Chapter 13

Blaine still can't believe Sebastian had only insisted on a few dates in exchange for his silence. Dinner, movie, coffee. Somehow he had assumed Sebastian's intentions were far less honorable. It doesn't mean he's any more comfortable with the idea, but he can't stand the thought of Kurt finding out that Blaine had betrayed his confidence

Sebastian had given Blaine until midnight to think about the offer. If he went on three dates with him, Sebastian wouldn't tell anyone about Kurt's secret. Just three dates. Blaine could do that, couldn't he? So why does he feel sick to his stomach when his phone rings at 11:58?

Blaine stairs at the screen for a few moments, until the words "Incoming call: Sebastian" feel burned into his brain. When he finally answers, his voice is steady and calm.

"Hello, Sebastian."

"Well hello there, little man. What's the verdict? Have you decided you can't live without me yet?"

Blaine fights back the retort forming on his tongue.

"Just the three dates and that's it?"

"That's it," Sebastian replies.

"You swear?"

"Jesus, Blaine, what's next? A pinky promise?" Sebastian's annoyance is obvious, but it only cuts Blaine deeper when he remembers the promise he made to Kurt. He has to do this. There's no way out. He just wishes he knew Sebastian's true intentions.

"And you know I'm not interested?" Blaine asks hesitantly.

"You've said as much. "

"Then why are you doing this?"

Sebastian doesn't respond right away, and for a second Blaine wonders if he's going to answer at all.

"Are you going to go out with me or not, Blaine?" There's no teasing quality to his tone any more. He's all business.

"I suppose I don't have a choice," Blaine says, resigned.

"You really know how to flatter a guy,'' Sebastian says. "But I'm glad you're finally seeing reason. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 8. Wear something nice."

Blaine mumbles some sort of sound indicating his agreement and is about to hang up when he hears Sebastian's voice call his name over the line.

"Blaine?"

"What?"

"You asked me why I'm doing this," Sebastian says.

"Mmhmm."

"Because I can," he says smugly. "Goodnight Blaine."

Blaine stares at his phone for a bit, his mouth hanging open not really believing what has just happened. He's going on a date with Sebastian Smythe. Horrible, sleazy, perverted Sebastian.

How did this happen? Why did he have to be so distracted and why did Sebastian have the ability to get under his skin like that? Blaine had let Sebastian ruffle him and he had blurted out the worst possible confession in his rush to defend Kurt.

Kurt. Graceful, perfect, sexy Kurt. He's doing this for Kurt. Suddenly Blaine feels an overwhelming urge to talk to him. He checks the time. Kurt should just about be getting off work. He sends him a text: What time are you done?

He flops down on his bed and waits for a reply.

Kurt takes a moment to compose himself before leaving the private lounge and heading back to the dressing room. If Vince sees that he's been crying, he'll go after Sebastian and then it's all over. All the months of sneaking around and hiding will be for nothing. Why was this job so important to him again?

Sitting on the floor of that disgusting room, Kurt can't remember anymore. Maybe it's not worth it; maybe he should just let Sebastian tell. Maybe he should just quit. If Sebastian's cold enough to demand a lap dance as payment, what else would he ask for? Kurt doesn't think he could deliver on anything physical.

He looks down at his hands, still shaking slightly, and balls them into fists, then flexes and stretches his fingers. Slowly his body is calming itself and returning to normal. He's got another performance to do. He can do this.

Kurt takes a deep breath, exhales it slowly and pulls himself to his feet. He grabs his clothes from the floor and puts them back on slowly. He focuses on the ritual of dressing himself, and slowly his heart rate returns to normal. His hands have stopped shaking and his breathing has calmed. He shuts off the sound system and heads for the dressing room, head held high to obscure the new secret etched into his skin. It's not visible to the naked eye, but Kurt can feel it just like a burn. He imagines it as a giant red welt on his back, right in between the tiny scar he earned when he was thrown in a dumpster his sophomore year and the place he had bruised when he got shoved extra hard into a locker during his junior year. He got through that, and he'll get through this. Somehow.

It isn't in Kurt Hummel's DNA to let anything beat him, not even a maniacal teen gay with a Jersey Shore-worthy blow out.

He laughs at the visual he created as he enters the dressing room, and it hits him.

"Mike."

Mike must have told Sebastian that Kurt was there. Fucking Mike and his stupid fucking fake tan and hideous green thong, who is now sitting in the nearly empty dressing room grinning at Kurt like he's just won the lottery.

"So, I guess he likes you back," Mike says, winking at Kurt.

Kurt feels like he might throw up but instead forces a smile.

"It would appear so," he says quietly.

Mike just gapes at him and looks like he's about to ask for details, so Kurt interrupts before Mike can say a word.

"Listen, I think I'm going to head home early. Do you want to take my second slot?"

He doesn't make eye contact with Mike, he simply starts packing up his stuff, not even bothering to change back into his street clothes. Mike must not be short on rent money this month because the offer didn't distract him in the way Kurt had hoped it would.

"That was him, right?" Mike asks, stepping between Kurt and the mirror. "Sebastian?"

Kurt flinches at both the name and the intrusion on his personal space. And suddenly it dawns on him. It's all his fault.

Me and my big mouth.

If Kurt hadn't slipped and blurted out Sebastian's name to Mike all those weeks ago, he wouldn't be in this boat now. But he had been distracted and trying desperately not to even admit to himself that he liked Blaine.

Blaine. What if Sebastian tells Blaine?

"Kurt?" Mike asks, leaning down to try to catch Kurt's eye. "You OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he says. "Just a little tired. Yes, that was Sebastian."

He's not sure why he confirms that to Mike or better still, why he doesn't deny liking the creepy little mongrel in the first place. But he's too tired to care. He really just wants to get home and wash the smell of Sebastian off of him. He can feel the burn of unwanted fingers on his torso and neck and it makes his skin crawl.

The room feels small and crowded and just too bright. Kurt needs to go; he needs to run; he needs…

Blaine
What time are you done?

He nearly chokes on his own breath as he reads the text. How can he face Blaine? Even if they are just friends, he knows Blaine wants more. And what if Sebastian is an ex-boyfriend? He never really asked. How the hell did all of this happen?

Kurt's hands are shaking when he replies, but he manages to type out a message and hit send.

Kurt
I'm done now. Can I come over?

Blaine just stares at the text for a minute in disbelief. There's no way in hell he's saying no to that. He quickly sticks his head out into the hallway, confirming that his parents are in their room and the lights are out. The lack of light coming from under their bedroom door tells him he's in the clear.

Blaine
Of course. Everything alright?

Kurt
I'm not sure.

Blaine
Now I'm worried.

Kurt
I'll be there in 20.

Blaine
Don't ring the bell…my parents are asleep. I'll meet you at the door.

Kurt
OK

Blaine
Drive safe. x

Blaine paces his room, trying to figure out what happened with Kurt. It wasn't uncommon for Kurt to send late texts or to come over to Blaine's house. They'd done a lot of that over the last few weeks, in fact. But he's never invited himself over out of the blue or this late at night before.

Every third lap of his room, Blaine stops to check the driveway for Kurt's car. He counts his steps, then the laps, and then the minutes. After what feels like an eternity, Blaine looks out his window and sees Kurt's car. He bounds down the stairs two at a time, somehow managing to stay quiet. Blaine opens the door to find a breathless and slightly pale-looking Kurt, who collapses into his arms.

"Kurt," Blaine says in shock. "Kurt, what happened?"

Kurt presses tightly to Blaine's chest, clinging to his firm presence, trying to regain his hold on reality. Deep sobs course through his body as he tries to stop the ground from swelling up to swallow him whole. Well, that's what it feels like anyway.

He barely registers Blaine guiding him into the house and onto the sofa in the Andersons' living room. Blaine pulls Kurt closer to him as the sobs intensify and Kurt grabs handfuls of Blaine's sweater trying to pull him even closer. Words refuse to form on Kurt's tongue so he just holds on to Blaine. Steady, warm, solid, breathing, alive, here. He can almost forget the feeling of Sebastian's cold hands on his bare chest. Almost.

His body shudders with the memory, and it catches Blaine's attention.

"Kurt, please tell me what's wrong," he pleads.

"I just can't," Kurt sobs. "Please…I just need a friend right now." He grips Blaine impossibly tighter, clinging to him as if his life depended on it. Maybe it does in a way.

"OK, OK…I'm here," Blaine says, making shushing noises into Kurt's hair while running his hands along Kurt's back. "I'm here as long as you need me."

Blaine begins to rock Kurt back and forth slightly, having always found the movement soothing himself. Kurt relaxes slightly under the weight of Blaine's hold and the soothing rhythm of the swaying. When Kurt finally feels like he can stay upright without Blaine to support his body weight, he pulls back slightly from their embrace, but he's still holding on to Blaine's shirt.

When he makes eye contact with Blaine, Kurt feels his breath catch in his throat. The concern and worry is etched into the other boy's face as clearly as if it had been written there in permanent marker. Kurt is overcome with emotion, everything he's been holding back, everything he's been pushing down, everything he's been feeling for Blaine.

Kurt feels as if his heart has been racing since Sebastian left him in the private lounge at Shades, yet it feels like it's beating impossibly faster now. It feels as if his heart might explode from his chest.

Blaine's tea-colored eyes are wide as he searches Kurt's face for answers, and Kurt is slowly falling apart under the warm affection of his gaze. Every argument he ever formed to convince himself they should just remain friends suddenly falls away. In this moment, in this place, it's just him and Blaine. Two warm bodies offering comfort to one another, and Kurt is finally succumbing to its consolation.

When Blaine's eyes fall on Kurt's again, he doesn't pull away. In fact, he leans in closer. So close he can feel Blaine's breath on his face. It's warm and sweet and smells vaguely of mint. And Kurt wonders if he tastes of mint as well.

Before the thought is fully formed, Kurt is pulling Blaine towards him and brushing his lips softly across Blaine's. The kiss is feather light and even though Kurt initiated it, the sensation barely registers on his lips. But then Blaine is leaning in and his full mouth meets Kurt's, lips slightly parted, asking Kurt to yield just a little more.

The room spins as Kurt allows himself to be caught up in the heady rush of affection. The fear and terror of being cornered by Sebastian is shoved further and further down until Kurt can think of nothing but Blaine and the soft press of full, pink lips to his own.

"Kurt," Blaine says, his voice low and raspy. "I'm not complaining, but are you sure this is what you want?"

Kurt opens his eyes and blinks at Blaine in confusion.

"Can we just have this moment?" he asks. "I just need this right now. We can talk later." Kurt presses a kiss to Blaine's jaw. "I need to feel hope…I need to feel … something."

Blaine simply nods before gently kissing Kurt's eyes closed. He trails feather light kisses along his nose and each cheek before capturing his lips again. This time Blaine's lips are slightly parted, his kiss soft but firm with intent.

Kurt responds by letting out a soft sigh and relaxing into Blaine's arms. He reaches up to run his fingers through the hair at the base of Blaine's neck, stroking gingerly. Blaine's hair is soft and pliant beneath his hands, and Kurt realizes for the first time that Blaine's head is a pile of tousled, soft curls instead of its regular smoothly slicked back style. He relishes the feeling in his fingers and is so distracted by the physical sensation of it that he barely notices that Blaine has stopped kissing his lips and has moved down his neck. Kurt tilts his head back to give Blaine easier access and moans when he hits a particularly sensitive spot.

"Is this alright?" mumbles Blaine in between kisses.

Kurt manages a soft "mmhmm" of encouragement.

The confirmation must give Blaine a jolt of confidence because he bites down slightly on Kurt's neck where it reaches the collar of his shirt, causing Kurt to arch his back and let out a low whine.

"I don't think I want to be friends," Kurt says breathlessly.

Blaine pulls back abruptly, eyes wide and swollen, red lips parted in disbelief. A flash of hurt shows briefly on his face.

"What?" he asks.

Kurt opens his eyes and tilts his head back to neutral so he can look at Blaine.

"I know I said I wanted to be friends," he says, "but I can't stop thinking about this. I'm tired of fighting it, Blaine. I don't even remember why I was fighting."

"You had a list," Blaine says quietly, dropping his head into his left hand. Suddenly his head is pounding from the thoughts whirring through his mind.

"I was being stupid," Kurt says, reaching for Blaine's chin and titling his head up, pressing soft kisses to his mouth. "I'm sorry."

Blaine throws his arms around Kurt and knocks him backward on the sofa. Kurt's back is pressed into the cushions and Blaine's weight has him pinned. And the sensation is so much more welcome than when Sebastian shoved him against the wall. It feels right. Blaine is soft and warm and pliant where Sebastian was cold, cruel and unyielding. Kurt shoves the memory aside and kisses Blaine with renewed passion.

Their tongues are fighting for dominance, and it's sloppy, but Kurt doesn't care. Blaine's here and he's his, and it's perfect.

Kurt trails his hands along Blaine's sides and runs a hand under his loose-fitting t-shirt. He can feel the muscles in Blaine's smooth back as they react to his touch. Blaine's kisses come faster and more insistent and Kurt can feel a familiar heat begin to build.

The two are startled from their reclining position on the couch when they hear a toilet flush upstairs. Blaine holds his breath until they hear footsteps retreat down the hall and a door close.

"I really should go," Kurt says, not really wanting to leave, but not wanting to go any further until they can talk about things.

"I wish you could stay," Blaine says, cupping Kurt's cheek and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

"I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Please," Blaine says. He's not pleading; it feels more like a promise really. Blaine stands and offers his hand to Kurt. He takes it and Blaine leads him to the door. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I will be," Kurt says, and he means it. He feels stronger somehow.

Blaine nods silently, not sure he believes this gorgeous boy in front of him, but accepting the answer all the same.

"You know I'm here for you, right? You can tell me anything."

"I know," Kurt says, not making eye contact.

But I can't tell you this.

Blaine leans in for another kiss, before looking back at Kurt and smiling.

"I'm glad you came over," he says.

"Me too. Goodnight, Blaine."

"Bye, Kurt. Talk to you tomorrow."

Blaine watches as Kurt walks slowly to his car. He looks slightly less pale than when he arrived, but even more tired than before. At least he didn't run away this time, though. That's a start. Hopefully he won't regret this tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Blaine has a date with Sebastian tomorrow.

If only he'd kept his stupid mouth shut for a few more hours. Instead he's going to either have to betray Kurt for a second time in as many days or come clean about his slip. Neither option is incredibly appealing.

Blaine climbs the stairs to his room feeling heavy and suddenly exhausted. His whole body feels wooden and there's a twisting pain in his chest. He should feel elated that Kurt finally let go; he finally wants more than friendship.

He's mine.

The smile that reaches Blaine's lips disappears quickly, though. He should feel all of those things, but instead he's anxious, confused and angry with himself. He can't even bring himself to be angry with Sebastian. He's just being his usual horrible, rotten self. You can't fault a guy for bad DNA.

Blaine lands on his bed with a soft thud and pulls the covers up over his head. Maybe he can drown out the confusion with the thick comforter. Maybe he can force his brain to shut down the way you quiet a bird by covering its cage. Maybe he can suffocate himself with goose down and he won't have to face this.

He falls into a fitful sleep around 3 a.m. and wakes to sunlight streaming in through his bedroom window as his cell phone buzzes on the night stand. He fumbles for his glasses and checks the clock. 11:15. He grabs his phone.

Kurt
Want to grab coffee?

Blaine smiles at the screen. It wasn't a dream. Kurt was really here and they're not just friends and he's asking him on a coffee date.

Blaine
Sure. I just woke up. Meet you there in half an hour?

Kurt
Sounds good. x

Blaine jumps out of bed and quickly grabs some clothes, heading for the shower. He's out the door in record time, only stopping to call out to his parents.

"Going for coffee…be back soon!"

Blaine is on a high most of the day from his coffee date with Kurt. They'd spent the early afternoon talking and holding hands and just being together. It was the best day he'd had in a long time.

That's why it's getting more and more difficult to ignore the looming presence of his date with Sebastian. He almost tells Kurt about it at least five times, and catches himself the last time as he's just about to say "I've got to go and meet Sebastian," when Kurt mentions having to leave to get ready for work.

Bite your stupid tongue, Blaine.

They're walking past the park they ended up in on their first "date" when Kurt stops and throws his head back with a heavy sigh.

"I wish I didn't have to work tonight," Kurt laments.

"Can you call in sick?" Blaine asks, not thinking it through.

"No, I left early last night," Kurt says, looking down at his hands. He fiddles with the cuffs on his shirt.

Blaine realizes Kurt is thinking about whatever caused him to show up on Blaine's doorstep a sobbing mess the night before. He takes a chance that Kurt is in the mood to talk about it now.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Kurt doesn't make eye contact as he walks over to the swings and takes a seat, absentmindedly twirling and dragging his feet in the wood chips.

"It's a long story," he says, watching his feet making patterns on the ground as he twirls.

"Tell me," Blaine says softly, taking the empty swing to Kurt's left and kicking off from the ground.

Blaine's movement pulls Kurt's attention from his feet and gives him a bit of courage to confide in Blaine. He looks up at the boy swinging with childlike abandon and smiles. No harm in telling him what happened. Kurt doesn't have to reveal specifics.

"Just some jerk coming on to me at the club," Kurt shrugs. "I guess it had me freaked out a bit."

Blaine drags his feet and stops swinging abruptly, turning to face Kurt.

"What?" he says, anger flashing in his eyes. "Where the fuck was Vince?"

Kurt stops his twirling to look at Blaine. "It's fine. I'm fine. Really."

Blaine reaches over to pull their swings closer together and turns Kurt's slightly so he's facing him.

"You weren't fine last night," he says.

"It just hasn't happened in a while. I was in shock. I'm fine…really."

Blaine searches his face for a moment, trying to decide whether he wants to believe him. Kurt gives him a shy smile that doesn't convince Blaine, but it's enough to make him think Kurt will be OK, even if he wasn't the night before.

"Just promise me you'll be careful," he pleads. "And tell Vince who this guy is so it doesn't happen again. Please."

"I will," Kurt says nodding.

He knows it's a lie — a white lie, but a lie nonetheless — but he can't tell Blaine about Sebastian. He just can't. It's too embarrassing and things are going so well. So he bites his tongue for the moment and just smiles at Blaine, trying a little harder this time to make it reach his eyes. It isn't too difficult. Blaine is looking back at him with genuine concern in his eyes, and the hint of green in them is especially noticeable in the fading daylight. Kurt sighs and grins at Blaine.

"I really had fun today," he says sincerely.

"Me too," Blaine says beaming back at him. "Walk you back to your car?"

Kurt stands up and takes Blaine's outstretched hand.

"Why Mr. Anderson, I would be delighted."

The overly dramatic gesture sends them both into fits of giggles as they walk back to their cars arm in arm.

It almost makes Blaine forget about his stupid date with Sebastian. Almost.