What If?

          Chapter 6 – Kurt's Eyes Open Up

“Finn he did what! I can't believe he did that. I never would have thought he would have done that to you and the New Directions. That doesn't sound like Blaine.” Rachael tells Finn. “He's been sort of different for a few weeks now. Has Kurt noticed a change in him? What did Kurt say when Blaine told him he was returning to Dalton Academy?” Finn asks. “He hasn't mentioned it. He's been swamped these last few weeks with work and school. I'm glad I don't have his schedule. I'll ask him about Blaine after I finish talking with you. So when is sectionals scheduled for?” She asks. “Next Saturday, and I am not very confident at all. Everyone is sort of down and they are not too excited about going to sectionals.” Finn confesses. “You'll do fine Finn. “I wish I could be there but Kurt and I have tickets to Wicked that night.” Rachael tells him. “Lucky you, I know it's yours and Kurt's favorite musical. Listen Rachael, as much as I love talking to you I need to study and then head to the tire shop and work for a few hours. I'll talk to you soon. I love you.” Finn tells Rachael and she says. “I love you too.” Rachael ends the call and gets up off her bed and walks into the kitchen. She sees Kurt working hard on some project for Tony. “Kurt you need to take a break. All you do is work on things for Tony or study for NYADA. You are never home any more. I bet Blaine hates your schedule as much as I do. You're lucky you have such an understanding and forgiving boyfriend.” Rachael informs Kurt. Kurt freezes when he hears the words Blaine and boyfriend. His eyes become wide and he looks at the date in his planner and it seems to grow in size right in front of his eyes as he sees the number. “Oh my God” He says to himself realizing he has barely talked to Blaine in a month. “I'm a little upset at your boyfriend for leaving Finn and the New Directions. Why didn't you tell me about it?” Rachael asks. Kurt finally comprehends what Rachael just said. “What do you mean he left?” Kurt asks confused about what she is talking about. “Didn't Blaine tell you he was leaving McKinley and going back to Dalton Academy?” Rachael asks getting angrier at Blaine. “I lost my phone a few days ago and before that I have been so busy with work and school that I haven't had very much time to talk to him and I can't remember the last time we skyped. I was supposed to text him on a day we could skype and I never did.” Kurt tells Rachael. “When did you talk to him last?” She asks concerned. A couple of days after my audition but they were short conversations because I was busy and sometimes it was only a few texts back and forth because I was busy doing something else.” Kurt explains. “Kurt that was weeks ago. Finn said Blaine has been acting different for the last few weeks. Now we know why.” Rachael lectures Kurt. “What must he be thinking? I have got to find my phone.” Kurt says as he frantically searches all over the loft. “Kurt, just use my phone and call him now and explain everything to him.” Rachael says. Kurt uses Rachael's phone and looks through her contacts until he finds Blaine's name and he calls it. Kurt looks at his watch to see the time hoping Blaine will be able to pick up since he should be at school.

Blaine is sitting in the Dalton Academy library studying for his next class when his phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. He takes it out and sees it is from Rachael. Wondering what she wants or needs Blaine accepts the call. “Hello Rachael” Blaine says and then hears. “No it's Kurt.” Blaine immediately ends the call not wanting to hear from Kurt. Just hearing him say those three words has his eyes watering and his heart aching. Kurt returns the phone to Rachael. “That wasn't very long, no answer?” Rachael wondered. “No he answered and when he discovered it was me he hung up.” Kurt says as he sits down and puts his head in his hands. I've hurt him badly. He is so upset with me that he won't even talk to me. I have never seen him this angry at me Rachael. I have screwed up big time. Oh my God! I didn't even call him to let him know I got into NYADA.” Kurt says disgusted with himself. “Kurt what is wrong with you?” Rachael asks disappointed in Kurt. “Maybe he doesn't know yet.” Kurt hopes. “I called Finn and told him that afternoon. Of course he knows and he knows you didn't call to tell him. Why didn't you call him?” Rachael wants to know. “I had left my phone at home and then we went out to celebrate and I was going to call him but it was too late and then I went to work and I got busy. That's not a good reason why Kurt. Do you see a pattern here because I do Kurt? I think you had better make some time to think about some of your choices that you have made lately and what they may have cost you. Anyway I came in to give you this. I was going through my old mail and this was stuck to a letter of mine but it is addressed to you.” Rachael explains. “It's from Blaine and it was mailed weeks ago.” Kurt says after seeing the date it was mailed. Rachael leaves and Kurt goes to his area so he can open it alone. He opens the envelope and takes out a letter and a CD. He begins to read the letter.

My Dearest Kurt,

I know you are busy with your life in New York City and you don't have much time to talk to me but I wanted to make sure you take a few minutes to remember our anniversary on the 23rd. The day when a spy stood on the Dalton staircase and timidly said. “Excuse me, can I ask you a question.” I am so glad I stopped and looked up to see the most beautiful boy with gorgeous blue eyes looking back at me. Since that moment my life has been perfect all because of my blue eyed boyfriend who makes me feel loved, safe, and wanted. Never forget that day Kurt or me or our future together because I will never stop loving you. Now close your eyes and listen to the CD and together we will remember this magical day.

                                                          Love,

                                                          Blaine

Kurt pushes the play button and tears flow down his face when he hears.

Du, du, du, du, du, du,    Before you met me I was alright…..

Kurt sobs loudly because he had forgotten all about that special day on the 23rd. He was too busy because he had Tony's birthday party to help prepare for and then to attend that day. “Really Kurt is Tony's birthday more important than Blaine. You couldn't spare 5 minutes in your day to talk to Blaine?” Kurt asks himself ashamed of the choice he made. Kurt's mind takes him back to a skype date with Blaine when he was explaining to Blaine about the birthday bash and then his head drops to his chest because Kurt recalls how Blaine had tried to call attention to the importance of the 23rd but he was too busy to get the clue. He was bragging about all the things he was doing instead of making sure he kept their skype dates. Kurt continues to sob and Rachael comes in to check on him. “Kurt are you alright? What happened? What's going on?” Rachael inquires. “The envelope that was delivered weeks ago contained a letter and a CD to celebrate the anniversary of our meeting on the staircase.” Kurt explains. “That was nice of him Kurt.” She says. “Rachael stop! I totally forgot the anniversary. I was too busy going to Tony's birthday bash. I didn't even talk him that day. Rachael I am so screwed. What have I done? I remember last year near graduation Blaine told me he was afraid I would move to New York City, make new friends, and start enjoying this New York City life and then I would forget about him. I told him never. I told him he was crazy because I would never forget him because I loved him and he is the love of my life. Rachael that is exactly what happened. How do I fix this? I know he hates me now. I have ruined his life and mine.” He laments to Rachael. “Maybe he is online?” Kurt wonders as he opens his laptop and gets on the internet. He sees that Blaine is online. Kurt makes a video call. It's going thru. Blaine, please answer, please accept my call.” Kurt wishes. Blaine doesn't accept and Kurt is beginning to realize the amount of damage he has done to Blaine and he may have lost his best friend. I've got to find my phone maybe he has texted me or left me some messages Kurt hoped.

Kurt looks everywhere in the loft and he can't find the phone. He is racking his brain trying to retrace his steps and where he had it last. It has to be at work he decides. He picks up his keys, wallet, and a jacket as heads to his office. There are some people working in the building but Kurt ignores them and quickly gets into his office and starts to systematically search for his phone. Surprisingly he hears Rachael's ringtone. He follows the sound over to the filing cabinet. He moves the papers and the fabric samples around until he hears something fall to the floor. “Yes” He shouts as he answers the call from Rachael. “I see you found it.” She says. “I was just being my helpful self. Talk to you later.” Rachael says. “Thanks for your help Rachael.” Kurt says as he hangs up. Kurt goes through his texts and reads all of Blaine's. They are progressively making Kurt sad as he feels Blaine's pain because he hasn't contacted him. Next he goes through his messages. He finally gets to the last message Blaine sent and he listens to it. It was sent a week ago and after hearing it he collapses on to his desk in tears. His dream and his future have both been shattered into a million pieces and it is all his fault. He has no one to blame except himself.

It's late in the evening when Kurt finally returns to the loft. Rachael gets up immediately wanting to know why he is so late. He plays Blaine's last message for Rachael and she understands why Kurt is so sad looking. “You need to talk to Blaine so at least you can explain what happened. Then if he still wants to break up at least you tried to save the relationship.” Rachael tells Kurt. “Rachael, don't put the fault on Blaine. He didn't do anything wrong. It is my fault. If our relationship is over it is my fault.” Kurt explains. I agree I need to talk to him but I can't go back to Lima, I am too busy with work and school.” Kurt states his problem. “Finn can talk to him.” Rachael suggests. “I know what I will do. I am going to write a letter to Blaine but I will send it to Finn and he can give it to Blaine at sectionals for me. I think that will work. At least I will have had a chance to talk to him if only in a letter. Hopefully he will read it.” Kurt says as he heads to bed, so he can get some sleep before he starts writing the most important letter of his life.