Burt's heart ached for his son. He'd tried to give him hope but all Kurt would say was, "He's broken, and he won't let me close enough to fix him." Kurt became distant and closed off as well, not coming to family night, not taking calls from his friends. How could he when his entire life centered on the black hole he knew was in his heart, but felt like it was in his stomach.

His grandmother had called a number of times, he spoke with her once. She encouraged him to seek counseling, to find someone who might be able to help him understand what Blaine was facing and why he might need to face it alone in order to heal. Kurt promised he'd consider it, but just wasn't ready. Maybe there was a good reason, but he wanted to hear it from Blaine. He wanted to see Blaine's eyes as he said it, hold his hands and feel his heart. He wanted to know that Blaine might forgive him and be his again.

It was just after 2pm on a rainy Thursday. Kurt lay on the floor of his room reading half heartedly watching some style show. His phone beeped a text message which he ignored, putting his head on his arms. He was tired of the messages from friends telling him all would be well. Of course it would. Life would go on. He wasn't the first teenager to be in a squabble with his boyfriend but that didn't make it FEEL better. It didn't make him whole again.

A few minutes went by and his phone beeped again. Annoyed Kurt grabbed the phone and went to put it on silent but saw Blaine's name on the screen. It took a moment to register but when it did he quickly opened the message.

Blaine: If you still want to talk I'd really like to see you. B

Tears of relief flooded his eyes, his entire body collapsed, he paid attention to his breathing to calm himself and found himself whispering under his breath, "He wants to see me, he wants to see me."

Grabbing the phone he texted back.

Kurt: wen?

Kurt: when?

Blaine: Are you busy today?

Kurt: NO!

Blaine: Miss you. : (

Kurt: I'm leaving now. Please don't change your mind!

Blaine: Drive safe. I'll never change my mind.

Kurt's mind reeled as he tore around his room looking for something to wear, deciding for maybe the first time in his life that it didn't matter. He searched for his keys and tore down the stairs only then realizing he was wearing socks with no shoes. His boots were by the door so he threw them on and ran.

Finn was mowing the lawn and cut the motor to ask him where he was headed to so fast.

"Blaine!" was all he said as he jumped into his car and took off.

Two minutes later he got a text. Checking it at the red light he smiled.

Finn: Is he ok? Should I meet you there?

The light turned green so he pulled into the drug store parking lot to quickly answer

Kurt: It's fine. He texted, he wants to see me. He MISSES me!

Finn responded with a smiley face and "Don't text and drive bro"

Kurt pulled back on to the road and thought about how many times he'd driven to Blaine with his heart pounding. This had to stop he thought with a slightly hysterical giggle. He knew he didn't care. Nothing bad could happen now, Blaine wanted to see him, missed him. Reached out to him. He rolled down the window and let the rain paint his skin. He didn't mind, he wanted to feel it, to feel the wet and the wind and anything just to feel something other than empty fear again.

Entering the rehab he signed the guest book and let the receptionist know Blaine was expecting him. She said Blaine was in the courtyard and he could go straight through.

The courtyard, it turned out, was an outdoor recreation area on the second floor of the building. It had walls too high to climb with barbed wire fences above them just in case but if you didn't count the walls it was a truly pretty space. Walking paths looped and swirled around well groomed shrubs and flowers, grassy areas with benches surrounded koi ponds and at the center of it all was an intimate gazebo that would be considered romantic anywhere else.

Blaine sat with his back to the entrance, apparently mesmerized by a nearby water fountain.

Kurt quietly approached and reached out to Blaine's shoulder but pulled his hand back, not certain if he was still welcome to touch. Instead he ignored the thrill of anticipation or possibly fear running down his spine and cleared his throat, "Blaine?"

Blaine blinked a little; turning to Kurt meant facing the sun making it impossible to make out his fine features. "Kurt, thank you for coming. Sit?"

It felt so formal Kurt's heart sank a little but he sat. "Of course I'd come. I've had to fight myself not to be here every day."

Blaine looked back at the fountain for a moment then sighed and faced Kurt. "I've had to stop myself from calling and asking you to come pretty much every day."

Kurt couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice, "I wish you had."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, you needed what you needed, I just was so afraid that you wouldn't call ever."

"You may wish I hadn't. I have lots to apologize for. I put you through so much this summer and you've been nothing but patient and loving and amazing. I don't deserve you." Blaine's cheeks were red and radiating heat.

Kurt couldn't stand the wall between them; he reached out and took Blaine's hand, "Stop it. Just, stop. I'm no prize, you know how I am. I need you. Maybe you don't deserve me, you deserve better, but you're stuck with me.

Blaine stroked his thumb over Kurt's hand, "I hope you still feel that way when you hear what I have to say."

"There's nothing you can say that would make me leave Blaine." Kurt leaned in and brushed his lips against Blaine's softly.

Blaine kissed back for a second but then leaned back. "I have to tell you something, and you're going to be so hurt and angry and I don't blame you but Kurt, I want you to remember that I love you. I love you so much that I lost myself when they took me away from you. "

"Don't tell me, I don't want to know. You love me. I love you. Whatever happened doesn't matter now."

"I can't do it Kurt; I can't keep this from you. It's eating me alive. I don't want us to have a relationship that hides from the ugly truths, I have too many of those already."

"Okay, I"ll let you tell me, but first I want a real kiss, I miss them too much and once you tell me I'm going to try to remember that whatever it is we love each other but it'll probably be easier to take after a decent kiss."

He got his wish, a kiss full of all the longing, loneliness, desire and even tenderness that they'd missed. It was impossible to keep their hands to themselves, it felt so right to finally be able to break through the tension and become one with each other again.

Forehead to forehead, panting to regain his breath, Kurt carded his fingers through Blaine's hair, "Okay, tell me."

"Like this?"

Kurt kissed the side of Blaine's mouth then replaced his forehead. "Like this."

"That day, when I screamed at you on the phone, I was out of my mind. I was upset about the night before, but it was all magnified because all I wanted was more painkiller to stop the way I was feeling. To stop feeling. I'd gotten so used to it, I felt like I needed it. For the first time in my life I'd found a way to make all of the crap that scared me, hurt me, haunted me just…disappear."

"Oh honey, I hate that you needed a way to get away from everything. I shouldn't have gone to New York, I should have seen something was going on with you."

"There's more. I needed to get my hands on the drugs. I needed to make everything go away. I, Kurt I love you so much," tears were burning his face, soaking Kurt's, "I tried to kiss David."