune as someone tormented him in some way... every time one of his friends looked the other way when something happened... a small crack etched it's way into his protective walls. The walls he kept up against the entire world... family and friends included.

The truth was he'd do anything to just be normal. To be like everyone else. People seemed to think it was a choice... that he chose to be gay... that he wanted this for himself. It made him sick to think that people could be so ignorant. He couldn't see anyone in the world 'CHOOSING' to be treated like garbage. No one would choose to be seen as nothing but some kind of disease... They would never choose to put up with people telling them that they were going to hell because the almighty god hates them for the path they've chosen to live.

Of course, that was why he didn't believe in god... Being gay or lesbian wasn't a choice... it was just the way you were born... and any god who chose to hate something he created... was no god Kurt would ever believe in. It was much easier to believe that he didn't exist and that everything that happened was just... coincidence... and not some divine plan.

When his father had his heart attack, however, he didn't know what to do. He almost wished there was someone up there that could do something... but if it was the same god that would want him to suffer in hell for being who he was then he had a feeling he wouldn't do anything for his father.

He felt bad though... the way he'd treated his friends. How he'd pushed them away because he didn't want to deal with their 'prayers' and their beliefs. He knew it had been selfish... They'd only wanted to help... And it was for his dad... not for him. And who was he to say that their faith was 'wrong'. Not that he really had but...

He sighed as he shook his head, pushing the thoughts from his mind... he'd apologize again tomorrow at school. He had other things to worry about right now... like helping his dad lay down on his bed and taking off the others shoes despite the man's protests as he shushed him and told him to get some sleep. He smiled weakly to the man who just rolled his eyes and chuckled softly as he moved to kiss his father's forehead gently.

"Doctor's orders... you need to rest. You call me if you need anything and don't you dare get out of bed... you hear me?" he said sternly to the other, putting a hand on his hip before smiling warmly as a tear slipped down his cheek. He let out a faked chuckle as he brushed it away before looking back to his father, "I love you... and I don't want to loose you. So please... please just do what I ask and let me take care of you? Just this once?"

"Alright, alright..." Burt sighed, smiling a bit, "I'll rest..." he promised and Kurt smiled warmly, nodding to him before turning to slip out. Burt stopped him at the door, however, as he pipped up, "Kurt?"

The teen blinked and turned to look back over to his father, a bit of worry on his features for a moment, "Yes dad? Is something wrong?" he asked almost instinctively.

"No... everything's fine... I just wanted to say I love you too, kiddo..." he smiled back, giving him a nod, "You make sure you get your homework done and eat something, ok? And get some sleep... I know you haven't been sleeping much since I ended up in the hospital."

Kurt chuckled softly and nodded, "Yes dad... now you get some sleep too," he said as he turned to slip out, heading towards the laundry room to switch the laundry around, praying he'd managed to get out the blue slushy from his 'new' favorite scarf. Once he'd done that he made himself a quick snack tray with veggies, cheese and crackers and headed downstairs to his room to eat and do his homework.

~*~*~*~

The next morning was decently uneventful save for the freakishly intimidating looks he kept getting from Karofski every now and then when the two of them passed each other in the hallway. Azimio just chuckled when he was with Karofski, smirking as Karofski would make Kurt flinch by making quick sudden movements in his direction before pulling away again and continuing on his way.

Kurt was so glad he didn't have his father's heart or he'd probably have collapsed from heart failure by now. He just took deep breaths each time and continued on his way, praying this was all they planned to do today. He was tired of having to toss his designer clothes in the garbage cause they had permanent stains on them.

Lunch came and went and so did Glee rehearsal. He let out a breath as he unlocked his locker, grabbing what he needed to bring home and putting what he didn't need back in his locker. He was almost done when he yelped as he was suddenly pushed against the locker harshly, the resounding clash or flesh on metal echoing in his ears for a second or two.

He winced, pain shooting through his arm and shoulder as he shivered a bit, the hook for the lock having dug into his arm where he already had a nasty bruise. He looked back at Karofski, who'd pushed him, and narrowed his eyes but he said nothing... What was he supposed to say? Don't do that? Like the jerk would even listen anyway. He'd snapped back before and got little to no 'good' reaction in return. He felt like it was just making things worse.

Unfortunately, Kurt was starting to have trouble hiding the bruises from his father. He was wearing long sleeves everyday now to cover the bruises on his arms, shoulders and back from being shoved all the time. He hated his pale skin... he bruised so easily and his light skin tone just made the bruising look so much worse.

He looked around after a moment and sighed, eyeing the people around who, as usual, just ignored him. He could vaguely see Santana and Brittany a little ways up the hall but they weren't looking in his direction... they probably hadn't even seen anything either.

He was somewhat glad, in a way, that no one seemed to notice what was happening. He didn't want to be protected all the time... he could take care of himself. But at the same time... he felt alone too. He felt like no one cared, but perhaps it was his own fault. He kept it to himself... he never told anyone how bad the bullying was. He hid the bruises and the cuts and if he needed to cry he always slipped off somewhere he could be alone.

He rested there, leaning against the locker next to his for a while before finally pushing himself off it and moving to lock his locker and head out. He couldn't wait to get home... to just put the school day behind him, as usual, and return to taking care of his dad.

He hadn't gotten far, however, before Finn stepped in front of him, letting out quickly, "you can't do this, Kurt..."

"Can't do what?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow at Finn though he had a really strong idea he knew exactly what the other was talking about. They'd just managed to convince a new student to join Glee club. Sam Evans... He was cute and clearly dyed his hair even if he denied it. He'd managed to convince the other to do a duet with him since that was the assignment for the week. He was curious about the other, kind of hopeful that maybe the other might just be into guys too... but Kurt tried not to be overly hopeful.

"You can't do a duet with Sam... If you sing with him you're just painting a giant bullseye on his back," Finn pipped up and Kurt just rolled his eyes, sidestepping the other and moving towards the doubledoors at the end of the hall.

"Once again your closeted homophobia rears it's big ugly head..." he said, trying not to let it show that it hurt him to hear those words from someone he thought was his friend.

"Come on Kurt... You know I'm sorry for what I said in your basement. I should never have used that word... but you know you're not innocent either. Sure, I like you, you're a nice guy... but the way you were all over me last year. If I'd done that to a girl she'd have gotten a restraining order."

"I understand that you have issues with me being gay," he said, about to say something else but Finn stopped him right there.

"No... I don't have a problem with you being gay... I have a problem with you not understanding boundaries and not getting the idea that no means no," Finn said, pleading with the other.

"All I want to do is sing with him... that's it," he let out, trying to get away from the other but Finn just followed right next to him as he continued on.

"Then you don't give a damn about any of us... If you sing with him... Everyone's going to think he's gay too... he'll be put through so much crap that he'll be forced to quit Glee club and then we're screwed... back where we started... But it's your call."

Kurt frowned at this as Finn turned to head the other way as Kurt finally slipped through the doors, sighing as he headed to his car. He slipped in and closed the door, putting his hands on the steering wheel as he leaned back against the chair, bringing a hand up to brush over his cheek as a few stray tears slipped down it.

He knew Finn was right... Kurt was like the plague... anyone that got too close to him was bound to end up ruined. It still hurt though... Especially coming from someone who was supposed to be his friend and understand him. If his own friends thought he wasn't someone you wanted to be seen singing a duet with then of course no one else would.

Kurt took a few deep breaths before he brought his hand to the arm that sported the newest bruise. He ran his hand over his arm a bit before pressing into it, gritting his teeth as he stifled a scream of frustration, the pain, somehow, seeming to ease his troubled mind... he wouldn't let Sam go through this. Sam was too nice a guy to have to be put through the stuff Kurt went through on a regular basis.

Yes... Kurt wanted to win the supper at Breadsticks... and yes... he was slightly... if not more... attracted to the 'new kid'. But most of all... he was lonely. He felt alone even among his friends because none of them could ever really understand what he was going through. Even Artie was treated better then he was... a lot better.

He shook his head after a moment, clenching his eyes shut and taking a deep breath, finally pulling his hand away from his bruised arm and placing it back on the steering wheel where his other hand was, knuckles white from holding it too tightly.

He stayed like that for a few more seconds as he composed himself before finally starting the car and pulling out of the school parking lot. He pushed his fears and worries and the loneliness away as he drove back home, focusing on getting back to his sick father and making sure the man ate something healthy and got some rest.

~*~*~*~

"Alright... Dinner is served... All natural vegetable soup, no chemicals, no processed anything. Now eat... I wanna see that bowl empty. You have no idea how hard it is to find Saffron in this rinky-dink town," Kurt piped up as he brought his dad a platter with the soup and some milk, placing it on the coffee table in front of the couch where the other was laying.

Burt just rolled his eyes as he looked over towards his son though he smiled just slightly. Kurt really did take good care of him and truth be told... he reminded him of his mother. He nodded finally as he piped up, "alright... but please, let me eat at the table like a civilized person. I'm getting couch cabin fever and this couch has a permanent Burt butt imprint in it as it is."

"Absolutely not... you're sick and I'm in charge of your care until you're better," he said as he moved to fix the pillows behind his father's back to make the other more comfortable as he added, "you have a serious arrhythmia dad... The doctor said you need to rest and relax until your stress test."

Burt couldn't help but sigh and shake his head a bit, mumbling quietly, "you're my stress test..." only to get a lifted eyebrow from his son who sighed softly as his father asked for salt. Kurt looked at him sternly and repeated his earlier words, "Absolutely not..."

Truth be told it hurt that his dad was being so stubborn. The man was sick and was still trying to overdo it despite everything he tried. It scared Kurt truth be told. He didn't want to loose his father. He wasn't ready for that... Loosing his mother had been the hardest thing he'd ever gone through and to loose his father too... he wasn't sure what he'd do with himself if that happened. He already felt alone more of the time... without his father he really would be alone.

Burt just looked back down to the soup, picking it up and starting to eat before asking how Kurt was doing in school. Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it truth be told. Sometimes he kind of hated school... but Glee club always made things seem better... usually...

He sighed as he looked to his father, "It's good... I guess... there's this new kid in Glee. His name's Sam. We're going to be singing a duet together. Except Finn practically begged me not to... That it would ruin Sam's reputation and scare him away from the Glee club for good."

Burt looked to Kurt and could already tell where this was going. He asked anyway, "So... does this kid, Sam... Does he, you know... play for your team?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out," he mumbled out to his father with a sigh as Burt nodded, "Maybe Finn's right then..." he let out, knowing Kurt wouldn't like him agreeing with Finn but one had to look at both sides of the argument after all.

"Wait, wait, wait... you're siding with Finn? Dad... After what he said to me? What he... called me?" he let out, feeling hurt truth be told. After what Finn had done in their basement and just... all of it... but he couldn't blame his father really. Burt knew nothing about what it was like to be gay. How hard it was to have to step on eggshells no matter what you did just so you wouldn't accidentally offend someone with your freakishly gay ways.

"Hey, now... You weren't exactly honest with me about everything. I spoke with Carol... she told me you had a crush on Finn and weren't exactly hiding it. Is that true or no?" he asked, looking to his son who looked upset as he stood and moved to walk away, tense.

"What? I can't be nice to a guy because I'm gay and it would be seen as some kind of stalker behavior?" he asked though in truth he knew his father was right. Finn was straight and as much as he'd liked the other boy he knew he could never have him and he tried anyway... and he shouldn't have. Truth be told he was a little embarrassed about all of that... but he wouldn't admit to it.

It was hard... hard to just wait and hope that someday... some guy would have the guts to come out of the closet... And even if that some guy did come out... that didn't mean Kurt would be his type. They lived in Lima Ohio for crying out loud. What person in their right mind would come out of the closet anyway if they didn't have to. Even he hadn't really wanted to... but he didn't really have a choice... besides, everyone around him knew... they'd always known. Kurt couldn't hide it like some people could.

"You don't understand, Kurt. Most straight guy's don't know how to deal with getting that kind of attention from another guy. It's awkward for them... It would be like some girl hitting on you and not leaving you alone even when she knows your gay," he said, trying to make Kurt understand.

"So you're telling me I shouldn't sing with Sam because it'll upset some stupid homophobes," Kurt sighed and looked away, "I thought you said no one pushes the Hummel's around? Didn't you?" he said though in truth he knew already that he couldn't sing with Sam... even if he really wanted to. It just hurt that even his father agreed that he shouldn't do it.

"I never said that... No one pushes the Hummel's around... but think about it... don't you think you're kind of pushing this Sam kid around trying to take advantage of him because you like him a little bit?" He said, looking to Kurt and lifting an eyebrow. He could see the hurt look in the others eyes but he needed Kurt to understand what he was saying. If Kurt got too 'friendly' with the wrong straight guy he was likely to get hurt and he didn't want that.

"You don't know what it's like, dad... You have no idea what it's like to be the only openly gay kid at school... in this town in fact... I mean... why can't I walk down the school hallway hand in hand with someone I like... or go to my prom and slow-dance like everyone else? Why do I have to make the sacrifices? Why can't other people make the sacrifices for once? Why does it always have to be me?" Kurt let out, feeling tears threatening to escape his eyes as he sighed and looked away from his dad.

"Kurt... come here..." he let out, motioning him over, just the slightest hint of sternness in his voice. He hated to see how upset Kurt got sometimes. He hated that they lived in a time where being allowed to be yourself was only truly given to those that society seemed to have deemed to be 'normal'... and fuck anyone else who wasn't normal... they were to behave according to the societal norms or they would be cast from society, forever to be an outcast.

Kurt sighed to the other but finally moved towards him, sitting down on the couch next to him. He wouldn't look at his father and he almost wanted to bring his hand up and rub at his bruised arm... the pain always seemed to ground him... to calm him and make him feel better, somehow. He knew it was stupid and he shouldn't be doing it but it helped and he didn't really want to stop.

"You know I want those things for you as much as you do, Kurt..." Burt piped up, pulling Kurt away from his self-destructive thought process, "I really do, son... but until the day you find somebody... as open and as brave as you, Kurt... You're just going to have to learn to go it alone. It'll be hard... I know it's not easy, but if you continue the way you are... you're just going to get hurt."

Kurt frowned at the others words and sighed, shifting to rest his head on his dad's shoulder, forcing back the tears that threatened to escape. Burt smiled weakly but Kurt couldn't see it from his position as he let his eyes finally slip shut. He was lonely... but his father was right. Unless he knew for sure that a guy was gay it was best he just... stay away.

~*~*~*~