I stand, staring at the empty space in front of me. Trying to unfold the events of the night, finding Kurt on the floor broken and covered in blood, I know it'll be a long time before that image is out of my head. My next memory is shouting for Quinn in panic and distress, I remember the hot tears crashing down my face as I watched my best friend, helpless on the floor. 
Quinn then worked on Kurt and I stormed out the room, seeking the people who did this to him. Kurt didn't need to tell me who it was; I already know it was Karofsky and his 'gang'. The looks he had been giving Kurt, the shoves I'd been receiving were the only signs I needed. 
Finding them in an empty hallway, laughing about what they had just done to Kurt, I remember feeling the anger in me at an unbelievable level. I used my powers to stay hidden and beat them up - they didn't know what hit them.
They scrambled to their feet, clutching sore arms and bloody noses and ran away from me. I came back to the room, Kurt asleep on the bed and a note from Quinn waiting for me, which said, 'I've healed him. He should be awake in a few hours and will feel groggy. Keep an eye on him. P.s. I know where you disappeared to and I hope you taught those guys a lesson. I see how much you care for him, let him see too.'

Crying at the note and the broken boy in bed, I remember sitting by his side, sobs racking my body. I told him I was sorry, for what had happened, and the fact I wasn't there with him to stop it. I only stopped crying when I ran out of tears and decided to take a shower to try and pull myself together, because I knew I would need to be there for Kurt.
I remember kissing him on the forehead, wishing that I could kiss him on the lips and for him to return my feelings. The next thing I remember is coming out of the bathroom and to find his bed, empty. Pure panic is all I felt and searching frantically for him, I just hoped that Karofsky hadn't found him whilst I had carelessly left him on his own, unconscious.
I called Rachel and Tina but got no answer. My hands ran through my hair multiple times, stress coursing through me.
The sound of the door shutting stands clear in my memory, then seeing Kurt standing there, fully recovered. I remember the relief I felt.
The anger then came, for how panicked I had been and for him to seemingly not care.
A verbal fight occurred, raised voices and harsh words thrown. I remember every word Kurt said and the realisation that every thing he said about me was right. It killed me to know that I'm the reason he shape-shifted and jumped out of the window. I still feel the guilt and regret. 

I sit down, head in hands for what feels like the hundredth time. How could I have let the best thing in my life feel so sad, angry and alone? How could I not care about the beautiful boy with bright blue eyes, how did this get so screwed up? A sudden burst of anger at myself and anger at the world, I flip the coffee table in the air, sending the two mugs and glass vase, with flowers that Kurt had picked, up before crashing to the ground. The sound of smashing glass is becoming familiar.  The dorm room is a mess that both of us have made, broken things that would be hard to fix, but neither caring. Thinking about it, it reflects how we are at the moment, me making a mess of everything we had, breaking the bond created from our wonderful friendship, maybe leading to even more, but then being blind-sighted by his emotions and to him seeming like I didn't care.

I can't remember when I had caused this much of a mess, but wished for any of it to get better again. If only Kurt knew why I was doing that stupid flirting, if he only knew it's because he makes me so nervous that I can't think around him. When it's just us, it leads to me becoming a stupid, utter idiot trying to impress him and make him like me. At least that's what it feels like. However, it does the complete opposite and in reality makes me a complete douche bag. 
I pace, trying to think of a solution; How to make Kurt feel better, How to make him feel loved, how to make him see how special he is and how much of an impact he can have on people.

I start strategising a plan, for what must be around thirty minutes and only then do I realise what I need to do, but it must play out over time in order for it to work. The first part, however, had to happen right now. 
With that, I jump up from the couch and hurriedly pull my shoes and coat on, grabbing the flashlight from my desk drawer.
I stand in front of the window Kurt had exited earlier and move forward, watching my feet for glass and climb through the broken frame and into the forest. 
I was going to go find Kurt, after all I've done, he deserves to be found, especially as no-one has bothered to find him before.
I wander into the trees and switch on the light so it's no longer pitch black. The forest, being so thick, would make it almost impossible to find him with no light. 
I walk and walk, always checking behind me. 
After walking for an hour and still no sign of Kurt, I turn around. Now the school is just a dim light in the distance.
I think about turning around and heading in a different direction, then I hear a sound from in front. I move a little close, stopping to listen again and I can definitely hear someone crying. 
This must be Kurt, because who else would be in the forest at night, crying? I walk further, feeling the guilt and hurt wash over me again as I hear more crying - it kills me to know that I'm the cause.
I decide not to shout his name as I don't want him to run away, knowing it's me. Instead I carry on walking, trying to be as quiet as possible.
I come to an open space, surrounded by a circle of trees and at the back left tree is Kurt, curled up in on himself crying. Much like I had been previously. The sight breaks my heart and I can feel tears in my own eyes. Some have already started to fall. I move closer before deciding to speak.
"Kurt," I say in a broken whisper. It's only then that I realize how much I am crying. His head lifts from his arms to look up at me, eyes red rimmed from crying and instead of the bright blue that I love; they are grey pools, full of sadness. I release a choked sob and the expression on his face looks surprise. I can't take it anymore, the hurt written all over him. I can see it's not just from me; it's also from his attack earlier.

No longer can I just stand, so I run over to him, falling to my knees. Engulfing him in a hug and muttering into his shoulder 'I'm so sorry' over and over, I let the tears take over yet again.
I feel nothing at first, but his strong arms grip around my back, hugging me back. 'Sorry' seems to be the only word I can form and I hear Kurt reply, trying to comfort me,

“Shhh, shhh. It's okay, it's not your fault."
And this is when I pull away, looking into his eyes, tears not falling anymore.

"No! No, it IS my fault, all of this is my fault, Kurt. And you don't deserve any of it. You're the greatest person I've ever met. You are so strong and anyone who doesn't see that is stupid. I can't believe how I made you feel, it's not okay and I will totally understand if you want to switch rooms or never speak to me again. I think the worse thing about it is the fact that I didn't even realise and even worse I didn't see how it effected you, I know I've said it a thousand times but I truly am, so sorry."
I look at Kurt, who seems to be taking in all of my words. I must look like a mess. He stares for what seems like forever, then a smile appears on his face and it feels so good to see that again.
"I told you, you were a drama queen Blaine."
I laugh at how easily he goes back to treating me the same, before all of this mess happened but then his face turns serious again.
"It wasn't right what you did Blaine, but I can see that you're sorry and I'm sorry too. I would have reacted the same as you if the roles were swapped."
I smile, glad to know that he doesn't hate me. I then shrug and reply, "It's fine - I think we've both caused quite a mess , why don't we make a deal of just moving on from it?"
I hold out my hand, hoping he takes it. A smile forms on his face once again, before taking my hand and saying 'deal'.

He goes to let go but I just grab on tighter, standing up and pulling him up too. Then I get an idea and hopefully he won't mind.
"Stand behind me" I order.
He looks at me in confusion and I let out a small laugh because his confused look is very cute.
"Come on, stand behind me," I say again, trying to reassure him that nothing bad is going to happen.
He obliges but yet, is still too far away.

"Closer," I need him to close the gap for my idea to work.
"Blaine what are you-"
"Just trust me okay?“"...Okay" he says and I grin, knowing that he still trusts me. he moves closer so I can feel his front flushed against my back, and I am trying to concentrate on what I am doing, rather than the fact that the boy I like is pressed up against me. 

"Now put your arms around my neck" I say while squatting down making my height shorter. He does so, straight away.
"Okay, put your legs around my waist."
I hear a small 'oh' escape from his mouth behind me, thinking he understands what I'm doing and once his legs are around my waist, I straighten up, Kurt's weight as while as mine, as I'm lifting him, piggyback style.
"I just thought this may be a little quicker than walking back." I say while turning around to see Kurt with a slightly excited look on his face. I turn back to face my path in front of me.
"Hold on tight " I say before feeling Kurt's arms and legs tighten instantly on me, then I start to run picking up speed until all the trees are just a blur. I hear squeak coming from Kurt mid run and feel him tighten around me even more.

I keep running for another minute or so until I can see the building just in front of us and I stop and let Kurt jump down from my back and follow behind him, climbing through the broken window. I see him standing in the middle of the room taking in the sight around him.
"We've made a bit of a mess, haven't we?"
And I know he isn't just talking about the room. I nod, not trusting my voice at this moment.
"I'm going to head to bed, long night."
I nod again, agreeing with him. We change for bed and decide to grab the spare blankets, due to it getting cold because of the broken window. I climb into bed sitting up and looking across the room to Kurt who is turning to switch the light off.
"Night Blaine." he says before the room is engulfed into darkness, the only light being the moonlight casting shadows on the floor.
"Night Kurt" I say before moving down my bed and staring at the ceiling. Part one complete, I think. Now I wait for my next part of the plan to come into play.