We walked down Central Park. I admired the snow flurries that fell on the ground into my hair, and Kurts, just looking at the small balls of soft ice.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me, rubbing his hands together and blowing warm air into them. I did the same. I shrugged my shoulders in response, looking ahead at the blanket of snow that has begun to cover the ground. It seemed to be blinding, so white and pure, untouched.

"You dont want to talk?" He asked, we had been walking in silence for the past half hour, I was appreciating my mind being at ease for once, just the steady sound of the slight beeping was the only thought getting in the way. You could say I had gotten used to it by now.

"I like the silence, how everything is soft and silent, how nothing moves except the wind flying through the trees. Its beautiful."

"A beautiful silence." I nodded in agreement standing a bit closer to him, trying to keep warm. We walked for a little while longer, now both of us appreciating the silence. My hands were stuffed in the pockets of my coat, snow crunched under my feet and my ears were numb as the slight wind blew past them. Kurts skin seemed to be paler than usual, maybe it was because the background behind him was more snow, or he was cold, but in that moment he looked beautiful.

"Can I help you?" I was snapped out of my daydream, looking forward again.

"Nothing, just wondering."

"About?"

I shrugged my shoulders again, not wanted to tell him. I had taken thought of my mind being silent and it seemed to be waking up from this sleep that it seemed to be peacefully in.

I wish I could show you Blaine, I wish you could see the snow. But right now you cant, and Im having to wonder what it would have been like if you could.

But I could see the snow, I could feel the snow that ran between my fingertips as it fell to the ground. It was a calming voice, nothing that made me want to freak out or anything, but it caused an uneasy feeling to settle on my body.

"Blaine?" I looked up at Kurt, startled from his voice.

"Did you hear me?" I shook my head in response, I was too busy focused and being selfish on myself that I wasnt listening to a word Kurt was saying.

"Well in case you wanted to hear what I was saying, Rachel just texted me, were going to meet for coffee wanna come?"

"I think Im just gonna head back to my place."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, have fun. Tell Rachel I say hi."

"Will do."

He walked off into the other direction, the snow fading him into white as if he were an angel. I stood in the middle of the sidewalk in awe, watching as he disappeared. No words could describe the beauty that took place. I turned and walking back down the sidewalk, admiring the snow as it fell to the ground. It hardened on the ground and crunched under my feet as I walked. Clutching my coat closer to my body, it wasnt the same without having the warmth of another person so close to you.

***

I realize that being alone can be the worst on my mind. It was going crazy. The strange beeping noise was still ringing through my ears, almost making the TV silent, with only the small buzzing of the music playing in the ‘background'.

Life is strange isn't it. Its like, I don't get to be with you, and I have no idea if you will ever be with me, and will we ever meet again? Because right now, the odds are not in our favor Blaine and I just want you to keep trying, and I will wait here as long as it takes.

It was happening more. This tingling feeling. It was always in my hand, like the feeling when you know your hand is about to fall asleep but its already too late to fix it. Thats how it felt, expect nothing ever ‘fell asleep' it just tingled.

I love you so much and I know for a fact we can make it through this. This is just a bump in the road, we can make it I know we can.

The tingling feeling came back. Except my whole body was warm, like how you feel when you're in the moment of being hugged. It was the first time I had felt complete, everything felt like a dream, for a moment. For a moment. Then my skin shook, thats how all the panic attacks started, but now I didn't have Kurt or Rachel with me and I was all alone.

I clutched my hair in fear or panic or some crazy emotion that was running through my mind. The apartment felt like it was spinning, my stomach was churning and my throat was closing in. I couldn't breath, or at least it didn't feel like I could. I layed down on my couch, just to see if it would help. It only made this worse, but my eyes were closing and my mind was shutting down and I felt as if I was passing out.

***

It felt like I dream I had before. The beeping noise was louder, right next to my left ear. A pain ran throughout my body, feeling as though there were needles stuck into my skin. I willed my eyes to open but they wouldn't budge, not even a little. They felt glued together, and I wanted to leave this absurd dream and wake up. This didn't feel like a dream.

“Blaine?”

“Blaine if you can hear me, squeeze my hand.” The tingling feeling was back, but only around my hand. I tried. I tried so hard to move my hand, or twitch my fingers, and I don't know if I did or not, but there was a sigh a few minutes later.

“What do you want to do?” Came a voice I didn't recognize. “He isn't responding, and I don't know how much longer you want to keep him here, the doctors agreed to wait until you gave the ‘ok' but I don't think they want to wait much longer.”

“Why not?” The voice yelled, anger was twisted within his voice, I could tell he was crying. I don't know how, but I could just tell. “Why can't we wait longer? Why can't I wait with all the hope that I have for my fiance to wake up! Why can't I wait?”

“You have to calm down son. They won't do anything without your permission, you practically make the decision for this entire thing, but do you really want to torture him between death and reality. If you keep him here, you could be the one hurting him by not letting him go.”

My skin started shaking, or at least it felt like it. My brain felt heavy again, like it had when I woke up, and the beeping was getting louder and faster.

“Blaine!”

***

My mind was empty. So was the apartment. I was still on the couch, but the only thing that changed was the sun setting outside and the fact that the TV had turned off.

I turned my head towards the knocking on the door and quickly got up. The door slid open easily despite it being quite heavy.

“Hey.” It was Kurt, standing with melting snow in his hair, and hot drinks in his hand. “I brought you some hot chocolate, I felt bad that you didn't come hang out with Rachel and I.”

“You didn't have to do that, but thank you anyway.” He handed me a cup of the steaming beverage and it immediately warmed my body.

“Can I come in? Its kinda freezing out here and I'd rather not be cold.”

“Don't understand that since you're already inside, but if you must ‘oh so desperately' enter my humble home then I guess you have permission.” Kurt chuckled and walked in beside me, closing the door behind me. “Whats up?” I asked, taking a long sip of the very warm hot chocolate.

“Just checking in, you know? Still wish you could have come and hung out with us.” He said, sitting on the couch like it was his own home.

“I have been invading every single ‘get together' you and Rachel have had since..well..since I first met you. I assume you two want a little time alone to talk about how awful and infuriating I am.”

“You're not awful, or infuriating. I would tell you if you were.”

“No you won't”

“Okay fine, but thats only because it isn't possible for you to be either.” I blushed at his comment sitting down next to him on the couch. My sock covered feet sat next to his boot covered ones on the coffee table. I wish I could have taken a picture of the moment. It just felt right.

“You know I want you to be around a lot. Right? You're not barging in on me and Rachels ‘time' if thats what you want to call it. I like having you around, you're very good company.”

“Well I sure hope so.” I said, my voice littered with sarcasm as I took another sip from the now cooling drink. “I mean, I don't think I would be around if I wasn't good company.”

“Blaine! I'm trying to at least have a small serious conversation with you and you keep interrupting.” He pouted.

“Its too late for a serious conversation, I don't have the mental capacity right now. I'm tired Kurt.” I said, even though I had woken from what felt like a weeks for of sleep not even an hour before.

“Fine. Ill talk with you later then, but I'm not leaving until you're asleep.” I put my hands up in surrender, turning my focus to the TV, and thats how we spent a quiet evening, with the snow falling down outside and the apartment getting freakishly colder and colder, huddled together like we had in central park in order to keep warm.