"Yeah, I'll do it in a second!"

"Come on, you're gonna be late!"

Kitty shoved past Blaine to grab her coat from the hook.

"Dad, now that you're super concerned about where I am all the time, I'm won't be home til late. I'm going to Ryder's house to help him get over Marley by getting under me."

Blaine stood in shock before remembering what Quinn had said. He wasn't going to rise to it.

"Okay. Make sure you have your key to get in. Zach and I are going out for dinner."

She frowned.

"Where?"

"Just a friend's house, with a couple of other parents from the school."

"I'm not coming to take care of the kids for you."

"I didn't ask you to. Actually, if you want to stay at your mom's, I understand."

She fidgeted with her collar and neatened up her pony.

"Fine. Have fun at your tea party. I was going to stay at Ryder's anyway. His parents are out of town."

Blaine swallowed.

"Mm-hmm. Zach, hurry up!"

She frowned harder. No speech about making good choices, no 'not on a school night', nothing.

"Well. I'd better go. See you tomorrow, I guess."

"I put a muffin in your bag for breakfast. I know you didn't have any."

Her expression of contempt faltered for half a second before she rolled her eyes and walked out, leaving the door wide open instead of the customary slam. Blaine caught her looking back at the house, but she turned away as soon as he caught her eye. He shook his head and closed the door.

"Dad," Zach shouted with his toothbrush still in his mouth, "Am I gonna be the oldest one there tonight?"

"Yep. You'll have to set an example for the others."

Zach puffed his chest out proudly.

"Okay. I'm just gonna go spit," he garbled, "then we can go."

"Zach. Lunch."

He heard a him spitting upstairs.

"Oh yeah! Okay, two more minutes!"

Blaine snorted, jogging to the kitchen and grabbing the peanut butter from the cupboard.

*

Blaine willed the butterflies in his stomach to keep still as he knocked on the door.

"You've got the cake?"

Zach held the white box up for inspection. Blaine patted his shoulder and nodded.

"Dad, why are your hands shaking?"

"I... I'm cold."

"Oh. Well, Kurt's house is nice and wa-"

The door opened, revealing Mai on Kurt's hip, both of them shushing insistently.

"What's going-"

"Shhh! They'll hear you!"

"Who will?" Blaine whispered back.

"The others! We're seeking!"

"Oh," Blaine looked at Zach and mimed zipping his mouth closed. Zach did the same and nodded. They crept through the living room, looking behind the sofa, under the coffee table, and the four of them had a shared heart attack when two women and two children jumped out from behind the curtain, screaming.

"Don't do that to me, you guys! I think I just coughed up a lung!"

They all ran and Kurt and Mai, the women poking him until he squirmed and put Mai down so she could play with the boy and girl. Blaine and Zach stood back and watched as they laughed together: A hispanic woman, a pregnant blonde (who was clearly her partner from the way she smiled at her and put a hand on the small of her back), and their kids. The girl had dark hair and tanned skin, the boy blonde and pale. He quickly calculated who had which baby, but the way they chattered non-stop and laughed with each other showed him that they were just a family. A far more functional one than he was used to.

"So, you must be Blaine. I'm Santana, and the fat one's Brittany," one of them said, earning a slap on the behind from the other. "Sorry, the beautiful glowing sacred vessel slash baby mama."

"Much better. And is this the Zachary Anderson? I've heard so much about your performance last week!"

Zach blushed and stared at his shoes.

"Did you really sing in front of all those people?" The little boy asked, awestruck. "You must be really brave."

"Whatever, dummy, I could do that. I'm Elise, and that's my brother Benjy."

"Ben."

"Benjy-Wenjy!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"All of you shut up! Are you ever coming to find us?"

Another woman had come into the room, holding hands with a little boy standing on her feet.

"We were in the bathtub. Mommy, we should hide in there next time, they'll never find us!"

"Okay. Can everyone forget what Henry just said?"

He smiled at the chorus of 'Sure, of course, no problem, the what-tub?' and gasped before running to join the other kids admiring Zach. Not only was he older than them, but in their school he was a celebrity. Rachel, as Kurt told Blaine her name was when all she could say was 'Ooh, is this him?', ushered the adults into the kitchen. Blaine glanced to see if Zach was okay, but he seemed to be enjoying his role as king of the living room.

A couple of hours, a bed-time and three bottles of wine later, and Blaine's stomach was sore from laughing so hard and eating so much.

"Okay, okay, I'm confused. Kurt told me this was some kind of gay parents' alliance, but you've got a husband waiting for you at home?"

Kurt was tensing up every time Rachel gestured dramatically with a wine glass in her hand, which meant that Kurt was tensing up a lot.

"Well, Mr Married-to-a-woman-for-a-million-years, I'll have you know I've been a proud supporter of LGBT rights since I was born."

"Gay dads," Kurt explained. "Rachel's as close to a gay man as you can get without being male. Or gay."

"Excuse you, I don't recall you complaining-"

"That's because you were hammered. Admittedly, I’m not an expert in the mating ritual of the straight person, but I would count ‘Ew, ew, get your boobs off me!’ as a complaint.

Rachel giggled helplessly, folding her arms over her chest.

"Leave the girls alone. They're trying their best."

Santana glanced at Rachel's bosom and shrugged. She turned to Blaine.

"So, Blaine, tell me. How much ass are you getting?"

Blaine spat out his mouthful of wine and started coughing uncontrollably.

"Babe, you can't ask him something like that. It's rude. He might be a bottom."

"Oh, sorry, my mistake. How much ass and/or penis are you getting?"

Blaine felt like his face was on fire.

"I don't, uh, I-"

"Give him a break, he just came out. But it must be nice not having to sneak around any more, right?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Well, now that you're not keeping any secrets-"

Blaine swallowed. His eyes widened as he looked around at the four faces staring at him expectantly.

"Wait, you think I- guys, I was with Quinn-"

They all frowned in perfect synchronisation. Rachel took his wrist.

"You mean you've only ever- with-"

He glanced around, looking for an exit or a sprinkler system he could set off, anything but have this conversation.

"Well, we were nineteen when she got pregnant. She was my- and then we got married so-"

Santana slammed her glass down on the table.

"So you've only ever had sex with women? No, wait, with one woman?"

Brittany hauled herself up and hugged him from behind. Rachel and Santana each took a hand. Kurt sat next to the clump of people, speechless.

"You mean this whole time you've known you were gay, you never acted on it? Not once?"

"No! I mean, I- she was my best friend. I couldn't do that to her."

Rachel blinked sorrowfully at him, squeezing his hand.

"Not even a blowjob?"

"From a guy? No."

He wanted to die. He literally wanted a crazed murderer to storm in and decapitate him, then leave promptly afterwards because he didn't want anyone else to get hurt.

There was a pause. They all glanced at each other while Blaine gazed deep into his glass.

"Does anybody want anything else to eat?"

They shook their heads politely.

"I don't know. Blaine looks ravenous-"

Kurt threw a roll at Santana's head.

*

"I'm so sorry about them."

"No, it was fine. Well. It wasn't. But it's over now."

"If it's any consolation, it means they like you. They haven't said an appropriate thing to me in twenty years."

"Oh. Great. It doesn't stop me feeling like an idiot."

"Hey," Kurt put a hand on Blaine's elbow. It was fleeting, but surprisingly comforting. "You don't have to. It's sweet that you never cheated on her. Noble, even."

"Hmm. Doesn't feel that noble right now."

"I promise they'll behave themselves next time."

"Next time?"

Kurt nodded.

"This is a weekly event. And anyone who can bring such a beautiful cake earns a season pass. Even if it is kind of cheating that it's your job."

"I'll have you know, I'd normally just grab a cake from the store. Tonight's masterpiece was crafted especially by my own fair hands."

"Impressive. Actually, speaking of baking, I don't suppose I could put in an order for a birthday cake?"

"Wow, you'll do anything to stop me leaving, won't you?"

"No, really, she's six in two weeks. I've got this whole thing planned, and I'm hopeless with frosting. Well, not hopeless, but I can't do animals."

"Animals?"

Kurt nodded eagerly.

"It's all planned. She's staying with Rachel and Finn the night before, and she's going to come home to a jungle. Jungle party, newly decorated jungle bedroom, jungle cake. Please?"

"Sure. Any particular animals?"

"There needs to be a zebra. Other than that, it's up to you. Oh, and it has to be nut-free. And chocolate."

Blaine grinned.

"A girl after my own heart. Now, my cab's been waiting for ten minutes, so if there are no more orders, my son and I will get out of your way now."

"Right, right, sorry."

The floor of Mai's bedroom was covered in mattresses and quilts where the kids all slept when they were there. Sometimes Finns would babysit, but they had a habit of tricking him into letting them stay up late and eat too much sugar. Only Mai and Zach were left now, and they were out cold.

"Come on you," Blaine whispered, bending to pick Zach up without jostling him too much, "time to go home."

Kurt held the door open for him. Thanks to the sleeping boy between them, they didn't have the awkward moment of handshake-or-hug. They gave each other a nod.

"I'm really glad you could make it tonight, Blaine."

"So am I. Your friends have boundary issues, but they're nice."

"I'll make them go easy on you next time. I'll try."

Blaine laughed.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Zach stirred in his arms. "Right, little man, let's go. Night, Kurt."

"Night, Blaine. Night, Zach."

Blaine shifted Zach so he could manipulate his hand into waving. Kurt chuckled one more time before closing the door.

Zach half woke up on the way home, and he snuggled into Blaine's side. Blaine bent down to kiss the top of his head when he heard music a street away from the house. He checked his watch. 2:34. He carried Zach into the house, covering his ears.

"Kitty! Kitty Anderson!"

He laid Zach on the couch so he hopefully wouldn't wake up, and ran up the stairs.

"Kitty! Turn that off! Your brother's asleep!"

"Make me!"

He barged in to see her twirling in the middle of the room, an empty wine bottle in her hand.

He unplugged the stereo and stood in front of her, breathless.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You were at a party. I decided to have my own. Want some?"

He tried to take the bottle from her hand, but she gripped onto it. The dizzy smile faded from her lips for a second as she glared up at her father. He took a deep breath and wrestled it from her grasp, and she started giggling and flopped onto the bed.

"Did something happen with Ryder?"

"No. Nothing. Asshole cancelled on me."

"Do you..." He shifted uncomfortably, "want to talk about it?"

She cackled.

"Like I'm gonna come to you for romance advice."

"Whatever, Kitty, that's no reason to do this. We have neighbours."

She snorted.

"You're gay and we live in Ohio. They're already gonna hate you a lot more than me."

"Right." He ran downstairs to get the biggest glass he could find, filled it with water, and took it up to her room. "I'm not dealing with you like this. If you know what's good for you, you'll drink this. Enjoy your hangover."

She kept staring as he closed the door. As a shiver rolled over her body, she buried herself under the covers.