Dear journal, 

I have joined the football team. 

Yes, I know. I did not see that one coming either. I guess you can say I panicked, but I think it might actually be good for me too. Maybe those Neanderthals will finally leave me alone and I can find a bit more common ground with dad. I mean, it’s just kicking a ball between two posts, not exactly rocket science. 

When Britt tried to cover for me with dad, I thought that was it. Surely he’d see through it and call my bluff, but apparently not. Thank goodness for Finn. If not for him, I don’t know how I would have managed to even get an audition. They still don’t take me seriously, but that’s okay. The team has apparently been sucking more than usual lately, and they need me a whole lot more than I need them. I’ll show them, just you wait…

The game is tonight and I’m a little bit nervous. Dad said he’d be there and I don’t want to disappoint him. We’re already so different, I worry that we’ll never find any common ground. I really don’t care about the sport, but for him I’ll try. 

I feel bad about keeping such a big part of me hidden from him, but I don’t know how to talk to him about it. How do you broach a subject as heavy as sexuality with such a man’s man? He’s never been particularly homophobic as far as I can tell, but who’s to say that will still be the case when it’s personal? He’s all I have and I’m so scared of losing him. I will do anything I can to make him proud of me. 

Time is running out. One day I won’t be able to make up a convincing enough excuse. Someday soon I will have to admit the truth. Please don’t stop loving me, dad. 

~ Kurt