Blaine, I love you. You know that right.

The voices were getting more constant each day. As if I was getting closer to something. I ended up living back at my apartment, Kurt and Rachel finally kicked me out after they could trust that I wouldnt go to anymore bridges without them by my side. I finally had friends in NYC and I felt full. For now at least. To be honest, I didnt expect them to hang around for long, I just expected me to start trusting me again and let me free. But they are at my place, for what seems like all the time.

"Were here." Rachel says, entering, with takeout of course. Kurt followed behind her, closing the door as he entered. I layed on my couch, watching reruns of Friends that played on my crap of a television.

"Hey Guys," I say, Kurt looked at me oddly, along with Rachel.

"Whats wrong?" He asked, handing me a box of food and a sprite.

"Nothing, just tired." I havent been able to sleep in days, voices was keeping me up all night. So I just listened to what they had to say. It was always like, Blaine, please I love you so much, or like, excuse me, can we talk?

Listening was to bad, I couldnt make out what the voices were but I knew it was all just in my head.

"Than, maybe, you should sleep." He said, taking a bite of his food. I shrugged, and started watching TV again. We sat in silence, laughed when we were supposed to, but mostly silence. It wasnt that awkward silence, where you and the person(s) are just sitting there in silence, it was the kind of silence where you didnt need to talk. You just needed to be with those people. Thats what the silence was like.

Blaine? Blaine please. Blaine!

A ringing was starting in my right ear. Just slight, I thought it was just from us being quiet and the TV now being off. I ignored it, seeing if it would go away. But the ringing wouldnt. It was as if my heart beat were beating in my ear, and wouldnt stop.

Its just pressure. Youve been sitting in silence for too long. I told myself. I looked over at Kurt and Rachel, Kurt who was reading his magazine that he leaves here, and Rachel who was texting Finn, her boyfriend and Kurts brother, I guess.

"Im hungry, again." I complain, laying in Rachels lap, looking up at her. She had that what are you doing? Have youve gone mad? look she gives me every day.

"You seriously just ate Blaine." She said, looking down at me. I smiled sitting back up again.

"But Im hungry again, now. Lets do something." I say, getting up from the couch, stretching my legs.

"Okay, what do you want to do?" Kurt finally says, after a long silence of his page turning/flipping.

"I dont know." I ended up on the floor, my face in the carpet. It was scratchy, not really soft but was sorta comfortable. I felt Kurts feet being place on my back, and Rachels on my head. Messing up my hair.

"Hey!" I turned my face over staring back at the two of them. "Dont mess with my hair, its not nice!" They laughed in return. I fixed my hair then layed back down.

"How about shopping?" Kurt suggests, wiggling his toes on my back.

"Yes!" Rachel screams, she been dying to go shopping for a while, but never wanted to go alone.

"Okay! Lets go." I ran out of the apartment and down into the street. Forgetting my keys, of course. Rachel threw them from the window, hitting the ground in a jingle.

"Stop bullying me!"

~

Blaine! You cant do this to me! Why? Why would you do this to me?

The beeping and beating had began again. Slowly growing louder and louder. I tried, watching TV to fall asleep, but I couldnt. I tried listening to music, but I couldnt fall asleep.

We have to get him out of here. Call someone.

I twisted and turned around in my bed. Not seeming to be in a comfortable position enough for my mind to go blank.

I felt sleep deprived, like I need to fall asleep so badly, but I couldnt. My hair was all over the place, as I looked in the mirror.

The beating was still there.

"Just stop" I said, holding my head. Its felt like years now this has been going on. Years.

Putting on sweats and a jacket, I walked outside. I just needed a walk. I knew I should have probably just called Kurt, but he didnt know about them. About the voices that wanted to torture me everyday with their talking, not allowing me to sleep.

Blaine, you just need to calm down.

"I am calm!" I screamed, sinking into the wet ground, the water soaking through my knees. I only got a few feet out of the apartment before sitting on the curb. Trying to listen to the sounds in the heart of the city, but all I could hear was the beeping, and the ringing, and the beating.

"Stop." I whispered, over and over again, I could barely hear my voice. I rocked back and forth on the curb. Holding my head, willing them to go away.

This was the twelfth night Ive done this.

~

"Blaine? Blaine?" I woke up in a start, back in my apartment. Not remembering how I got back in.

"Blaine, you look awful." Kurt looked at me, I could already feel my heavy eyes and my hair was a mess, I could just tell.

"Yeah, yeah." I say, walking to into the bathroom. Wow, I did look awful. I carefully fixed my hair, telling it in place, but there wasnt a way for me to hide the black rings underneath my eyes.

"I dont know whats wrong with me. I have been able to sleep this past week. What do I do?" I asked, looking a refreshing, awake Kurt.

"Just take like a sleep medication. Rachel used to do it every night when she and Finn broke up, before they got back together. Apparently she couldnt sleep because she was so heartbroken so I just gave her a Benadryl and told her to go back to bed. Its simple, not that difficult."

"Thanks Kurt, Ill try it tonight."

"Good, now, what do you want for breakfast." He walked into the kitchen like it was his own home.

"You dont have to make me breakfast. Im a big kid.” I watched kurt roll his eyes. He practically did this every morning. Came over to my place, woke me up, and made me breakfast. It felt like we were dating or something, but like without all the ‘dating' and stuff.

“Now what do you want?” He asked me, completely ignoring my big kid comment.

“Ugh! Thats a stressful question.”

“I'm making pancakes.”

“Yay!” I swirl around in the chair I was sitting in.

He might forget everything.

My whole world seemed to stop in that moment. I hadn't heard anything since the night before and I completely forgot what it was like for a few hours. Now they were back.

“Blaine, you're doing it again.” I look up at a concerned Kurt.

“Doing what? Exactly.”

“Staring off into space, you do it like every few minutes. Rachel has noticed it too.”

“Oh sorry, I guess I just get distracted sometimes.” I didn't want to tell them the truth, I didn't want to risk losing two people I'm starting to become really good friends with.

“Blaine. You know that you can talk to me, or Rachel, about anything right?” I nodded at Kurt, he took my hand and rubbed his thumb over my fingers and we sat like that for a moment. A nice moment, might I add. We had a connection, maybe it was the ‘I found a suicidal kid, about to jump off the bridge so I saved him' type of connection. Since I've met Kurt and Rachel, I haven't felt those urges in a long time. I hope it stays that way.

“I'm here! Your day can now begin.” The moment was broken, Kurt's hand left my own in an instant, as if not to show Rachel of what we shared.

“Hey Rach.” He said, going back to making pancakes.

“Hey buddy, I saw you this morning. I haven't seen Blaine ALL day though.” She hugged me from behind.

“Rachel, its only ten o'clock. You have the rest of the day ahead of you.” I said, feeling her head on top of mine and wrapping her hands around my neck.

“Yeah, but I have to leave in a few hours cause...drumroll please.”

We gave her a mini-sucky drumroll.

“I finally have an audition today!”

“Thats great Rachel!” I said to her, giving her a hug.

“Congrats!” Kurt ran to her, hugging her along with me. For the amount of time I have known the two of them, I learned that Rachel was a less-struggling actress but still could never find or get an audition. Her classes at school took up a lot of time, since we were in the middle of summer, we had all the time in the world.

She told us all about what it was for, a broadway show they were bringing back and giving a new modern twist. She wouldn't tell us the title, guess she forgot, but she sounded excited. Even more excited than she has seemed for the last couple weeks.

“Good Luck!” We yelled to her as she left to follow her dreams. I shoved a mouthful of pancake in my mouth and looking across the table at Kurt.

“Looks like its just us today.” He said, grabbing a pancake from the plate piled with them.

I nodded, trying to chew the large amount of food that was in my mouth.

If he doesnt, we may have to pull. I'm so sorry.

I swallowed abruptly, coughing violently and took down as much water as possible.

“You okay?” Kurt asked, a sly smile on his face.

“Yeah, just tried to eat to much I guess.” i smiled back and laughed, he didn't buy it I could see it in his eyes. He knew something was wrong, but for now I didn't want to say anything. Maybe in a few days, or a few weeks.

I felt like I was coming out all over again.