What If?

                 Chapter 8 – Moving On

Blaine didn't have classes this morning because he was excused so he could take the two tests that would allow him to graduate and leave for California. “Are you ready Blaine?” Mr. Thomas the Academic Advisor asks before giving Blaine the tests. “As ready as I will ever get I guess.” Blaine answers. “You will get 90 minutes to complete the Gov/Econ test. Then I will give you a 30 minute break before you will be given the Psych/Soc test. Do you have any questions? He asks Blaine. “No, I am ready to start.” Blaine says confidently as Mr. James tells him to begin.

Blaine completes both tests not sure how he did. He knew the answers for some of the questions and he didn't know the answers to others. Now it is time to sit and wait until the results are received in a few days.

          Back in his dorm room Blaine sees the letter on his desk and the debate begins again over to read it or not. I know what he is going to say in the letter. He is going to tell me he's sorry and he'll promise me he won't forget about me again. He'll change to make me happy. I don't want him to change and give up his dream. He is excited about his job and school. Kurt is thriving in New York City. He has wanted to live in New York City since I met him. I am the problem. I am in the way. I can't be responsible for taking his dream away from him. I love him too much.” Blaine thinks to himself as he sets the letter back on his desk unread.

Kurt wrote an e-mail to Blaine and has decided that he is going to send an e-mail to Blaine every day. “He may not answer it but at least he will know I am going to fight for our relationship.” Kurt thinks as he clicks on send. Kurt smiles because he feels good that he will be communicating with Blaine. The computer chimes notifying Kurt that his e-mail to Blaine was not delivered. “Crap, that's the pits.” He says as he clicks on send again and receives the same notice of non-delivery. Kurt gets out his phone and texts a quick message to Blaine instead.

“I'm thinking about you. I hope you are having a good day. “K”

He sends the text and is surprised to receive a message that the phone number has been disconnected. He checks to make sure it is the right number and it was. “Oh my God,” Kurt yells as he realizes that Blaine has closed his e-mail account and disconnected his phone. “He doesn't want me to be able to contact him. He doesn't want anything to do with me. He wants me to out of his life. Did he even read my letter?” Kurt wonders as he tries to figure out what to do now. “There is only one thing that I can do.” Kurt thinks then he calls his Dad. The phone rings and Burt sees it is from Kurt. “Kurt is everything okay? You don't usually call me at this time.” Burt wonders. “No, I'm not okay. I need you to help me get Blaine back.” Kurt says as he explains the latest developments to his Dad. “I've lost him Dad and you are my last hope of him to talk to me before I lose him forever.” Kurt begs his Father trying to hold back his tears. “Kurt, what do you want me to do?” Burt asks knowing he needs to help his son.

There is a knock on the classroom door and the secretary hands Mr. Price the Literature teacher a note. He reads it and says. “Mr. Anderson you are needed in the office.” Everyone stares at Blaine as he stands and starts to walk out of the room. He hears students whisper. “What did he do? I wonder if he is in trouble. Lucky guy gets to leave.” Blaine goes out the door and heads to the office with his backpack. Blaine arrives at the office and is escorted inside Head Master Chamberlain's office where he sees Mr. Thomas sitting in a chair. “Have a seat Mr. Anderson. You are here because Mr. Thomas has informed me of your results from the exit tests you took. You have passed both tests so we need to discuss your options. Do you want us to apply those credits to your school record now, which means at the end of this semester you will have met the requirements of high school and are eligible to graduate or could defer them until next semester and you will only need to take electives for the second semester.” They explain the options to Blaine. “As much as I love it here at Dalton Academy I am choosing to apply the credits immediately.” Blaine says happily. “Blaine that means you will have met the requirements to earn a high school diploma at the end of this semester. You will be allowed to participate in the Graduation Ceremony this spring if you choose to participate. Congratulation Blaine you did it!” The men say as they stand to shake his hand. “Can I ask one favor?” Blaine asks. “Please don't tell anyone about this. I would like to be the person announcing the good news.” Blaine requests. “I think we can honor your request Blaine.” They both agree as Blaine thanks them and exits Mr. Chamberlain's office thrilled that his plan is working.

Blaine gets to his dorm and calls Cooper to tell him the good news. They set a date for Blaine's arrival as December 21st. The day after the semester ends and Dalton has released their students for Christmas Break. Blaine hangs up with Coop. He finally feels good because his life is starting to go the way he wants for a change.

After dinner Blaine is working on some homework when he hears a knock at the door. “Jeff, this had better be important because I'm studying. What do you want?” Blaine yells as he opens the door and is standing face to face with a man wearing a flannel shirt and a baseball cap on his head.

“Burt, what are you doing here? Is Kurt alright?” Blaine asks concerned. “Kurt is okay. He could be better if you would talk to him, but I am here to talk to you. I miss our Wednesday lunch. Can I come in?” Burt asks and Blaine opens the door wide for Burt to come in, motioning for him to sit down at a small table both feeling uncomfortable. “Would you like something to drink Burt?” Blaine asks. “No, I'm good. Blaine, sit down please because I would like to have a talk with you. Blaine I need you to be honest with me. I am not going to judge you or Kurt.” Burt explains. “Okay” Blaine says as he sits down across from Burt. “Kurt called me upset and crying this afternoon because he had just discovered that you had closed your      e-mail account and disconnected your phone. He thinks you did so he wouldn't be able to contact you. Is that true?” Burt asks. “Yes, I did those things.” Blaine answered. Can you explain why to me? Burt inquires. “I did it because I didn't want to be contacted by anyone other than my parents and Cooper.” Blaine answers. “To me Blaine it looks like you are trying to avoid dealing with some tough issues.” Burt remarks. Blaine shrugs his shoulders and says. “I am sorry to disappoint you Burt. I'll just add your name to the list of the many people I have already disappointed starting with me.” Blaine says sarcastically as he lowers his head. “Blaine, you are not the Blaine we are used to. I can see you are unhappy and probably as miserable as Kurt. Talk to me, let me help you.” Burt pleads. “How can you help me Burt? Are you going to make Kurt throw his dreams away so he can come back and babysit his boyfriend who is still in high school?” Blaine asks as he hangs his head, then he continues talking to Burt. “Burt, do you remember last year just before Kurt graduated and we were going through the Chandler fiasco. I told Kurt that I was afraid, that when he went to New York City he would make new friends and have so much fun living his life in New York City that he'd forget about me. He told me never. He told me he would never let that happen because we would skype, text, and e-mail. My biggest fear became a reality Burt. You know what's really funny though? If I had known in September that this is where we would be in our relationship in December I still would have told him to go to New York City. I would have told him to go because Kurt needed to be following his dreams not stuck in Lima with me. Does that make sense? I want you to understand that I'm not trying to make Kurt miserable to get even. I want him to be happy. Let me ask you a question? When Kurt was in high school and he told about his dream to go to New York City and be on Broadway, did you feel some sadness in your heart because you were going to miss him when he left?” Blaine looks at Burt for his answer. “Yes I did.” He answers. “Did you tell him about it? Did you discourage him from his dreams because they made you feel sad?” Blaine asks trying to make a point. “No, I just kept quiet because I wanted him to follow his dreams and be happy and successful. I didn't want him to spend his time worry about me. But I am his Father and that's what Fathers do.” Burt stated. “When he left on that plane heading to New York City it hurt like hell didn't it? Did you want to go get him off that plane and never let him go?” Blaine wonders. “Yes, I did.” Burt says as he rubs his face with his hands starting to understand the road Blaine is going down. “But you didn't because you love Kurt so much you wanted him to live his dreams. Even if it meant leaving you behind and causing you terrible pain, but you knew it would be worth the pain if his dreams came true and he was happy. You never made him feel guilty about following his dreams. I want him to follow his dreams too and not be held back because he is worrying about me or trying to make me happy.” Blaine says. “Burt, do you know how hard it is for me not to grab my phone right now and call him or turn on my computer and skype with him. But I know if I do he is going to stop chasing his dreams. He'll stop being himself and he will do what he thinks I need and he won't be Kurt. He won't chase his dreams and he won't enjoy his New York City life. I can't do that to him. I can't do that to us. This way Kurt can follow his dreams and he will find someone he can share those dreams with. I don't know if that makes any sense to you but that's how I feel. You wanted me to be honest with you and I was. I would appreciate it, if this conversation stays between us for the time being.” Blaine requests. “I appreciate your honesty and I do understand what you are saying. I also noticed you did a lot of talking about Kurt's dreams but Blaine, what about your dreams? What do you want your future to be like? It sounds to me like you are going to sacrifice your dreams and happiness for Kurt. You deserve to be happy too Blaine.” Burt says. “I'll be okay if Kurt is doing what he loves and making his dreams come true.” Blaine says. “Being okay isn't a good or a happy life Blaine. You deserve a better life than just okay. This isn't fair to you Blaine. You have a life to live also and it should be filled with love and happiness.” Burt says to Blaine. “Life isn't fair Burt. I learned that lesson a few years ago.” Blaine informs Burt. “What happens if Kurt's dream is to spend his life with you?” Burt asks concerned. “It isn't Burt, I'm not his top priority or he wouldn't have forgotten me.” Blaine says with a pained face. What if his Broadway dream doesn't come to fruition and he has lost you too?” Burt asks. “He is too talented Burt. I'm sure he'll make it but if he doesn't he will at least be able to stand tall and look himself in the mirror and say I took a chance and did my best. He won't have to worry about wondering, what if.” Blaine says not able to look at Burt. “Blaine when you first saw me your first concern was about Kurt. Doesn't that mean something to you?” Burt asks. “I never said I didn't love him or care about him Burt? Who knows maybe someday Kurt and I will be able to be friends again.” Blaine says as tears form in his eyes. “Blaine, does Kurt have any say about his future and dreams where you are concerned?” Burt asks waiting for an answer but he doesn't get one. “Listen, I am glad to see you Burt, I really am but I need to study and visitors to required to leave by 8 o'clock.” Blaine says politely trying to suggest to Burt that it is time for him to leave. “Okay Anderson I will head out but what am I supposed to tell Kurt?” He asks and Blaine thinks for a few seconds. “Tell him I want him to be happy, to follow his dreams, and make me proud because I will be watching him.” Blaine says as a tears roll down his face. Burt hugs Blaine tightly and says. “I love you Blaine, you're like a son to me and always will be. Keep in touch okay.” Burt says as Blaine replies. “I love you too.” After Burt leaves the room Blaine closes the door and collapses onto his bed and sobs until he falls asleep.