What If?

   Chapter 10 – A Heartfelt Conversation

“Let's sit down in the study Kurt.” John motions to Kurt to sit down. “How was your flight?” He asks not wanting to tell Kurt about Blaine. “Mr. Anderson, my flight was fine and I would love to talk to you but I have been waiting weeks to talk to Blaine. Is he in his room?” Kurt asks not able to sit still. “Kurt, he's not here.” John says. “Okay, then I'll just wait here until he returns if you don't mind.” Kurt tells Mr. Anderson. “Kurt, I mean he's gone as in moved out, not living here anymore.” John tells Kurt as he puts his hand on Kurt's shoulder. “You're lying to me. You just don't want me to see to him. You have never wanted us to be together.

 Blaine, Blaine” Kurt yells as he runs up to Blaine's room followed by Mr. Anderson. Kurt opens the door and sees a spotless bedroom with nothing out of place. He opens the closet door and sees only hangers, the closet is empty. He pulls out the dresser drawers and they are empty also. Kurt's knees hit the floor as he realizes that Mr. Anderson was telling the truth. “He's gone. He's really gone.” Kurt shouts as tears fill his eyes. Mr. Anderson walks towards Kurt and helps him up and they sit on the bed. “Where did he go? Will you please tell me?” Kurt asks as he wipes his eyes. “I told Blaine before he left that if you ever came here to see him I was not going to lie for him. I'm going to be honest with you Kurt. I will share with you everything that I know about what has been happening these last few months concerning Blaine, as well as I will answer all your questions.”John says as he looks directly into Kurt's eyes. He begins. “Unfortunately Kurt, my son has difficulty facing tough situations. His first instinct is to avoid the situation and if that doesn't work he runs. You see he figured you would be coming home for the holidays and he is afraid to see you. So he decided he couldn't be here so he has moved to California to live with Cooper.” John tells Kurt. “What about school?” Kurt asks. He secretly tested out of his last two required classes. Blaine has graduated from high school.” John informs him. “When did he leave?” Kurt wondered. “He left this morning.” Mr. Anderson tells Kurt. He falls back on to Blaine's bed and his head lands on a pillow. “You mean I missed seeing him by a few hours.” Kurt says as he felt something weird under his head. He sits up and sees an envelope with Kurt written on it. In small letters it says Do Not Open Until Christmas. He must have known you would come up to his room.” Mr. Anderson says as he hears his phone ring. He takes it out of his pocket and answers it. He says “Just a minute.” To the person who is calling. “Kurt, I'm going to take this call downstairs.” He says as he leaves Kurt alone in Blaine's room inhaling Blaine's scent. Kurt touches the envelope and pushes it into his pocket and then he thinks. “That was strange the way Mr. Anderson acted. Could that have been Blaine on the phone?” Kurt wonders. Not wanting to be heard, Kurt quietly walks down the stairs to find out. He hears John's voice coming from the study. He walks closer to the study door and Kurt begins to eavesdrop on the conversation John is having. “So your flight was good? Are you getting along with Cooper? You haven't had a fight yet have you?” John asks as he chuckles. “Blaine I need to tell you something.” He says and then he sees Kurt walking towards him with his hand extended wanting Mr. Anderson to give him the phone. John looks at Kurt not knowing what to do. He gives Kurt his phone and leaves the study and shuts the door giving Kurt some privacy.

Kurt takes a deep breath and says. “Blaine, this is Kurt and you had better not hang up or I will be on a plane so fast and knocking on your front door you won't have time to run.” Kurt says loudly and forcefully as he sits down on the couch. Blaine rubs his face with his hands as he sits down criss-cross on his bed knowing he is going to have to bite the bullet and talk to Kurt. After a few seconds of silence Kurt says. “Blaine, I am truly sorry for what I did to you.” Kurt says.

“What are you sorry for Kurt? You did exactly what I hoped you would when I told you to go to New York City. I want you to be happy and excited about living in New York City. I want you to take advantage of every opportunity New York City has to offer and you did. I'm just giving you some space to continue thriving there.” Blaine tells Kurt.

“But I'm not thriving there. I am miserable because I am not sharing this experience with you.” Kurt explains.

“Kurt that is not true and you know it. You have been doing great Kurt, even when for all tense and purposes I was out of your life. Kurt it's alright, you are pursuing your dreams. That's what you are supposed to be doing. That's why you went to New York City to start with.” Blaine tells Kurt.

“Blaine my dream is to build a future with you. We are supposed to be doing this together and now that you have graduated from high school we can. I understand congratulations are in order. I hear you surprised everyone and completed your high school requirements. I'm very proud of you and now you can move to New York and we can start living our dream.” Kurt says trying to convince Blaine.

“Kurt, if I was your dream you wouldn't have stopped talking to me. You would have remembered important dates in our relationship because I meant something to you. Listen Kurt, we can go back and forth for hours and it isn't going to change the fact that you need to be in New York City pursuing your dreams of NYADA, Broadway, and fashion. You don't need me hanging around holding you down by getting in your way. So I want you to make your dreams come true and I'm going to watch your star rise while I'm living here in L.A. with Coop, go to USC, and build a life for myself.” Blaine tells Kurt.

“Blaine, why can't we be together as we support each other while pursuing our dreams? Tell me why Blaine?” Kurt begs for an explanation.

“Kurt, we can't be together right now because I'm afraid okay” Blaine finally blurts out the real problem. “I told you last year just before your graduation my fear about you going to New York City. You pretty much told me my fear was unfounded and it would never happen and I was so off base that you didn't even want to talk about it. My fear was right on target wasn't it Kurt. In fact it is now the reality or our relationship Kurt. I can't allow myself to be hurt again because it would kill me. So Kurt I am asking you to please allow me to follow my dreams like I am allowing you. I need some time and space so I can heal and I am asking you Kurt to let me do it on my terms.” Blaine asks as Kurt can feel the pain in Blaine's voice and Kurt knows there are tears in his eyes.

“Blaine do you still love me?” Kurt asks waiting for Blaine's answer.

“It hurts me Kurt that you are even asking me that question. Do you think I would be this miserable if I didn't love you?  I love you Kurt with all my heart and I will love you forever. That's why this situation is so difficult to deal with. If I didn't love you it would be easy to turn my back on you and leave you behind. My heart will always belong to you. Don't ever doubt my love for you.” Blaine says from his heart.

“I love you too Blaine. That's why I am trying so hard to get you to talk to me and see me. Blaine, my dreams will never be complete unless you are at my side no matter how successful I become.” Kurt says and then thinks to himself for a few seconds. “Alright Blaine, I will give you the space you say you need. I hate this idea, but if this is what you need I will do it. I will not try to contact you until you call me first or unless there is an emergency. Is this what you really want?” Kurt asks wanting to make sure of Blaine's wishes.

“Yes, at least for now. I need time to get adjusted to living out here. I need to get my life under control and get back on my feet. I hope you can understand and can forgive me for thinking about myself first.” Blaine says.

 “I guess it is decided then. We will give each other the space we need to follow our dreams, get our lives in order, and our priorities straight.” Kurt states so Blaine can agree to it.

“I think that is the correct choice that we need to make at this time.” Blaine says.

“I love you Blaine.” Kurt says.

“I love you too Kurt and keep safe until I see you again.” Blaine says not really wanting the conversation to end.

“You keep safe too and don't let Cooper drive you crazy.” Kurt says as he stares at the end button on the phone for a few seconds before he finally forces himself to push it. Now he wonders how long it will be before he talks to Blaine again.

                   Before he returns the phone to Mr. Anderson he takes a pen and a piece of paper of his desk and writes down Blaine's new phone number. He puts it in his pocket as he opens the door and follows the sound of voices into the kitchen where Mr. Anderson is talking to his wife. “Mr. Anderson here is your phone and I will be heading home now before it starts snowing. Have a wonderful holiday.” Kurt says with red eyes as he heads towards the front door. “Kurt, are you okay? Are you going to be alright?” Mr. Anderson asks. “I guess I am as okay as I can be. I'll be alright the minute Blaine holds me in his arms again. Until then I will make do.” Kurt says as he heads to his car and heads home.

Cooper knocks on Blaine's room to tell him dinner is ready. He opens the door and sees Blaine lying in bed curled up into a ball with red eyes and tears coming down his face. “Blaine what's wrong what happened?” Coop asks. “I called Father to tell him I arrived safely and Kurt was at the house. He got the phone from Father and we had a conversation.” He tells Cooper. “That's good isn't it, because you really did need to talk to him?” Coop gives his opinion. “We agreed to give each other the space that we need to follow our dreams. He won't try to contact me until I contact him.” Blaine explains. “Blaine, are you sure this is what you really want? It sounds to me like you both decided to be miserable.” Coop remarks. “No, we won't be miserable because we agreed to allow each other the opportunity to follow our dreams. Kurt will be following his dreams and that's all I want.” Blaine corrects Coop as he stands up, wipes his eyes and heads to the kitchen for some dinner.

It is late in the evening when Kurt returns to the house. He quietly goes into the kitchen to get a drink when he feels his Dad's hands on his shoulders. “Did you get to talk to Blaine?” Burt asks his son. “Yes, I sort of did.” Kurt says confusing Burt. “We have settled the situation for now I guess.” They go sit down in the living room and Kurt explains to Burt all the happenings of the evening. He continues talking to Burt about his feelings. “I hurt him badly Dad. I never meant to hurt him. I promised him I wouldn't hurt him and then I turned around and did exactly that. I don't think he will ever be able to forgive me Dad. I have been so selfish and it may have cost me a life with Blaine.” Kurt says as tears fall from his face. Burt wraps up his son in his arms and holds him tightly and whispers. “Give him some time Kurt. Just give him some time.” While Kurt cries on his shoulder, always there for his son.