What If?

                Chapter 3 – Struggling and Confused

It is 8:30 in the evening and Kurt is already sitting in front of his laptop hoping Blaine will skype with him at 9 o'clock. Blaine hasn't called or texted him at all today. Kurt had left some text messages on Blaine's phone and a few might have been a little snarky. “Blaine might be so upset at me Blaine won't even want to skype me now. Why did I write those words to him?” Kurt wonders as he waits for Blaine to get online. “Blaine, why are you acting like this? Kurt tries to figure out the answers to his question as he continues to wait patiently.

Blaine gets home after the election party and proudly tells his parents he is the Senior Class President. “That's great Blaine.” Susan says as she hugs her son. We are very proud of you Blaine and Senior Class President looks awfully good on a college application.” John says. Have you started filling out any college applications?” His Father asks trying to find out what colleges Blaine would like to attend. “Not yet but I will make a list soon.” Blaine tells his Father. “I have homework to do so I am going upstairs and get started on it.” Blaine informs his parents. He looks at the clock on his nightstand and it reads 8:45. That means 15 minutes until he is supposed to skype with Kurt. “Do I skype with Kurt or miss it and do my homework? Blaine ponders. “I could always end it short with homework as an excuse if the conversation goes badly. It wouldn't be a lie.” Blaine decides that is the best solution. It is 8:55 and Blaine grabs his laptop and logs on to the internet and within seconds Kurt is calling wanting to skype. Blaine takes a deep breath and accepts the call.

Hi Kurt,

Hi Blaine, They both sit there in silence staring at each other not knowing what to say.

This is so strange Blaine. I don't understand why I feel so nervous. I don't know what to       

say to you or even where to begin.

I don't know what to tell you Kurt. You called me.

I'm sorry about yesterday. When you called Rachael and I were out celebrating my new job at Vogue.com. I told her we needed to be home by 9:00 so I could skype with you but we lost track of time and when I got home it was late and you didn't answer your phone when I called. Then I texted you a few times hoping you would reply. I know you are angry but it was an innocent mistake. I didn't mean to miss our skype date.

           Blaine just shrugs his shoulders.

Talk to me Blaine. Don't shut me out.

What do you want me to say Kurt. That it is fine and it doesn't hurt me at all when you chose other people or other things before talking to me. That it is fine if you don't return my phone calls because I'm apparently not important enough to you or worth your time and effort. I can't and I won't say that.

Kurt hears his phone ringing in the living room. Rachael answers Kurt's phone planning to take a message for him.

Blaine I'm not… Rachael walks into Kurt's area and says. Kurt it is your boss. He wants to talk to you. He said it is important.

Take it Kurt.

I'll make it quick I promise. Don't go anywhere I want to talk to you.

Kurt whispers to Rachael as they walk into the living room. “Do me a favor and go talk to Blaine while I talk to my boss. “I can't Kurt, I have an assignment I need to complete that's due for a class I have tomorrow, sorry.” Rachael says as she quickly goes to her area and keeps working. Kurt is listening intently to his new boss as he explains a few things he wants Kurt to do. Kurt is writing down his responsibilities as the minutes keep ticking away. Finally, 20 minutes later he is able to end his call with his boss and he quickly runs back to his area so he can continue his skype date with Blaine. Blaine I am so sorry….Kurt stops talking because Blaine is not sitting in his chair. He has been replaced by a sign that Kurt sits down to read.

Kurt, I'm gone to spend some time with someone who wants me around. Oh, by the way in case you have wondered, I won.

Kurt sits in his chair staring at the screen and rereading the sign. What did he win? Oh crap, Kurt says as he realizes that he is talking about the Senior Class president vote. It must have been today and he didn't even know. No wonder he hates me. I haven't even asked him about it in a few days. What a lousy boyfriend I am. Kurt starts talking to the laptop, hoping Blaine will hear.

Blaine, talk to me. Are you there? Blaine don't do this to me. Let me explain. You told me to take the call. Blaine, Blaine please listen to me. I love you Blaine.  

Kurt decides to call Blaine not that he expects he will answer. Soon Kurt hears Blaine's phone ringing in his room through the laptop. He does not answer so Kurt leaves a message. “Blaine, please talk to me. I'm sorry I got called away but my new boss needed to tell me what he wanted me to do tomorrow and I couldn't just hang up on him I just started today. I want to tell you about it. I want to hear about the election. Please don't shut me out Blaine. Please call me. I love you.” Kurt puts his phone down and then sits in front of his computer screen hoping that Blaine will come back into the picture. After an hour or so of watching his screen showing the same picture he notices the laptop is being closed and he shouts Blaine. But the screen goes black.

Blaine is walking into school and he remembers all the days that he and Kurt would walk into this school laughing and how happy they were. During lunch Blaine thinks of the times he shared lunch with Kurt and they would discuss the different clothes the students were wearing. Kurt would make suggestions on what he would do to improve their outfits. At P.E. class Blaine remember the proms that he escorted Kurt to and the dance they shared when he was voted Queen at the Junior Prom. At glee club practice he can hear Kurt singing “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston to him as he asks for his forgiveness after tweeting with Chandler. Walking down the outside steps he remembers Kurt surprising him with red and yellow roses for being awarded the lead role of Tony in West Side Story. As the school day ends Blaine finds himself sitting alone in his car and that brings a lot of memories flooding back into his mind that he doesn't want to ever forget. “I can't do this I love him too much.”Blaine decides as he takes out his phone and starts typing a text to Kurt.

“Talk to you tonight. I love you. “B” Blaine hits send and feels some happiness in his heart.

Kurt is at work when he feels his phone vibrate. He looks to see who texted him and his heart does a flip flop as he holds in a squeal of excitement when he sees it is from Blaine. Taking a deep breath hoping it is a good text from Blaine. Kurt reads the text and immediately starts typing a reply.

“I'll be there and I promise we won't be interrupted. Love you 2. “K”

Blaine smiles when he reads Kurt's text. He is feeling a little better and hoping the two can get back on track because when they are not life is the pits.

Blaine is waiting for Kurt to log on and is thrilled when he hears the beginning sounds of the video call beeping and quickly accepts the call.

Hi Kurt

Hi Blaine

I want to say something so please just listen and let me talk first. I am sorry I haven't been the boyfriend you deserve lately. I know you have another life in New York City and I need to learn and accept that fact. I can't expect you to drop everything for me because you now have new responsibilities that require your attention sometimes. So I am sorry and I would like to put everything behind us and start fresh if you are willing.

Blaine, I haven't been the best boyfriend either and I am sorry also. I have not been there for you when you expected me to be there and I haven't kept up with the happenings in your life like I should have. I apologize for it. I agree with you about starting over and forgetting about our struggles the past few weeks as long as we learn from them so we don't repeat them. So let me start by telling you about my new job. I am an assistant to the fashion editor of Vogue.com.

That sounds wonderful and you seem very excited about the position. Is she nice?

He is and I think I will learn a lot about fashion while I wait until I reapply to NYADA.

That's great Kurt. It sounds like everything is going the way you dreamed it would when you left for New York City.

Well I owe it all to you because you gave me the push and the encouragement I needed to leave Lima and follow my dream Blaine. Hey your life isn't going so bad either. You are Senior Class President. That makes me feel really special knowing my boyfriend is the President. I am very proud of you and I can't wait until the time we are together so  can give you the appropriate reward you deserve for becoming the first gay Class President at McKinley High.

It's not that big of a deal Kurt but I will definitely be looking forward to that reward from you.

Sure it is Blaine. Did I tell you that I will be getting an office with a window soon? Friday night I am going out with some of my co-workers for happy hour at this new bar that they say is wonderful. Good food and great music is the rumor.

 I am sure you will have a good time.

Then next week there are two fashion shows my boss wants me to go to with him. I can't be more excited to see what these two famous fashion designers are planning for the summer. What are your plans for the next few weeks?

They are pretty boring compared to yours. Tina and I are going to the mall to shop for a dress she needs for a family wedding. Then I think Sam and I are going to the high school football game Friday night.

That sounds like fun. You like football.

Listen Kurt, it's getting late and I have some homework I need to finish. I'd better sign out and I will talk to you tomorrow. Love you Kurt.

Blaine, wait a minute. What just happened? We were having a nice talk and now you're ready to leave.

I'm fine Kurt. I just won the election and I have the best boyfriend in the world.

Why don't I believe you? Blaine, you would talk to me if there is a problem right. Please don't shut me out and hide your feelings from me. That always makes the problem bigger and we have learned that lesson already. Do you remember the Chandler fiasco?

Kurt I am fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow and Blaine ends the call.

Blaine sits in his chair and he thinks to himself. “Kurt is making his dream come true. He's living in New York City, making new friends, and he sounds so happy. I'm still in high school excited about going to a dumb high school football game Friday night and that's the highlight of the week while Kurt's meeting famous fashion designers. Why would Kurt ever stay with me?  I think I'm going to lose Kurt, but I can't lose him. I love him” Blaine thinks as he holds the picture of them dancing at the Junior Prom.