Hope everything’s okay x

Let me know if there’s anything I can do x

Blaine? Are you still there? X

Okay. I’m probably coming off as needy now. Don’t make me look desperate, Blaine. X

Blaine’s phone buzzed for the fifth time that day, not including the missed calls:

Sorry. I get it if you don’t want to talk. I know you’re busy. Just tell Kitty we’re thinking of her xxx

Blaine rubbed his eyes. Of course he wanted to talk to him, more than anything. But that would mean telling him. And that would mean it was over.

“I don’t mind you answering your phone, Dad. You don’t have to ignore him.”

He felt a pang of guilt when he realised he hadn’t even thought about whether or not it would bother Kitty, but she was smiling so he assumed it didn’t.

“I’m not ignoring him. I’m just- today’s just for us.”

“Uh-huh. And what excuse are you gonna use when I go back to school tomorrow? Will Artie suddenly be unable to cope without you?”

“If you’re gonna talk like that, maybe I’ll send you back today.”

“No, you won’t. Why are you avoiding him?”

“I’m not-” she raised an eyebrow at him. “I can’t. He’s gonna hate me.”

“Well, if you keep blanking him he’s going to hate you anyway. Have you not learned the dangers of ignoring pleas for attention? He could end up in hospital.”

“Not funny.”

“Wasn’t meant to be. Come on, tell me what you did.”

He sighed.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh God, was it a sex thing?” She grimaced and he opened his mouth, but no answer came out. “Oh, God. Don’t make me have the talk with you.”

“Kitty-”

“You know if you don’t put out he won’t love you, right?”

“What?”

“Kidding. Seriously, what happened?”

“I- this isn’t appropriate-”

“You’ve got to tell someone. I’m actually in a kind of functional relationship, remember? I might be able to help.”

“I cheated.”

“What? At like- a game?”

“Kitty.”

“You wouldn’t cheat on him. When? How? Who with?”

“When you were in hospital.”

“Oh, Jesus. With her?”

“Don’t say it like that. She’s your mother.”

“But she’s FEMALE! Dad, you’ve finally got somebody with the right parts and you go backwards? What the hell is your problem?”

“This is really helping. Thank you.”

“I guess I don’t blame you for not talking to him. Shit. What are you gonna do?”

“I’m going to tell him. Eventually.”

“Go now. Call him and go to his house and be honest.”

“But you-”

“I’m not gonna be an excuse. I can look after myself for a couple of hours. I think he deserves it.”

He couldn’t argue. He walked into the kitchen to make the call, even though he was still well within earshot. Kurt picked up after one ring.

“Blaine, I’m sorry. Seriously, if you just want to take care of Kitty right now, I totally understand.”

Blaine screwed his eyes shut, mortified that Kurt was apologising when he was the one in the wrong.

“No, Kurt, you don’t have to be sorry.”

“Sorry. How is she?”

“Better. So much better.” He smiled at her and she nodded to the phone in his hand. “Look, could I come over? I just- I’d rather talk in person.”

“Sure. Absolutely. Mai’s home sick, so I’m just here looking after her anyway. Come whenever you want.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“No need to thank me, silly. Are you sure everything’s okay?”

Blaine cleared his throat and nodded.

“Yep. Fine. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Kurt frowned. Blaine could hear it.

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye,” Blaine said, his voice quiet.

“Dad?”

He sniffed and tried to compose himself before turning back to Kitty, but it didn’t work.

“I really hope you can figure it out.”

He took a moment, standing still, breathing quietly and staring at his phone. “So do I.” He walked over to her, tugging at her blanket to make sure she was okay. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”

She nodded.

“Love you.”

He managed a little smile.

“Love you too.”

*

Blaine swallowed thickly as he reached up to knock on Kurt’s door. One knock and it flew open, and a dishevelled Kurt with bags under his eyes stepped forward to hug Blaine, but hesitated. Blaine forced himself to smile, and Kurt took it as a green light, pulling him close and kissing his cheek. It made Blaine flinch a little, and Kurt pulled back, but Blaine looked into his eyes, full of the same care as they were on Friday night, and felt Kurt’s hands on his shoulders and the warm curve of his waist. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t help leaning forward, nudging their noses together and kissing him. Kurt cupped his jaw, and he only pulled away so he could rest their foreheads together.

“That was… hi.”

Blaine swallowed as he felt Kurt’s hand slip down to hold his.

“Hi. Are you okay?”

“Fine. What about you? How’s Kitty? Did you talk to her?”

“Yeah. It’s good. We… we’re good. Listen, Kurt-”

“Do you want anything? Coffee?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“You sure? I’m getting one anyway. Mai’s tired me out; she was up all night-”

“Oh, God, right, is she okay?”

“She will be. She had a temperature, but it’s down now. Just a twenty-four hour thing. I hate taking her out of school, but- are you sure you’re alright? You seem a little-”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Oh,” Kurt smiled nervously, “well- I guess we’d better go sit down.”

Blaine nodded, ducking his head slightly and walking into the living room before Kurt could touch him again. He perched on the edge of the sofa, linking his hands together on his knee. Kurt sat next to him, but Blaine froze when he felt Kurt’s hand on his wrist. Kurt inched away from him, doing whatever he could to put him at ease, but it didn’t work. God, it was so stilted and sterile and cautious. Kurt had been the one person Blaine didn’t have to be this careful around.

“Kurt.”

“Should I be worried? It feels like I should be worried. Are you- are we- this is bad, isn’t it?”

Blaine made himself look up at him.

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Well. Tell me.”

“Kurt, when- when I stayed at Quinn’s on Friday, we- you know what a mess I was that night, and-”

“Blaine-”

“I slept with her. Kurt, I’m so sorry, and if you never want to see me again, I completely understand – I’ll just go-”

“Wait, Blaine,” Kurt grabbed Blaine’s wrist as he got up to leave. As he turned, Kurt could see his eyes were already full of tears. “I don’t understand. Why did you-”

“I don’t know. I was- scared. We were drinking, and talking about everything, and Kitty- I hate myself for it. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I just- after everything you’ve been through. After coming out, the whole nightmare, you went back? It doesn’t make any sense. I thought we- I thought you wanted to-”

“I did. I do, but, look at you. You’re so comfortable with all of this, Kurt. You’ve been out since you were a teenager, and everything Santana said-”

“What did she say? Tell me you didn’t take her seriously-”

“Just stuff about college, and how you – all the guys – and I know it’s stupid but I just. I felt like such an idiot.”

Kurt made a mental note to come back to the Santana thing, and more importantly to kick her in the shin next time he saw her.

“So you slept with Quinn? Even though you’re gay?”

“I. Yeah.”

Kurt sank onto the couch, and Blaine knelt in front of him, trying to take his hands. Kurt pulled them away.

“I don’t get it.”

“I know, Kurt-”

“Just- I mean, I kind of- she’s safe. You know her. You were together for so long- but is that why you were so weird with me on Friday? When we were here?”

Blaine nodded.

“I guess.”

“Well, why didn’t you say anything? I asked if you wanted to go slowly-”

“I know, but we’re adults, Kurt. It shouldn’t be like this.”

“Blaine, I have a six-year-old! Who I adopted alone. How much sex did you think I’d been having?”

“Well, I-”

“I would’ve done whatever you wanted. I would’ve waited a year. Why did you have to-”

“I thought she was dying, Kurt. I saw my little girl lying in a hospital bed and I thought it was because of me. What I’ve done- what I am. It’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done and I wish I could go back, but- Kurt, I’m sorry-”

“So am I. I’m sorry you couldn’t just tell me. I-” Kurt swallowed, clenching his fists and hardening his jaw for a moment, trying to keep it together, but his voice cracked anyway, “I think this- it’s too much. You’re too caught up in- whatever this is.”

“I know-”

“First all the stuff with Kitty, and now there’s Quinn-”

“Kurt, it’ll never happen again, I swear.”

“No. I can’t do this. I can’t help you figure all of this out. I- I’ve got Mai to think about. I don’t want her to get attached. Not if I can’t trust you. It’s not- it’s not fair.” He sniffed and angrily wiped a tear from his cheek. “I just can’t.”

Their eyes locked for a moment, both wet with tears, just inches away but unable to close the gap. They both flinched when they heard footsteps behind them.

“Daddy? Can I have some juice, please?”

“Sure, sweetie, just a second-”

“Blaine!”

Mai ran up to Blaine and threw her hands around his neck, and he automatically hugged her back.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered, his throat tight, “Daddy told me you were sick. I hope you’re feeling better now.”

“Yeah,” she yawned, “I have to go back to school tomorrow.”

“Oh no,” Blaine replied, squeezing his eyes shut and kissing Mai’s hair, “you poor thing. Look, honey, I’ve got to go.”

Mai let go of him and frowned at Kurt.

“But he just got here. I don’t want him to go.”

“I know you don’t, sweetie, but… but Kitty’s still sick. He just came by to say hello, and now he has to go back.”

Mai looked at each of them in turn, still confused.

“Why are you sad? Don’t be sad, Daddy. If Blaine stays, will you be happy?”

“That doesn’t matter right now, Mai. Blaine needs to be with Kitty.”

“He’s right.” Blaine wiped his eyes with his sleeve, “She’s still sick. She needs me today like you needed Daddy. Imagine if he wasn’t here to look after you when you were sick.”

She nodded slowly.

“Okay. You can go. But you have to come back when she’s better.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Why?”

“He’s very busy, honey. Look, we should let him go.” He picked her up and kissed her cheek. As she rested her head on his shoulder, Kurt looked helplessly at Blaine, trying to focus on Mai just to stop himself from losing it as Blaine’s mouth hung open, trying to find apologies that would never be enough. “Say goodbye, sweetheart.”

Mai chewed on her lip for a moment, knowing something was wrong but having no idea what.

“Goodbye, Blaine.”

It felt so wrong not doing anything as he left, no casual grin and stroke of Mai’s hair, no hugs, no kisses – but it was what he deserved.

“Bye, Mai. Kurt. I’m sorry.”

Kurt nodded and felt Mai’s arms cling tighter around his neck and a soft kiss pressed to his jaw. If even she could tell he was upset, Blaine probably knew he was falling apart.

For the first time, Blaine drove away from Kurt’s house without anybody smiling at him from the doorway.

Kitty was waiting when he got home. She raised her eyebrows in question, and he shook his head, leaning back against the door as soon as it was closed. She scrambled up and went to hug him.

“It’s over. I’ve lost him. That’s it.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I’m really sorry, Dad.” He sniffed and nodded, leaning on her a little more than usual, his jaw trembling as he struggled to breathe. “Do you want me to go get Zach from school?”

He nodded again.

“Just one more minute.”

“Okay, Dad. I’m right here.”

As she felt his arms wrap around her shoulders, she realised that even though she’d seen him scared, guilty, miserable before, she couldn’t remember ever seeing him this broken.