Two weeks have passed since the awful conversation with Sue. The rest of the day had sucked after that.
We'd been warned about the multi-powerist, evil son of a bitch ‘Sebastian Smythe’ and that made my fear worse. I felt just, peachy, when Sue held me back for another chat after the lesson to tell me how this Sebastian and I were 'so alike‘. Great. When I got back to my room, all I wanted to do was flop onto my bed and scream into my pillow. Maybe cry, too. But of course, when I arrived, Blaine was already there and oh, yeah. I had to tell him what was up. I couldn't see any way of avoiding this and the feeling of dread filled me. I didn't like it and as soon as I walked in the door, I shut it and sunk to the ground. Blaine moved, from where he was on the sofa reading his book, to sit down next to me and pull me into a hug.
Patting and rubbing my back, the only words he said were, "it's alright," and "everything is going to be okay," and that is when I realised I was crying. 
God, I hated crying in front of him - it sucked. It made me feel so weak and I hate feeling weak. Why do I still feel weak, even though I have all this power? I'm supposed to be a 'threat' to everyone, including myself, yet here I am, crying into my boyfriend's shoulder. 
Eventually, I removed myself from his side and sat up. I told myself to suck it up, because I was going to be strong about this. No more crying. I let out a sigh, but it was more to reassure myself that I wasn't going to break down. Again. Blaine was looking at me with such concern; brows furrowed and worry lines across his forehead. I knew I had to tell him. I thought, maybe it would make me feel better? Like it was okay. But it wasn't okay. It was anything but okay.

I spilled everything; what Sue had told me, what I needed to do. I told him how I'm terrified of what I could turn into. I told him how I felt, and how everything was falling apart around me. I told him that the only possible way of stopping this is falling in love. I told him how I thought that was never going to happen. If I'd turned my head a fraction to the left as I said this, I'd have caught the hurt flash across Blaine's face.
I told him I was doomed and it was hopeless, I was a lost cause.
All he said to me was it was going to be okay. That I 'have nothing to worry about'. I felt a surge of anger – had he not been listening? Great, I might have well been talking to a brick wall!
An argument blossomed; mean words were flung, raised voices filled the room and then the last thing I heard was the slam of the door as I stormed out.
I would've stayed. I'm stubborn, I don't like losing arguments. But I couldn't stay there any longer. I could feel my emotions changing into deep anger, and if I had stayed in their any longer, I would have ended up hurting him. And I could never live with the guilt.

So I ran. I ran out the door, down the corridor, out of our dorm block and ran all the way straight to the training centre. I took the key Sue gave me out of my pocket, she'd said it was if I wanted to practice on my own. I sent a silent thanks to her now. I walked in and screamed. Screamed, because I needed to. The scream stood for so much, letting out resentment, anger, hate, self-loathing, frustration. The emotions ripped through me like a tornado. Why couldn't this end? I broke down crying and shouting abuse to myself.

"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?"
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
It made no difference. Blind to the world, I threw myself into training, only stopping when I heard the door open. I spun to see Blaine, looking just as angry as before. Well, FINE, I was just as pissed and could go for another round. "DON'T LEAVE WHEN I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU!" he shouted. I scoffed and replied in a calm but cold voice.
"Honey, it was more like shouting rather then talking." I turned back and it seemed to make things worse.
"You know what, Kurt? You have no right to be like this with me. Okay, you're going through a hard time, I understand. But why can't you trust me when I said THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OKAY?" Blaine's voice had raised again, and he said those words. The ones that got me so mad in the first place. 
"WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? I can't trust you when you say those things BECAUSE how do you know everything is going to be okay!" I screamed.

"BECAUSE I DO!" he sounded so certain
"Yeah, how would you know that?" I shouted. This should be interesting.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.
I felt the fight seep out of me. This changed everything.
"You love me," I said in almost a whisper, so quiet and unsure.
"Yes… I do. And that's how I know, that everything is going to be alright. You told me that love can help you overcome this thing and you have it, Kurt. I'm here." 
I found myself wrapped in his arms and I relaxed. But I couldn't stop the guilt clawing at me - I don't love him back. I pull away as quickly as possible, starting to back away from him. No. Why don't I love him? Why? No, I don't understand, I want to love him! Tears pool in my eyes as I wish I could love Blaine. But I don't. Why couldn't my heart agree with me? Blaine moved towards me.
"No. No, no, no, no, NO."
"Kurt? Kurt, what's wrong?"
His face is so open, sporting the look I'd been trying to figure out for weeks. And that's what made me completely break down. My legs give way and I crash to the ground as I realize he's looking at me with love. Love, that I can't return truthfully. Blaine hurries over to me and wraps his arms around me, for what feels like the millionth time. 
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Blaine, i-i can't ... I mean i-i don-n't"
I just can't say it, I can't break his heart like this. He looks at me, encouragingly. 
"Come on, Kurt, you can tell me. You know that" 
"I don't love you… not yet. I want to, so so badly. But, I just don't yet." I whisper the words.
Expecting a look of hate and distance to be put between up, I look up. But Blaine only seems to hold on tighter. 
"Look at me, Kurt." I do.

"It's alright. I know how love works for us. I know that it's so strong, you can feel it like a wave crashing into you. I know because I've felt it, for you. It's not your fault. And I'll wait. I'll wait, and if you never feel it, then maybe we should break up. But all I want for you, Kurt, is to know that you're loved. That's all that matters."
I don't remember much after that, except crying, whilst Blaine hummed comfortingly in my ear , and then waking up in my bed the next morning.

That was my awful day. Awful, apart from Blaine telling me he loves me. It's now two weeks later, everything is fine and we're happy. Like every Saturday night, the whole dorm is sitting in the common room for our weekly karaoke night. 
When we realised our mutual love for singing, we started this tradition – it helps take some of the pressure off.
Tonight, however, was no ordinary karaoke night. Tonight, I had plans. Plans to show Blaine how I feel, even if I don't love him yet. 
And that's how I ended up, sending signals around me, like we'd rehearsed, with a very confused Blaine in front of me.
"Blaine," I began. "Ever since… that night, I've wanted to show you how I feel. Even if it's not what I want  yet. But, I'm sure I'll get there. So this song is for you! Hit it Noah."
Puck started playing the chords on his guitar, while the rest of the group starting shouting out 'Hey's' and 'Ho's'. My eyes locked on Blaine as I began to sing.

(Ho) I've been trying to do it right (Hey)
I've been living a lonely life
(Ho) I've been sleeping here instead (Hey)
I've been sleeping in my bed
(Ho) sleeping in my bed (Hey)

I look to Blaine and see him, wearing that look. The look of love.

(Ho) so show me family (Hey)
All the blood that I would bleed
(Ho) I don't know where I belong (Hey)
I don't know where I went wrong 
(Ho) but I can write a song (Hey)

I feel myself tear up at the accuracy of how the words apply to my life right now. I don't allow myself to get lost in the moment however, when I hear everyone getting ready for the chorus.

(2,3) I belong with you, you belong with me 

You're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me 
You're my sweet,

Love we need it now 
Let's hope for some

I share a look with Blaine. He looks at me with sympathy and understanding. I take his hand and drag up him to dance as the chorus kicks in again. 

I belong with you , you belong with me 
You're my sweetheart 
I belong with you, you belong with me 
You're my sweet 
Ho hey 
Ho hey

The song ends and applause is given. I bring Blaine in for a kiss with as much passion as I have hoping that I can one day love him. We hug and he whispers into my ear, 
"Thank you. I love you."
I simply reply, "I know."