If love's a fight, then I shall die

With my heart on a trigger

“Eighteen year-old male in a car crash at a junction. Injuries to the head, abdomen and legs.”

“Did you get in touch with his parents?”

“I haven't been able to get hold of them. His friend was driving behind him and saw the whole thing.”

They say before you start a war

The paramedic pushed Blaine's bed through the double doors and past all the people waiting in A&E to be seen. The doctors and nurses didn't even register them as they rushed past, trying to get as many details as they could.

“Is there anyone else you can call to let them know he's here?”

“His friend…”

You better know what you're fighting for

“I was trying to call Kurt – his ex – but it isn't going through,” Tina worried, her heart pounding and feeling as if she was going to throw up at any minute as she ran behind the bed. “I guess Burt…”

“Who's Burt, honey?”

“Kurt's dad,” Tina replied immediately, scrolling through her contacts before realising she didn't have Burt's number. Instead, she called Sam hoping to get him to call Burt but after calling him five times and him still not answering, she let the terrified tears flow down her cheeks. “He's not answering!”

One of the doctors shot a nurse a look and the nurse dropped away from pushing the bed and turned to Tina, stopping her by placing her hands on her shoulders. Tina stared over her shoulder at Blaine disappearing round a corner as she started to hyperventilate and made a run for him but the nurse grabbed her and held her tightly away from the closing doors.

“Blaine!” Tina cried, struggling against the nurse, her phone still clutched protectively in her right hand. “No! Blaine!”

“Okay, honey, calm down,” the nurse said firmly but not harshly and continued to restrain Tina.

Tina struggled long after Blaine had disappeared and the doors had stopped swinging. Slowly, exhaustion started to come over her and she gave way completely to her tears, her body heaving and loud, heart-wrenching sobs coming from her mouth. Had it not been for the nurse holding Tina tightly against her chest, Tina would have collapsed onto the floor in a flood of tears.

It was a while before Tina even became aware of her surroundings and had a single coherent thought. She cried into the nurse's shoulder for a long time before finally calming down so that her breathing was somewhat normal. She looked up and found herself in a waiting room with chipped yellow paint on the walls and a strange smell lingering in the air. The nurse was sitting beside her, holding her hand and offering her a cup of water.

“There you go sweetheart.”

Tina took the water and tentatively took a sip, the cool liquid instantly soothing her sore throat.

“Now, I know you don't want to talk about it but…”

“You need to know what happened,” Tina supplied, her voice scratchy and hoarse. She stared straight ahead at a spot on the wall that looked as if it has been drawn on and then hastily wiped away.

“But first, could you try to get hold of someone for me?” the nurse asked softly, moving her hand from Tina's to rub her back.

Tina nodded numbly, looking down at her phone which was still clamped tightly in her hand. When she unlocked it, she found that she had three missed calls and four texts from Sam. She dialled his number and it had barely rung once before he picked up.

“Tina?” he spoke quickly and Tina felt a pang of guilt at the anxiousness in his voice.

“H-hey,” Tina cleared her throat and tried to keep her voice from wavering as she concentrated on picking her nail polish.

“Tina? What's wrong? I looked at my phone and saw I had, like, a gazillion missed calls from you and then I called and text you back and you didn't reply. What's going on?” Sam sounded properly worried and Tina had to try her hardest to keep the tears from gathering again in her eyes and crying her heart out to him over the phone.

“I need to talk to Burt,” she said quietly.

“Burt?” she could almost hear the frown in Sam's voice. “Y-yeah – he's right here.”

Tina stayed silent, still staring down at her lap as Sam handed the phone over, not even hearing the conversation going on between him and Burt. She was brought back to her senses when she heard Burt clear his throat.

“Hello?”

“Mr Hummel?” Tina's heart soared. “Do you have Blaine's house number?”

“Yeah, it's on my phone. Can I ask why you need it?” Burt asked.

“I-it's B-Blaine…” Tina choked, her voice starting to break again.

“Blaine?” Burt asked. “What about him?”

“Mr Hummel…” Tina took a deep breath, closing her eyes and composing herself again.  “You need to come to the hospital.”

Well baby, you are all that I adore

If love is what you need, a soldier I will be

Kurt stared up at Blaine's face, his hand resting on top of Blaine's on the hospital bead. Blaine had multiple tubes coming from his body as well as an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. Kurt's cheek lay on the bed beside their hands and he sat on the cold, hard plastic chair beside the bed. He'd been in this position for the majority of the past week apart from several hours he'd gone home to shower and change clothes.

Julie stayed opposite Kurt on the other side of the bed but she tended to move around. She'd sit at Blaine's feet for a few hours with her hand on her son's ankle, then she'd sit at the top of the bed, running her hand through Blaine's soft hair and then she'd shift to hold Blaine's hand again. She sat anywhere as long as she was always within reach of Blaine.

Cooper had come home a couple of days previously and he had been in and out of the hospital room ever since; it seemed like he couldn't look at Blaine for too long before his eyes welled up, he started biting his nails and then make an excuse to leave.

Michael wasn't able to get a flight home, claiming he was stuck in whatever state he was in. This caused a loud shouting match between him and Julie which Kurt could only hear the one side of but had resulted in Julie coming back into Blaine room, holding her son's hand up to her face and crying her heart out into his palm whilst Kurt and Cooper sat in silence, staring at her.

They'd had to lie to the doctors and say Kurt was Blaine's boyfriend for Kurt to be able to stay in the room with Blaine, Julie and Cooper. None of them ever said much, they simply sat in silence at Blaine's side hoping that he'd wake up. Julie was inconsolable anyway; she was almost always crying silently with tears sliding down her cheeks whilst staring at Blaine's face, willing him to open his beautiful eyes. Sometimes when Kurt watched her, he wondered if she even knew she was crying and the occasional time she wasn't crying and met Kurt's eyes for a fraction of a second, all he could see was brokenness and despair. Even whenever Cooper arrived, Julie had let him hold her but she still proved untouchable.

She had no hope. At all.

Blaine had once told Kurt in passing that his mother's father had died long before he was born. When Kurt asked how he'd died, Blaine had shrugged with a vague expression and replied, “Car crash I think.”

But Kurt refused to let his mind wander to those circumstances.

Kurt yawned widely and rubbed his eyes with his hand that wasn't holding Blaine's. He looked up to see Julie asleep for the first time in days; he smiled at her, happy that she'd been able to find some rest, even if she did have a crease between her eyebrows and she looked too tense to be in a blissful sleep. Kurt looked to his left towards the door and saw Cooper sitting in his normal place on the small table beside the door. Their eyes met briefly before Cooper dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes wearily.

“I'm going to get some coffee,” Kurt announced, careful to keep his voice soft so as not to wake Julie. “You want some?”

Cooper looked up again but kept his eyes on Blaine this time. “I'm good thanks,” he mumbled.

Kurt stood up and stretched widely, his bones creaking in the process and then made his way to the door. He placed his hand on the handle and was about to step out of the room whenever Cooper's voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Do you think he'll ever wake up?”

Kurt paused and stared at the blinds covering the window in the door, his shoulders tense as he gripped the door handle. He didn't speak.

“He's always been a fighter,” Cooper continued. “I remember when those assholes beat him up at his Sadie Hawkins dance four years ago. I got a frantic phone call from mum telling me what had happened. Blaine has always been short – obviously something he gets from mum – but when I walked into the hospital room and saw him, he looked so… small. His chest and head were bandaged and he had tubes going in and out of his arms and he was attached to a drip… and all I could think about was the episode of Grey's Anatomy that I'd auditioned for. Things like that happened on TV but not in real life, well, I didn't think they did anyway. But people who got beaten up on TV never made it through, like ever. And when I saw Blaine like that…” Cooper's voice broke. “I thought that would be the last thing I saw him like. But he got through that, he got through it so well, so when I arrived here and heard Blaine had been like this for two days, I thought he'd wake up in a day… but here we are, five days later.” Cooper swallowed loudly. “And there he is, still the same… five days later.”

Kurt slid his eyes closed and took deep breaths, willing himself to stay strong; he swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked back the tears that threatened to leak. He cleared his throat slightly.

“Like you said,” his voice was quiet. “He's a fighter. He'll pull through.”

Kurt let his hand fall from the door handle and rest on top of Cooper's shoulder; Cooper lifted his hand and set it on top of Kurt's, gripping it slightly. They stood like that for a while with Kurt still staring at the blinds and Cooper's eyes never leaving Blaine's body. Kurt blinked hard and took another deep breath.

“I think I'm actually going to go home for a few hours,” Kurt said after a while. “Get showered, change these clothes, try to get some sleep…”

Cooper nodded and patted Kurt's hand before dropping his own back onto his lap. “Okay. I'll tell Mum when she wakes up and I'll call you straight away if anything changes.”

“Thank you.”

Kurt opened the door and walked out of the room. He hurried down the corridor, not looking at anyone and keeping his eyes on his feet. He had to get out of there; he hated the bland walls, the clean smell that lingered everywhere, the doctors clicking their pens and checking their clips boards, the nurses being too cheery, the patients that were awake and smiling and with their families. Kurt hated it all.

He pushed the door to the car park open just as there was a loud rattle of thunder overhead and rain started falling heavily. He ran to his black Navigator, not even worrying about what the wet would do to his hair or how it would ruin the cashmere sweater he had on. His feet splashed in the fast forming puddles; when he found his car, he jumped into the driver's seat and pulled out of the lot as quickly as he could. He tore down the back roads that led to his house, the tyres of the Navigator splashing rain water up around the sides of the vehicle. The wipers were up full and Kurt turned corners sharply, wanting to get home as quickly as he could. He turned into his street and pulled up beside his house, not even bothering to straighten up the car when he parked on the curb. He slammed the door when he got out and ran up the driveway, entering his house in a rush, the door banging loudly behind him.

Burt came out of the kitchen and saw Kurt standing at the door, his clothes and hair dripping wet, his eyes downcast and his bottom lip quivering. Kurt looked up and met Burt's eye miserably.

“Dad…”

Burt rushed forward, caught Kurt in his arms and lowered him to the ground as he broke down into Burt's shirt, crying his eyes out and wrapping arms tightly around his father's middle. Burt held him tightly to his chest, rocking him back and forth, murmuring comforting words into Kurt's hair. Carole had come out of the kitchen and she stood with her hand over her heart and tears slipping down her cheeks; Finn was sitting on the bottom stair, staring unseeingly at the scene in front of him; Sam was standing in the doorway to the living room, gazing sadly upon Burt and Kurt with his arm wrapped protectively around Tina who was crying into his chest; his other hand held Brittney's tightly as she buried her face into his shoulder.

Sam stared at Kurt's crying form with empathy. Burt had been able to calm Kurt down to a degree so as he wasn't in hysterics but Kurt was still trembling and his tears were still flowing quickly. Sam thought back to one other time when he'd seen Kurt so broken and only Blaine could calm him down.

***

Sam was watching a move with Mercedes when he heard the front door open and close; quiet voices came from the hallway. Or rather just Blaine's voice.

“Hey guys!” Mercedes called as Kurt and Blaine walked past the door. Blaine looked over his shoulder and gave them a tight-lipped smile before hurrying after Kurt who hadn't even stopped on his way to the kitchen. Sam and Mercedes frowned at each other.

“Maybe we should go see what's wrong?” Sam suggested.

Mercedes merely nodded her head before getting off the couch and grabbing Sam's hand. They walked into the kitchen and saw Kurt sitting at the table; his eyes were cast downward and his hands were folded on his lap. Blaine poured him a glass of water at the sink.

“Kurt?” Mercedes asked tentatively; Kurt flinched at the sound. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder. “What's wrong?”

Blaine set the glass of water on the table and sat down beside Kurt, wrapping an arm around his waist. He looked up at Sam and Mercedes who both had concerned looks on their faces.

“Do you guys mind if –“

Blaine was cut off mid-sentence by the front door slamming shut. He shot Rachel an annoyed look as she rushed into the kitchen; Finn followed after her with a glum look on his face. Rachel hurried straight to Kurt, her arms wrapping around his shoulders.

“Kurt, I'm so sorry!”

“It's okay, Rachel,” Kurt replied but his voice was barely above a whisper and he shrugged out of Rachel's embrace without even looking up from the table. “It's not your fault.”

“But I shouldn't have got in without you!” Rachel cried, her hands reaching out to him.

“But you did and you deserve it. I'd just appreciate it if you left me alone right now,” Kurt told her, finally lifting his eyes from the table.

“But Kurt, I don't want to go without you!” Rachel protested. “Your audition was incredible!”

“Please Rachel, just leave it,” Kurt told her, turning his body towards Blaine. “I'll take classes at the community college and reapply for next semester.”

Oh.

Sam met Mercedes' eye and a silent understanding passed between them – Kurt didn't get accepted into NYADA.

“I'll wait for –“

“Rachel, just leave it,” Kurt cut her off and when he met her gaze again, he had tears gathering in his eyes. Blaine had heard the tone of Kurt's voice and knew exactly what it meant. He rubbed Kurt's back softly with one hand and squeezed Kurt's forearm with the other.

Rachel seemed taken aback and she looked down at him with sad eyes. “Kurt –“

“I get it, Rachel, you're sorry but I'd appreciate it a lot more if you'd stop pitying me!” Kurt snapped at her and, shaking off Blaine's hold, he stood suddenly to face Rachel. “I'm happy for you – I really, really am – but forgive me if I'm pissed off at the fact you made an absolute mess of your audition when I got mine perfect and still didn't get accepted. You got in, congratulations – I didn't. I'd rather sit here and eat ice cream and cry than listen to your endless apologies when you've done nothing wrong. I couldn't be more thrilled you got in, honestly, but right now I just want to curl up in a ball, sob and have my boyfriend comfort me. So if you don't mind, you can take your fucking acceptance letter and leave my house.”

The kitchen sat in stunned silence; Kurt glared at Rachel as tears started making tracks down his cheeks. Rachel's mouth was hanging open slightly and she had taken several steps backwards. Sam and Mercedes were still standing just behind Blaine's chair; Mercedes' hand had increased the pressure on Sam's.

Finally, Finn spoke up. “Dude, I know you're upset and all that but there's no need to take it out on Rachel. I didn't get accepted either, remember?”

Rachel twisted to look at Finn who was standing behind her. “No, Finn, it's –“

“You don't understand!” Kurt yelled at Finn, his face reddening and his tears started flowing faster. “This is what I want to do, Finn! It's what I've always dreamed of doing – it's where I've always dreamed of being and do you have any idea what it's like to have all that snatched away from you in a matter of seconds? I've dreamed about this for years and after one fucking sentence, it's all gone! D-do you have a-any… any idea…”

Kurt's voice faded away as his sobs overtook him. His shoulders drooped and his back slouched as his face dropped into his hands. Kurt's body shook and ugly gasps were coming from his shaking form.

“Kurt…” Blaine stood up and pressed a hand to the small of Kurt's back. Kurt immediately turned into his boyfriend and buried his face in Blaine's top. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt and held onto him tightly; he kissed his hair every now and again and whispered reassurances into Kurt's ear.

One of the first things Sam had noticed about Kurt and Blaine when they'd started going out was that Blaine was smaller than Kurt, however, as he watched them – clinging onto each other and Kurt crying into Blaine's chest – Kurt looked so small. He seemed to fit perfectly against Blaine, as if he was a missing piece to a jigsaw.

Kurt let out a loud sob and his knees buckled. Blaine caught him and lowered him carefully to the floor so that Blaine's back was now against the chair leg and Kurt was curled against his chest in front of him. Blaine continued to rub small circles on Kurt's back and stroke his thumb over the back of Kurt's neck with his fingers in his hair.

“I'll always accept you,” Blaine said softly a while later when Kurt's sobbing had stopped, along with his shaking, although a few tears still made their way down his face.

“I love you so much,” Kurt's voice was thick and he nuzzled his face into Blaine's shirt.

“I love you too,” Blaine replied, tightening his arms around Kurt's shoulders; he pressed a kiss into his hair.

Mercedes tugged gently on Sam's hand; he looked up and saw Finn and Rachel had left the kitchen at some point. He looked down at Mercedes who gestured to the door behind them. Sam nodded and they exited the room, leaving Kurt falling asleep in Blaine's arms with a hint of a smile on his face.

***

The TV was on and Sam, Kurt, Brittney and Tina were looking at it but none of them were really watching. Sam had stayed with Kurt a lot since he picked him up from the airport and Kurt was happy for him to be there; he guessed Sam and Blaine were best friends now, judging by how often Blaine talked about him. They sat beside each other on the two-seater couch while Brittney and Tina squashed together on the armchair beside them. Through the double doors into the kitchen, Burt and Carole sat beside each other, holding each other's hands and sipping coffee in silence. Finn had stayed with them for a while before disappearing back upstairs again.

Kurt sat with his knees tucked up to his chest and his chin resting on top of them; he could feel his eyelids drooping but he didn't want to sleep. He clutched his phone tightly and had done so all night, just in case Cooper called like he said he would if something happened. So far, he'd only got one text from him to say everything was the same as when Kurt had left.

Kurt couldn't stop replaying memories over and over again in his head of him and Blaine in the car. He was absolutely sure Blaine was a good driver; he was better than Kurt. He'd been brought up to be a safe driver and to take any precaution you possibly could whenever you could. Blaine had often chastised Kurt for driving too quickly or for checking his phone whilst driving and Kurt had just rolled his eyes and ignored him. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut at how ironic the situation was; something Blaine would most likely laugh at if he ever woke up.

Kurt couldn't help but think he was to blame for this whole thing. After all, it was him that Blaine was texting when he'd crashed. This was the first thing he said when he saw Julie; he had expected her to hit him and scream at him and tell him it was his entire fault. What he didn't expect her to do was take his hands in her own and look into his guilt-ridden eyes and tell him that she didn't care who Blaine was replying to or what he was saying; all she wanted was for her little boy to wake up. Then she'd dissolved into tears as she hugged Kurt tightly.

However, despite Julie's, Burt's, Carole's, Finn's and Sam's reassurances, Kurt still felt responsible. He'd told Blaine to send him a picture of the calendar and Blaine had done that. He was just doing what Kurt had asked him to do. But why couldn't he have sent it at school or waited until he got him to send it? Oh Blaine, why didn't you listen to yourself all those times you told me I'd crash one day for checking my phone whilst driving? Why?

Burt walked into the room, clearing his throat and pulling Kurt from his thoughts. He turned to look at Tina and Brittney.

“Hey kids, I don't mind you being here but it's getting late and your parents might be wondering where you are. If you don't want to drive, I can give you both lifts if you want?”

“It's okay Mr Hummel. Brittney lives a few doors up from me so we're together anyway,” Tina said as she got out of the chair and started to put her shoes back on.

“You're sure you're okay driving?” Burt checked.

“I'm fine, thank you Mr Hummel,” Tina smiled politely.

“Alright,” Burt sighed. “I'll go and get your coats.”

Burt disappeared from the room. Tina stretched and Sam got out of his seat to hug Brittney. Brittney snuggled against Sam's chest and let out a long sigh.

“Will you be in school tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yeah, Burt will probably force me to go in,” Sam sighed and rested his cheek on Brittney's head.

“It's what's best though,” Tina spoke up. “It'll be a good thing to have a distraction.”

“I guess,” Sam sounded doubtful. “It'll just be hard to concentrate and –“

He was cut off by Kurt's phone ringing loudly. Everyone turned to stare at Kurt who was staring at his phone in disbelief; Cooper was ringing him.

“Oh my god,” he whispered.

“Is it Blaine's brother?” Brittney asked urgently.

“Kurt, answer it!” Sam pressed.

Kurt slid his finger across the screen and took a deep breath. His palms were suddenly sweaty and his hands shaking as he held the phone to his ear.

“H-hello?” he asked shakily.

“Kurt? Is that you?” Cooper's voice was tight.

“Y-yeah,” Kurt stammered. “H-how's Blaine? What happened?” his heart was hammering in his chest and the air in the room was tense; somehow Finn, Burt and Carole had entered without Kurt noticing. Everyone was waiting with bated breath as Kurt nodded and said, “Okay. Thank you,” then hung up.

He stood up to face the crowd of people staring at him, cradling his phone against his chest. His face was chalk white and he was staring at the carpet. Brittney and Tina exchanged nervous glances and Carole was biting her nails.

“Well?” it was Burt who spoke up. “Was it about Blaine? Is it good? Bad? Kurt, tell us.”

Kurt took a deep breath and his face broke into a grin.

“He's awake.”