Kurt breathed in the fresh air while he could. He knew it was only minutes before Rachel came outside to reprimand him. He just couldn’t breathe in that hospital. Being in the same room with Blaine was suffocating, Blaine telling Kurt that he loved him was even worse. Kurt had no doubt in his mind that Blaine loved him in 2012 but he knew that his feelings weren’t there anymore and somehow that just made the whole situation more awful.

Kurt thought about the words Blaine had said to him after a fight they had in the loft so many years ago. “I’m just so scared that one day you’ll wake up and think ‘I don’t love him anymore.’” Kurt had told him never and somehow after all these years, that one word still rang true. He would never stop loving Blaine and it tore him to pieces at how quickly Blaine had stopped loving him. It took him barely 6 months to fall in love again, yet here Kurt was, still loving the same person he had for nearly 10 years.

Rachel’s high pitched voice broke him away from his thoughts. “You can’t do that!” She grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. “You can’t just run out like that, if you were feeling uncomfortable you could have got us and made us be in the room with you. He just wanted to see you, Kurt and now he probably thinks you hate him.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” He spat bitterly, looking towards the ground to avoid Rachel’s disappointed look.

“Don’t say that,” Rachel’s voice had toned down and Kurt’s eyes flickered up and there it was again, Rachel’s signature look of pity. “He needs love right now, Kurt. Especially from the person he loves the most.”

“He only thinks that. I’m sure his memories will slowly start coming back and when they do, he’ll stop thinking that,” Kurt shook his head and started to walk back towards the hospital, he’d wait in the lobby for Rachel.

“What if he had died, Kurt?” Rachel called after him.

Kurt stopped and turned back towards Rachel in surprise. “What?”

“What if he died?” she repeated, taking a few steps closer to him. “It could have happened with how bad the car accident was but it didn’t.”

“Rachel, why would you say something like that?” Kurt’s eyes widened at Rachel’s suggestion. Kurt couldn’t even think about what would happen if Blaine had died.

“Because it happened to Finn,” Rachel said quietly. Kurt’s mouth parted, realizing how selfish he had been to act like this around Rachel when she actually lost the love of her life. “I never got to tell Finn how much I loved him and how much I wanted to be with him. I ruined that. I was naive and thought one day, in a few years, I would swoop in and get him back. Then he was torn from me before I even got the chance to say goodbye. I don’t want that to happen to you. I know you love Blaine, don’t let him think you don’t because one day he is going to be gone and I truly hope that he lives a long, long life but that doesn’t matter if you let him think that you hate him.”

“I’m sorry, Rachel,” he pulled at her hand. “I didn’t mean to sound so selfish, I didn’t even think about that. But you’re right. I should try to push all this bitterness aside and try to be his friend. It’s been 5 years. I need to suck it up.”

Rachel smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “I’ve been waiting to hear you say that for a long time,” she chuckled, tugging his hand and pulling him back towards the hospital. “You’re going to apologize to Blaine, right?”

“Yeah, I will,” he promised her. “You’ll stay with me in the room, right? It’s just really hard for me to be alone with him.”

“Of course,” Rachel said with absolute certainty, “I told you I would stick with you through this. I would only leave you two alone if it was okay with you.”’

When they got back to Blaine’s room, everyone seemed to be in conversation with Blaine, most likely filling him in more about what his life is like now. When Kurt walked in, Blaine stopped whatever he was saying and stared at Kurt. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he closed it almost immediately after.

“Hey, guys,” Sam nodded in their direction, “we were just telling Blaine how he works in a open mic restaurant.”

“Where he performs every Friday night,” Rachel pointed out with a bright smile as they went to join the crowd around Blaine’s bed.

“I don’t know how exciting that is when you, Ms. Rachel Berry, is on her way to becoming the queen of broadway,” Blaine grinned at her, proud to be friends with someone as amazing as Rachel Berry.

“You can tell me that after I get good feedback on opening night,” she waved Blaine’s praise off. “Literally no musical has been able to receive any hype in 4 years because Hamilton will never stop receiving said hype.”

“What’s Hamilton?” Blaine narrowed his eyes at Rachel, most likely recognizing the name but not knowing what it had to do with musicals.

“Only the most popular musical of the decade, or even ever as some might argue,” Rachel huffed at this fact, making it seem like she despised the musical but Kurt knew that wasn’t true. For the entire year after the cast album came out they would sing along and do dramatic duets. “It’s about treasury secretary Alexander Hamilton. And it’s wonderful. Lin Manuel Miranda is a genius.”

“Why would someone write a musical about Alexander Hamilton?” Blaine asked, bugging his eyes out like this was the most absurd thing he’s heard since he woke up.

“Don’t question the God that is Lin Manuel,” Kurt spoke, clutching his hand at his chest. Everyone stared at Kurt again, like they weren’t ever expecting him to speak. “What?” He made a face at everyone continued to awkwardly stare at him.

“I…” Blaine broke the silence. “I thought you were mad at me.”

Kurt sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation with all these people in the room. Or at all. “I’m not mad at you,” he replied calmly. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings with what I said. That wasn’t my intention.”

Blaine blinked and nodded, but before he could say anything there was a knock on the door and then it opened, showing a nurse in blue scrubs. “Visiting hours are over in 5 minutes,” she informed everyone, before closing the door with a soft click.

“Thank you for coming to see me, guys,” Blaine said, grabbing Tina’s hand because she was closest to him. Tina gave him a quick hug and whispered something in his ear before walking towards the door and waited for Sam and Mercedes.

“Get better dude, seriously,” Sam said, leaning over to give him a hug. “I need you to remember that you have a crush on me because I need the love and affection that I’ve been lacking since Mercedes decided to break up with me so many years ago.”

“He doesn’t have a crush on you, Sam,” Mercedes rolled her eyes. “He hasn’t had a crush on you in 6 years.”

Sam had walked away from Blaine’s bed but mouthed over Mercedes shoulder, “yes you do,” before turning back and joining Tina at the door. Mercedes didn’t hug Blaine, she just patted shoulder and did a little wave goodbye.

“See you, guys,” Tina waved at Kurt and Rachel before all three of them walked out, leaving just Blaine, Rachel and Kurt in the room.

Blaine flickered his eyes between the both of them, his eyes landing on Kurt, waiting for him to say something but Rachel stepped up. “I’m really sorry this happened to you, Blaine,” she said sincerely, leaning over to give him a hug. “But thank god you can move because you’re being forced into seeing my opening night next week.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Blaine laughed into Rachel’s shoulder, the sound shooting right to Kurt’s heart. He missed that laugh.

When Rachel walked away and waited at the door for Kurt, he knew it was his turn to say goodbye. He walked closer to Blaine, not really knowing what to do. He was spared by having to think of anything because Blaine looked up at him through his dark eyelashes and asked, “will you hug me?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Kurt rushed out quickly and leaned over to wrap his arms around Blaine, inhaling sharply at the contact. Blaine’s hand moved up and rested on the small of Kurt’s back.

“I missed you,” Blaine muttered in Kurt’s ear and Blaine nuzzled his face in Kurt’s shoulder like he used to. No matter how much it hurt Kurt, he let Blaine hug him because even though it pained him emotionally, physically it felt so good to hug Blaine again. It felt good to be this close to him.

“I missed you, too,” Kurt admitted, finally pulling himself off Blaine. “We’ve got to go. Who’s picking you up tomorrow to take you to your apartment?”

“Sam is,” Blaine told him.

“Okay,” Kurt nodded. “Feel better.”

“Will do,” Blaine smiled at him one last time before Rachel and Kurt walked out of the hospital room.

When they got back to the apartment, the TV was still on but Rent had stopped playing so he popped out the disk and turned the TV off. They kind of rushed out of the apartment when they found out Blaine was in the hospital so they hadn’t bothered putting their half eaten ice cream back in the freezer, so it was melted. He sighed, disappointed that he wasted his favorite ice cream but he dumped the rest in the sink and threw it out.

“Hey, I’m going to go to bed,” Rachel told him. “Rehearsals tragically start at 6am tomorrow. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he answered though he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt. “I’m cooking dinner tomorrow. Ask Jesse if he wants to come over.”

“Are you working tomorrow?” she asked him with a tilt of her head. Kurt was his own boss so he made his own schedule.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I don’t have a lot on order right now. I might stop by the studio and get a few things done but I got a few guys working tomorrow so I might not have to.”

“Okay, well, hurry and get me that red dress that I wanted done. I need it for my after party,” she winked at him. Rachel had peeked at one of his designs a few weeks ago and fell in love, demanding that he made it for her opening night after party and he figured it was the least he could do.

“It’s almost done,” he promised her. “Now go get your beauty sleep."

She smiled before walking over to him and giving him a hug. “Goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

After Rachel went into her room, Kurt took a quick shower and changed into pajamas before going into his room. He knew it was early but after what happened today, he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep so he didn’t have to think about it anymore.

But as soon as his head hit the pillow, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to stop thinking about it. His mind was racing. He had just saw Blaine Anderson for the first time in three years. He’s spent so long trying to push Blaine out of his mind, trying to put a wall up so he wouldn’t get hurt again. So, of course, today out of all days, he had to see him again. All of that work he put into that wall felt like it was slowly starting to crumble because he did hurt. It hurt him to see Blaine again but it hurt him so much more to see Blaine in the state he was in, weak and in pain.

He hadn’t thought much about how this could be hurting Blaine emotionally. Kurt had been so worried about keeping his guard up and pushing Blaine away, he hadn’t thought about how Blaine’s head was in 2012 right now. 2012, when Blaine still loved Kurt, when Blaine still wanted to be with Kurt. Just knowing that they weren’t together anymore probably hurt Blaine.

He sighed and stood up, walking towards his memory drawer and flipping through it till his eyes landed on the Juicy Fruit wrapper ring Blaine had made him for Christmas during Kurt’s senior year. It had promised Kurt so much, it promised him hope and love. It promised there was always going to be someone there to care for him and protect him. He wished it was still true.

He slipped it on his finger and couldn’t help but smile. It was so cute and he didn’t have the heart in him to take it off, so he shut the drawer and crawled back into his bed. Kurt finally fell asleep with a twinge of something in his stomach. Something like hope.