What If?

                     Chapter 23 – Dreams

Blaine and Kurt head back to the Blaine's hotel room and once inside they sit down on the couch and Kurt asks Blaine. “What are your dreams Blaine? What do you hope to be doing in ten years?” Kurt asks as he holds Blaine's hand. “Honestly, I don't know. I hope to be making a living from singing and writing music. I hope you would be in my life in some form and maybe starting a family.” Blaine says quietly as he lowers his head. Kurt looks puzzled and asks. “What do you see for me in ten years?”

Blaine answers quickly and with excitement in his voice. “Oh I know you will be a famous performer on Broadway and maybe even in the movies. You'll be asked to all the talk shows for your opinions. You will be living a beautiful house that you have decorated perfectly. You will have a little girl with your blue eyes that you adore and design all her outfits. I hope you will let me come by and visit you when you have the time.” Blaine says as he sees tears in Kurt's eyes. “Why are you crying Kurt? Did I say something wrong? I don't want to make you sad.” Blaine tells Kurt.

“Blaine, why do you have big dreams for me but not for yourself? Your dream sounds like all you want is to simply survive life where for me you have this fantastic dream that you expect me to live and enjoy. Why is that? You are the most wonderful person I have ever met and you have encouraged me to go after my dreams while you have given up on all your dreams. That's why I am sad. Why have you given up dreaming? We used to dream together. Do you remember that? We were going to move to New York City and go to NYADA together. We were going to be stars on Broadway and entertain people. We were going to be so happy together. We dreamed big. Why has that changed Blaine? What happened to us?” Kurt asks as he reminds Blaine of their dreams.

“Maybe we should change the subject Kurt.” Blaine suggests. “No, we are going to start talking about things and it may be painful but we have to if we want to be together.” Kurt explains. “So start talking and tell me why you gave up dreaming?” Kurt says as he grabs Blaine's hands and makes Blaine turn so he is facing Kurt and looking at him.

Blaine looks at Kurt deciding what to do when he finally begins to speak softly. “Kurt, life happened, the real world became a reality. I don't have big exciting dreams for me anymore because my dreams don't come true and they are too painful to have. When I was young I dreamed of doing things with my brother but he just told me I was never good enough. Then I was going to rely on him to help me deal with being gay and my parents but he left to live his life and I was left alone to deal with this issue on my own. I dreamed my parents would accept me for who I am and help me through my adolescence but the reality was they weren't understanding and supportive. Instead they tolerated me and were rarely around. They blamed it on work but I know they didn't really want to be around me. I am a major disappointment to them Kurt. I dreamed of going to a dance with a boyfriend and then I was beaten up and spent weeks in a hospital. I dreamed of falling in love with a special boy and I did really hard and he went to New York City to follow his dream and I became a memory. I dreamed of coming to New York City and going to school but it didn't happen and I went to L.A. instead. I dreamed of asking this special boy to marry me until I realized he was sacrificing his dreams for me and I am not worth that price. That is why I have tried to make sure you follow your dreams Kurt because your dreams do come true. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy and make your dreams come true no matter what the price because you deserve it Kurt. That's why I don't dream anymore.” Blaine says as tears roll down his face.

“Blaine, I never realized you felt that way. But you can't stop dreaming about what would make you happy and what you want your life to be like. You deserve to be happy too. I will admit you have not had the easiest of lives so far but you can't give up on your future and just settle for an average life. You deserve to have a future that is filled with the thrill and excitement of making your dreams come true and I promise it will happen for you because I am going to be next to you the whole way. I will be encouraging you to follow your dreams just like you have spent years supporting mine. Wait a minute, what did you mean you dreamed about asking that special boy to marry you but he was sacrificing his dream and you were not worth the sacrifice?” Kurt asks Blaine.

“Kurt don't listen to me I don't make sense.” Blaine tells Kurt.

“Blaine Devon Anderson you are not going to do this to us. Now answer my question.” Kurt tells Blaine sternly.

“That Monday night that we were going to a special party was a lie. I was going to take you to your favorite restaurant and then take a carriage ride to Central Park and I was going to ask you to marry me. I heard you give up your dream for me and I couldn't allow that so I left and changed my plans and the rest is history as they say.” Blaine says as he gets up and looks out the window feeling disappointed with himself. Kurt gets up and walks to the window and turns Blaine around so they are facing each other.

“Blaine, I have a dream that we will be sharing the rest of our lives together supporting each other as we both follow our dreams. So Blaine Devon Anderson will you help me make our most important dream come true. Will you marry me?” Kurt asks as he holds Blaine's hands and looks into his eyes.

“Kurt, if I ever marry someone it will be you, but I'm not sure we are ready to take that step after what we just went through. As much as I want to tell you yes I think we need to talk about what we expect from each other and better understand what we each want for each other as well as for ourselves. We need to make sure being together is something we can handle and what we want as we each continue to pursue our careers and make sure our own needs are being met. Does that make sense?” Blaine asks not wanting to hurt Kurt's feeling but trying to do what is best for both of them.

I understand what you are saying and I agree with you so let's go for a walk and get some coffee and for the rest of the evening let's just take the time to be together as best friends and enjoy being together.” Kurt suggests as he wraps his arms around Blaine's waist. Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt and lies his head down on Kurt's shoulder and whispers. Kurt, that sounds like a wonderful idea because I really would like to simply enjoy being with you.” Blaine says as he leads Kurt out into the city.