Jan. 16, 2012, 8:55 a.m.
I Wish I Had a River: Chapter 8
E - Words: 4,554 - Last Updated: Jan 16, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 8/? - Created: Oct 20, 2011 - Updated: Jan 16, 2012 586 0 4 0 0
'He tried hard to help me, you know, he put me at ease...'
Kurt didn't go straight to the boat that afternoon, rushing home and jumping in the shower. He'd always been one to care about his appearance, even on long days at the bakery shovelling loaves in and out of sweltering ovens, and getting dough almost irreversibly lodged under his nails.
One of the effects of unexpectedly finding himself in a relationship was that he found himself caring even more. A sensible voice in his brain told him that Blaine was unlikely to care if he turned up on the jetty in tattered overalls and three day growth, yet every day after work he'd rush home, style his hair and choose just the right pair of jeans and just the right shirt or sweater.
Most days he'd pause whilst gazing in the mirror and mouth what are you doing to his wide-eyed reflection, before shrugging and continuing to preen. It wasn't that he saw any fault in his increased attention to detail (it was as much for himself as it was for Blaine) it just surprised him. It had been years since he'd been in a relationship, and he'd forgotten that particular impulse toward perfection.
Still, at least he didn't have to bother matching shoes to any given outfit, leaving the house in bare feet again as he had done every day since their first date, his soles already becoming immune to the stab of the occasional sharp stone that belligerently lay in his path. The regular application of sunscreen hadn't staved off the slight darkening of his skin that came from spending so much more time outdoors, or the conspicuous multiplying of the freckles that sprinkled his shoulders.
He smiled as he neared the boat, simply at the thought of being near Blaine, talking with Blaine, sitting in silence with Blaine. It was all so effortless. They didn't even have an exceptional number of things in common, their upbringings only superficially similar, and many of their interests differing wildly from the other's. Instead of breeding estrangement, all of Blaine's dissimilarities made Kurt even more eager to discover everything there was to know about him.
Blaine had a profound curiosity toward everything around him, questioning Kurt at length about his baking, and his garden (or lack thereof) and his family, and in turn Kurt scrambled to learn about Blaine's crafts and trades and talents. Subjects he wouldn't have had any reason to spare a thought for less than a month earlier. They all captivated him in such a stunning, vital way.
As the boat came into sight, he looked up in anticipation, his eyebrows furrowing as he took in the six people milling around on the jetty.
Six? Why were there…
He sped up, internally cursing.
Rachel. The small brunette standing in front of Blaine was Rachel. Finn was skulking on the shore, his hands in his pockets and his bottom lip wedged between his teeth, seemingly reluctant to actually step foot on the pier.
He looked up as Kurt drew closer, taking a couple of steps forward and raising his hands in what Kurt hoped for Finn's sake was supplication.
"What the hell – " Kurt began darkly.
"It wasn't my idea, Kurt." Finn said, guilt painted all over his features, "It really, really wasn't my idea."
"Of course it wasn't your idea." Kurt growled, staring at Rachel where she was talking animatedly with Blaine and Tina, "What does she think she's doing?"
"I have no idea." Finn groaned, "She came out the back after you left this afternoon, and started squealing about how you had a gypsy boyfriend or something, and then got all excited and dragged me down here to meet him, and… you didn't want her to, did you? I knew it, she's meddling. This is like that time I asked her to rent Die Hard for me and she came back with A Walk to Remember and spent all night crying on my shoulder."
"No." Kurt hissed, "This is nothing like that. This is ten times worse than that."
"Dude, it was pretty bad."
"It was pretty bad that she went and told you about Blaine. It's inexcusable that I specifically asked her to wait for me to introduce them, only for her to completely ignore me. I should have known she'd do this."
"You really should have."
"Finn, you're not helping."
"If it's any consolation, I probably couldn't have stopped her if I'd tried."
Kurt looked back at Finn's apologetic face, relaxing a little, "I'm sorry. I know. It's not your fault she's a sociopath with selective hearing."
"She's not that bad…" Finn mumbled.
"You have to say that, she's your girlfriend." Kurt sighed, "I, on the other hand, am going to eviscerate her, so if you want her in one piece by the time I'm done, you should probably come with me."
He stomped onto the jetty, Finn falling into stride just behind him.
Why was he so angry? He hadn't been lying when he said he wanted Rachel to meet Blaine, but there was something in her complete disregard for his wishes that left him fuming.
And made his stomach squirm.
No. He wasn't angry. He was nervous. He was nervous about two parts of his life merging. Finn and Rachel were the closest thing he had to family, and he'd planned to brace himself for this moment, only for Rachel to go ahead and sidestep it and leave him to wing it.
Blaine looked up as he approached, his face splitting in a radiant grin, as Rachel turned to face them.
"Hey." Blaine waved.
"Hi." Kurt said warmly, some of his irritation seeping away, before meeting Rachel's gaze and sneering, "Rachel, this is Blaine. Or have you already met?"
"Um… we have." She said cautiously.
"Really?" Kurt chirped, "That's funny. I seem to remember telling you I wanted to be the one to introduce you. Did you forget? It was about two hours ago."
Rachel took a step towards him, turning her back on Blaine and speaking in a stage whisper, "No, I know you did, I just wanted to… I mean… it was going to happen sooner or later, Kurt."
"And you didn't think that maybe I wanted it to be later because later might be better?" He hissed, Blaine looking quizzically between the two of them.
"How is this worse?" Rachel asked.
Kurt groaned, "Because… because… god, I don't know, just forget about it. It's too late now. Please, behave. And don't talk to them about me."
"What? Why?" Rachel cried, lowering her voice immediately, "What am I supposed to talk about?"
"Maybe you should have thought of that before." Kurt crossed his arms, "Besides, you don't usually have any problem thinking of things to say about yourself."
"Oh, good point…" She blinked, before leaning in a little closer and grinning, "He's really cute Kurt. Like, really cute."
"Shh, I know." He said, forcing his smug grin down as he remembered he was supposed to be annoyed, "Just… no gossiping. If you tell them anything about me that I haven't already told them myself, I'm going to burn every batch of bread from here 'til Sunday and lace the desserts with salt."
"A hollow threat, but point taken." She nodded, turning back to Blaine and the others.
They were both struck comically silent for a moment as they spotted Finn and Puck. The two of them had just ceased shaking hands, and were chatting animatedly as they walked towards the boat together, Puck bursting into laughter and punching Finn solidly in the shoulder.
"Well…" Kurt cocked his head, "Looks like someone's made a friend."
"He's well trained." Rachel sighed happily.
"You're awful."
"I know."
Previously, the very thought of being in close proximity with Blaine, while also having to mediate Finn and Rachel had brought Kurt into a cold sweat, yet already he'd managed to shake responsibility of Finn, and he hadn't even been trying. He allowed himself to relax a fraction more.
He turned back to Blaine, who was still watching them patiently, "Sorry, where were we?"
Blaine smiled and stepped in, putting an arm loosely around his waist and kissing him on the cheek, "I think we were taking care of, 'hi.'"
"Oh, yeah." Kurt breathed, taking Blaine's hand as he released him, "Hi."
"I was just introducing Rachel to Tina and Britt."
"Nice to meet you." Rachel chirped, "I've heard all about you."
Kurt snorted, "She's heard nothing about you. Not for lack of trying though."
Rachel blushed, glaring at him, and Tina tutted and held her arm out, "Plenty of time for that." She glanced at Kurt and Blaine standing chastely, but shooting coy looks at one another, "Do you want to come and see the boat, Rachel? Cup of tea?"
Rachel's face lit up as she trailed after the other two girls, and Kurt swore he heard her gasp, "You can make tea? On a boat?"
Now that he saw her in the presence of Tina and Brittany, he actually felt an overwhelming sense of contentment, and a small amount of pride. He loved and cared for Rachel dearly, and he already knew the other two girls to be indiscriminately welcoming. Rachel had almost as few close friends in Ainslie as he did, and even fewer female. He had very little doubt that the cheerful look on her face as she stepped onto the deck was reflected and magnified on his own.
Once they were gone, Blaine asked, "Why do I get the feeling I just met the parents?"
Kurt laughed, nudging Blaine's shoulder with his own, "I just started feeling a little bit paternal myself."
Blaine gazed at him, "Looks good on you."
"Of course it does."
"Come here." Blaine whispered, putting a hand on Kurt's waist, pulling him closer and kissing him lightly. A small, audible sigh escaped the back of Kurt's throat as his hand fisted in the front of Blaine's shirt.
Blaine pulled away, his lips venturing gently to Kurt's jaw, and Kurt murmured, "For the record, if we'd done this in front of my real dad, it's possible he'd have maimed you with a tyre iron."
"I seriously doubt that." Blaine breathed against his neck.
"He'd have at least been thinking about it."
"And for some reason I still wish I could have met him."
Kurt gasped, taking hold of Blaine's shoulders and holding him at enough of a distance to look searchingly at his open, honest expression. He didn't doubt for a second that Blaine had meant what he'd said. It hadn't been a line, or some false admission to earn Kurt's approval. The ardent look on his face, and his tender eyes erased any possibility of that, and Kurt moved a hand to cup his cheek.
"Really?"
Blaine smiled shyly, glancing down briefly, "Yeah, I mean… I feel like I have a few things I could thank him for."
All the breath in Kurt's lungs escaped in a sort of desperate half sob, his arms clamping around Blaine's back as he crashed their lips together. Half way through Kurt realised that that particular kiss felt a little like a turning point. There was nothing guarded about it, and no polite hesitation in the warm slide of his tongue against Blaine's, or the pressure of Blaine's hands against the small of Kurt's back. Chest to chest, and thighs flush against one another, barely space for air to pass between them as Kurt laced the fingers of one hand in Blaine's sun warm hair.
They were interrupted from the boat by an ear piercing wolf whistle, and broke apart reluctantly to, on Blaine's part, glare, on Kurt's part, furiously blush. Puck, obviously the perpetrator, was giving Finn a high five, while Finn at least had the decency (and intelligence, Kurt thought irritably) to look slightly guilty while he laughed.
Blaine turned back to Kurt, "You've created a monster."
Kurt laughed, still a little breathless, "Oh, this is my fault is it?"
"Definitely."
"I'll have you know that Finn is the perfect approximation of a gentleman at least sixty per cent of the time. I'm blaming Puck."
Blaine smirked, "Which in turn makes it my fault, I guess?"
"I'm going to have to deal with Rachel's complaints that her boyfriend has reverted to a high school jock, I think you deserve at least some of the fall." He stated matter-of-factly.
"Okay." Blaine sighed exaggeratedly, taking Kurt's hand and moving to the edge of the jetty, "Come sit for a minute before I have to play co-host and pretend that I want to be spending time with anyone other than you right now."
Kurt bit down the incredulous where did you come from and how did I find you that was sitting on his tongue, and followed, lowering himself next to Blaine, and hanging his legs off the pier.
Blaine leant into Kurt's side, warm and solid, tracing circles on the inside of his wrist as he said, "I could have been completely misreading that little exchange before, but it seemed to me like you didn't want Rachel and Finn here."
Kurt swallowed, watching Blaine's fingers, "I… no. I didn't. Not yet."
"Why?" He whispered.
"It's nothing."
"Kurt…" He drew his name out, "Why?"
He wouldn't have brought it up if Blaine hadn't. Would have delayed the following conversation as long as he credibly could, but once Blaine was asking, gently and encouragingly, he couldn't find it in himself to deny him, or lie. Had to let it out. Let it between them, whatever the consequences and regardless of his concerns.
"Kurt?" He repeated, craning to catch Kurt's gaze where it lingered evasively on the bright, reflecting water.
Finally, he looked up, knocked off-guard by the concern and attention in Blaine's vivid eyes.
"It's… I was… I don't know. Protecting myself."
Blaine's brow furrowed, "Protecting yourself… from me… meeting your friends?"
"No. Yes." He flapped his hand dismissively and took a calming breath, "Blaine, this feels like it could break at any moment, and I try not to think about that, but I can't get past it."
Blaine's face fell, deflating as if Kurt had pricked him with a pin, "You mean us? What? Why? I thought… I mean, I thought we were, you know, good together. Better than good together. Really good together. Did I… have I done something?"
Kurt scrambled for Blaine's hand, clutching it with both of his when it felt like Blaine might pull away, "No! It's nothing like that. We are. I can't believe how good we are. Like, I'd actually pinch myself if it didn't feel like such an obvious cliché."
Blaine was silent for a moment, "I'm… really confused."
And he looked it. His eyes wide and sad, so openly dejected and crestfallen, like he couldn't have hidden it from Kurt if he tried. His cheeks were abruptly red, his mouth downturned and slightly open as he scrutinised Kurt's face, flicking from eye to eye, searching for whatever answer they might unconsciously surrender.
"I'm not doing this very well…" Kurt murmured.
"I'm all for giving second chances." Blaine breathed, offering a frail smile that didn't meet his eyes, "Try again. Please."
"I live here. My life is here, my friends are here, I have a job here. Ainslie is my home. You… your life and your friends and your livelihood are on that boat, and that boat is always moving. Everything about you is always moving on and finding new places. I wish I could ask you to stay here with me, but I can't. It's too early. It wouldn't be fair. So… I just don't know how long you'll be here and how long we'll have the chance to be together, and it scares me. The idea of you meeting Rachel and Finn scared me, because it makes two more people who'll know just how utterly devastated I'm going to be when you eventually move on. And I could just bite the bullet and ask you when, but that scares me even more, and I don't want what we have to become some sort of ticking time bomb where I'm miserably counting down the days until I know you won't be here anymore, and I'll be left here alone again with Rachel and Finn treating me like I might dissolve or shatter or just curl up in the corner at any minute. I didn't want that. I don't want that."
"Oh." Blaine blinked.
"Yeah."
He looked down at their hands, "Would you actually curl up in a corner if I left?"
"I don't know yet." Kurt smiled weakly, "Give me time."
"I don't know when we're leaving." He said quietly, "When… when I'm leaving."
"I told you, I don't want to know." Kurt gushed, "So, you are going to leave." It wasn't a question.
Blaine took a deep breath, "I… yeah, I guess."
"Okay."
For an instant Kurt wondered if Blaine's urge to keep moving was due to the past which he had still yet to divulge, but quickly staunched that thought. Their exchange was complicated enough already without choosing that moment to bring it up.
"Do you… are we done?" Blaine's voice was suddenly so small it was almost inaudible, "I mean… do you want to stop seeing me now?" It cracked on the last word.
"No!" Kurt cried, squeezing Blaine's hands roughly, "Of course I don't."
"Why?" He looked up, eyes glassy, "We don't know when I'm leaving, but we both know I am. Like you said, that's my life. Why would you want to keep this up if it could just make it worse for both of us? For you."
"Because, the only thing worse than being with you for a finite amount of time, is not being with you and knowing that you're still down here on your fucking boat, while I'm sitting in my sad little cottage missing the hell out of you and wanting nothing more than to be down here on your fucking boat." He bit his lip, blushing at the passion in his voice.
"In your sad little cottage, curled up in a corner?" Blaine asked, smiling in earnest.
"Yes, okay?" Kurt admitted, "I would curl up in a corner."
"You realise that doesn't actually make me happy?"
"Well too bad. You asked, and I told you even though I didn't mean to, and now I feel really pathetic."
"Please don't. You aren't. The boat is a little short on corners, but I'm pretty sure when we leave I'm going to spend half my time face down on my bunk with the curtains closed and the lights off."
"Don't say that, Blaine. That just makes me feel worse."
"Now we're even." He smirked.
"Why doesn't that feel at all satisfying?"
Blaine extricated his hands and wound his arms around Kurt's waist, pulling him close so his head was nestled soundly under Blaine's chin, "If I knew all four of us could hold some kind of steady job here, I promise you I'd stay."
"Really?" He asked, voice slightly muffled against Blaine's sweater.
"I would… even… I don't know, maybe I can't promise that. I don't think I could just leave those guys."
Kurt steadied his voice, clinging to Blaine's gentle honesty and the obvious truth behind his distress at having to leave. It didn't lessen the ache he felt, but it did help him deal with it, "I wouldn't want you to. Not for me."
Blaine chuckled, "Kurt, why else would I stay here?"
"I just mean, I'd feel awful if you left your friends and your home to stay with me. We haven't even known each other for a month."
"It doesn't stop leaving from feeling any less wrong, though. Regardless of how long we've known each other."
"Maybe…" He paused, "I think maybe that's enough for me right now. Just knowing that. Not that you're unhappy, I definitely don't like that, but knowing that I mean that much to you too."
"You do." Blaine kissed his hair, hesitating for a second, "I feel so close to you, that the amount time we've known each other doesn't really seem to matter."
Kurt smiled, goose bumps breaking out on his arms and neck, "Maybe we just haven't spent enough time together to realise that we actually hate each other."
"Yep. That's it. I secretly loathe you."
Kurt shifted in his arms, gazing up through his lashes, "Will you come back?"
"Whenever I can." Blaine squeezed him tightly.
"What if you meet someone else?"
"I won't."
"You don't know that."
"I won't be looking."
"But… if you do?" Kurt urged.
"Then I'll politely decline." He grinned, running a firm hand up and down his side, "What if you meet someone else?"
Kurt snorted, "I've lived here long enough to know that's not going to happen."
"What if… what if one day you're walking home from work and there's a boat docked here, and some annoying, persistent, gay gypsy follows you home, and you hit it off and start spending a ridiculous amount of time with each other?"
Kurt laughed, "You forgot 'handsome.'"
Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, and ducked his head, burying it in Kurt's chest.
"And 'charming.'" Kurt added.
"I don't like this guy." Blaine mumbled, his breath hot through his shirt.
"I do."
"I don't want to go." Blaine burrowed further, completely hiding his face.
Kurt slid a hand in his hair, "I don't know what to say to that."
"I really don't want to go."
"I don't want you to go." Kurt relented, willing his eyes to stay dry, as he rested his cheek on Blaine's curls.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You don't have to be."
"I can't help it."
Kurt put both his hands on Blaine's cheeks and urged him gently upwards until their faces were level. He ran a thumb across the soft skin under his eye, and leant in, kissing him sweetly and slowly, their lips dry and powdery, speaking silent volumes of I wish this was easier, I wish we could fix this, I need you, I need you.
Blaine pulled away first, keeping their faces so close that Kurt could still feel his lips brushing his own as Blaine spoke, "Can we… can we postpone this conversation for a while? I don't know when we're going, but the farmers haven't given us any reason to think they'll be done with us any time soon."
"Okay." Kurt breathed, closing his eyes, asking, "Is this going to change things? Is this going to be weird now? Like, a relationship with an expiration date."
"No. Not for me."
"Good." He stole another brief kiss.
Blaine sat back, brushing a hand through Kurt's hair, pushing it up and off his forehead, "Shall we mingle?"
"Do we have to?" He groaned.
"Kurt, let me meet your friends." Blaine coaxed.
"Fine. But, if Rachel starts talking about herself too much feel free to tell her to zip it, and if you bring out your instruments, be prepared to have your voices completely overshadowed by hers."
"She sings?"
"Yes. Really well. If you tell her I said that, I'll have to hurt you."
"Why does that seem unlikely?"
Kurt stuck his tongue out, feeling uncharacteristically childish as he stood and hauled Blaine to his feet, struggling with his deliberate dead weight for a moment, before Blaine pounced up and stumbled into him, laughing. They walked to the boat hand in hand, stepping on board as Tina emerged from the cabin with a plate strewn with apple slices, crackers and cheese.
She smiled warmly, "Come on boys, there are a couple of drinks with your names on them waiting on the deck. Better claim them before Puck and Finn do."
Kurt felt a delighted tug at hearing Finn's name fall so casually from her lips, as if his friend had already been accepted into their fold. He hadn't suspected that he and Rachel wouldn't be, but it thrilled him nonetheless.
They followed Tina to where the other four were sprawled on blankets across the planks of the boat, and settled themselves in a gap in the circle, Blaine's arm snaking around Kurt's back and Kurt's hands grasping Blaine's rough, bare knee. Kurt attempted to get the gist of the current conversation, though it seemed Brittany was the only one who had any idea what they were talking about.
"When I was little my mum used to read me bedtime stories about a family of mice that worked in a bakery." She said to and obviously confused Rachel, "Do you have mouse helpers?"
"Definitely not!" Rachel cried, glancing around for a sign of whether Britt was serious or not.
"Oh…" Brittany's face fell a little, "That's sad… they don't look like they'd eat much. You could just pay them with bread, and let them sleep in an empty cupboard."
Puck cleared his throat, suppressing a grin, "Britt, the mice around here have pretty simple tastes. I think they prefer to sleep outside."
She perked up, "Okay, then. If that makes them happy."
Kurt giggled and leaned in close to Blaine's ear to whisper, "How long did it take you to get the hang of navigating a conversation with her?"
Blaine smiled, his lips brushing Kurt's ear, sending a shiver over every inch of his skin, "I'm still not quite there. Sometimes she comes out with the most coherent, profound things, but the rest of the time we sort of play it by ear. It's more fun that way."
Kurt, feeling Rachel's eyes on him, turned to look at her, finding her peering at him with an indecipherable expression on her face.
"What?" He asked, self-consciously tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.
"I can't believe I didn't guess you were seeing someone sooner." She shook her head.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You just look so different."
"Different how?" He prodded.
"I don't know, just different."
"Great. Thanks for that." He rolled his eyes.
"No, dude." Finn nodded, "She's right. You look… brighter."
"Um…" He furrowed his brow at Finn's unexpected insight.
"Happier."
"I wasn't unhappy before." He insisted.
"No, I know what they mean." Tina smirked, "Blaine's the same. I keep thinking I should tie a long piece of ribbon around his ankle in case he floats away into the clouds and we lose him forever."
Kurt raised his hands, "As delightful as it is to talk about my love life in front of our nearest and dearest, can we please change the subject? Britt, I believe you were talking about mice?"
She cocked her head, scrutinising Blaine's hand where it was lazily clenching and unclenching in Kurt's shirt at his waist, "I don't think I've ever met a gay mouse. But it's hard to tell, isn't it? They all just look the same. Cute and grey. Maybe all mice are boy mice."
"Okay, forget that." Kurt widened his eyes, "Puck? I think we could use some music, don't you?"
Rachel laughed, "You're adorable. Don't worry, I'm done." She turned to Tina, "So, where are you guys all from?"
Kurt zoned out Tina's already familiar story, watching as his old friends became acquainted with his new, and smiling amiably. After a couple of minutes, he twisted to look at Blaine, only to find Blaine's eyes were already firmly fixed on him, dark and hooded.
Kurt's lips quirked crookedly, and he raised an eyebrow in question.
"I've changed my mind." Blaine murmured, eyes now on Kurt's lips, "Manners are overrated. I hate manners. I hate mingling."
His smile grew, "What else did you have in mind?"
"To avoid the risk of coming on too strong, let's just say I want my lips on yours, and I'd like to keep them there for quite some time."
Kurt leant in closer, lowering his voice as far as he could, "At the risk of coming on too strong, I think we can aim a little higher than that, don't you?"
"Maybe not. I'm having trouble breathing and talking at the same time right now."
"Oh?" Kurt teased.
"Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?" Blaine purred.
Kurt's breath caught, "Come to my house after work tomorrow."
"It's sweet of you to ask, but I was going to anyway."
"I wasn't asking."
"Sorry, I retract that last statement. I think you've ventured beyond sweet, now."
"Are you complaining?" Kurt asked, stomach coiling hotly.
"No." Blaine whispered, "Never."
Comments
jkljaksljfkldfjfkljkldsjkl;aj i don't know how you do it Bron, but you make my heart swwwwooooon with every one of your stories.
YOURE KILLING ME! I WANT CHAPTER NINEE! This was amazinggg!! Update asap!! :D
I forgot how much I loved this story :)
ahhh when's more coming? i love this story to bits sigh