The Consequences of Your Choices

                    Chapter 9 – Nationals

        Kurt picks up his letter to Blaine and puts it in his shirt pocket before walking out of his hotel room heading towards the theater for the Nationals competition. He didn't want to interrupt Blaine's preparation for his performance so he decides he would wait until after he performs to talk to Blaine or at least hopefully give him the letter. He walks into auditorium to find his seat in the audience. He notices The New Directions walking to their seats. Sam sees Kurt and walks over to him. Kurt tells him about seeing Blaine last night. Sam tells Kurt he is going to try to talk to Blaine today too. The competition is about to start so Kurt wishes him good luck as Sam returns back to his seat.

          Two teams have performed already and did fine but now it was time for the Pioneers. Kurt is getting excited as he waits because he loves watching Blaine perform. Kurt has always believed that Blaine was born to sing on a stage. The lights dim and the curtains are raised as the Master of Ceremonies says, “From Ann Arbor, Michigan let's welcome the Ann Arbor Academy Pioneers.” The music starts and voices are heard from off stage in perfect harmony and then the Pioneers appear. Blaine moves to the front and starts singing his part and you feel Blaine draw the audience in and then everyone is totally focused on Blaine. His voice and dancing is flawless. He ends the song by holding a note so long that the people were on their feet cheering long before he finished. The next song was a duet with Blaine and another singer named Jason. They sounded great together and Kurt watched Blaine closely noticing how into the song he was. The team's final song included a lot of choreography and the Pioneers had the audience totally in the palm of their hands. The audience was standing and cheering for them half way through the song and by the time they finished the crowd was in a frenzy. The Pioneers had blown the roof off the place and it is going to be very hard for any other team to beat them. Kurt watches the Pioneers celebrate on stage but he notices Blaine. He's congratulating his teammates but something is off. Blaine doesn't seem right. His smile isn't that big bright wide kind that Kurt loves so much.

          Kurt watches the Pioneers leave the stage so he decides it's time to go and find Blaine and congratulate him and his teammates on a fantastic performance. Then hopefully Blaine will be willing to talk to me Kurt thinks. He walks down the hall by the stage and sees some of the Pioneers coming out of a room. He puts his head down and pretends to look at his watch, letting them pass by, hoping they won't recognize him. Kurt walks toward the room and he hears single notes being played on a piano. He looks inside the room and sees Blaine sitting on the piano bench staring at the keys he's plunking. Blaine doesn't notice Kurt entering the room. Kurt just sits down next to him on the bench and says, “A penny for your thoughts.” Blaine stops playing and looks at Kurt. He closes his eyes and lowers his head and starts plunking the keys again. “You shouldn't be here Kurt. This area is for participants only.”  Blaine says. “Well, I am a former participant so that should count.” Kurt answers getting Blaine to chuckle. “Blaine, I need to tell you something but I can see by looking at you that now is not the time because you are hurting for some reason and I don't want to add to it. Why don't you let me help you? I am still a pretty good listener if you want to share.” Kurt reminds Blaine as he gently rubs his back with his left hand. Blaine lowers his head and takes a deep breath before he finally says. “Kurt, you will always be the love of my life and the time we spent together laughing, singing, and loving each other will always be the best part of my life, but for some reason Kurt I always hurt and disappoint the people I love and then those same people hurt and disappoint me and I always end up alone.  Last night I finally remembered you. I remembered you talking to me in the hospital holding my hand saying you were sorry and everything was your fault and we needed to talk, before my Father told you to get out. Kurt, I have come to realize that the world doesn't want us to be together or won't let us be together. I tried to stand up and fight against the world Kurt, I really did but I can't do it anymore. I don't have the strength to fight because I am too broken and damaged. So I am going to ask you to do me one last favor Kurt. Please leave now without saying a word so I can keep all those wonderful, beautiful, and precious memories of us together, happy and in love, safe in my heart because that is all I have left.” Kurt's eyes are filling with tears as he slowly reaches into his pocket and takes out the envelope that contains Kurt's letter to Blaine. Kurt takes Blaine's right hand and opens it gently turning it so his palm is facing up. The touch of Kurt's hand on his hand reminds Blaine how soft, warm and wonderful Kurt's touch is. It feels like home. Kurt slowly places the envelope in Blaine's hand then wraps Blaine's fingers around the letter tightly making sure Blaine never loses Kurt's last words to him. Kurt holds Blaine's hand with both of his tightly for a few seconds. Kurt leans over and gently kisses Blaine on his cheek as he whispers, “I will always love you Blaine Devon Anderson.” Kurt stands and runs out of the room and down the hall. Blaine listens to Kurt's loud sobs. Each snob he hears is like a knife stabbing into his heart until they finally fade away.  Blaine lays his head down on the piano and thinks, “Like always I hurt the one I love.”

          Blaine finally gets control of his emotions and wipes the tears that have been falling down his face. With his hand left hand he wipes the tears that had fallen on the piano. He opens his right hand and lays the envelope on the top of the piano as he smoothes out the scrunched up envelope. He rubs his name that has been written by Kurt, the boy he will always love. He turns and walks out of the room.

          Blaine walks into the auditorium to find the other Pioneers. He sits and watches the rest of the competition. Blaine is there in body but his mind is elsewhere as he thinks of a person with blue eyes, brown hair and fashionable clothes, until the Master of Ceremonies takes over and introduces the New Directions from Lima, Ohio. Blaine watches his former teammates and friends. They are hitting every note and not missing a step as Sam leads the team and Artie voice sounds great. They are perfect and the audience is going crazy for them. Blaine had felt bad about leaving the New Directions empty handed and short on members but after seeing them perform he didn't feel so bad because they were wonderful. They didn't need him after all. While waiting for the next show choir Blaine kept thinking about Kurt and wondering if Kurt was alright. He starts wondering about what Kurt had wanted to tell him, what was in the envelope. Blaine was scared to find out but his curiosity was getting the best of him. Blaine got up and left the auditorium before the next group was announced. He walks quickly back to the room he was in earlier and runs to the piano to retrieve the envelope he had left there. Then Blaine panics. “It's gone!” Blaine shouts. He looks on top of the piano and doesn't see the envelope, it was gone. He looks on the floor, in the piano, everywhere in the room, but it is gone. “You are an idiot Blaine Devon Anderson! You deserve every bad thing that happens to you. You didn't deserve to have a boyfriend like Kurt.” Blaine says to himself as he sits back down on the bench and put his head in his hands.

          “Blaine?” The boy on the piano bench looks up at the person who called his name. “Man, you look like a guy who is lost and needs a friend. Come with me Blaine, let me be your friend.” He says as he extends his hand for Blaine to take. Blaine is hesitant and thinks about it before he finally takes a chance and grabs the boy's hand. They walk outside and sit down on the grass under a tree and Sam hugs Blaine as Blaine begins to cry. Sam holds Blaine and rubs his back until Blaine starts to pull away. Talk to me Blaine. You have to stop running from your troubles. It isn't helping you solve your problems so talk to me, let me help, let me be your friend. I am your friend Blaine and I am right here and I want to help you, no strings attached. Let me help you Blaine.” Blaine looks at Sam deciding what to do and finally says. “I am so messed up Sam I don't know which way is up. Everything I believed to be true is false. I believed that my parents accepted me and loved me for who I am, but they don't. They lied to me. They keep trying to change me and run my life. Do you know how much it hurts when your parents who are suppose to love you no matter what, don't. They told me to trust them that they would take care of me but instead they lied to me. I told them that I needed to see Kurt, that I needed to talk to him, and they told Kurt I didn't want to see him and not to come around because they thought I'd stop being gay if Kurt wasn't in my life. I was going to go back to McKinley but they told me that you and the New Directions were not my friends and I should go to another school to start over so I did. Then I find out that you did come to my house but my father never bothered to tell me that. So I see you here and I treat you like dirt. Kurt finds me and wants to talk to me and I refuse. He finds me again today, but instead of talking I tell him to leave. Before he leaves he gives me an envelope with my name on it and like the fool I am, I purposely leave it on the piano. I decide later I need to see what is inside the envelope, see what Kurt wanted me to see so I go back to where I left it and it's gone. I am such a fool Sam. I need to leave.” Blaine shakes his head and starts to get up. “Hey, hey, hey where are you going?” Sam asks and Blaine sits back down. “You're right Blaine, your life is messed up big time, but this is your lucky day because I am here and I am going to help you get your life back on track. First, I'm going to solve the envelope mystery.” Sam puts his hand in his back pocket and pulls out an envelope and shows it to Blaine. “Is this what you are looking for? I went into that rehearsal room looking for you and I saw the envelope with your name on it lying on the piano so I figured when I found you I would give it to you.” Sam hands to envelope to Blaine who takes it and hold it tightly. “Listen Blaine, I am going to check on how the competition is going and then I will be back. Promise me you will not go anywhere because I saw your performance and I am pretty sure you will need to be on the stage for the award presentation. I'll be back in a few minutes.” Sam says as he stands and brushes the grass off his pants. Blaine replies, “I'll be here, I promise Sam.” Sam walks inside the building and is out of sight of Blaine's view before he stops. He turns so he can see Blaine. He wanted to give Blaine some space so he could see what is contained inside the envelope. Blaine carefully unseals the envelope and takes out the folded up pieces of paper. It's a letter that Blaine flattens out gently before he takes a deep breath and begins to read.